last christmas, i lost someone i love so dearly.
- rewind -
it was about 2.45am.
i just finished brushing my teeth.
sat on mum's bed to chat and joke abit with qi and mum for awhile for tay's sleeping on my bed and i was gonna join him.
mum went out to pick up a call.
the way she talked sounded weird, real weird.
she was asking the person on the line to calm down.
why?
calm down for?
i asked her what happened almost immediately after she hung up.
'sargu (third uncle) called. he say ortao got into a car accident and his heart stopped.'
'HUH!?' what happened!?'
'he say a girl called him should be weiyan then keep crying i ask him to calm down first. he say he call weilong alr weilong going down now. i go change now, in case sargu wants me to accompany him.'
'i also want go i change now.'
by then, my tears were already flowing uncontrollably, even before my brain properly registered everything.
i changed and went to the bed where tay is sleeping, shook him awake and told him where i am going and asked him to continue sleeping.
mum called and sar gu, who was alr on his way, drove back from yishun stadium to pick us up.
in the car, where i felt so freaking cold, i kept shivering and trembling,
from the cold or from the fear, i don't know.
reached the scene of the accident.
saw the overturned car.
my heart dropped.
drove around to get closer.
got off the car and to take photos before they move the car away.
mum picked up ortao's wrecked specs frame from the ground near sargu's car, which was like two cars away from the overturned car.
can you imagine the impact?
i could barely tell it used to be a pair of spectacles.
there were no lens, and the frame was twisted. yes, twisted.
i couldn't continue taking photos as we walked nearer, my hands were shaking way too much.
i felt sick, the severity of the situation was making me sick.
sar gu was talking to the police officer, and left his contact details with him.
i told mum to continue taking photos and i went back to the car.
then, we drove off, to ttsh.
kept trying to get through xueli jiejie's phone and huiyi's phone but they were both asleep with their phones off.
left messages for them.
sar gu was so frantic that he even missed the turning, which he was so familiar with cause it was the hospital where my ahgong spent his last few weeks in.
got off the car after reaching, saw a bunch of people sitting at the kerb.
saw another bunch of people inside, a little further away from the emergency room.
both groups are ortao's friends, just that they don't know each other.
saw weilong, saw ahbao.
everyone's eyes are red.
i hugged weilong.
i kept holding onto his arm, cause i couldn't take it anymore.
and weilong was the one consoling and comforting me instead of me him.
my hands were icy cold, and my whole body was trembling.
my heart was racing, and i couldn't calm myself down.
kept going to the toilet to wash up.
fourth aunt called mum to ask the situation and said she's coming.
asked her to go xueli jiejie's house to see if she can wake her up.
siaoting and fourth aunt went to her house and siaoting kept knocking on the door.
xueli jiejie's new house door lock was one with passcode and she was thinking if she should try and crack it and merely accidentally pressed something and the door opened.
she went in to wake them and they quickly drove over.
they reached before the doc came out.
the lock wasn't spoilt when they went back to check it.
tao, was it your doing?
i guess we will never know..
waited anxiously while tearing cause the anxiety is killing me.
kept praying to ahgong, because ortao was the grandson which he doted the most.
ahbao kept going in the room since he is the only one allowed in to check out the situation but he couldn't see much either.
eventually the doctor came out, and she apologise....
i felt like i was sucked into this black hole at that very instant.
my vision blurred and i could barely see anything.
i heard weilong asking if his brain was still alive.
she said no, the heart stopped for far too long.
shivers scrambled around my back.
the tremendous pain in my heart felt so surreal.
i was in a state of denial, probably still am.
we waited as we cried so badly, and tao's friends probably figured out the news after seeing our reactions.
they asked us to wait to see tao the last time after they cleaned his body.
when it was time, we followed one of their staff who brought us to the mortuary.
it was as if it's the first time i saw him.
is that tao?
i kept asking myself.
is that really him?
except his head, his whole body was wrapped in a big white cloth.
his teeth was a little crooked, i mean a little more crooked than it originally was.
did they call this cleaning up?
they put this big pad under his head, which has patches of blood on it, and i suppose his head was still bleeding.
he was biting onto this cut tube which was stained with blood.
how much blood did you lose?
i touched him, he was still a little warm.
i saw a bit of his arm, saw his tattoo.
i shook his arm a little, willing him to sit up immediately.
i kept saying in my mind,
'tao, i promise i won't be scared if you wake up now. maybe i will be a little startled and surprised, but i won't be scared. really, i promise you that.'
but then you never did.....
it was a nightmare.
that night was a nightmare...
stayed till they took you to another hospital to the coroner.
went home and i continued crying.
tay had to comfort me while half-asleep.
slept for barely a few hours before i awoke, asking myself if i just had a terrible nightmare, but no i wasn't.
went out of the room, feeling dazed, from all the happenings.
bathed and waited, waited till they bring ortao to the void deck..
went to see tao.
everytime i see him lying so peacefully in the casket, my tears would flow.
'wake up!!!!!' was what i always whispered in my mind.
everyone said to ask you to go peacefully but everything i could think of was,
'don't go!! don't leave us!! come back!! wake up now!! i won't be scared, really!!'
stared at his face, to imprint that look in my mind, even though it didn't really look like you.
i teased you in my mind, did you hear it?
it was my first time seeing you put make up and i teased you, heard it?
but i guessed it was essential, even though we could still see the bruises past the powder..
you looked so weird, you don't look like you.
and you don't even look like you are sleeping, you never close your eyes when you are asleep...
joked a little about it w weilong.
and he agreed with me.
we always thought you were awake when you were sleeping, with your half-opened eyes.
it was as if you were staring at us then.
hearing them describe the accident was devastating.
they said when you were pulled out from the car you kept throwing up blood.
i can't imagine the pain you had to go through, i really can't.
the next day, we walked and sent you off.
it was drizzling, even the sky was crying for you..
a moth was on my thigh all the while as i walked and only flew away after i got into the car and tried to pick it up, thinking it was a leaf.
was it you?
we reached the crematorium and waited for awhile for your mum.
dramatic entrance, and her cries seem to resonate with ours, just that we kept it inside.
couldn't stop crying..
when i watch you go into the furnace, my heart was tearing itself apart.
my hopes of you suddenly waking up was gone, infinitely.
- back to the present -
i still remember the small little details..
i don't know when i will be able to accept this fact, perhaps never.
i wrote this down, hoping that i would face all this emotions again, recognize them and hopefully i will be more able to deal with them the next time.
ortao, my dear, i love you so much, far more than i ever realised before you left.
and you affected me so much as i grew older.
impacts are left greater when we are younger, so guess how big your impact was? :)
our special 'childhood sweethearts' bond will never be gone.
i will never forget how much you doted on me.
i love you,
always have, always will.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
For you, love.
after watching the video below,
which made me cry,
and reading shine koh's blog post on the story of her and her boyf,
i naturally thought of tay.
love cannot be compared,
i suppose.
last thur was valentines,
and i surprised him w some homemade cookies at je mrt station platform while he was going home from school at night.
it was a little difficult cause i had to search for him at the platform without him knowing i was there.
thanks cheryl for the help :)
i went home right after sending him home.
that's how we spent our valentines.
he felt guilty, for not being able to spend the day/night with me, and so proposed a belated vday date on friday night.
it wasn't anything special, it was just like any other usual movie date.
i even had my dinner alone while waiting for him.
i dun really like having meals alone,
especially being alone for the dinner on the supposedly valentines date?
it wasn't the most enjoyable thing out there.
i was upset, very upset.
but i guess it was a 'what is a real consideration for the other party?' kind of 'misunderstanding'?
i was really hungry at that point in time, and he was still on his way.
i called to ask what he wanted to eat so i could wait at the restaurant, having finish touring west mall.
he wanted me to eat first, saying that he's not hungry.
i told him it was okay i could wait, but he insisted on me eating first.
hung up unhappily.
he called asking where i was.
told him i was pissed and asked him to search for my location himself.
he searched the whole west mall twice before arriving at pastamania where i was already finishing my dinner.
he finished the remaining dinner that i couldn't finish.
chatted a little before going up for the movies.
he went all the way to west mall to buy the tix during his lunch break earlier in the day.
watched the movies, with the little unhappiness and resentments unresolved in both our hearts.
finished the movies, vented a little, and things blew out of proportions.
i was upset, and so was he.
argued at cck mrt station platform, and i eventually kept quiet, too disappointed for words at that time.
at last, he grabbed my hand and walked to take the lrt.
can't help but smile at his ever-so awkward attempts to comfort and appease me afterwards.
reached his house, and he drove me home.
kissed and made up.
why did i share this story?
i guess i just wanna tell him, tell you, about how sorry i was back then.
i knew, still know, you are up to your neck with your assignments, and you even had an assignment due a day after valentines, but just somehow, a small part of me hoped for something special on that supposedly special day for lovers.
it was a little disappointing to know there wasn't any even though i shouldn't even expect in the first place.
(OMG A TISSUE I JUST THREW OUT OF THE WINDOW WITH A BUG IN IT JUST FLEW UP AND TWIRLED NEXT TO MY WINDOW AND IT WENT UP O.O okay continue w my story)
it was even sadder to have my dinner alone and i ate every bite grudgingly then haha.
i know you were unhappy to have to walk around the mall twice, wasting your time, just to look for me, and even more so when i didn't want to tell you where i was.
i wasn't exactly happy when you offered to buy me all the things which i took a second look, though you eventually bought me a quilt cover.
just had the thought of 'couldn't you just buy me anything off the shelves beforehand?' at that point in time.
i was willful, even though i knew your intentions.
i know you didn't have the time to do anything much, and even the date was kind of a last minute thing.
i know you were afraid that i would get too hungry, and therefore insisted for me to have my dinner first.
but what you didn't know was that i would get pissed at all these nitty gritty things.
i know you so far more than you know me, right?
since i am quite possibly the most unpredictable and weirdest being you ever met in your entire life.
you don't have superpowers, nor any mind-reading skills, and i should have told you my being upset first hand, but i didn't.
yet, i still hoped for you to understand my sarcasm and and read my emotions.
i guess i hope that you understood me more.
i admit, i was being childish and merely was throwing my tantrum.
but you threw your tantrums that night too, so i guess we are even hehe.
recently i have been even more willful than ever, being a little overboard sometimes, ignoring your feelings.
despite getting unhappy, you still had to appease me when i got unhappy about you being unhappy with me.
omg hahah what a scary being i am.
but thank you for these.
i know you will say, 'glad that you know~' heh.
thank you for your exceptional high level of tolerance for me, and i know it's just for me (L).
it's refreshing to have someone like you with me, someone who has the perceptions and mindset different from anyone else in this world.
you are someone who is always able to provide me with advices which i never expected and never took,
but when i got hurt running in the opposite direction and come back crying, you would still always embrace me with your open arms.
even though a lot of the times, i don't really regret taking that opposite route keke.
every time i fall, you don't rush over to pick me up,
but instead, you put out your hand, and let me hold it while i clamber to stand by myself.
you made me stronger and more independent in that way.
but yet during the times when i just wanna be dependent on you, you are fine with it.
you are okay with me doing almost everything, and i know i will always have your support,
even if you find so many of my ideas ridiculous and impossible.
but even towards all those ridiculous dreams of mine, i still have the thought of 'why not?'.
sometimes, i feel like i am on a mission, a mission to make you have a lot more hope about the 'impossibilities' in this world.
there are so many things which you brush aside as 'impossible' but i would always see them in the light of 'why not?', if others can do it, so can i.
if thomas edison can invent lightbulbs, then i can very well invent something else,
though i would need to be a bit more hardworking than now haha.
but i know after you see me try so hard to explain how the 'impossible' can also be 'possible' you would always reply me with 'okay, jiayou then'.
sounds kind of sarcastic haha but i know you really mean it.
i love how we can be ourselves, two separate entities, and yet come together as one all at the same time.
thank you for complementing me so well,
even though it means we are at two extremes sometimes with our vastly different povs.
thank you for being the very weird you, so i can be the even more weird me.
it's not a special day for us,
just a day in which i realised that our love is as special as can be,
even without all the material gifts and romance,
with you just trying hard to spend time with me despite your busy schedules.
i love you,
as deeeeep as the seeeeeeeeee. ^^
ps: wanna post a photo but >:( i'm using the mac which has no photos and my precious laptop is still with tay and i absolutely have no idea how to transfer photos from my phone to mac and i'm lazy at the same time :)
which made me cry,
and reading shine koh's blog post on the story of her and her boyf,
i naturally thought of tay.
love cannot be compared,
i suppose.
last thur was valentines,
and i surprised him w some homemade cookies at je mrt station platform while he was going home from school at night.
it was a little difficult cause i had to search for him at the platform without him knowing i was there.
thanks cheryl for the help :)
i went home right after sending him home.
that's how we spent our valentines.
he felt guilty, for not being able to spend the day/night with me, and so proposed a belated vday date on friday night.
it wasn't anything special, it was just like any other usual movie date.
i even had my dinner alone while waiting for him.
i dun really like having meals alone,
especially being alone for the dinner on the supposedly valentines date?
it wasn't the most enjoyable thing out there.
i was upset, very upset.
but i guess it was a 'what is a real consideration for the other party?' kind of 'misunderstanding'?
i was really hungry at that point in time, and he was still on his way.
i called to ask what he wanted to eat so i could wait at the restaurant, having finish touring west mall.
he wanted me to eat first, saying that he's not hungry.
i told him it was okay i could wait, but he insisted on me eating first.
hung up unhappily.
he called asking where i was.
told him i was pissed and asked him to search for my location himself.
he searched the whole west mall twice before arriving at pastamania where i was already finishing my dinner.
he finished the remaining dinner that i couldn't finish.
chatted a little before going up for the movies.
he went all the way to west mall to buy the tix during his lunch break earlier in the day.
watched the movies, with the little unhappiness and resentments unresolved in both our hearts.
finished the movies, vented a little, and things blew out of proportions.
i was upset, and so was he.
argued at cck mrt station platform, and i eventually kept quiet, too disappointed for words at that time.
at last, he grabbed my hand and walked to take the lrt.
can't help but smile at his ever-so awkward attempts to comfort and appease me afterwards.
reached his house, and he drove me home.
kissed and made up.
why did i share this story?
i guess i just wanna tell him, tell you, about how sorry i was back then.
i knew, still know, you are up to your neck with your assignments, and you even had an assignment due a day after valentines, but just somehow, a small part of me hoped for something special on that supposedly special day for lovers.
it was a little disappointing to know there wasn't any even though i shouldn't even expect in the first place.
(OMG A TISSUE I JUST THREW OUT OF THE WINDOW WITH A BUG IN IT JUST FLEW UP AND TWIRLED NEXT TO MY WINDOW AND IT WENT UP O.O okay continue w my story)
it was even sadder to have my dinner alone and i ate every bite grudgingly then haha.
i know you were unhappy to have to walk around the mall twice, wasting your time, just to look for me, and even more so when i didn't want to tell you where i was.
i wasn't exactly happy when you offered to buy me all the things which i took a second look, though you eventually bought me a quilt cover.
just had the thought of 'couldn't you just buy me anything off the shelves beforehand?' at that point in time.
i was willful, even though i knew your intentions.
i know you didn't have the time to do anything much, and even the date was kind of a last minute thing.
i know you were afraid that i would get too hungry, and therefore insisted for me to have my dinner first.
but what you didn't know was that i would get pissed at all these nitty gritty things.
i know you so far more than you know me, right?
since i am quite possibly the most unpredictable and weirdest being you ever met in your entire life.
you don't have superpowers, nor any mind-reading skills, and i should have told you my being upset first hand, but i didn't.
yet, i still hoped for you to understand my sarcasm and and read my emotions.
i guess i hope that you understood me more.
i admit, i was being childish and merely was throwing my tantrum.
but you threw your tantrums that night too, so i guess we are even hehe.
recently i have been even more willful than ever, being a little overboard sometimes, ignoring your feelings.
despite getting unhappy, you still had to appease me when i got unhappy about you being unhappy with me.
omg hahah what a scary being i am.
but thank you for these.
i know you will say, 'glad that you know~' heh.
thank you for your exceptional high level of tolerance for me, and i know it's just for me (L).
it's refreshing to have someone like you with me, someone who has the perceptions and mindset different from anyone else in this world.
you are someone who is always able to provide me with advices which i never expected and never took,
but when i got hurt running in the opposite direction and come back crying, you would still always embrace me with your open arms.
even though a lot of the times, i don't really regret taking that opposite route keke.
every time i fall, you don't rush over to pick me up,
but instead, you put out your hand, and let me hold it while i clamber to stand by myself.
you made me stronger and more independent in that way.
but yet during the times when i just wanna be dependent on you, you are fine with it.
you are okay with me doing almost everything, and i know i will always have your support,
even if you find so many of my ideas ridiculous and impossible.
but even towards all those ridiculous dreams of mine, i still have the thought of 'why not?'.
sometimes, i feel like i am on a mission, a mission to make you have a lot more hope about the 'impossibilities' in this world.
there are so many things which you brush aside as 'impossible' but i would always see them in the light of 'why not?', if others can do it, so can i.
if thomas edison can invent lightbulbs, then i can very well invent something else,
though i would need to be a bit more hardworking than now haha.
but i know after you see me try so hard to explain how the 'impossible' can also be 'possible' you would always reply me with 'okay, jiayou then'.
sounds kind of sarcastic haha but i know you really mean it.
i love how we can be ourselves, two separate entities, and yet come together as one all at the same time.
thank you for complementing me so well,
even though it means we are at two extremes sometimes with our vastly different povs.
thank you for being the very weird you, so i can be the even more weird me.
it's not a special day for us,
just a day in which i realised that our love is as special as can be,
even without all the material gifts and romance,
with you just trying hard to spend time with me despite your busy schedules.
i love you,
as deeeeep as the seeeeeeeeee. ^^
ps: wanna post a photo but >:( i'm using the mac which has no photos and my precious laptop is still with tay and i absolutely have no idea how to transfer photos from my phone to mac and i'm lazy at the same time :)
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
it gets tiring sometimes.
not that i am pretending, just that i want to be that way.
for what seems like the longest time, a huge burden laid on my heart, my shoulders, my mind.
yes, there are times when i feel happy, happier, or merely less miserable.
but i seem to become incapable of being truly happy, the feeling of being satisfied with everything in my life.
something in me is incomplete, the feeling of not having a part of me anymore, like i am missing something.
and i am tired of it.
after watching shinee's wonderful day, i yearn to have a vacation like them too.
i want to go to a place which will help me forget all my worries.
i want to do things which makes me feel the simple happiness from my heart.
it will be refreshing, and a brand new start.
i will be able to forget everything bad that happened before and restart.
up till this point, i am still waiting for something to happen, and i don't know what i am waiting for.
there is still hope in me that you will come back, or that it was just all a dream.
do i need some counseling? to wake me up, to help me cope with this.
time will help me fade all these off right?
i will get used to it, and then will be able to ignore it right?
as much as i am appreciative about the people around me, i will never be able to get you back.
i want to coop up at home so much so that i feel unhappy every time i go out...
i need a really long walk, i need to go somewhere, somewhere different.
i just want to keep walking and walking and perhaps get in touch with nature.
i want to forget, i just want to forget and pretend for the time being.
random song which is also one of those that i am into recently.
for what seems like the longest time, a huge burden laid on my heart, my shoulders, my mind.
yes, there are times when i feel happy, happier, or merely less miserable.
but i seem to become incapable of being truly happy, the feeling of being satisfied with everything in my life.
something in me is incomplete, the feeling of not having a part of me anymore, like i am missing something.
and i am tired of it.
after watching shinee's wonderful day, i yearn to have a vacation like them too.
i want to go to a place which will help me forget all my worries.
i want to do things which makes me feel the simple happiness from my heart.
it will be refreshing, and a brand new start.
i will be able to forget everything bad that happened before and restart.
up till this point, i am still waiting for something to happen, and i don't know what i am waiting for.
there is still hope in me that you will come back, or that it was just all a dream.
do i need some counseling? to wake me up, to help me cope with this.
time will help me fade all these off right?
i will get used to it, and then will be able to ignore it right?
as much as i am appreciative about the people around me, i will never be able to get you back.
i want to coop up at home so much so that i feel unhappy every time i go out...
i need a really long walk, i need to go somewhere, somewhere different.
i just want to keep walking and walking and perhaps get in touch with nature.
i want to forget, i just want to forget and pretend for the time being.
random song which is also one of those that i am into recently.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
learning to let go.
starting to let things go more easily now.
when i find out jiamin using my perfume without asking me (which is very often) i think twice before screaming at her as i used to do, and i now choose the option of not doing that, and instead go back to sleep.
a lot of trivial things, like waiting far too long for the bus, or getting a little annoyed by strangers/passer-bys, those kind of little incidents which would usually cause me a tweet to complain about, i think twice before tweeting now, and tell myself to just forget it.
controlling myself to not complain that easily now, and be more appreciative.
look at the positive things instead of the negative ones.
tao is probably the last person i 'complain' about. which isn't really a complain anyway. it's just a little negative.
i am more grateful now, for every single little thing.
and now i jump on things and people less, instead of being mean and selfish about all my things.
well, not exactly mean and selfish i just want you to ask me for my permission, but slowly, i realised aiya it doesn't actually really matter anyw.
it's just trivial stuffs, unless it will cost me something really truly serious.
tay says it's good that i'm thinking this way now.
tao really changed me a lot haha.
am happier with the me now :)
okay back to my books now~
when i find out jiamin using my perfume without asking me (which is very often) i think twice before screaming at her as i used to do, and i now choose the option of not doing that, and instead go back to sleep.
a lot of trivial things, like waiting far too long for the bus, or getting a little annoyed by strangers/passer-bys, those kind of little incidents which would usually cause me a tweet to complain about, i think twice before tweeting now, and tell myself to just forget it.
controlling myself to not complain that easily now, and be more appreciative.
look at the positive things instead of the negative ones.
tao is probably the last person i 'complain' about. which isn't really a complain anyway. it's just a little negative.
i am more grateful now, for every single little thing.
and now i jump on things and people less, instead of being mean and selfish about all my things.
well, not exactly mean and selfish i just want you to ask me for my permission, but slowly, i realised aiya it doesn't actually really matter anyw.
it's just trivial stuffs, unless it will cost me something really truly serious.
tay says it's good that i'm thinking this way now.
tao really changed me a lot haha.
am happier with the me now :)
okay back to my books now~
cny.
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!
HOPE EVERYONE HAD FUN COLLECTING LOTS OF ANGPOWS!! :)
cny was a lot different for me this year.
it was still the same for my paternal side, with them joking around, despite one of my cousin wasn't there (one person missing is very obvious cause it's a small family there heh), but not the other side.
not only did my maternal side not celebrate cny, the whole mood was just not there despite all the standard cny goodies and decorations around the house.
yes, it's a lot different without you.
and it was sadder for me cause i really looked forward to this year's cny, having not spend the last year's with everyone at home.
no you to laugh at/with, no you to talk to, no you to start our mini banluck game before everyone joined in and voila! everyone is playing together.
family gatherings would.. just be alot different for me without you around, without you to hang out with.
i practically only hang out with you, weilong, jiamin and qiqi the most hahaha.
but on the other hand, this year's cny is the first one which i visited tay's relatives and grandmother :)
i had seen his maternal side before, like a few times, due to some birthday/first month celebrations and a wedding dinner, but not his paternal side.
and he told me his aunts on that side are looking forward to seeing me hehe. /shys
here is my cny schedule heh.
*photo spam alert*
i am too lazy to sort them out properly~
CHU XI (EVE OF CNY)
'reunion lunch' with tay at bpp's ichiban sushi having spend the night over at his place.
hehe the food was great!! :D think i'll go back there again when i am feeling rich hahaha.
he drove me back home and i napped at home a little before preparing for a bit to go for my reunion dinner!! hehe.
went over to ortao ahma house to sit sit before going over to tpy ahma house to eat for realzzz.
had ahma's as always awesome (4As!!) noodles nomnomz and i love her soup as much as everrrr and abaloneee hehehe love her prawns tooooo.
jiamin's soonbeng came over to join us for dinner tooooo. since his family have reunion lunches instead which jiamin joined.
here are some selcas of me and qiqi on the way to ahma house hahah.
DAY ONE
went over to my paternal grandmother side first.
was late because we were supposed to meet there w the rest at like 11!?!? but we reached at 12.30?? HAHA jiamin was toooooo slow in preparing.
tay was feeling sorry cause he was running late but in the end we reached at almost the same time HAHA.
some photos before we left the house:
why i look so blur in this photo? O.O
see this woman who can change face very fast lolol.
my sexaye back ~
there are many more photos taken after i left though :(
like those more proper ones... when i was there not everyone was there yet D:
din actually take much photos because.. i lost the mood.. :(
fast forward to tay's aunt's house~~
tay's paternal aunts were very nice and kind to me :') feeling so fortunate.
had steamboat at their place too! it was kind of crazy for me and tay because we never stopped, never stopped eatingggggg.
tay had lunch and yusheng before leaving his house to go over to my paternal ahma hse.
we had lunch there (AGAIN FOR HIM) and then sat down and ate all the goodies nonstop until we left.
went over to my maternal side and we had more goodies and had a small dinner before leaving.
went over to his aunt's house and STEAMBOAT omg it's really crazy.
after the steamboat we had more goodies lolol time to exercise i am feeling really unhealthyyyy.
SECOND DAY
went to visit ortao in the morning because it's his 49th day.
staring at the photo on the stone plate makes my heart ache so much.
went back to ahma house and had lunch before going home to prepare~
no more cny visitations on my side and so went over to tay's maternal side of his family to bai more nian!
angpows angpows fly into my pockettt!! lolol okay just kidding.
dun expect much because i am not their family members afterall.
have alr seen too much at my own family. because my aunties always finish 'wrapping' their angpows in one of the room at ahma house and we always watched how much they put in it before handing it over to the non-family members hahahahaha.
and since it's also me and tay's second anniversary (TIME FLIES), i texted him the night before to wish him and complained about him not wishing me, he wished me face-to-face.
no presents or whatsoever we are too busy for these HAHA.
should probably make it up to each other some time laterrrrr.
anw, when we reached, they were already playing banluck.
as someone who really enjoys the banluck sessions during cny (one of the main reasons why i look forward to cny) my eyes lit up.
but i sat at the side quietly first and watched them and the tv before tay's mum asked me to join them hehe and so i did.
tay knows i love gambling and he sponsored me for a bit though i returned him the money afterwards okay.
lost in the end but it's okayyy.
(had tears in my eyes before we started the game because banluck reminds me of ortao so very much.
we were the kids who love to gamble lolol.
the kids who were always impatient to start, and if we see that no adult is starting to play, we would start playing amongst ourselves first, with bets of 10cents to 20cents lolol.
and slowly people will join in, and as we grow older, the older ones scolded us because they always had to find change to pay us and our stakes therefore increased hahaha.)
i dun have any photos on the second day :( i think i have a few w tay? but it's really awkward to take out my camera and snap away lolol.
DAY THREE
gwy and ade came visiting and we basically erm nua-ed around and watched tv while playing monopoly deal hahaha.
ohh and ade ate alot of goodies that pigggg hahahaha.
HOPE EVERYONE HAD FUN COLLECTING LOTS OF ANGPOWS!! :)
cny was a lot different for me this year.
it was still the same for my paternal side, with them joking around, despite one of my cousin wasn't there (one person missing is very obvious cause it's a small family there heh), but not the other side.
not only did my maternal side not celebrate cny, the whole mood was just not there despite all the standard cny goodies and decorations around the house.
yes, it's a lot different without you.
and it was sadder for me cause i really looked forward to this year's cny, having not spend the last year's with everyone at home.
no you to laugh at/with, no you to talk to, no you to start our mini banluck game before everyone joined in and voila! everyone is playing together.
family gatherings would.. just be alot different for me without you around, without you to hang out with.
i practically only hang out with you, weilong, jiamin and qiqi the most hahaha.
but on the other hand, this year's cny is the first one which i visited tay's relatives and grandmother :)
i had seen his maternal side before, like a few times, due to some birthday/first month celebrations and a wedding dinner, but not his paternal side.
and he told me his aunts on that side are looking forward to seeing me hehe. /shys
here is my cny schedule heh.
*photo spam alert*
i am too lazy to sort them out properly~
CHU XI (EVE OF CNY)
'reunion lunch' with tay at bpp's ichiban sushi having spend the night over at his place.
hehe the food was great!! :D think i'll go back there again when i am feeling rich hahaha.
he drove me back home and i napped at home a little before preparing for a bit to go for my reunion dinner!! hehe.
went over to ortao ahma house to sit sit before going over to tpy ahma house to eat for realzzz.
had ahma's as always awesome (4As!!) noodles nomnomz and i love her soup as much as everrrr and abaloneee hehehe love her prawns tooooo.
jiamin's soonbeng came over to join us for dinner tooooo. since his family have reunion lunches instead which jiamin joined.
here are some selcas of me and qiqi on the way to ahma house hahah.
DAY ONE
went over to my paternal grandmother side first.
was late because we were supposed to meet there w the rest at like 11!?!? but we reached at 12.30?? HAHA jiamin was toooooo slow in preparing.
tay was feeling sorry cause he was running late but in the end we reached at almost the same time HAHA.
some photos before we left the house:
i was very much annoyed by my fringe :(
qiqi is very much annoyed by me lolll.
HAHAHA AT QIQI.
jiamin busy saving and deleting photos cause her memory card was fulllll.
at my grandma houseeeee:
three happy sisters with an unhappy tay HAHA i like this candid shot though.
tay must be engrossed in the tv show hahah.
the kids in the house yo!!
some older kids wanted to join hahaha.
our da peng youssss.
tay sitting on a very small stool lolol.
at my maternal side:
see this woman who can change face very fast lolol.
leaving to go over to visit tay's relatives~ say hi to my fat faceeeee....
i think i have food in my mouth to smile properly :( prefer my own toothy smileeee.
like those more proper ones... when i was there not everyone was there yet D:
din actually take much photos because.. i lost the mood.. :(
fast forward to tay's aunt's house~~
tay's paternal aunts were very nice and kind to me :') feeling so fortunate.
had steamboat at their place too! it was kind of crazy for me and tay because we never stopped, never stopped eatingggggg.
tay had lunch and yusheng before leaving his house to go over to my paternal ahma hse.
we had lunch there (AGAIN FOR HIM) and then sat down and ate all the goodies nonstop until we left.
went over to my maternal side and we had more goodies and had a small dinner before leaving.
went over to his aunt's house and STEAMBOAT omg it's really crazy.
after the steamboat we had more goodies lolol time to exercise i am feeling really unhealthyyyy.
SECOND DAY
went to visit ortao in the morning because it's his 49th day.
staring at the photo on the stone plate makes my heart ache so much.
went back to ahma house and had lunch before going home to prepare~
no more cny visitations on my side and so went over to tay's maternal side of his family to bai more nian!
angpows angpows fly into my pockettt!! lolol okay just kidding.
dun expect much because i am not their family members afterall.
have alr seen too much at my own family. because my aunties always finish 'wrapping' their angpows in one of the room at ahma house and we always watched how much they put in it before handing it over to the non-family members hahahahaha.
and since it's also me and tay's second anniversary (TIME FLIES), i texted him the night before to wish him and complained about him not wishing me, he wished me face-to-face.
no presents or whatsoever we are too busy for these HAHA.
should probably make it up to each other some time laterrrrr.
anw, when we reached, they were already playing banluck.
as someone who really enjoys the banluck sessions during cny (one of the main reasons why i look forward to cny) my eyes lit up.
but i sat at the side quietly first and watched them and the tv before tay's mum asked me to join them hehe and so i did.
tay knows i love gambling and he sponsored me for a bit though i returned him the money afterwards okay.
lost in the end but it's okayyy.
(had tears in my eyes before we started the game because banluck reminds me of ortao so very much.
we were the kids who love to gamble lolol.
the kids who were always impatient to start, and if we see that no adult is starting to play, we would start playing amongst ourselves first, with bets of 10cents to 20cents lolol.
and slowly people will join in, and as we grow older, the older ones scolded us because they always had to find change to pay us and our stakes therefore increased hahaha.)
i dun have any photos on the second day :( i think i have a few w tay? but it's really awkward to take out my camera and snap away lolol.
DAY THREE
gwy and ade came visiting and we basically erm nua-ed around and watched tv while playing monopoly deal hahaha.
ohh and ade ate alot of goodies that pigggg hahahaha.
sorry i am in my home clothes hahahaha. it's at home maaaa :(
changed and prepared a bit and went over to another of tay's aunt's house at sbw.
stayed there and watched tv and had some dinner.
tay's dad sent me home :') and the following was what happened which really warmed up my heart so so so much.
thank you my love, for reminding me that you are there for me always.
and everytime you hold my hand and smile at me, it really just eases whatever negative thoughts i have at that moment. thank you very much.
this is my cny. kbye.
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