today has been nothing but positivity and contentment.
I wonder if it was the clicking of my kitten heels which boosted my confidence,
or the nice random strangers I have met today,
or my very cheerful and bubbly colleagues,
or me taking my work with even more seriousness,
or my trying to be helpful and kind towards others,
or my talking to the stranger couple about the one-for-one starbucks today, tml, and the day after,
or watching the inspiring movie 'theory of everything',
or walking in random stores looking at all the cute soft toys and random things,
or that cooling breeze that played with my hair and skirt.
today has been almost the most perfect concoction.
I am glad I have you and everyone else.
My heart is at ease, with utmost gratitude.
Thank you, world, and whoever is looking out for me there.
This moment, is indeed a beautiful present.

HI Y'ALL!

I know whenever I come here it's almost always not something good lol.

BUT TODAY! I'm gonna share something really cute!!

It's kind of retarded because it happened to me like last year end.

yep for like over a month plus alr hahaha.

so it goes like this,

I was on the train heading somewhere after school, probably town.

then there was this couple beside me.

the husband have the kind of beng tatts on his back.

then in my heart, honestly, i stereotyped them as lian and beng lol.

but then as i just continued to secretly people-watch them by staring straight ahead but actually paying full attention to their conversation, i started to change my mind.

and i actually don't mean to eavesdrop lah i mean they were beside me but slightly in front of me due to their baby pram.

AH SDNLY I RMB! I was omw to bugis to meet my girls and it was xueli's bday that day! hahaha.

okay so anyway, they were super lovey-dovey and it's not in the ew kind of way but the awwww kind. lolol.

they were talking about their baby almost the whole time hahahaha.

talking about how cute the baby is then the husband asked the wife if she is cold then hands her a shawl or jacket I can't rmb which.

then they discuss about which photos of their baby they haven't send each other yet.

then they both coo their baby together and smile at each other.

they even discuss which photo is best for their phone wallpaper and lock screen lol.

and they coincidentally picked the same ones and yes they are using couple phones.

and then as I was thinking how happy this baby would be as he grows up and how loving this family is and how I hoped my future family would be like this, the wife talked to me.

I was holding onto the pole and she told me that my xmas nails was very cute. hahahaha.

and then I said thank you and showed her the nails and told her where I got it done at what price.

before I can tell her more, I reached bugis and had to alight.

so we said goodbye and it was a really brief chat with a very nice stranger with a very loving family.

I'm actually glad she talked to me too, for some reason hahahaha.

but it was nevertheless a happy incident and I'm glad to know that there is such loving family in this world.

ps: i dont actually see beng/lian as people who are not good, in fact, to me, they are very real people. people who are not afraid to be who they are despite they might be a little insecure inside.

because tao was a beng, lol, and i still love him to bits nevertheless.

he had lots of tatts too, but i loved them, not in the artsy way because i still cannot understand and really cringe when i see how red his skin gets, but whenever he describes his tatts to me, about how this is a cave and here is the dragon and how much he dislikes this part of the tatts and plans to cover it up with something else, i love the way he lights up as he talks about it animatedly.

when i close my eyes, or even as they are opened right now, i can see him right there in front of me, smiling ever so widely.

i still rmb those days when i can hold your hands ever so naturally and pinch your cheeks.

and laugh at the mole on your face saying that it's a fly lol.

you were one of the few that i would really do almost anything, just because you said it, no matter how tired or lazy i was, i'd do it just because you said you wanted it.

oh sigh getting emotional again cause it's almost cny i guess.

another festival passing through without you being there with us.

feels so weird because now i dun have you to bother and disturb.

grr and this was supposed to be a happy post. hahaha.

okay that's all! toodles people!

Here I am, sitting at my office desk dreaming of a solo trip.
I am kind of afraid what might happen if I venture out alone in terms of my security and all but then again I am really excited at the thought of a trip like this.
I can wake up and sleep at my own timing, go sit at an outdoor cafe or by the street watching as the locals bustle around their daily life.
Go on some hiking trips and get awed by the beautiful scenery brought by the nature.
Get immersed into their culture.
Try all sorts of cuisine but hopefully not weird ones lol.
I wonder when will I start this kind of lifestyle.
I wonder when will I get enough courage to get this stirred up.

i have always thought, as transparent as i try my hardest to be, it is still very difficult to get people to fully understand me.
but that is to be expected, as they are, after all, not me.
at times like this, perhaps i should stop trying so hard to get others to see things the way i do,
but just let go and recognize this fact - that we are all alone.
it's okay to be alone, i'm not saying it's not.
being alone does not equate to being lonely.
humans need to learn how to be alone, how to come to terms with yourself, how to hang out with yourself.
if you can't even do that with yourself, then how do you expect others to do the same?
there is far too much clutter around my space that i'm gonna clear out soon.
i'll probably throw them away, and throw away the things that remind me of certain memories that i might otherwise forget.
but so be it, if i dun rmb them, then they are meant to be forgotten anyway.
i will be okay, with myself, then i ever will be.
that's okay.
i'm okay.
for now, i'm going down so i can go up.

i am my own best and worst friend.

i know myself best, even when i dk how to describe it at all, which is like most of the time.
i am awkward, a lot, and i try my very best to embrace the awkwardness, only to fail awkwardly.
i try my best to love me, because if i don't, then who will?
i try to stay true, not good, but true, and well, sometimes good too.
i say horrible things, and mean ones too, and i hope that i can curb this side of me more in this coming new year, tho i can be really asshole at times when i really want to lol.
i will smile even more, laugh even louder tho it is already too loud, and stay happy as much as i can.
i will make serious decisions, and be firm on them.
i will explore and experience more, and find out what i want and not want.
i will do more of what i love instead of procrastinating and being lazy about it lol.
i will try my best to worry less.
and also, i will stick to my resolutions i wrote for this year.
let's hope i not forget it haha.
as what i always say, JIAYOU JIALE! hehe.