i have been giving myself all sorts of reasons to doll up myself that i haven't been appreciating how i look like at my worst.
yes now is probably my worst, minus the times when i think of ortao and my ahma and start bawling all over with my even redder nose and swollen eyes.
what happened happened.
and there is no going back.
i am just sitting on the floor in my living room on my yoga mat where i just did some crunches and air cycling and just some plain old workouts that i should probably do more except that it bores me and i find myself thinking of nonsensical things which bring me back here.
i find myself falling in love with make ups, and dressing up.
at times, i cannot be bothered, but there are also times when i just wanna dress nicely and when i do, i never feel comfortable in noticing that people notice me.
i am not very comfortable in my own skin.
i always need to ask for opinions after i am done dressing up, in the same old clothes but i would always ask, does this look okay?
is anyone else like me?
because i kind of have my tops and bottoms paired up and when i change the pairing, i feel so damn insecure, which is what i do all the time because i don't want to wear the same pairing all the time.
yup i have some issues with my body.
i have the tendencies to just keep staring at myself in the mirror, as if the more i look the more my reflection will conform into somebody else.
and i am not even sure if that somebody will even be me.
me me me me.
i am never the skinny girl.
probably because i dun do exercises and i tend to overestimate my appetite, overeating as a result.
i think that's a problem, overeating and not exercising.
and in the case where i dun exactly eat all the healthy food like fruits and vegetables, plus my irregular sleeping hours, i am genuinely starting to worry for my body.
because nowadays, all i do is to just laze around..
i should probably get out more, even just down to the supermarkets.
i probably should just erm walk around more, even in my own house.
i probably should practice some cooking and baking, just so i dun stare at electronic screens all day long.
do something healthy.
breathe some fresh air.
less laziness and procrastination.
yes that's what i need.
but you know what?
i am great at talking about all these, but bad at actually executing them.
because i would never do it, if i were to do it alone.
i would always wait for somebody to actually ask me to do it TGTHR.
yes i am super passive.....
okay idk.
i guess it all boils down to being happy and really comfortable in whatever i do and trust myself more and not others and then being really bubbly and healthy and just jump around and go everywhere more and put in more hearts in treating the people around me right.
okay and the crux in all these, i presume is to be grateful.
grateful grateful grateful.
grateful in whatever i have, and then i will be happier, and then i will gain confidence and thus feel more comfortable and trust myself more and then i will get more bubbly and cheerful and my body will respond to my happiness by becoming healthier and then i would feel all these energies surging through my body and then i would put in more efforts in doing something special for those special. :)
okay.
first up, i am grateful for my family.
i have a complete family, and that is something i ought to be really thankful for.
i have both my parents loving me and being by my side.
i am thankful to have two sisters who always have to bear the brunt of my temper and rants and do things for me because i kind of force them to and despite them fighting back a lot of the times i am thankful for the times which they tolerate and do things for me. :)
i am thankful that all 5 of us are healthy, and we are happy.
i am also thankful that my family starts to go downstairs to have meals tgthr instead of the just tabao back home for everyone so we can actually have family time.
i am also thankful to be able to talk to my family members more and bond more with them. :)
then, i am also thankful to have tay.
he who quarrels with me all the time but yet has to appease me no matter whose fault it is.
and i think we should both start to learn how to agree to disagree, so that we can just accept our differences instead of trying to solve them.
and thank you for always bearing me and my bad attitudes which sometimes even shock myself and yet you still never showed any hurt or bad temper towards me.
thank you for always buying food for me just because i am lazy and thank you for going all kinds of places with me.
i am very thankful for all the friends around me, all the people who always laugh with me, do silly things with me, talk about almost everything under the sun with me, exploring new places with me.
all the times when you listen to my rants, watch me cry, comforted and consoled me in your own ways, play with me, run around with me, lend me your shoulders your arms your everywhere hahaha hehehe i love you.
all the people i love muaks muaks. i am grateful for you and you and youuuuu! ^^
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