a lost phase.

i'm in a phase of losing myself,
which is making me desperate to grasp myself.
but i guess i am changing a little inside,
so what i should do is to try and understand myself all over again.
let me pretend, that i am a piece of white paper, as if i was still young.
i am going to start drawing myself all over again.
let me pick and mix some new bold colours to create a masterpiece of me.
i am starting anew.
i just need to adjust myself to adapt with my environment.
my dreams and goals just got tweaked.
i guess i kind of want something different.
told sebas and tay that i have been feeling this way,
and the advices they gave me is pretty much simple.
basically they are 'act how you'd like' and i suppose to do so even if i'm gonna act a little different from how i used to.
feeling disappointed about certain things long ago.
i guess greater expectations led me to a really bad fall.
and this bruised me so badly that i couldn't get over myself.
more time is what i need.
i have always been a talkative girl, but less words are going to come out of me.
and i will have to learn to get used to the silence coming from me, instead of trying too hard to think of conversation topics.
it's okay to just act like however i wanna be.
even if it's no longer the same.
i guess this is what they mean by changing.
on the other hand, i am not changing because i will still be acting out the truest me.
i have been getting too caught up in the circumstances i am in, and i need to speak out more.
i need to have my own stand more, and not get swayed by people around me.
i need more courage.
a lot more courage.
less about others, more about me.
be more self-centred, and it's okay, for your life is basically all about you,
who else can it be about anyway.
take it in your stride.
let's walk through this together.
jiale, you are not alone :)
you have people you can turn to, people who understand you so well,
people like tay sebas adeline.
new start new start.
white paper white paper.
you are a brand new piece of white paper, or just transparent if you really want it to be colourless.
haha you can be anybody you wanna be.
it's not trying to act like somebody else, it's just trying to be you, the real you that you want to blossom into.
you go girl!