my precious girl.

there is so much on my mind right now. there is so much i wanna say. so much so that i dunoe where to start.
as stated clearly. this post is about my precious girl. my cousin. my jiejie.

couldnt really see you today. could only see you from outside the room. was afraid to agitate you in any way.
i want you to get better asap. i want your critical period to be over asap. i want you out of the ICU asap.
i could only see your side view. but it's enough. you are still there. still my dearest jiejie.
looking at you, i feel like hugging you so much.
then i would cry so hard and you would hug me back and pat me and tell me it's alright.
you will right?
promise me you will.
we have so many dreams together which are unfulfilled.
please dun leave me alone to fulfill them.
you know how i hate to be alone.
while me and xiaogu (your ahyi) were sitting outside the ICU, we talked about you. how stubborn you are, how bad tempered you are.
and if you were just lying there you confirm would demand to know what happened and would want to get up immediately. we smiled at the knowledge but eventually tears just came to our eyes.
so many people are crying for you.
so many people are worried about you.
alot of my friends are praying for you.
and im sure your own friends are praying for you too.
so dun let us down and recover soon!
did you know when xiaogu told me that your condition worsened my heart literally dropped. and a moment passed before i quickly asked her the details.
every now and then i would think of your face, and this ache would come creeping all over me. which cause me to be unable to think straight and all i can do is cry.
you know how useless i feel? like there is nothing i can do or say to make you feel better again.
i can only keep praying. praying nonstop. to the sky to the stars to the gods. pray to every single gods which i know of.
memories of you and me just keep flowing back. and they are nonstop.
i rmb the grey bear which you love the most.
i rmb that you love hello kitty and i bought you a watch once.
i rmb how you would tell me that the prata shop was famous just cause you think that it's nice.
i rmb how you would go down and tabao food up for me to eat.
i rmb how we went downstairs and agreed to go separate ways to be alone for awhile and clear our minds before meeting each other again and i was worried cause you werent back after awhile.
i rmb you making the milo for me which you added chocs into and i would say that it's the best milo ever.
i rmb us staring into blank space together when we were supposed to study.
i rmb us hugging and crying on each other when we were feeling down.
i rmb us going to rollerblade together and how i would feel amazed at you being able to rollerblade downslope when i had to hold your hands throughout.
i rmb us cycling super fast in ecp with our 'kaceng' CYA aka chia yan an.
i rmb when you and CYA found out that i was trying to matchmake the both of you and the things that you both said to me HAHAHA.
i rmb when you and CYA acted like my big bro and sis while i put my head on the table and acted like a p6 kid though i was alr sec 2 just so that the three of us can see how an ajisen kiddy meal looks like in real life.
i rmb how you and i would act like we are the biggest princesses by using ahma's prettiest and biggest blanket to put on ourselves like we are from the old china dynasties.
i rmb how every morning we would prepare to go to school tgthr and i would go find you after my school to go back to your home tgthr.
i rmb how i would go to your sec sch to find you and you will buy me the specialties from your school's canteen to eat.
i rmb how you would tell ALL your friends that im your real sister and they would believe us and say that we look alike.
i rmb that time when the both of us exchanged our school uniforms and started taking photos like nobody's business.
i rmb the time when we drew up the 'blueprint' of our dream house which included every single floor.
i rmb how you are able to guess what i am thinking.
i rmb how you would try and teach me on your piano.
i rmb how you would lend me to use your laptop.
i rmb how you taught me to write pretty letterings.
i rmb how i would hook your arm everywhere we go.
so many things.
so many memories.
so much more which i did not list out.
so much more that we have yet to create.
you HAVE to be alright.
you just have to.
you haven see me getting a boyfriend and eventually a husband and then many kids.
i haven gone to your wedding and be your maid of honour.
jiejie i love you so much.
you have to stay strong for me.
please.
and dagu and uncle.
and ahma and xiaogu.
and ben lee.
and ahhong and isaac.
and so many more.
please jiejie.
i need news of you getting better. not deteriorating.
i love you. :)