i am alone. O.O

hello everyone. i am currently alone in the class 720303 in ngee ann polytechnic. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAX!! ^^ okies actually i'm not as happy as i seem to be. HAHAX!

this morning left with guowei guobin and minduan at 8plus. cause we all have smthing on later on. and i practically didn't slp. was like a walking zombie. minduan too! and guowei keep reminding me to not slp while waiting for the green man to appear. HAHAX!

they took 39 with me YAY! to go yishun to take 171. fell aslp and slept until i sdnly woke up and realised it's my stop and quickly got down. lucky the bus stopped if not i confirm miss my stop. hurried goodbyes and waved to them after i got off the bus. :))

reached home and immediately bombed on my bed to slp after asking my mum to wake me up at 11am and to buy me bread for lunch. knowing that she would buy two and i can keep one for my dinner. :DD ben xiao jie broke like crazy. T.T

dragged myself to the bathroom to bathe and prepared to go school for SC meeting. danced like siao today and kept laughing. AND I TOOK THE LIB LIFT FOR THE FIRST TIME OHMYTIAN WITH MINGXUAN AND BENNY! HAHAHAHAX! it was damn fun and cool to me. :PP i rmb that i told bi that i want to take with him but in the end i don't dare. now i dare le. nxt time we take tgthr okies! :DD but it was super slow and it kept stopping sdnly. so i screamed like four times (they counted!) during the whole lift journey. LAUGHED LIKE SIAO. i think i too tired already. HAHAHAX! everyone agreed loh. my face spells tired. :))

was alone for most of the days cause keh had to go rent our mascot costumes. and i'm now still waiting for her to come back. :)) everyone was super nice cause i said i was waiting for keh and i ate my bread and wasn't hungry for dinner and they kept asking me to eat with them though i rejected till the end. thanks guys. :DD cause of them SC meetings are always alot more fun. more laughters and stupid actions. ^^!!

most of them are staying overnight to practice for SCO performance. but i can't cause my papa don't allow me to. and i kept looking at the video. but i don't dare to dance it out on my own. T.T and i need to learn my princess dance by tml. ohmytian. tml is thur and it's full dress rehearsal 1. then fri, sat, sun and it's full dress rehearsal 2 on monday. then ON TUESDAY IT'S BAOC ALREADY OH MY FREAKING TIAN THIS IS SO UNBELIEVABLE WHEN WE STILL HAVE SO MANY THINGS LEFT UNDONE WE NEED TO DO THIS SO ASAP AND PLEASE PPL SAVE ME I DON'T EVEN HAVE A PRINCESS FOR MY SC PERFORMANCE THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

jiayou ba ppl. BAOC is coming. my SCO performance.. -_- i think i just have to learn it on my own without the others since i can't practice with them. T.T hopefully i can practice with them over the weekend or smthing. T.T and my princess dance. i have to learn it by either tonight or tml morning. T.T and sdnly BSFL chalet is over. O.O so sudden. but i kinda like it when it's just us. :)) looking forward to the xmas chalet already. HAHAHAHAX!! sometimes somehow i feel like locking up my unkempt past in a drawer and never take a second look at them again. but they are already a part of me. and they are the part of the reasons why i am who i am now. :))

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hello darling. i miss you. :)) i'll listen to stella and not make this missing a sad one, cause missing you is the reason why i am so happy when i meet you. :)) love you lots. <33

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SPAMMING OF BLOG ENTRIES AND SAD FACES!!!!

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cause i don't care. clara is right. i shldn't depend too much on you. i will just suffer. ARGH. and i'm feeling it now. how i wish you will appear in front of me now. HOWEVER IMPOSSIBLE it sounds, i still hope. so so so so so so freaking dumb of me. ANG SI BI! >:( idiot you. :((

I FEEL SO AWAKE.

yes i am still at chalet. i feel tired and yet so awake. -_- and some are sleeping some are playing mahjong. but i need to wake up two hours later anyway. no point slping. i think i will slp TONIGHT. hahahax. as in wed night. SLEEP EARLIER. :// this two words remind me of bi. :// i miss him so freaking much. ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH. :((

sometimes i hope i can shut my brain down so that i will stop thinking so much. ARGH. baoc is nxt week. this is so OMG. :// i hope it will be over soon. i want a break a break a break a break. :(( am i the only one not happy!?!?!?!?!? I AM SO FREAKING BROKE I CAN SO STARVE AND DIE.

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there are a thousand a million a billion reasons for me to be happy. similarly, there are a thousand a million a billion reasons for me to be sad. but you are the only reason for me to be the very happiest or the very saddest.

BSFL MARCH CHALET!

I AM IN CHALET NOW! BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE BLOGGING BUT YET I FEEL LIKE BLOGGING! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAX! SI GUOWEI SAY I BOH LIAO AFTER READING WAD I TYPED! SI GUOWEI HAHAHAHAHAHAX!! okies nvm i shall blog.. -_-

on sunday i helped mummy to man her stall at the flea market downstairs while she went to visit ahgong's grave with the other uncles and aunties. okies not only me. of course there are my two irriating sisters. sell and sell. but i just keep sit there and read storybooks. i left all the sellings to them. hahahax! earned money but rejected my share. hahahax. slacked at home after that.

ytd went to SC meeting. all kinds of things. came down to chalet with haien cause he also having chalet. HAHAHAX! talked and talked. guowei came to fetch me. XIE XIE NI!! went to watch movies and slacked around. :)) but still fun. just that i lazy think wad we did. OHHH thanks stella for cooking all the food for me! :DD

today. woke up early and left with guowei. he went home to do his IS selection and i went home to change to go KELLY SERVICES for the job briefing thingy. after the whole thing i went home to change again and came back to chalet. went to eat and played charades at ehub. HAHAX! like a fun. laughed like siao. came back chalet and slacked awhile and ate dinner. went to arcade to play again. :// broke down smhow. thanks EVERYONE for listening. :)) love you allllllllll!!

EIGHT GREAT THINGS THAT I WONDER IF YOU WOULD DO!!

koped this from adeline er's blog. heh heh. cause somehow it reminded me of bi. hoho. i'm only not sure of the last one. HAHAHAX! BI!! WILL YOU DO THIS!? :// and hello to my friends, which one of you is able to do all these!?!? :DD

i'm regretting already.

i love the boy who demanded a kiss before i got on the bus.

i love the idiot who has a 大鼻子.

i love the boy whose favourite singer is me (I DON'T CARE!), followed by 五月天 and FIR.

i love the boy whom i'm reminded of everytime i listen to 第几个一百天.

i love the boy who keeps smelling my hair.

i love the boy who always insist that i spend his money.

i love the boy who can make me feel happy and sad at the same time.

i love the boy whom i miss taking photos with.

i love the boy who can make feel so very 幸福 with all our squabbles.

i love the boy who knows my that few patterns and who also only has that few patterns.

i love the boy who loves to pinch my face as hard as he can.

i love the boy who loves to rub my face with his hands dirtied on purpose.

i love the boy who can make me feel so heart wrenched.

i love the boy who gave me so much reasons to love him that i can't not love him.

i love the boy who make me feel that it's a sin to be THIS 幸福.

so how? bring me back to the flyer day. so what if i say i need you by my side now? YOU ARE NOT. at first i had no tears, and so i thought i wouldn't feel sad, and then i realised it's because i have been avoiding thinking of you. will the tears go away as soon as it came?

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if i'm going to regret this then so be it. i know i'm throwing my tantrum. it's time for me to suffer the consequences. goodbye. :))

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slept at 4am the prev night and woke up at 12plus. proud of myself cause i tot i would wake up much much later. HAHAHAX! stayed at home the whole afternoon and mapled. thanks guowei for helping me lots there. HOHOHO! :DD

went off to segar court in the evening of course! :DD though i left my hse at 7pm. not exactly evening. heh heh. went to plaza and passed by xin wang just to sneak a peek at my bi. okies i should say openly see my bi. i don't have to be so sneaky about looking at my bf maaa. :DD

went to segar court and there's only guowei stella and kenneth there. -_- played nevertheless against some other younger guys whom we played against a few times before. laughed alot and very very happy to spend time with them. HAHAHAX! they say i will improve alot if i continue playing like that!! :DDDDDDD!!

left with guowei and stella and walked to jelapang with them. :DDD and since i walked to jelapang already i walked all the way to the plaza. guowei say de ma. yun dong plus jian fei. HAHAHAX! reached plaza busstop and my dear bi came to find me with wilson. i purposely missed a bus to wait for him actually. HAHAHAX! chitchatted. :DDDDDDD!! keep squabbling with him but i like!! ^^ bus came and i left~

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i thought i would have a regret today; which is to not being able to see you smile. cause when i went to see you today while you were busy working you didn't smile. but in the end you smiled alot. SHOULD SMILE MORE!! MORE SHUAI! THEN ATTRACT MORE PPL GO XIN WANG EAT LEH!!!! ^^ great idea i have. but i think only i think you shuai so aiyerrrrr. :PP!!

i love the boy who demanded a kiss before i got on the bus. <33

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ohh forgot to mention that ytd carol and ahyi left for batam. :(( or is it bintan? :// i keep mixing them up. but wherever it is, they are NOT in singapore. just like huiwen. :// i miss school. :(( or should i say i miss my girls? :CC

i miss huiwen and her 'haiyo jiale ah'.

i miss clara and her wishes of jiale stop being irritating.

i miss ahyi and her imitation of me :((-ing, i.e. frowning.

i miss cheryl and her ke ai-ness AKA retardness.

i miss hyrah and her jokes and drama queen-ness.

i miss carol and her LOUD LOUD laughters.

i miss adeline er and her camwhores.

basically, i miss these girls. :((

[i almost typed b****es just now OHMYTIAN i don't want to become vulgar. ://]

I MISS MY POLYESTER MY GIRLS!! :// looking forward to the b&j's outing already.

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BI JUST TOLD ME THIS!! IS THIS TRUE!?!?!? ohmytian. my hamsters. T.T i don't dare to check. so bi says just believe him jiu hao. -_- but i rmb those hamsters i saw at sunplaza when i went to clara's hse the last time so cute ah. :// kind of a blow to me. T.T

THE TRUTH THAT CLARA TOLD ME. kinda happy that hamsters aren't that inhuman afterall. so i'm currently trying to argue with chong that hamsters are still CUTE. HOHOHO! ohh btw i know this has no link but THANKS JERVIS QUAK YI QING cause he gave me this link to download all kinds of korean songs. HAHAHAHAX! though i'm not going to download any other songs other than SHINee's lah. HAHAHAX! cause i don't really know korean pops. only SHINee!! okies maybe i will download those that i hear every now and then and started liking them. :DD

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today had SC meeting again. went to alumni to eat for the first time. WAHAHAHAHAHAX! kena laughed at for being suaku. -_- idiot them. and ahmao came!! HOHOHO! michelle tot we were a couple. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAX! so funny. but that idiotic ahmao. -_- the face he gave when he heard that. I SHOULD BE THE ONE GIVING THAT FACE OKIES! -_-

in the end couldn't finish my lunch. T.T kena suan-ed again. was cramping the whole day. T.T PAIN LIKE SIAO!! MOOD SWINGS MOOD SWINGS. everyone laughed at me for pms-ing. -_- complained, grumbled, shouted, laughed, went crazy, and the cycle repeats. HAHAHAX! i think i am going crazy.

left with jojo close to 8pm and took 75 with her and yuhan. she got off at the esso busstop and went to segar to yuhan. he going zhenghua cc for dance. so qiao ah. HAHAHAX! think is the first time i talked so much to him. yar i know i talkative. HAHAHAX! parted cause i was going segar court. :DD

surprised my bi and the rest. cause i said i wasn't going. i tot i wasn't ma. HAHAHAX! in the end not much ppl stayed for performance so left. HEH HEH! didn't have dinner and was hungry so went to mamashop with bi and bot stuffs. sweet bi asked me to keep the m&m's so i would have smthing to eat when i'm on the bus on my way home. :)) he left before me cause he's still grounded. poor thing ah. went off with the rest and went to pending with yingjie and changed to bus and went home~ :DD

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my friend ah. i'm sure every parent loves their children no matter how smart they are, how good they are cause you are their child after all. don't think negatively okies. maybe there will be favouritism or bias but STILL they love all. i cannot say for sure that the love is equal for all cause favouritism happens in my family too but CONFIRM love okies. :)) know that nowadays you feeling down and lost ah. don't know you will see this anot but LEE JIA LE will try her best to be there for you okies. :DD!!

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let's hold on together. :))

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Tuesday 23 March 2010

went to get my laptop serviced and said byebye to it then. T.T though it was a short parting but i missed it dearly. and now i got it back! :DD WOOHOO! okies went to collect my passport as mentioned early. and i waited for a freaking two hours. OHMYTIAN! like a long. reached home and slacked like siao since i don't have my laptop :(( and papa's laptop is FREAKING lag. :((((

Wednesday 24 March 2010

went to school and had SC meeting. performance performance. i'm so dying. but it's still fun nevertheless. WAHAHAHAHAHAX! :DD practiced our SCO performance tooooooo!! until close to 11pm. ohmytian like a late. went homeeeeeeee. :DD (EDITED) forgot to say, THANKS BENNY FOR TREATING ME LUNCHHHH!! :DD

Thursday 25 March 2010

HAPPY 3RD MONTH TO MY BELOVED BABY!! <33333

went to fetch my pipi from the service centre and brought it to school. didn't actually have meeting today but still they came. HAHAHAX! practiced practiced and left early to meet my bi at the busstop. :)) sorry guys. T.T

went to plaza to his xin wang to eat. cause poor boy is supposedly grounded but he made up some lie to come out. HAHAHAX! ate happily and went off somewhere to chat and he pei-ed me to wait for my bus though he is already late going home. hahahax! LOVE YOU! ^^

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got back my dear pipi but the spacebar like got abit of prob ah. should have checked at the centre but i didn't, thinking that they should be honoured that i trust them so much. -_- okies dumb me. but it's only at the side. hope it will be become good again. :DD i love you spacebar!

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NOW I HEAR THAT OUR CLASS IS SERIOUSLY GOING TO BE AN ALL-GIRLS CLASS!? LIKE SERIOUSLY!? :// i have never been in an all girls class before. new experience ah. it will be a small scaled all girls school. HAHAHAX! okies think too much already. but kinda sian. girls leh. complicated girls. -_- they will be SO MUCH MORE politics? okies i hope i will be happy with the rest of the ppl. :)) but wads up with the random ppl in our class? :(( i don't know them. :(( okies i'm apologising first if i'm going to dao you.

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OHMYTIAN universal studio's roller coaster have probbbbb!! ahbe is right ah. must wait for one year then can go sit. wait until the machines season first. HAHAHAX! :DDDD okies i still have so many things to do. i cannot blog anymore. BYEBYE! :DD

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BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE AND I'M BOUNCING HERE TO BLOG AGAIN!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAX!! just to blog about ytd. GAMES TRIAL DAY~ :)) went to KAP macs in the morning and had breakfast with benny and serene. then headed to school and played all kinds of games. kind of fun. except for one game they make fun of me cause i was blindfolded then ask me anyhow throw the balls which you are supposed to attack your opponents with. T.T must have looked like a dumbdumb. T.T

but overall still FUN! :DDD!! went back to class after our games trial and practiced our performance. :DD!! most still don't know how to dance so taught them abit. heh heh. i learnt it last week ma. :)) tried to think of our SCO performance and stupid weihan went to do some indian dance. damn funny. alan danced with him and pulled me along. stupid dance but laughed like crazy.

finally decided our SCO performance and went home after that. :))

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there will be class timetable choosing later on. I HOPE HOPE HOPE THAT OUR CLASS CAN GET THE TR01 TIMETABLE LIKE WE PUBLICIZED EVERYWHERE. please don't fight with us. we really want to be tgthr. :((

after that i have to go off to lavender to collect my passport and then to funan IT mall to fix my com. :// argh so mafan. okies i will go charge my psp to prepare myself for the long lonely journey. *sobs*sobs* HAHAX!

huiwen just went to cambodia this EARLY morning. :// huiwen BON VOYAGE! COME BACKK SAFELY OKIES! LOVE YOU MY BOXY DEAR! :))

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EDISON ANG KEH MAO AH MAO WHO IS 19 SINCE YTD HAHAHAX SO OLD AHHH YOU OLDER THAN ME FOR TWO YEARS CAUSE I AM STILL 17!! TAKE CARE! :DD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JOJO JOSEPHINE LIM WHO IS 20 TODAY! YOU AT HONGKONG SO FAR AWAY FASTER COME BACK BA YOUUUUUUUU!! :DDD TAKE CAREEEEEE!!

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i love the idiot who said that he had a secret which was 'i love you' to surprise me. <33

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nua-ed at home the whole day again. kind of like this weekend cause i'm nua-ing at home and doing things that i like. :)) though i know there are alot of things left undone. :(( watched SHINee's yunhanam the whole day. :)) happy me! envious of all those dates in the show. like a sweet!

read my organiser while updating it and realised that i only have a month left of holidays. O.O and i didn't even worked a single bit. :(( argh. and that BAOC is coming in like 2weeks plus. ohmytian. there are so many things left undone. argh. i really should get them done. :// kinda stressful. nxt year i should really just join as a SC. more fun i suppose. HAHAHAX!

i keep trying not to do BAOC stuffs when i'm at home. okies i think i would have to do it already. :(( and i need to bring my laptop to the fujitsu care centre and collect my passport asap. am i able do so much things at one go? T.T I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TRM CAMP. give me a break please! worse comes to worse, i will complain to my mummy! WAHAHAHAX! i'm sure she will support me. HOHOHO! ^^

okies i'm going to bathe i feel kind of dirty. suddenly i feel so NOT accomplished. WHY!? :// argh. i have to go find some events job to work before school reopen so that i can work then.. :(( hope i can find one job. :(( if not how am i supposed to clock in that 40hours? :((

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basically i nua-ed at home for the whole day. :)) it's been so long since i nua-ed at home. AND YEO HUI WEN BOXY DARLING DEAR I REALLY WANT TO GO FOR THE SPA AND MASSAGE SOON! I THINK MY BACK AND WAIST IS BREAKING!! T.T i asked qiqi to massage me. and she stopped after less than 30seconds. -_- idiot girl.

was freaking worried. and thanks MY LOVE CLARA for talking to me. :)) i understand. i need to give some space and that i cannot help with EVERY SINGLE THING. there is always something that i can do anything about it right? i can't possibly help with everything right? thanks clara for making me feel better. MY LOVE. :DD so love to chitchat with you!! ^^

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i hope everything would blow over soon.

did you realise that you have been very 烦恼 these few weeks? i hardly see you laugh loudly like how you did in the past. you haven't been that happy. miss your exaggerated ohmytian and your gei gei with the sneaky smiles. i miss your laughter miss how you laughed loudly. i need you to be happy once more. stop being so xin ku.. stop being so hard on yourself. it's not right.

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i'm really worried. there's nothing i can say or do to make everything okies again. how? i want to do something but yet i feel so helpless. i want to be there for you be there for your mum. but wad can i do? argh. this helplessness sucks. please be okies please be okies please be okies please be okies please be okies. results aren't everything right? why do others have to be like this? why do you have to look down on people? so what if my results are not good? i still have other strengths that you can't see right? being smart is so impt? having good results is so impt? argh. it's not like i don't want to have good results. you you and you all pine your hopes on me. so what if i'm the child who has the best results in the whole family? there are times that i fall hard. these are the times when i need you to support me. do you understand? i understand how you feel, so i don't blame you for what you are doing. but understand how i feel too? i feel freaking bad and guilty when i sense how you feel. i look at your expressions, hear your thoughts, sense your emotions. it's making me hate myself. you you and you. don't you dare look down on my family just cause my results aren't good. i feel pitiful towards your family members who have to put up with you and snob attitude. i feel pitiful towards your family for having a family member or family members like you. you bring disgrace to your family. NOT ME. i know i tried my best. i wanted to do well too. even if i don't and didn't bring glory to my family, looking at your attitude, i know my family is so much better than yours, and i feel grateful for that. so what if your daughter/son got better than me? so what? if they have your attitude, they will fall harder than me one day. i wouldn't laugh, but it's just your retribution isn't it? it's cause of you this kind of people that brought misery to people. don't look down on others. don't you have a conscience? you think you are so great? if so, you would already be the president. watch me. i will strive harder and beat you. i will. rmb to have your eyes on me the whole time. my BRIGHT future will blind your eyes. >:) so can you stop being like this? they will get their deserved end of the stick. :((

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:)) i guess what i have been looking for is always by my side. just that i didn't open my eyes wide enough to look, didn't open my heart enough to feel. :)) i just want to see you smile everyday and be happy. okies maybe not literally SEE you smile. as long as i know you are smiling and happy then that's enough for me. :)) actually i'm not as understanding as you think i am. :// but at least you felt better with what i'm doing. :)) then i know i'm doing the right thing. :))

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today went to SC meeting as per normal. VERY VERY VERY TIRED AH. T.T did all our work. was pms-ing the whole day and not having a good mood ah. then everyone say don't annoy me. HAHAHAX! :PP just feeling a little unusually cranky.

left and went to fajar. emo-ed emo-ed. talked on the phone with bi and then guowei. thanks guowei ahhh! :)) thank you SO SO SO the much. :)) told me alot of things and advised alot. :)) and gave me courage to do what i should to do. :)) XIE XIE NI AH! :))

and btw i think i can't escape the TRM camp now. :(( but i would only go for two days. do i still have the pay the full sum? hahahax! i can't use BAOC as an excuse!! WHY!?!? WHY!?!?!? :(( haiz. poor me and janet. HAHAX!

left fajar and went to plaza. coincidentally i met james on the way. hahahax. but paiseh ah nv really chat with you. cause was on the phone with janet about trm camp. reached plaza and went to find bi and wilson at xin wang taiwan. ate there. :)) thanks bi. thanks for accompanying me to wait for the bus. thanks for the things you said. :))

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i am so dead beat. :(( i sdnly hope that i can have a short break and get away from BAOC. ://

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i like walking in the rain when i'm feeling sad, not cause the rain camouflages my tears, not cause the rain would wash my sadness away, not cause i would fall sick due to the rain and you would care, but cause the rain seems to understand fully how i feel.

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i love the boy who keeps touching my lips because he finds it soft. <33

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it hurts when i found out that you actually don't need me to be there for you when you are feeling down.

i would want you to be there for me, want you to accompany me, want you to stay by my side, especially when i'm feeling down. but apparently you don't feel the same way as i do. are we too different? the way we think is too different eh? we are after all two different person. people would say try and accommodate. i'm really trying, even if you don't see me doing so. i want to be good to you. i am not a good girlfriend, not understanding enough, gets jealous easily(?), has a bad temper, throws my tantrum, not gentle, hits you all the time. it's been two months plus. soon three months. have you noticed? it's going to be three months soon. or maybe it's longer than that. now i want to be alone. i don't want to do anything baoc anymore. i feel so very tired. my results suck. i didn't get what i thought i would get. don't tell me my result is fine. cause i know it's not. i put in more effort than last sem, to get back worse results. i told myself not to worry, cause i thought i would at least get a three. even though it's just 0.1 lesser than last sem, this feeling sucks. this disappointment sucks. both the disappointments i received from my results and from you suck big time. you don't know how i feel. and i don't know how you feel. everything is going just so wrong. i don't know what to do. am i expecting too much from you? am i asking too much? am i too greedy? i just want to know. i love you, so i should only want you to be happy right? no matter what you do, as long as you are happy, i should be happy too because i love you, right? would i be considered selfish if i'm sad even though you are happy cause i don't like the thing that makes you happy? am i selfish cause it hurts me even though you are happy? you may say that i think too much, but these are all the feelings you gave me. i see with my heart, not my eyes. you may say i'm too emotional, i let my emotions rule my head. but what is it that you truly feel? you didn't tell me. and i wouldn't know. is it time to say goodbye? it's so soon. i don't want this to end, but do i have a choice? i can't control your feelings, i can't manipulate how you feel. i can't control your actions, i can't manipulate what you want to do. the only thing i know now is that i am NOT feeling happy. are you?

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went to school as per normal for SC meeting. :// damn stressed. so kept having an annoyed and irritated expression on my face. sorry guys. T.T had to do SCO performance too. have to find a dance and song for it. this is SO irritating. cause alot of songs have been taken by the different orientation groups and the MCs. :(( haiz jiayou ba!

what a short post today. :// don't feel like sms-ing, msn-ing, talking nowadays. :(( i want to ask. 人与人之间的情感是否如此脆弱? 为什么? to me, it's not. it just needs a little effort and time. if you are willing to spend some effort and time and perhaps sacrifice a little, much would be gained. isn't that so? relationships ARE complicated, but only if the people involved are complicated themselves. as long as we keep it as simple as possible, i'm sure the relationship would remain as sweet and as long lasting as possible. as long as we trust that everything will work out. i want to love you for the rest of my life and longer if i would be able to. :)) everyone, please try and put in more effort kaes. don't let the people whom you love and who truly love you down. :(( the earth does not need heartbreaks to go round.

i keep thinking of the times that i would be away from bi. :(( which is going to happen often this year. :(( but he says that as long as i trust him it would be all fine. somehow he trusts me alot ah. later i go find shuai ges i tell you. HAHAHAX! but yar lah i wun. :)) i will keep in mind that you love me alot kaes! :DD I LOVE YOU TOO!

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:)) just a little wish of mine. :))

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Monday 15 March 2010

went to school for my SC meeting as per usual. me, lynn and jojo wore the BAMP shirt then jojo keep saying we should form a band. HAHAX! have telepathy leh! :DD and only four SCs came today. T.T and it was stressed to be the only SCO ah. T.T but we had dancing. and it was fun!! :D:D!! WEEHEE!

left and went to ahyi's house for the bbq!! just keep eat and talk and take photos. HAHAX! like a nice! it feels like ages since i saw everyone. :DD love them to bits! went home with huiwen after that while some stayed over. both of us couldn't stay. T.T

while on the bus there is this indian guy sitting in front of me who started scolding 'fucking chinese singaporean talking' in his msg to his 'honey'. -_- confirm talking about me and huiwen loh! cause we are the only ones talking cause the rest are all alone and furthermore i saw him type 'they are just students'. :((( though i know it's not good peeking but stilllll! :(( it's not like we are committing a crime talking. okies nvm enough for the unhappiness.

it's great talking to huiwen HOHOHO. caught up though it's just been two days since we last talked. HAHAHAX! it always seem ages since we last saw each other everytime. :DD love my gossipbox to bits. :DD

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Tuesday 16 March 2010

went out for primary school outing! YAY! :DD was late. HAHAHAX!! but actually shaun was the only one punctual lohhh! and i think the outing a little fail ah. paiseh i no time to plan ma. busy with orientation. T.T waited for jervis who was so much later cause he woke up due to shaun's call. -_- idiot.

left for marina sq after he reached and went to just acia to eat. first time there but not bad ah the food. at least the food i ordered. better dun order fried food as far as i observed. you will just get sick of the food at the end. hahahax! weilin and qiaoyin joined us after that and they ate.

chitchats like a yay! caught up with each other. qiaoyin left earlier and we continued our chitchat sessions! went to arcade and played and jervis left for his piano lessons. went to hmv with weilin and shaun and looked for my SHINee album. sadly there was none. :(( if not i would buy lohhhh!! despite their constant reminder that i am severely negative in my bank account. :((after that shaun went back to school for his meeting and me and weilin went back to khatib tgthr. :DD

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sometimes i think, if success and victory that important to people? what about happiness? i thought that is supposed to be the most important thing in our lives? :(( if growing up means that i HAVE to achieve success and victory and be less happier, then i would rather not grow up, i'd rather remain the same. :((

perhaps i'm saying all this cause my birthday is coming soon. they reminded me today. i'm growing older. bi asked me not to think of growing older but just think that my birthday is coming and alot of people will be celebrating with me. yupx TONS of people are celebrating with me. at BAOC. HAHAHAX! let's see how it goes. :)) bi said he already booked me for the night. maybe i will forget my birthday for the first time. i am losing track of the dates. but i didn't forget that it's minduan's birthday tml! sooooooooooooo..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINDUAN!! :DDDDDD

just to wish first! :DD hope i don't forget to send a message at midnight. :DD

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i love the dumb boy who would buy two fillet-o-fish just to have a double fillet. <33

`386th post

okies i AM blogging again. because at late nights, one tend to have emo thoughts and think more about life and the direction you want it to go and more about love and who do you exactly want and if you DO have someone already is he the right person for you and what will happen to the both of you in the future as well as thinking about everyone in your life and your friends and if they are happy or not and what are they exactly thinking and feeling and thinking what you should do to make people understand you more and not misunderstand you and things like that. :)) true or not?

it's during time like this when we reflect on our life, reflect on what we have done, reflect on what we can do to make everything easier and better and happier. there's a lot things that i could have done or i should not have done. but i keep telling myself NOT to regret. because it's only mistakes that would make us grow and learn, make us stronger, let us know who are the people that should be in your life and who are those that should not and who are those who really loves and treasures you. :))

mistakes ROCKS! but NOT if you commit the same mistakes over and over again. and NOT if you didn't learn anything from these mistakes. no matter who you have hurt or who hurt you, you can't redo it, so live and move on, even though it's hard. if you can't forget, then don't forget, because it's always a part of you. let it become a part of you and live with it. :)) they serve as a reminder. and it helped you become who you are today. :))

okies i should really go and slp now. :)) nights my darlings. nights my dears. goodnight everyone.

`385th post

i should really be sleeping now but i couldn't get into the sleeping mode. :(( bi asked me to sleep early.. T.T i still want to go to school earlier tml to prepare so that i know what we can do tml. and i would be all alone tml cause kehkeh is going to bintan. :(( bon voyage ah kehkeh! T.T

was tumblr-ing earlier on. it feels like ages since i last did that. i like tumblr-ing. :DD stupid imagination worked like siao. HAHAHAX! as in imagining about the future and stuffs like that. not thinking too much of emo stuffs lah! HAHAHAX! there's sdnly alot of things i want to do with bi. :((

and btw my right ear is bleeding now. T.T i'm really scared that it's an ear infection again due to the ear piercing. argh. why do i always have ear infection when i pierce my ear. it's my third piercing already and i REALLY hope this time will succeed. the piercings closed the prev two times cause of ear infection. :(( i am so not taking off my earring this time. it will live with the infection until it heals completely. i just hope i don't have to cut off my right ear ah. :// i didn't tell anyone about the swelling and pain i have on my right ear which has lasted for quite some time. HAHAHAX! okies i can almost hear bi scolding me asking me to remove the earring. T.T argh freak it. :(( i keep squeezing my ear lobe, hoping that the swelling would go out with all the blood and pus coming out. okies i think it's an infection. save me! HAHAX! okies i don't care already! >:)


OHH OHH ANYONE INTERESTED IN SOME DUTY FREE SHOPPING!? cause my dear ahmao is working as an intern at the airport and he can get duty free goods. please place your order with me so i can place the order with him thank you very much! :DD there's cosmetics, perfumes and ipod touch. and the ipod touch costs 287bucks! it's 20plus cheaper according to him! see ahmao i so nice i spread around on my blog okies. :DD

`384th post

i have been feeling kind of emo nowadays. i have no idea why. insecurities? maybe. all maybe i just need more time. :(( it has been hard on baby. sorry. i need to cheer myself up more. :)) though i may seem very happy everyday, i am not exactly fully happy. just a side effect of missing baby i suppose. HAHAHAX!

very tired too. :(( physically ba. it's been so long since i stayed at home for the whole day. i want some time to myself. i want some time to stay at home. i want some time to spend with you. but.. argh. i will just wait until everything is over kaes. :DD i will be a good girl!

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jiamin is making me dislike onew. -_- i really like all members of SHINee and find them really cute. but jiamin liking onew and her constant irritation is making me dislike onew. argh. -_- it's so irritating. i don't know why she must keep nagging about him like i don't know who he is WHEN I AM THE ONE WHO INTRO-ED SHINEE TO HER. -_- just irritating. in fact the whole family is irritated. ://

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today was spent happily with my two SCOs!! SCO OUTING LEH! just a nice just a happy! :DD i love them!! hahahax! met them at bugis starbucks and we kept talking about our performance and chitchats here and there. went to shop for the stuffs. had fun. me and ahmao were just like a couple of children. HAHAX! but all three of us is the eldest in our family leh! hahahax!!

went to chinatown after that and continued shopping. shop here and there. tried out new food too! in the end kehkeh and ahmao started shopping for themselves. HAHAHAX! and i didn't join them! CAUSE OF MY WELL DISCIPLINE HORH! okies actually it's cause i was left with three bucks so i couldn't really join ah. HAHAHAX!! i only brought 10bucks and i bought java chips and food and this weapon thingy for our SCO ID which is SUPER COOL! want to know how our weapons look like!? wait until BAOC! HOHOHO!! ohh and thanks ahmao for treating me drinks! :D:D:D!!

ohh and CK is such a nice place to shop at. hahahax!! esp the chinatown one. cause it's quite big. HAHAX! i want to buy those things that ahmao and kehkeh bought until i realised i had only three bucks.. T.T nvm it's okies i will get mummy to go shop there with me! ^^ then i don't have to spend my own money. what a smart girl i am! :DD and anyway there is a CK departmental store downstairs. HAHAHAX!

shopped until 7plus 8plus and we parted. ahmao took the ride with me until bugis and he got off while i continued until home. chitchatted. :)) now i am back home. HOHOHO! so tired nowadays. :((

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i love the boy who tries hard to make me remember that he loves me. <33

`383rd post

Friday 12 March 2010

went to school quite early and started on the board alone. T.T huiwen dear came to find me after that. kehkeh came. and the rest. :DD watched my ring ding dong mv over and over again while doing the board. HOHOHO!! ^^ happy lehh! and i heard mingxuan singing ring ding dong. ohmytian he is influenced by me! ^^

left at arnd 2pm and went to the busstop to meet my beloved bi. :DDDD!! HAPPY LIKE HELL! WEEHEE!! bused and mrt-ed to funan it mall. was very hungry cause haven't had anything yet so bi brought me to polar cause he don't let me have anything else cause of my cough and he bought me the cheesy beef puff like ohmytian like a nice only!! :DD esp when it is MY BI who bought it!! ^^

went up to fujitsu care centre to have my laptop serviced. then left my laptop there *sobs*sobs* and went back to panjang. went to bi's hse. 'officially' saw his mummy and sister for the first time. was damn paiseh. HAHAHAX! but his mum very cute ah. i sit down for awhile only then she started pouring me milk even though i said it was okies. then i only drank one sip and she started asking me to go and eat dinner and got me the rice. damn paiseh. hahahax. watching bi and her squabble is funny. HAHAHAX! bi used his bolster to threaten his mum to stop asking me qns. like a cute only. HOHO!!

after that we went our separate ways. T.T cause he's going to work and i'm going over to segar court. T.T but bi said he kept turning around to look at me. HOHO!! ^^ i did too! :DD though the time spent tgthr was short but nvm! :)) LOVE YOU!!

i was the first to reach segar court! :DD tianshun came next. then he accompanied me until guowei came then he went to buy his dinner. yay thanks! :DD and he was injured again. -_- i think he always in injured mode ah. injured when iceskating, injured when eating, injured when cycling. nonstop leh. -_- kept trying to shoot the ball then guowei keep trying to teach me. :DD xin ku ni le ah. played full court. and i really chiong and pia leh!! then guowei said that i 有用心做事!! ^^ stopped playing quite early. cause tired already. everyone too!

went back to pending with yingjie and bused home. could only watch tv cause i dun have my laptop with me.. :(( bi wanted to webcam but cant. :(( so sadded.

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Saturday 13 March 2010

woke up early in the morning and went to collect my laptop!! :DD cause the person said that i can collect my laptop back while waiting for the subport to arrive. cause they don't have the stock. so quickly went to collect so i can use it. :DD

went home and mapled awhile and then went out to vivo to meet guowei stella ahbe and yingjie. wanted to watch movies but we couldn't decide on one. so went off to ben and jerry's! saw a ship there. wahh cool lehhh!! i like!! ^^ si guowei keep say me say dunoe why my results good with brains like that. :((

eating at ben&jerry's!! YAYY!! i dunoe wad to order cause i nv really ordered there before. i think i nv eat there before. HEH HEH! yingjie say me suaku. -_- in the end all of us shared a tub of chocolate chips with cookie dough cause more worth it according to yingjie. ahbe's fave. nice nice. ^^ played and chitchatted. :DD

went to arcade after ben&jerry's. YAYY HEYY!! feels so long since we went out i dunoe why. hahahax! think cause everyday going back to school ah. went off when they went to have dinner cause having family dinner. :DD

reached home and went to tpy ahma hse and ate at the 煮炒 downstairs. have my fave kangkong. like a FREAKING nice. HOHOHO!! eat alot. T.T become fat already lah. :(( ahbe said so too. :((

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it just struck me on the head that whatever i say doesn't mean anything to you. :(( i stopped controlling, stopped saying, cause i said and did everything i could, not that i don't mind anymore. i still mind alot. can't you sense it? can't you feel it? :((

is it true that everything i say doesn't matter anymore? you said so yourself. you said like you will listen to me. you did you did say that. :(( did you know how i felt then? i don't let you do certain things cause i care. you think i did it for fun? but i know you don't care anymore, right? no matter what i say, it doesn't matter, right? i don't even think i would get any answers to these questions from you. :((

please rmb that i do care. and i really hope you won't _ even though i said i wouldn't mind. :(( if only you know what i truly think and feel. :((

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i love the boy with sparkling eyes. <33

`382nd post

Tuesday 09 March 2010 - Thursday 11 March 2010

went to school for SC meeting as usual everyday. :)) except that on wed cheryl huiwen and carol came over too. and that after the meeting on wed i went for bball with my dears. :DD they made me laughed alot. love them much! had fun with my SCs too! SO HAPPY THAT THEY ARE MY SCS!! :DDDDDDDDD!!

btw, i STILL dun understand why there are people who beat up others for nothing. -_- though it sounds abit evil and wicked but i hope they get their WELL-DESERVED RETRIBUTION. :((

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i miss you ALOT. i think you feel the same way too. :)) yupx the feeling is too bad for me to feel happier smtimes. i'm so sorry. :(( but i'm glad that i have you. :)) i love youuuuuuu!! HOHOHO!!

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i love the boy who nags me to sleep early every night. <33

`381st post

we are just going to have lesser and lesser time for each other.. :(( maybe it will get better when school starts again. :(( i'm so looking forward to chalet. :((

`380th post

things feel a little different today. i don't know what it is. :(( feel a little nonchalant these days. i should be. life is a short span of a few decades. so we have to make something meaningful about it? but so what if we made something meaningful out of it? just feels so.. :// *shrugs* i don't know.

one day, when i close my eyes, i am never ever going to open them again. what would i feel? what would i do? what would happen to me? i wonder. what would you feel? what would you do? what would happen to you? questions which all the more i wouldn't have answers to.

i feel so distant. sometimes. somehow or rather. pull me close again, would you? coughing and sneezing now. :(( i don't want to die of illness. i'd rather die of old age. who wouldn't want that? argh. but within these few decades i'm supposed to do something meaningful. have i already done something meaningful?

to you, am i a great daughter? a great sister? a great cousin? a great granddaughter? a great niece? a great goddaughter? a great friend? a great girlfriend? i seriously don't know. cause it's all in YOUR heart. not mine. these different roles that i play. have i played it well enough? would you tell me if i did or not?

i really want to know what is on everyone's mind. not those facades. not those masks you are wearing. but what you truly feel. what you truly fear most. no one can be happy 24/7, i believe, you too, my friend. though you always seem happy on the outside on the surface. but i know it still hurts. somehow. inside you. tell me, would you? if you know that i am referring to you.

i won't deny that my past STILL haunts me, making me afraid, making me insecure. but i know that i have to learn to be stronger and independent. yes, everyone will be with me and help me to recover completely from it. but in the meanwhile, i need to first help myself and stand strong.

i have a soft character. sometimes too soft to stand up to people. too soft to be a leader. too soft to be firm in my stand. i need to grow stronger, and not be weak. this is a huge change in my character, for almost my whole life, people around me took much care of me. cause in their eyes, i am still a little girl. the little girl who always asks 'why' questions, the little girl whose emotions are always shown on her face, the little girl who screams in joy and cries in sorrow. i sometimes wonder if i am really that immature? really that childish? i really want to be that sophisticated young woman whom i always joke that i am.

my EQ is really low uh? i can't control my emotions well. can't hide if i am happy, sad or angry. naked emotions hanging right in front of you. i don't like it. though i'm not saying that i want to be a hypocrite. but sometimes, there IS a need for you to hide your true emotions. maybe. but i hope that no one would hide their true emotions from me. do they feel the same? if so, then there would be no need for me to hide my true emotions, right?

i don't like to make new friends. or should i say, i don't know HOW to make new friends. my friendliness is actually quite based on my mood and the people around me. for example, if i have my friends with me, and i just got to know you, i would be VERY friendly to you. but if i am alone, and i got to know you, i would be VERY cold to you. i need to have people to be around me to support me before i am able to do anything. weak character AGAIN.

i don't think i have changed. don't doubt me when i say i haven't change. i know i didn't. if you insist or feel that i did, then it might be that you don't know me well enough. maybe some parts of me changed, but no matter what, i believe that the core me hasn't. i am still that very cheerful girl who loves to laugh and cares for everyone. my mindset might change, my actions might change, but all these are just part of growing up.

however, after all those above, i know something meaningful has already happened in my life, and that is you. :)) if you have ever had a long phone chat with me, if you have ever had a long msn chat with me, if you have ever had a long face-to-face chat with me, if you have ever had a long sms chat with me. in short, if you have ever had a long chat with me, then you can proudly(?) say that you are one of the very meaningful people in my life, whom i treasure a lot. i may not say it or show it, but you are really important to me. family members are of course included.

lastly, to the person who is currently the most important person in my life, i love you. i love you for who you are, what you do, what you think and what you feel. no matter the number of unreasonable things i do, the number of unreasonable things i say, the number of nonsensical actions i have, or just simply just who i am, you love me unconditionally. thank you. :)) for now, i just want to hold your hands until we grow old with white hair and no teeth. <33 loving you.