Me, a year ago.

and so, recently i received this postcard from me, the me that is turning 20 but not yet.
yes, it was the me from a year ago, in china lol.
she sent me this postcard to wish me a happy birthday.

and sadly, i received it earlier though i calculated the time so that i would receive the card exactly on my birthday. failll.

i have long forgotten what i wrote in it.
i encouraged myself a lot, wanting to make sure that i am on a path that i want to be on.
i am still not a confident and beautiful woman, sad to say.
but i am working hard towards it now, at the very least.
i am sorry that i am not as happy as you wanted me to be and i let your hopes down.
i will not stop trying, and i know i am.
you are really happier than me, and i feel guilty for that, because you hoped that i would be so much more happier than you.
one year, not a long nor short time, but the things that happened really tested me.
i am sorry that i faltered after you passed.
i will remember to think of good and positive thoughts, and do them too,
for the past me resulted in the present me and the present me will result in the future me.
we, no, i will do better. :)
the jiale who is 19 years old, give me strength to this girl who is turning 21 would you?
i know you would. :)
i love you.