so...

HELLOOO!!
okay im not exactly feeling as cheerful as my greeting but doesnt matter.

anywayyyy!! im only happy nowadays cause i have been shopping like a crazy kid on tmall aka taobao and HOHOHO so happy to see my shopping delivered to me likka shiookkkk.
took photos of every single shopping i did and i will upload it (okay fine i need to put them in my comp first) when i feel like it kay. ^^

ANYWAY HINT HINT:
i think this will be a great xmas present!?!?!?

LOOK THAT ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE PUMPKIN CARRIAGE OMGGGG!!
and it's like on offer now!?!?!?
i give you link!! CLICK HERE!! YES THISSSS!!
and you can have my taobao acct id and pwd if you'd like.
then you can buy and obviously key in your own credit card number etc HOHO and rmb you can only buy on taobao using internet explorer!! ^^
and they will deliver the necklace straight to my apartment!! :D:D:D:D:D
and isn't this the most obvious hint everrr!?!? :D:D:D:D:D
i am just a great friend right!!! ^^^^^^^^ (<- my many eyes. yes im a many-eyed monster. okay lame.)





i am a simple person.
i love how i myself can be cheered up by the simplest thing, for eg FOOD or simply just people smiling at me.
but on the other hand, this means that i can be despaired by the most minute matter. this kinda sucks.
is having low EQ bad or good? :/


just now, when i was bathing, i wasn't thinking much.
but then i sdnly saw smthing flying around me and i almost freaked out when i realised it was a really small moth.
you know what people say, moths are the reincarnation of your loved ones aft they have passed away.
thoughts of spraying it with water using my shower head disappeared instantly.
one person came to my mind and i retarded-ly asked the moth, 'are you ahgong? did you come to see if i'm living well in china? or are you reincarnated as a china moth?'
sdnly, memories of ahgong flooded my mind.
i rmb how ahgong used to be half naked and walking around wearing his blue checkered boxers with the white strings hanging outside.
i rmb long ago when he still had his legs, when he dun even need his walking stick.
i rmb buying him sour plums, sugarfree sweets during his birthday/fathers' day.
i rmb him waving us into his room and he will take out his little box with all the changes inside and give us some of them.
and he would always give us the shiny ones and make sure that everyone has the same amount.
i rmb how he used to dote on ortao the most and how we felt jealous over it, but now i come to think of it, ahgong doted on the rest of us alot too.
i rmb how he would cook occasionally for all of us, and how we secretly thought that he cooked much better than ahma.
i rmb how he would joke that i would grow up to marry ortao and i would feel a little shy and yet look at ortao and think that i would absolutely not marry him. HAHA. i was too young to realise that we do have blood relations.
i rmb how we always had endless supply of soft drinks esp sarsi at ahma hse cause of him.
then, ahgong became older.
i rmb him laying more in bed.
i rmb him needing a walking stick.
i rmb running to him with his walking stick and then holding his soft and wrinkled arm to help him walk to the living room.
i rmb how he always scold ahma with his loud voice and yet we all know that he loves her.
i rmb when they said he had diabetes. i told myself i would never drink so much soft drinks ever again.
i rmb when he got a wound on his toe and it turned black. i rmb how he was alr in the wheelchair then.
i rmb how he refused to see the doctor, how two of his toes turned black. i rmb how eventually one of his legs got amputated, and then both.
i rmb how they bought the wheelchair originally for ahpong and no longer needed it anymore.
i rmb how i nv saw him cried till that day.
i rmb how he asked mummy to tabao my fave kou rou bao for me cause i missed going ahma hse that sunday and ahma made some.
i rmb how he smiled.
i rmb how he joked with us while we laughed at jiamin who had difficulties pronouncing f and s properly.
i rmb everything about him.
everything.
then i realised, i miss him so much.
so much so it hurts.
i cried so hard in the bathroom.
so much harder than im crying right now.
it hurts so much.
i never want to have anyone close to me leave me ever again.
however, i know it's impossible.
i will have to face it eventually, no matter how unwilling i am.
i talked to the moth.
i know im weird.
but i feel like it's my ahgong, i feel like im talking to him.
ahgong, i miss you so much.
dun feel afraid, i have never forgotten about you.
this is not the first time i cried for you, and it will definitely not be the last either.
i never told you this, but i love you, i truly do.

growing up =/= losing yourself

突然有个领悟：

每个人都有自己的优缺点。
如果有人不喜欢你，那可能是因为对方无法包容你某些缺点。
这世上，谁没有问题呢？没有谁是完美的。
就算大多数的人不喜欢你的缺点，那又如何？
但若那些人对你来说很重要，改变一点又如何？或许你能够因此而找到真正的自己，更好的自己。
有些事不必想的那么极端，退一步真的能够海阔天空也说不定。
包容一点也很好啊，对不对？
人，难道就是那么自作孽吗？
凡事看开一点，想少一点，自然而然就会开朗多，快乐多。




people change, and i'm not spared as well.
i may have changed for the better or worse, depending on your point of view.
but i feel that i became better, and i'm glad about that.

sometimes, when people tell you that you've changed, it might not necessarily means that they don't know or don't understand you.
because most of the times, people outside of the situation sees everything in a clearer light, so they may actually know more than you thought so.
seeing from different people's perspectives gave me more understanding towards human nature and mankind.
to be honest, i felt really happy as to them trusting me enough to tell me about it.
yes i'm a silly kid, but i truly truly want everyone to be happy.
i tried to explain for them, but all is naught but i know at least i tried.
human beings are definitely complicated.
people who change, i am trying to adapt to the new you.
give me some time.
i cannot ensure that i will like you as much as before your change, but i will definitely still accept you as a friend.
tbh, i got really hurt, but i'm slowly putting it behind me.
let's just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the better from now on.

miss you hong bi zi xiao jieeeeee

hiahia i miss you tooooo my dearrrr!! <3 cant wait to go back i will scream ADELINE TOH YING YING when i see you next HAHAHAHA

hello! what do you want to say?

just wanna say,

i love my sucker tay and retarded toh. <3


sorry for no pics and if you are complaining go and die cause i have no time and my internet sucks too much for me to upload any pics okay. WANT PICS? wait until i get back to singapore kay HAHAHA.

hi babes and hunks HAHAHA

once again, i am back.

i miss everyone in singapore but i am doing well here now.
i have great colleagues and we are rather close. (with the exception of some of course)
there are definitely bitches no matter which profession you are in and the bitch that i met here is not only a hypocrite, but also an arrogant and vain and slutty bitch.
contact me if you want to listen to interesting stories, cause i am sure i will be able to fill you in and entertain you with my apt and drama description HAHAHAHAHA.

tay ah tay. i hope you can come overrr! but if you do i kind of dun want you to come during the same time as my family. if not very sian one leh. :( though if you guys come separately i will most probably have to play the same things twice HAHA so aiya i dunoe what to do D: sian maxxxxx.
and tay ah tay!! buy more vitamin c to eat!! dun always catch a cold! :( take good care of yourself!!!!an

anywayy, went to this place called Holland Village on 111111 which is a little way off from here and it's a really pretty place. picturesque and poetic scenary. and in just a few hours there, we met three couples taking wedding photos there. O.O
but it's REALLY pretty and of course i took photos hiahiahia. shall post them up soon okay!! ^^ but you should know the internet connection here in shanghai.......
so you can slooooowwwwlyyyyyyyy wait for it kay. ^^



to be independent and strong, that's so scary.
scary in the sense that there is noone to help you, noone to support you, noone to depend on, and the loneliness which comes thereafter. :(
i am a coward who is so damn afraid of being alone. i am trying to get used to it.
to have noone to depend on is terrifying.
imagine you are fighting by yourself, with noone as your backup. T^T
i want to be an independent and strong woman, really.
but i definitely hope that it doesn't mean that there is no one there with you.
growing up is such a tough path.
but i will brave through it.
i do know who will support me.
but i just need you to remind me occasionally that you will be there for me.
i am a teeny insecure.
please forgive me for that.
being here made me realised a lot of things.
i will be a better person and i AM becoming a better person.
i will be brave and grow up and not keep thinking of becoming a child once again.
i will.

长长九九

hi my dearest boy,

happy 9th! ^^
you know that recently i have been feeling rather down, and thank you for just being there to listen to me talk and cry and rant. you have always been the greatest support.
sdnly recalling how you would always try your best to help me in your own little ways.
like last sem when i rant to you about proj teammates, i never thought that you would text ade to ask her to tell the teachers cause you know i would never dare to do so. hahahaha.
you are always the best!! dun ever forget you are supposed to bring me go eat good food when i get back okay! :D:D:D:D
i miss you so much but i will stand up straight on my own here.
i will do my best and not let you down. :)
jiayou for your course okay! ^^

love,
me.

hypocrisy

currently working in the chinese restaurant in our hotel.
and in our chinese restaurant, there are private rooms which can be booked by our customers.
one night, i was one of the waitresses in the private room.
and in that one night, my horizon widen so much.

in just one night, i see how hypocritical can mankind be.
the level of hypocrisy gave me shivers down my spine.
i see how much bootlicking people can do. and how fast their faces change.
it's so scary that i grew so afraid. so afraid that i will be the same as them.
i see how they call each other brothers, just so to pull strings and climb up the social ladder.
i see how they pour each other drinks, just to toast and act like they have been the best of friends since they were born.
the feelings that overwhelmed me as i watch how they snatch the wine bottles from me to "serve" those of higher authorities.
the amount of disgust that washed over me is as much as the vacuum which fills this universe - immense.
tay, nv forget that you are supposed to pull me back if i ever fall into the pits of such hypocrisy.

i hope i will never forget this:
i swear that i will never be a hypocrite and will stay true to myself for as long as i live.


i believe, life's greatest success is not how much money you earn or how much fame you gain, but how much you stay true to yourself till the end.