memories in pictures.

Im developing an interest in taking pictures. Haha.

And I'm starting to make it a point to bring my camera out, ever since tay returned it to me after he got back from UK.

I wouldn't say I'm into photography as I can't see myself as taking those really beautiful pictures yet, but more of taking pictures of the beautiful people around me.

I wanna capture that kind of moments, that kind of mood that I or we are in.

Memories in pictures, and I guess this is going to be a lifelong kind of thing, regardless how long or short my life is gonna be. :)

I am at this point where I am realising how I should view every happy memory in the past in a positive way, instead of 'how I wish I could go back'.

I'm gonna be happy that all that happened to me, and I'm grateful to every single person no matter how good or bad they have treated me for all of you guys (or girls) led me to who I am now.

I am not a saint or someone with no flaws, but I have always been proud of myself to be able to stay true.

No matter how awkward or contradicting I am, I am quite very true.

Even though I can be real selfish sometimes lol.

And a mean asshole too hahahaha.

But thats okay.

I make myself face those feelings.

And I'm not gonna wish anymore.

I am gonna treasure the moment now, instead of the moments in the past.

Only now matters, for it creates the future which turns into your past.

Which means it is the moment now that creates everything in your life!!! Isn't that important??

So now imma go record some of the happy things that happened recently to feed my happiness monster~

Goodbye and good day to you!

friends.

Friends are friends, jiale, because they've discovered how much they have in common.

Opponents, adversaries, and foes are friends too, who have not yet discovered this. 

Your friend,
    The Universe

hahaha yes i copied adeline about this universe thing loll.
i just need more positive energy in my life when im failing to give myself some.
and i am kind of starting to have doubts about some of my friends like what the universe spelled.
but as i'm making new ones, i am realising the very basic reasons why we have friends all over again.
it's just a very simple thing.
we just enjoy each other's company.
it doesn't matter what you do for me and what i do to you.
as long as we are sincere in being good to each other, thats enough isn't it.
we argue about too many things in life, only to all just die in the end.
so let go let go let go.
smile at everyone.
no matter if you have discovered they are friends or not :) because they all are.

scaredy cat.

i am a scaredy cat.
a coward.
i think i have scolded myself this many many times in this blog.
slowly and sure, i am becoming more confident, or rather i am acting confident.
i want to be confident.
or rather, i just want to be really comfortable in my own skin, and not be afraid of what others might think.
and i guess i am moving towards that line more.
expressing myself more to people i just met even when i am a new person.
be more confident and comfortable.
if not now, then when?
go jiale go!

happy birthday tao.

my kor.
even though i never really called you that. haha.
only once or twice perhaps.
happy birthday tao zi.
xiao tao zi.
haha used to always call you that.
it's not exactly a 'happy' birthday but idk how else to wish you for your birthday.
almost 7months have passed, and i can still cry at whim.
this is probably becoming one of my minimal talents haha.
i will try really hard to keep my memories of you fresh, even if they hurt me.
i'm reading conan now, and you will know if you are watching me.
there was this one line which touched me, 'don't forget, if you forgot about him, then there will be no evidence of him ever lived.'
and i want to make your life worth it, so i am going to rmb every single little thing i can, and keep all those bad habits you gave me, as evidences and proof that you lived.
are you watching me as i am typing this?
i will be there tml, so wait for us okay.
though i would very much rather see you in person, hear your stupid retarded laughter and calling my name just to disturb me.


to the big brother who always doted on me, very very happy birthday, and wherever you are, i hope you are happy and doing well.
i love you so so so very much, and i miss you so much too.
i will wait patiently till the day we meet again.
till then, i will be missing you.

future.

planning for the future is really no mean feat.
for example, i have been researching on BTO and resale flats for the past hour or so?
and there's really tons of things that we have to know.
and there are so many choices!!
each choice comes with a different price of course.
and there will probably be a lot of things i need to calculate, since i don't wanna regret my decision in the future.
and it's not as if me and tay is getting married already.. -_-
i just.. wanna move out of my house asap.
if only i can buy a house on my own, right?
hahaha and i can probably rent but buying is so much better.
and looking at the choices, i am not sure if i wanna live in singapore at all.
tay's all in if i wanna emigrate anyway muahahahaha.
unless i stay in a private housing? or landed property?
but i don't want to have houses crowding around my house..
i want lots of spaceeeeeee.
i am in need of space, privacy.
i kept going in and out of my study room and imagine it to be my very own room.
so it will probably come true someday :)
either that or i will just move out before i go crazy.

pms.

a really bad mood today.
probably cause it's the first day of honghong knocking on my door.
DENG DENG DENG.
which means cramps came along.
DENG DENG DENG!!!!!!
wanted some retail therapy but i really bought like some clothes a few days back and i doubt my bank account can take it if i were to buy those shoes that i really like.
>:(
nvm i shall wait patiently for next month to come before i buy again.
or next week? hehe since i think mbs pays weekly keke.
and i am so gonna go for an office job next time.
feels so stressed just to ask for an off.
ask for one alr then idk if i can ask for another one for tay on the day he comes back.
should i just be brave and email? since it's just email hahahahaha.
she din even reply my previous email though.
ahh stressed!

i had an impulse earlier to cut my hair shorter than it originally was...
so now it became from this

to this

and i am already regretting it /cries

now i am wishing i have long luscious hair so i can like perm the ends just like naeun.

hahahahahahaha sorry i am in this period where my mood just changes at the speed of 1mile/ms.....

double meaning did you get that!? HAHAHAHA

okay lame seriously it doesn't deserve that much laughs.

whateverrr.

actually there is alot about my life that i can blog about loh. looking at the random photos in my phone hahaha and some events only had one.

i really dun take that much photos.....

i take more selcas hahaha.

which i doubt anyone wants to see except for tay since he hasn't been able to see my face haha.

okay i shall do up a proper update on my life probably tml or smthing.

i wanna go back to my wgm vids.

taemin naeun here i comeeee!!!

a lost phase.

i'm in a phase of losing myself,
which is making me desperate to grasp myself.
but i guess i am changing a little inside,
so what i should do is to try and understand myself all over again.
let me pretend, that i am a piece of white paper, as if i was still young.
i am going to start drawing myself all over again.
let me pick and mix some new bold colours to create a masterpiece of me.
i am starting anew.
i just need to adjust myself to adapt with my environment.
my dreams and goals just got tweaked.
i guess i kind of want something different.
told sebas and tay that i have been feeling this way,
and the advices they gave me is pretty much simple.
basically they are 'act how you'd like' and i suppose to do so even if i'm gonna act a little different from how i used to.
feeling disappointed about certain things long ago.
i guess greater expectations led me to a really bad fall.
and this bruised me so badly that i couldn't get over myself.
more time is what i need.
i have always been a talkative girl, but less words are going to come out of me.
and i will have to learn to get used to the silence coming from me, instead of trying too hard to think of conversation topics.
it's okay to just act like however i wanna be.
even if it's no longer the same.
i guess this is what they mean by changing.
on the other hand, i am not changing because i will still be acting out the truest me.
i have been getting too caught up in the circumstances i am in, and i need to speak out more.
i need to have my own stand more, and not get swayed by people around me.
i need more courage.
a lot more courage.
less about others, more about me.
be more self-centred, and it's okay, for your life is basically all about you,
who else can it be about anyway.
take it in your stride.
let's walk through this together.
jiale, you are not alone :)
you have people you can turn to, people who understand you so well,
people like tay sebas adeline.
new start new start.
white paper white paper.
you are a brand new piece of white paper, or just transparent if you really want it to be colourless.
haha you can be anybody you wanna be.
it's not trying to act like somebody else, it's just trying to be you, the real you that you want to blossom into.
you go girl!