i am so fucking unhappy here.

the greatest ability of my hotel:
to be able to screw people up over and over again no matter what happens.

it's a happy day~

i am feeling much much much happier today as compared to ytd when ALLL the negative thoughts infiltrated my mind. heh.

felt abit more like myself too. the retarded and cheerful me. ^^

hope such situation will improve HEHEHE.

on the side note,

i'm also really glad that i called tay and wished him happy birthday like kind of personallyyy (since it's over the phone and not like face to faceee)

and that retarded arvin and junwen kept shouting at the phone at me HAHAHA while i shouted back at them okay it's super retarded when tay is holding onto the phone BUTTTT we can still hear each other WAHAHAHAHAHA.

i heard them praising me chio HIAHIAHIAHIAHIA.

and tay said his friends thought i was his sister aft seeing our photos tgthr on fb and scolded him for not intro-ing LOLOLOLOLOL. (<- i find it too funny to use 'HAHAHAHAHA' cause y'knowwww i dun usually use 'lol')

WHY DO THEY EVEN THINK WE ARE SIBLINGS!?!?!?!?

OMGGGG NAN DAOOOOOO we look alike A.K.A we have 夫妻脸(direct trans: husband-wife face)!?!?!?

look alike to you anot? HAHAHA.

i specially went to look for one which we have the same expression kayyy!!!

awww so sweet of me. ^^

sigh today brought my camera out but as usuallll i din take any photos AT ALL. D:

need to like use my camera more often alr. T^T /sobsobs my poooor camera~

but i will try and use it more often kayy!

just that my hands are usually like freezing and i can barely take them out of my pocketssss,

not to mention using them to get the camera out of my bag and take photos nonstop. :(

ANYWAYYY,

went to qibao todayyy!

it was quite fun?

but the whole place stinks okayyy.

cause of smelly tofu ew ew ew ew ew.

kept pushing ahyi to move faster whenever i smell any smelly tofu around. D:

and now everytime i take in a deep breath, i still feel wafts of smelly tofu smell lingering inside of my nostrils. D:

WHY MY NOSTRILS SO BIG SO THAT SMELLY TOFU SMELL CAN HIDE INSIDE!?!? D:

OHNONONONONONONONO~

and something quite fruitful was thattttt we went to this really cute cafe which sells postcards and books.

it's like a library cafeeeee~

and you can like send postcards to yourself in the futureeee. or anyone else in that matter.

HEHH. cool right!? ^^

so i sent one to myself on my bday next yearrr.

wonder if i will rmb this little present i bought myself next year. heh.

ohh and you can also buy the postcards if you'd like. and of course it will be cheaper than getting them to send it for you~

(started thinking if i should like open a cafe with similar concept in the future. always wanted a little shop of my own ever since young. and then the seats will all be like wooden swings or tyres. and i will grow those little flowers around the window sill in the vatican/european style which my mum loves. heh.)

went to nanjing east road afterwards to shop for my dad's iphone case and this is what i bought him:

NICE NOT!? see properly it's transformer car lehhh!

think it will be kinda cute if my dad uses such a case HEHEHE.

and then cause my toothpaste is finishing and i certainly not want to buy too huge a tube so that i dun have to bring it home.....

damn cute right it's like DAMNNNN small (cause it's smaller than my face HAHA) and i can like just use one tube and bring home the other twoooo.

so cute loh i dun see such small ones in sg CHEH!

okay not trying to imply that cheenaland is better NOOOO.

cheenaland will never be better than my beloved lahlohlehland. :')

and cause i know there will be people missing him due to him not appearing in my blog for like about a month,

my beloved captain which i still hug to sleep after all these monthssss.

sigh my beloved toilet bowl is like stuck once again aft me and ahyi shitted consecutively PLUS throwing all those toilet paper inside. :(
cheenaland's toilet paper is unlike that of lahlohlehland. :( it is not soluble. SIGH x 1mil.
so now it's tooooo embarrassing to ask the people to unchoke our toilet bowl for like the THIRD TIME and i would probably like go and buy the sucking-thing-whose-name-i-forgot tml. :(
OR SHLD I JUST BORROW IT FROM THE PPL DOWNSTAIRS!?
okay shall try my luck in borrowing or else i will just go buy it. :x
AND TML IS PAYDAYYYY!! (okay technically today) AND I SHALL GO COLLECT MY PAY TML WAHAHAHAHAHAHA RICH GIRL IS MOI~

okay it's time to go back to my PRINCE OF TENNIS WAHAHAHAHA.

awesome anime kay it teaches me the importance of passion, motivation and determination.

I LUB IT. HEHE.

YOU CAN WATCH IT TOOOO!

DOWNLOAD IT ON FUNSHION RIGHT NOW!

p.s ECHIZEN RYOMA IS SO DAMN SHUAI HEHEHE he is obv like the main characterrrrr!! have been loving him since like when i was sec 1 kekeke /shys

p.p.s I WOULD ENTER SEIGAKU IF IT WAS A REAL SCHOOL OMGGG COOOLLSHITZZZZ

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELOVED.

AND YOU ARE NOW 22 YEARS OLDDDD!!
/throwsfireworksandallkindsofnoisyhappystuffs

YOU ARE SO OLD ALREADY OMGGGG.
and i am rather very sad that i am not there with you to go crazy with you and everything. :( SIGH.

i know i have been negative these few days and you dunoe how to deal with me being like that but i will be okay.
one more month till i appear by your side okay!!
and you wun have to deal with qns from your relatives asking you where is your lovable and pretty gf anymore WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

though i am not physically with you, you know i'm there mentally kayyy!
so must stay happy forever!! ^^
HIAHIAHIAHIAHIAHIA YOU KNOW I LUB YOU!! (L)

you know,
it's really difficult to stay in a place which you already condemned as somewhere which will hinder you.
every moment that i stay here is a pain, a suffering, and time wasted which i will never get back.

like i told ahyi,
whatever i gained here, the me which grew here,
it's not worth it at all. so not worth.
yes undeniably, i grew so much here.
but this growth, wouldnt be of any difference if i were to stay in singapore.
i didn't have any exceptional discovery of myself which i thought i would gain.
instead, i grew to hate this place and how it made me changed.
i became someone i dunoe anymore.
someone whom im ashamed of.
someone who is pessimistic, unhappy, miserable, etc etc.

this has been such a lousy overseas experience for me.
in the very first month here, i was happy.
and as time passes, i realised that it just sucks.
my life paused ever since i came here.
i need my life back.
i need the real me back.
i need to go back to singapore before all these drive me crazy.
i'm gonna go insane.
i am wasting my time, wasting a part of my life which i will never get back.
i have already wasted four months of my life.
this is so not worth it.
i cant take this any longer.
lee jia le, i need you back so damn much i need you back.

If you truly love someone,

NEVER ask for a breakup.

it's not okay to think that you will be hurting him/her if remain tgthr, because it will hurt so much more far more than you can ever imagine.

and this is not being great, giving up your r/s just like that and thinking that you are doing what you can to protect him/her.

this is called selfish and self-centred. and that you love yourself more.

dun have the mindset that it will be okay in the long-term.

it will never be okay.

the impact left will never be erased.

it will warped the person's personality and mindset and behavior in ways unimaginable.

i believe that when you jump into a r/s,

you already made preparation to give time, give effort, give love in order to make everything work out.

nothing can stop you from working it out.

everything can be solved if you will.

if you need more freedom, tell him/her.

if you need more private time, tell him/her.

whatever you need, just talk about it and compromise.

i rmb i saw this line somewhere in some books/shows i read/watched before:

compromising is when you give me two options you can live with and i choose the one that i can live with.

 and i came to find this line so damn true.

sigh, i hope i did not cause you any more hurt and that i truly helped.

whatever i did, i did it to protect you. and i know you know that.

i hope you will be okay.

you are the only one who can help yourself in this kinda situation.

the best i can do is to be with you.

remember that i love you. :)

btw look at tay yin ji that sucker commenting on my prev post below:

SUCKERTAY JIU SHI SUCKERTAY D:

i'm like dying to get back to singapore.

you have no idea how much i miss singapore right now okay.

i feel like i'm wasting my life here.

YES MY LIFE.

it's like my life is paused and i am in this endless dream which just goes on and on meaninglessly.

this just sucks.

my life will only continue when i get back to singaporeeeeeeee.

SINGAPORE WO AI NI!!!

mum asked me if i would stay overseas for an extended period of time if given another chance, and i told her, never would i if the place in mention is any part of China. :(

this comes right from the bottom of my heart.

i swear i will never get used to the culture, the habits and behavior of the people here.

it is just outrageously indescribable okay.

not gonna talk much cause i'm afraid that if i criticise too much here you will see me next on stomp. HAHAHAHA.

HEADLINE: SINGAPORE STUDENT WHO CRITICISED CHINA AFTER HAVING INTERNSHIP THERE FOR 23WEEKS

so yeaaaaa. HAHAHAHA.

and i miss drinking cold drinks so much. T^T

had like icecream two days back cause i reallllllllllllly craved for it. :(

I MISS MY MILO PENG. :(

and i miss drinking cold starbucks drinks. :(

I'M SO GONNA BUY MY WHITE MOCHA FRAPPE THE NEXT TIME I GO STARBUCKS EVEN IF IT MEANS I'M GONNA FREEZE TO DEATH OKAY.

having like tons of pimples on my face now. :(

shld have drank more waterrrrr. D:

shall drink more water from now on i swearrrr.

miss tumblr-ing so much. omg i need to return to singapore immediatelyyyyy. hehh.

now the below damn chio photo is for those who are missing my lovely face. HAHAHAHA.

then for those who wanna see like the current real me,

sorry for my chui eyes cause i have been like sleeping at like 2plus and waking up at 5plus for the past few days. and i hate my disobedient hair aft tying it up for the whole day cause of work okay. :(

act yi ge dunoe i taking photos HAHAHAHA.

okay look abit more normal aft trying to tidy my hair but to no avail. :(

.......

AND NOW FOR THE PHOTO WHICH I KNOW YOU PEOPLE LOVE THE MOST.

TROLLING TROLOLOLOLOLOL

HAPPY LOOOOOONG YEAR~ ^^

it's the year of the dragon (ROARRRRR!!) now so HAPPY LOOOOOONGGG YEAR~
HEHEHEHE.

well, i don't have much peektures for this cny so i'm just not gonna upload kay. :P


anywayyy, had my 'reunion dinner' with the rest of the interns on cny eve~~~
but cause of my throat i couldn't eat like almost everything. T^T
sad maxxxx.
and then they headed to our apartment to catch 春晚.
yes it's that cheena show which they watch and count down to chu yi.
and the theme was 'going home for cny' and ALL of us teared at that vid. T^T
sad kids who just wanna go home for cnyyyyyy!!!!
anyway okay the show was quite good this year cause of the stage effects which made everything seemed 3d. HEH HEH.
but i would rather watch sg's cny show like the past year and watching them play boring games and running around chinatown etc etc. hahahaha.
good ole' traditions are always the best!

ON CHU YI!
went to pizzahut for some beef lasagne and then walked around and headed back to waigaoqiao where our dear SIMONNNN treated us dinner. HEHEHE.
was super full and headed home and fancy came to find us afterwards.
head out to the SUPER COLD night (it's like SUPER DUPER COLD these few days with the wind blowing nonstop T^T) to kfc where tina, lisa, vanessa, huahua and stella is~~
nua-ed there for some time before me ahyi, tina and fancy headed to discooooo~
yes it's like disco and not club. D:
met some weird guy wtfff and he treated us all to supper and we ended up going home at 3.30am SERIOUSLYYYY.
i hate that guy who kept trying to hit on me wtf i'm alr engaged okay. HAHAHAHAHA.
okay enough of him he give me the chills and creeps~

and today's chu er alr and basically nua-ed at home the whole day and i have to work like early morning tml this sucksss. :( gotta wake up at 5.30am siannn. HOPE I GET TO GO HOME SUPER EARLY PLEASEEEEE!!

sigh honestly i feel like it has been ages since i last updated my life!?!?!?

but you can't possibly have me updating with things like "OHHHH so-and-so company came to have dinner in Crowne Meeting Room 1 with 10 tables with the hosting table of 16pax and the remaining tables with 10pax" EVERYDAY right!?

sigh i need abit more of life.
not even going out on my off days anymore.
hardly have any common off days with ahyi alr. T^T
next week baa! CNY!! YAY HEY!
but we still have to go work. THIS SUCKSSSS.

OHH i know what i can update about my life alr.
for the past few days i was sick.
and i took mc for monday and today. have off ytd and tml. so basically i will be resting for four days. WOAH.
but i only took two days mc leh. HEHE.
and STOPPPPPPPPPPPP if you are going to envy me. cause don't.
if you hear me right now, you wouldn't be able to recognise me just like my many colleagues who called to ask about me. HAHAHA.
and i had a high fever of 39.9degrees on monday kay. dun play play.
and though my fever subsided ytd, my colleague who called me insisted on me staying home today cause my throat last night was still horrible. T^T

OHH OHH OHH! and last night was the 'cny reunion dinner' for all the interns and the gm!!
and the food was like *-*
though i couldnt eat like all the chicken and the glutinous rice BOOHOOHOOOOO!!
but i ate the icecream since noone seemed to object to it and i din ask anyone if i shld eat it BAHAHAHAHAHA.
the dessert was awesome yooo!!

okay that's all about my THOROUGHLY EXCITINGGGGG life recently. -_-
DYING TO GET BACK TO SINGAPOREEEE MY HOMELAND~ IT'S HERE THAT I BELONG~ ALL OF US, UNITED, ONE PEOPLE MARCHING ON~~~~~
feeling so patriotic all of a sudden WAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
dying to sleep on my bed instead of this hard wooden-like bed. :(
alr dreaming of my soft bed despite that one spoiled spring, and my smelling-oh-so-good bolster which i was snuggle my face into, and my cute pillow which is already half of its original size (same age as me of course will shrink lah!) :')
i miss them SOOOOOO much.
and also my huge ass tv HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
nowhere will be better than home. :'(
after this trip, i will treasure my home MORE THAN ANYWHERE ELSE. hohohohohohoho.

despite the unfortunate event i met, i am thankful because:
when i cry, someone will feel heartbroken.
when i missed a call, someone will feel worried.
when i'm unhappy, someone will try and cheer me up.
when i'm feeling troubled, someone will support me.

they may not be the same person, and definitely not just one person, and that makes me the most blissful girl in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD~~~~~~~
(L) all these lovely people. :')

there are things which i know that i have to face bravely, all by myself.
no one can help me, and the only way is to be strong and resilient.
life is not smooth all the time, and this is just one big obstacle which i have to scale by myself.
i'm grateful for all the support for i know i'm not alone.
whenever i feel weak and vulnerable, i think of all these lovely people and tell myself, "be strong, don't cry, be brave, they are here for you."

thank you, my dearests, for being my pillars of strength.

praying that it's a false alarm.

it's difficult to live.
and that's the reason why we have to make it worthwhile.

negative

the calculative side is showing.
not only that, the well-hidden selfishness and meanness are in sight.
my fear is growing.
i have no idea what is happening.
should i try and embrace it?
should i stop plastering it up with soggy paper soaked with glue?
is all the negatives showing cause my tolerance is reaching its limits?



i really dislike people who take me for granted.
and i really dislike people who touch my stuffs without my permission.
and even more so when the 'stuffs' in question are perishable and they finish it without considering if i need it or not. (to emphasize my point, the things belong to me/i obtained them from somewhere)

fyi, i just din want to use the word 'hate' for its strong meaning.

somehow, i am someone who is independent in that sense that i do things or keep/tidy my own belongings without needing any help unless i ask for it.
i'm somewhat stubborn like that.
i have my own principles, my own mindset, my own thinking.
and it's extremely difficult to sway them once i am set.
if you think it's easy to change my mind, then it's probably cause i was originally sitting on the fence.
sigh.

ohh fuck yes the academic requirement of 3.0gpa that i was worrying about to get into UNLV for the tourism bachelor course is only for international students and not applicable for us!!!

so now thats one problem which disappeared, which leads us to the next - the tuition fees of nearly S$10,000 per year AFTER SUBSIDIES. :/
okay that tuition fees is for AY2011/2012 so i dunoe what about AY2012/2013 but i can only hope that it doesn't increase or if it does, the increase is minute.

is there any other good universities that i can try out for? D:
cause i know that the application is like around this period. sigh.
the starting application date for UNLV is 1Feb till the end of March. thank god it's till the end of march :')
and they need our results slip die liao i threw away almost all(?) the result slips that our school mail to us. D:
you think they would print us another copy of the result slips if i went to SSC to ask for it? :/
or can i print screen from npal? T^T

anyone else interested in universities as well?
let's go together!

it's that time of the month again~~
and omg time really flies!!!!
one more month to our first anniversaryyyy!!
though i couldn't be there with you, i hope you think of me all day long okay you sucker.
i lub lub you hiahiahiahiahia deeper than seeeeeeeeeeee~~
unlike you this heartless de gougouuuu.
hiahiahia wait for me to be backkkk! :D:D:D
we shall celebrate our one year and one month anniversary tgthr okay HAHAHAHA!! <3

In this world of deceit and intrigue, I fight vigorously by pouring more heart, love and care into this seemingly never-ending black hole.

my first blister D:

as in the kind with this big bubble-like blister. D:

it came about cause one night i was stupidly hugging my BOILING HOT water bottle to sleep with it touching my bare skin. T^T

i din wrap any towel around it or wear long sleeves myself. D:

and most retardedly, i did not discover the wound by waking up cause of the pain, but only when i woke up in the morning for work. which means that i alr got burnt hours ago. D:

sigh and everyone was surprised at my retardedness T^T /crying

AND SO HERE IS A PICTURE OF MY VERY FIRST BLISTER TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE!! :D

this is taken on the first day i got it. HAHAHAHA.

now, it is a little softer with more wrinkles on it. which means that it is becoming smaller! YAY!! ^^

btw i really look forward so much to going home. looking forward so much to sleeping on my own soft bed again.

the bed here really sucks. it is so freaking hard. even tay who is usually 'anything~' about everything asked me why is the bed so hard. D:

sigh and ahyi told me that i am always snoring.

and tay told me that he heard me snoring for the very first time when he came here to stay and ask me if i'm really very tired cause that's usually the case when one snores. :/

i have to be honest that i never had a good night's sleep ever since i got here.

every night my back will feel strained cause of the hard bed and i wouldn't be able to lie facing up with my butt holding up the bottom of my back which makes it unable to truly lie flat on the bed.

and then i would twist my body such that my chest is facing the side but my tummy will be facing down. :/ cause if i lay by my side, i will be leaning on my hipbone and it hurts alot cause of the stupid bed.

and EVERY FREAKING NIGHT i am dreaming.

and when you dream, you dun truly get to sleep. :/ cause your brain is working hard on your dreams D:

and FINE I DREAM, but what do i dream of? not pretty butterflies and flowers and me dancing in the sunny meadow or whatsoever. I DREAM OF MYSELF WORKING AND SERVING IRRITATING CUSTOMERS AND WTF ARE THESE DREAMS!?!?!? D:

i miss singapore my home my bed.

/edit at 11.38pm which is like only 10++mins aft i posted this post FUCKKKK i burst my blister accidentally while reaching for the bakgua i hate bakgua now it was super pain and ahyi was literally pulling me to wash my wound T^T I AM DYING OF THE PAIN RIGHT NOW AND I TEARED SO MUCH OMGGG T^T okay end of ranting.

to be honest, i always thought you are that one person i wun be able to forget.
but before i realised it, i alr forgot you. and i hope this is not just some wish-thinking of mine.
and i found that better someone for me. :)
you were right, it is indeed better for me in the long term despite the pain i went through.
i have to thank you. :)

HELLO i am back again cause i just realised that i'm like supposed to blog about what happened during the past 2011 on the very last day just like everyone else and i haven done so even though it's four days into the new year alr.

i just wanna say, there have been alot of ups and downs in the year 2011.

i've gotten together with ahtay, i had an awesome bday celebration/surprise with my girls, i screwed up my last studying sem, i struggled through the suffocating projects, i flew to china for my internship, etc etc.

i'm proud to say that i have grown stronger, more independent, more understanding, more caring.

though some weaknesses i have, such as being bad tempered and irritable, still exist in me somehow.

okay and that is perhaps cause it's that time of the month again. and i just feel that i have to apologise to my dear tay for venting some of that on him on his last day in shanghai.

the past one year was good and bad but mostly good.

and i wun ask/expect too much in this new year.

i will just hope that there will be more good things than bad things!

it doesn't have to be better than last year. as long as it's not worse since i had some really bad times then.

missing singapore like mad. so i know this year, there will at least be one good thing happening - me returning to singapore!! HEHEHE.

awaiting for the times when i get back and graduate and go for all the graduation trips though i am not sure if i have the money HAHAHA.

me and tay planning to go on a trip together as well!! hiahiahia.

OHH and in this coming year, i hope that there will be a wedding dinner for me to attend when i get back to singapore cause i have alr missed like three or four!! (two from my family and one/two from tay's)

i also hope that everyone that i know and love will have a super healthy body and will be safe throughout the year!!

i hope to remain as blissful as i feel right now with all these lovely people with me heh.

okay i should go downstairs to meet my friends for supperrrr! hiahiahia. /prayidungrowfatinthiscomingyeartoo

a bobo (kiss in korean) for youuuu! (L)

okay so,

in the end im not gonna post any photos here cause i had a like busy day today!?

waking up at 11plus and then uploading my photos on my fb here by request by ahtay.

please do not judge my ugly hair cause i haven trimmed it since like forever and i just trimmed it today OHYAYY!

then i watched my City Hunter OMGGG LEE MINHO WHY YOU SO SHUAI!!?!?!? while waiting for ahyi to wake up and i went to bathe and went to change our laundry together.

then back home again to leave our laundry and went out to tabao our breakfast/lunch/dinner (YES WE ONLY HAD ONE MEAL TODAY) to Nicole and Emma's to eat.

after eating and looking through photos and playing and fooling around, we went to wash and cut our hair omg so shiok okay.

first they helped us to wash our hair, then dug our ears (i almost typed nose instead of ears HAHAHAHAHA) and massage and finally trimmed our hair.

the guy who helped me cut my hair quite shuai HEHEHEHEHE.

WHATTTTT GOT BF ALSO CAN SEE SHUAI GE RIGHT!?!? HAHAHAHAHAHA.

okayyy anywayyyy i took a super long time to decide whether to cut my fringe and im glad i did cause it seriously irritates me to no end.

if my hair grows too long again when im still here i will definitely return to trim it again HIAHIAHIA.

okayyy so a picture of me with a properly trimmed hair since i know most of you miss me. ^^

kekekekekeke kind of like my new hair though my fringe is still kind of long but i wun be able to pin it up if it was any shorter boohoohoooooo.

anywayyyy, a friend intro-ed me to a movie titled '初恋，这件小事' saying that the female lead looks like me but i think it looks more like this friend whom ppl said looks like me so i suppose the female lead does look like me?

you can go watch it to see for yourself but i REALLY think the show is very niceeeeee!! and THE BIGGEST PLUS POINT IS THAT WALAO EH THE MALE LEAD REALLY SHUAI LIKE CRAZY HAHAHAHAHAHA.

okay now, the pictures of the shuai-est guy in the universe. HAHAHAHAHA.

the one who says that he is EVEN MORE shuai than WANG LEE HOM HIMSELF OMGGGGXZXZXZX.

and recently i have gotten hold of some photos which prove him being cruel to animalssss. D:

i hope the SPCA or some other organization which fights against animal cruelty catches him soon. T^T

it's the end of the visits

and i'm having some kind of post withdrawal D:
this kind of sucks. sigh.

anywayy. family came to visit me HOHO and brought them wherever i can.
whatever dad said about this trip is solely for me made me REALLLL touched. :')
they arrived in the morning on the 23rd and left at night on the 28th. :(
tay came on the 26th in the morning and i went to fetch him and he just left this aftnn. T^T

i have to admit that i cried the instant i hugged my dad.
i din cry at all when i saw tay. there was just this gush of relief i have no idea why which washed over me.
when i bid goodbye to my family for the last time i almost teared. and i cried when i held onto tay unwilling for him to enter the departure gates.
i guess all's fair HAHAHA.

i REALLY wanna put some photos here since it's all words.
sigh blog also kind of no mood alr cause of the slow internet speed. D:
i shld be free-er tml~~~
shall spam pictures kay!
but no promisessss~