got this sudden urge to cry... yes again....
probably because i know i am not doing what i want right now..
i want to be working on projects and events and be busy and run around checking that everything is alright.
erm a weird thing to want to do but that's what i want to do even though i haven't really done it before yet i guess.
but yet that's what i really want to do, watching as the event kick off.
or even working as a team, trying to complete the tasks on hand.
i don't know.
all i know is, this is not what i want to do now.
this is not what i aim to do.
i don't even know what i am studying for anymore.
for a degree? yea a degree.
maybe i don't really want a degree.
oh this is not about what i want? then what is it about?
i am gonna be the one to dictate my own life isn't it? :/
or maybe all i wanna do is to travel around the world, and go on a forever working holiday.
just working and integrating into others' culture, and then exploring earth and see beautiful sights that nature bring to us... even though it's hard, even though i am expected to provide for my family in the near future.
it's so weird.
i guess i don't want to build up a career.
i don't really want to have a company or whatever.
my dad's dream is to have a big house for everyone to live in.
i want to fulfill his dream, but i want to fulfill mine too.
and mine is to experience all kinds of things in this world.
i don't want to have any regrets, i want to do all kinds of things that is to be done in this world.
i want to try farming, bungee jumping, parachuting, working as all kinds of jobs.
honestly, i wouldn't mind working as a dishwasher, though not forever, because i want to build life, not a career.
i want to try film-making, try dancing, try all kinds of musical instruments, though i would probably have to pick them up on my own.
tuesday.
after tuesday i need to make some kind of change.
let's hope i am brave enough to take that step.
i hope.