it's not really normal to think of suicide every now and then right?
it's not really normal to think that i wanna leave this place and this world right?
it's not really normal to want to leave everyone i know and start anew in somewhere strange right?
sometimes i feel like there isn't someone whom i really wouldn't bear to leave.
anyway i can be a cold-hearted bitch if i want, and i'm feeling pretty cold-hearted right now.
i am feeling a little cruel, a little heartless, a little mean.
sometimes i wanna crush this world under my pretty little feet.
sometimes i wanna control every single one in this world with my little finger.
sometimes i just wanna be evil.
perhaps i am just sick of having to adhere to the 'musts' in this world, so i just wanna be badass.
i wanna burn things down and then laugh at it.
i have kind of a warped soul, distorted mindset eh?
there is a lot of things that i find no meaning in, but have no idea why people are so persistent in it.
it just doesn't really matter as much as the other beautiful things in the world.
it's okay if you think i am hideous.
i don't really care since i don't really know since you are just observing me behind your petty computer screen.
am i alright?
no, of course i am not alright are you dumb or what?
actually underneath my supposedly cheerful appearance i do have this pessimistic leering side of me.
what makes me happy?
idk anymore..
i really dun.
nothing really makes me happy anymore..
i can laugh i can smile, but once that laugh/smile is over, that tinge of happiness disappears too.
it's such a light shade of happiness, and that's probably why it faded so instant too.
i forgot how to be happy.
i got a feeling i forgot to do so about half a year ago?
i kind of lost faith in the people around me.
losing faith is really the worst kind right?
maybe i will be able to pick myself up again?
or am i just too deep in this depressed mode?
so many things have already lost its meanings to me.
what does it mean to be mature?
to be mature means realising that you are never going to be mature.
that's my definition of mature.
nobody is ever really mature.
people who think they are mature? in fact, they are just self-righteous people.
wise does not equal to mature.
wise people do do childish things, in contrary to what you think.
people all like to act a little extra cuter towards people they like, isn't that so?
you just want to whine a little more, complain a little more to your loved ones, isn't that so?
people are ridiculous.
we all are.
no exceptions.