For you, love.

after watching the video below,







which made me cry,
and reading shine koh's blog post on the story of her and her boyf,


i naturally thought of tay.


love cannot be compared,
i suppose.


last thur was valentines,
and i surprised him w some homemade cookies at je mrt station platform while he was going home from school at night.
it was a little difficult cause i had to search for him at the platform without him knowing i was there.
thanks cheryl for the help :)
i went home right after sending him home.
that's how we spent our valentines.

he felt guilty, for not being able to spend the day/night with me, and so proposed a belated vday date on friday night.
it wasn't anything special, it was just like any other usual movie date.
i even had my dinner alone while waiting for him.
i dun really like having meals alone,
especially being alone for the dinner on the supposedly valentines date?
it wasn't the most enjoyable thing out there.
i was upset, very upset.
but i guess it was a 'what is a real consideration for the other party?' kind of 'misunderstanding'?
i was really hungry at that point in time, and he was still on his way.
i called to ask what he wanted to eat so i could wait at the restaurant, having finish touring west mall.
he wanted me to eat first, saying that he's not hungry.
i told him it was okay i could wait, but he insisted on me eating first.
hung up unhappily.
he called asking where i was.
told him i was pissed and asked him to search for my location himself.
he searched the whole west mall twice before arriving at pastamania where i was already finishing my dinner.
he finished the remaining dinner that i couldn't finish.
chatted a little before going up for the movies.
he went all the way to west mall to buy the tix during his lunch break earlier in the day.
watched the movies, with the little unhappiness and resentments unresolved in both our hearts.
finished the movies, vented a little, and things blew out of proportions.
i was upset, and so was he.
argued at cck mrt station platform, and i eventually kept quiet, too disappointed for words at that time.
at last, he grabbed my hand and walked to take the lrt.
can't help but smile at his ever-so awkward attempts to comfort and appease me afterwards.
reached his house, and he drove me home.
kissed and made up.

why did i share this story?
i guess i just wanna tell him, tell you, about how sorry i was back then.
i knew, still know, you are up to your neck with your assignments, and you even had an assignment due a day after valentines, but just somehow, a small part of me hoped for something special on that supposedly special day for lovers.
it was a little disappointing to know there wasn't any even though i shouldn't even expect in the first place.
(OMG A TISSUE I JUST THREW OUT OF THE WINDOW WITH A BUG IN IT JUST FLEW UP AND TWIRLED NEXT TO MY WINDOW AND IT WENT UP O.O okay continue w my story)
it was even sadder to have my dinner alone and i ate every bite grudgingly then haha.
i know you were unhappy to have to walk around the mall twice, wasting your time, just to look for me, and even more so when i didn't want to tell you where i was.
i wasn't exactly happy when you offered to buy me all the things which i took a second look, though you eventually bought me a quilt cover.
just had the thought of 'couldn't you just buy me anything off the shelves beforehand?' at that point in time.
i was willful, even though i knew your intentions.
i know you didn't have the time to do anything much, and even the date was kind of a last minute thing.
i know you were afraid that i would get too hungry, and therefore insisted for me to have my dinner first.
but what you didn't know was that i would get pissed at all these nitty gritty things.
i know you so far more than you know me, right?
since i am quite possibly the most unpredictable and weirdest being you ever met in your entire life.
you don't have superpowers, nor any mind-reading skills, and i should have told you my being upset first hand, but i didn't.
yet, i still hoped for you to understand my sarcasm and and read my emotions.
i guess i hope that you understood me more.
i admit, i was being childish and merely was throwing my tantrum.
but you threw your tantrums that night too, so i guess we are even hehe.
recently i have been even more willful than ever, being a little overboard sometimes, ignoring your feelings.
despite getting unhappy, you still had to appease me when i got unhappy about you being unhappy with me.
omg hahah what a scary being i am.
but thank you for these.
i know you will say, 'glad that you know~' heh.


thank you for your exceptional high level of tolerance for me, and i know it's just for me (L).
it's refreshing to have someone like you with me, someone who has the perceptions and mindset different from anyone else in this world.
you are someone who is always able to provide me with advices which i never expected and never took,
but when i got hurt running in the opposite direction and come back crying, you would still always embrace me with your open arms.
even though a lot of the times, i don't really regret taking that opposite route keke.
every time i fall, you don't rush over to pick me up,
but instead, you put out your hand, and let me hold it while i clamber to stand by myself.
you made me stronger and more independent in that way.
but yet during the times when i just wanna be dependent on you, you are fine with it.
you are okay with me doing almost everything, and i know i will always have your support,
even if you find so many of my ideas ridiculous and impossible.
but even towards all those ridiculous dreams of mine, i still have the thought of 'why not?'.
sometimes, i feel like i am on a mission, a mission to make you have a lot more hope about the 'impossibilities' in this world.
there are so many things which you brush aside as 'impossible' but i would always see them in the light of 'why not?', if others can do it, so can i.
if thomas edison can invent lightbulbs, then i can very well invent something else,
though i would need to be a bit more hardworking than now haha.
but i know after you see me try so hard to explain how the 'impossible' can also be 'possible' you would always reply me with 'okay, jiayou then'.
sounds kind of sarcastic haha but i know you really mean it.


i love how we can be ourselves, two separate entities, and yet come together as one all at the same time.
thank you for complementing me so well,
even though it means we are at two extremes sometimes with our vastly different povs.
thank you for being the very weird you, so i can be the even more weird me.
it's not a special day for us,
just a day in which i realised that our love is as special as can be,
even without all the material gifts and romance,
with you just trying hard to spend time with me despite your busy schedules.


i love you,
as deeeeep as the seeeeeeeeee. ^^




ps: wanna post a photo but >:( i'm using the mac which has no photos and my precious laptop is still with tay and i absolutely have no idea how to transfer photos from my phone to mac and i'm lazy at the same time :)