okay breathe jiale breathe.
stop overthinking stop pondering.
we'll just take things at our own pace okay.
so we're gonna enjoy everyth that comes our way.
positive mindset girl!
smile more smile more.
you are being okay.
things are just gonna fall into place as you go through them one by one.
good things are coming your way.
look forward ahead smiling okay.
get rid of that anxiety thought.
you are the one who can make you the happiest.
take deep breaths. yep. dun you feel better already?
okay let's restart and go!

Cried like mad in the shower thinking of you.
xueli jiejie is holding a durian party this sat you know.
how I wish you'll be there to eat w us.
how I wish I can hear you call my name.
how are you doing now?
I'm feeling so lonely sdnly.
read comics about 青梅竹马 lol but those are more of childhood sweethearts lah that's more of different but I always felt a special bond w you for some reason.
and it's probably cause of this special bond that you are just irreplaceable to me.
orkor. Rmb I tried calling you that. Lol. Korrr. But I always revert back to calling taooo ahtaoo xiaotaoziiii taaootaaaooo.
sdnly feeling so lonely.
I really dw christmas to come all of a sudden.
Idw this year to end and start another year without you.
I dw to sdnly come to where 10 years have passed and I'm sitting there reminiscing you and letting you become this very long ago memory.
I refuse I refuse.
if I cry enough would you come back?
Why am I still believing that we'll meet again someday?
Tao. This is really your biggest prank yet.
不要玩了回来了好不好?

christmas season is round the corner,

supposedly, " 'tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la la", but recently I'm probably feeling more of " 'tis the season to be crying bwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa"
probably there are just some things you will never get over, probably there are some people you will never move on from, there are just some people who will always hold that certain special spot in your heart.
i know, i know.
i should not be feeling all miserable and weepy in this 'festive season'.. so I've been making attempts to cheer myself up, organizing or asking people to organize stuffs happening around the date, hopefully to distract me.
even though every time I read/watch someth vaguely related to losing someone important or a family member.... *cues bwa wa wa wa wa*
i will just have to accept that this crybaby me (I alr was one, but now I got even worse lol) is here to stay for good.
I remember that night, we ordered the xmas special from pizza hut as a xmas treat; so now, every time I see the pizza hut's xmas pizza, I feel so very terrible inside.
It's like reminding me what happened that night.
I think I'd never be able to eat pizzas on xmas eve/xmas ever again lol.
I feel so tired, and I should probably go to bed.
I still miss you terribly, forever and always.

There are some things that I can never really figure it out.
or perhaps I'm just afraid of the unknown if I put everyth out in the light.
Smtimes I'm just hoping that things will fall into place without me doing anyth but I should probably put in some effort tho..
sigh the fear that this uncertainty creates is great indeed.