I'm a cheat.

had this random chat with tay while sitting around and waiting for our movie time tonight (or technically last night).
i think it has been really long since we last had a real talk.
i was telling him about how i have been feeling like all i do now is to survive, instead of living.
a better phrase in chinese is 得过且过.
and i feel like i have been cheating life, or rather myself.
i have been subconsciously telling myself that if i don't see it, time doesn't pass.
but it does.
it's almost the end of 2013 and i am not proud of myself so far at all.
all the big words i said at the start of this year, i doubt i have even achieved even 10% of them.
i have been just going around with the motions of life.
and i can't seem to discipline myself, or this is probably just an excuse again.
i love finding excuses for myself, one big fault of mine.
i need to fix myself.
but i won't and then time will pass again.
i don't even know what i am afraid of.
i just keep waiting for the time when i will miraculously be able to do everything and know everything, instead of learning or trying it out NOW.
NOW is the word.
do it NOW.
there is no better time than NOW.
but yet i just want to lie and mope around and do absolutely nothing at all.
oh great.
it starts tomorrow.
that's what i tell myself everyday.
fts it's 2am i can only start tml.
argh stop procrastinating.
okay goodbye.