I didn't used to be someone who speak my mind that often, I mean like years ago, probably when I was in secondary school?

I then admired those who did, and aimed to become like them, and then I started saying too much.

Now, I'm retreating back to the past, as I started backspacing all that I wanna say, or just replace it with a much shorter sentence/question that has no relation to the topic I was gonna start on earlier.

Is this good, or not?

When I start to not tell you anything, I start to over-think what I should say or not..

Maybe it's a sign of me becoming older, a little more mature and wiser.

Or is it the start of the construction of a barrier between you and me?

Am I no longer comfortable to 'speak out my mind'?

Am I starting to bite my own tongue every time I thought of something to say?

Is it me becoming more considerate towards the feelings of the people around me?

Or is it just this impression that I get that whatever I say/do does not really matter anyway, and it will only incur the wrath or annoyance from people, from you?

Am I starting to admire those who spoke their mind, for I am no longer one of them?

I hope no matter what happens, I will be able to stay true to myself, and not care about pleasing people over losing myself as much as the younger me once did.

What am I doing here when I am only halfway through my notes?

Perhaps, I was just hoping that you would understand me all along, without me needing to say anything.

Hoping that before I said anything, you would turn around and tell me it's okay, you could tell what I was thinking from my expression, my tiny little awkward movement.

On the other hand, I know I should be contented, for not everyone can understand me as well as I hope they would; and there already a few around me who understands my eye contact, the 'YAYAYAs' (not papaya lol) and 'IKR' as we get onto the same page, the reminders of how similar we are. :)

okay I feel much better after some consolation by myself LOL okay back to the evil strategy module!!!!