so i'm now officially 20,

and many have celebrated my bday with me. <3
and i'm gonna celebrate it again with sebas tml hahaha.
but i never felt like i was actually celebrating my bday? just no feel okay. no feel.
i actually missed those times when i celebrate at my ahma hse with the aunties giving me angpaos.
or times when i celebrate at home happily instead of like RUSHING to blow candles and cut cake before 12mn reaches cause everyone went out during the day and i have to WAIT for everyone to arrive home.
sucks big time...... i wanna cry sdnly........

actually i hate it so much that people ask me to plan? ask me to decide?
i know it's my bday and i'm supposed to like choose what i'd like to do.
BUT HELLOOOO, it's my bday and you want me to stress about what to do???
i prefer it to be like 'okay jiale you just need to go according to our plan' and i still enjoy my day all the same.
it doesn't have to be like complicated????
it can be just like planning where to eat (I GOT SO PICKY MEH? ANYWHERE AS LONG AS THE FOOD IS GOOD LAH FUCK okay kind of pissed lol) and catching a movie (ANY MOVIE LAH AS LONG AS I NEVER WATCH BEFORE CAN LIAO LOH VERY DIFFICULT TO PLAN MEH).
because i am someone who hates trouble.
so why you wanna give me trouble by asking me to plan and then i have to coordinate with everyone else cause im the one planning ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY.

okay i am not complaining about this year's bday celebrations but it's just something that accumulated sorry that i have to scream here because i JUST FUCKING NEED TO WALAO EH.
i absolutely hate to plan but people just LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to ask me to plan.
EVERYTHING ALSO 'YOU PLAN LOH YOU ASK LOH' WHATTT i look like a fucking organizer to you or what? i also dun open an events company right. -_-

if you ask me if i wanna go out, dun come and tell me 'up to you i anything de' then i also can reply you the same thing what. -_-
YOU are the one who wanna go out. IF I ASK YOU OUT THEN I PLAN LAH. fair fair??????
not just saying one particular person but im currently shooting THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.
lazy then dun go out loh. want go out then say you want to go where. just wanna go somewhere then just go sleep okay. dun come bother and irritate others. thanks ah thanks.

but thank god that for you guys.......

RT @XSTROLOGY: #Aries have a short fuse; great thing about that is they will not prolong a fight. They need 30 secs to reset as if nothing ever happened.

although my anger comes quickly it goes off as quickly too. thank god for you guys okay.
just dun come irritate me more or you will hate me. like seriously.
seldom people see me being really angry.
arguing/complaining/keeping silent is not the REAL ANGRY ME.
wait till you see me scream. NOT EVEN SHOUT OKAY. REALLY SCREAMING THE ANGRY WORDS I WANNA SAY.
tay experienced it once LOL and my family ten million times. okay and the last person who saw me in that hysterical mode before would be my first.
SOOOOOOOO you haven seen the real scary jiale yet. hahahahaha. thats a bipolar kid for you yo.



OKAYYYY but this is not what i want to talk about how i am officially 20 now. -_-

but more of like about life.
i have a pretty much ruined past which i'm currently trying to compensate for now.
and i'm REALLLLLL glad that i am talking to a friend whose friendship i prev screwed up cause of the main person who caused me to screw up my life.
even up till now, i'm still trying to fix myself.
i'm still trying to make myself not so insecure, to trust more and everything.
i literally force myself to trust. :(
smtimes i give in, give in to temptations and desires and everything that i told myself not to do. and i feel so so so ashamed of myself. nobody knows and nobody understands.
if i tell people, people will think 'if you are so ashamed, then why do it?' but.......... seeee i told you you wun understand, i just dunoe how to put it in words.
i hate how i try scramble around in my vocab to describe how i feel and then i stumble over my words. i feel dumb. extremely dumb. reasons why i prefer writing. cause i can think through how i put my message across without people misunderstanding me.
but if i dun talk, people cant understand. forever a dilemma in my life.

tbh, me hoping for people to praise me and think that im amazing is not even cause that im insecure or have a lack in self-confidence, the very plain and basic reason is that i'm so shameful of myself. i can't even look in the mirror anymore and think that i'm pretty or even just plainly 'i look good'.
all i see about myself is all my flaws.
i think i need to be with people who only see my strengths so that i can pretend i dun have any flaws and be happier.
honestly? i hate people laughing at me. sorry if my ego makes you feel bewildered but hey, that's me.

life's passing wayyy too fast for me to register any memory into my brain and i feel like whatever that is imprinted deeply in my mind are all the hurtful memories from before. :/
i cant even rmb much about the happy ones.
please not let me have any miserable ones anymore. please.

time check: 12.26am and i really ought to go bathe.
goodbye.

boingboingboing~

HI I AM A PICTURE IN FB NOT A VIRUS LINK SO CLICK ON ME!

GO TAKE A LOOK AT THE PHOTO ABOVE!
it's in chinese though. D:


okay btw i am a UU girl~~~~
translations as follows:

CHARACTER:

A heroine who acts on intuitions, passionate and attractive, will uncontrollably laugh or cry like mad suddenly but it all comes from the heart, thus very likable among friends. Their shopping loots are bought totally based on feelings, and they would still feel like buying something even if it's not practical or if they already have something similar.

LOVE:

Prioritizes love and its purity, their actions are decided by their own psychological thinking and would not consider from the other party or a third party's point of view. if they like that person, they would be happy like a bird for the whole day, and if they suspect that the other party cheats on them, they will cry like there's no tomorrow, BUT THEY HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART EASILY.

bold-ed what i want tay to read so that he will be SO SO SO SO afraid of losing me and will grab me and cry and say 'jiale dun leave' HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.
okay i shall stop daydreaming and go batheeeeeee.
TML'S USS DAY :D:D:D



i have been really happy this past week, no matter what. thanks to everyone who played a part in it. i love you guys. <3

you're amazing lee jiale! don't let anyone tell you otherwise. we're all amazing in our own ways. making fun of ourselves by being retarded is not a crime or something to look down on! you're more matured and insightful then i've known you'll be! cher

:') thanks beloved cherrrrylll!! <3 you are amazing tooo. feel so loved <3 love you so muchh!! ^^

hello! what do you want to say?

it's like

Noone ever found me amazing.
It's like to everyone im a retard.
If you really truly think that way, think ten more times if you truly know me.
I merely think differently from everyone else. My ideas are not dumb. Neither am i.

Reasons why i really appreciate the person who said i will become a great lady. Cause noone nv ever said that to me. All everyone says is that im a retard. Im so sorry but it's true. Noone ever said i am a great person with amazing thoughts. Fuck shld i even expect ppl to think this way of me? At the very least i expected you to think that way. I expected that you, out of all those people, would see pass the superficial topmost layer and see the me who is trying to be the best and you would hug me and say im the most amazing person in this world. Because it's you and thats why i expected all these. But yet you are like everyone else, are you? Please tell me you are not and stop these tears from falling. You are the only fucking one who can sway my emotions so fucking much. Hurts so much. This wkend sucks.

everyone can condemn me and my thoughts and ideas, except for you.
is it wrong to have an exceptionally higher expectations from you?
but it's you.
you are not supposed to find me annoying/irritating/stupid/dumb.
you are just not supposed to.
can't you see that i have my mature side too?
can't you see that i am trying my best too?
i just cannot take it that you are seeing me as who everyone is seeing me as too.
i just can't.
you are not supposed to treat me the same way.
you are not.
i wonder how long i can go on taking this.
i wonder.

i know how you feel i know how you think.
i just want you to show it more.
sorry that i'm such a superficial person.
and the very least i can do is to be honest and upfront about it.





reasons why i have idols:
they never hurt me and yet never fail to make me smile.
but fuck they will never be able to replace you.

one whole month since i got back,

many things that i have did since i came back HAHA.

okay for now, i'm working as a temp admin staff at great eastern hehh.

and the contract will end in june keke.

okayyy. so had a chalet and bbq on like 21 mar and 22mar with my girls which i dun have any pics. HAHA.

played bowling too! and i got the lowest score /CRIES

and i can only score with the ugliest pose everrrrr. :(:(

watched hunger games too and okayyy it wasnt too bad but i'm sure the book is so much so better.

will probably read it aft finishing my dan brown's da vinci and the book on emotional intelligence with xiaogu just lent me. hehh.

went bball toooo hehehe miss those times playing bball :')

okayyy soooo here are just spams of pics i'm too lazy to type alr cause it will be such a loooong update hehh.

dinner with the girls on 7march! sorry i'm super lazy to put everything into collages hahahaha.

the first day working at iffs kekekekeke.

great icecream i loikeeeee!! ^^

hehe one month after our anniversary~~ ^^

felt super loved aft reading your organizer you dun even know hehe <3

and i loved the dinner! despite you are the one who ate most of the lobster HAHA.

i love youu! ^^

one day when we went to sing k. HAHA forever retarded us. and the super camwhore us says hi to everyone~~~

camwhored one day aft work. sorry i just felt the need to post all the photos i have right now HAHA. too lazy to sort them outttt.

hehe my current fave dress ^^ and the noodles i bought from the auntie whom i made friends with at maxwell. heh hehh.

and LOOK AT THE FIRST PIC!! it is taken in my office's toilet and we have THAT BIG A WINDOW there. hahahaha. chio view right!?!?

too bad i dun have that kind of view in front of my table. :( sigh.

was literally spamming at the end. and the first photo was what i took to 'threaten' them on WA HAHAHA.

and they said it was scary. scary mehhh. i think i look ohsocute with the chicken wing in my mouth HAHAHAHA.

AND WALAO THE LAST PHOTO PLEASE SPOT CHERYLLLL!!!! FREAKY MAX. D:

arvin's bday celebration!! whoop whoop!
birthday boy took so freaking alot of photos of me thanks ah.
i dun even know until i started putting these photos in my comp....
stay happy and retarded foreverrr!! (it's his bday today~~ happy april fools' day toooo!!)

a lunch with jiejie and xiaogu kekeke.
and a sort of bday celebration for me~~ ^^
look at my bday present!! ^^



sigh i hate april even though because it's my bday month.