Shock of the Fall. (edited)

i just started reading this book about 12pm today,
and idk how far i read because i'm reading it online and it doesn't tell me the pages. it just goes like a long scroll.
it's actually talking about this boy, written in his own point of view, of how he became mentally ill after his older brother's death, which is directly or indirectly caused by him.
and it is a little bit scary to look into this world, from his point of view.
how he sees his dead brother and hears him through objects and everything.
and then somehow sometimes i can relate.
maybe he is not as crazy as people think he is.
there is a clear lack of emotions in the words as the 'boy' tells his story, but yet i teared.
maybe because i can relate.
i don't think i am mentally ill, but i understand.
maybe i need to pick myself up to get on with life again.

in the book, there is this line that talks about how i feel sometimes, esp when my birthday is coming yet again..
'I felt guilty for getting older, for leaving him behind;'

Now, i share the same age as you, as we sometimes do even tho you are technically a year older, since my birthday comes before yours.
i am going to grow older, older than you.
it's a little unfair that you are staying at the age you are now, you know?
aren't you supposed to always be older than me?
i am tearing now again.
i should get back to the book.
or i should probably study for my exam..
you know i love you right?
i miss you so terribly now..


-edits-
okay i have finished the book, and it's actually the first book by this author.
and he really wrote it beautifully that i was inclined to think that this is a true story of someone, and maybe it is.
but it doesn't really matter.
and the feeling of being lost that everyone feels is depicted beautifully.
thumbs up. heh.
now i shall dry my tears and get on with studying. haha.

I need to accept how I am feeling now so I can move on.
Recognise it and let go.

GOODBYE FEB.

erm, i can say goodbye to feb cause it's alr over like about 20days ago right hahaha.

okay let me finish this post on feb before mar ends and i did not post anyth 'tml' like i said i did cause i was too caught up in 'you who come from the stars' hehehe.

do min joon is mineeeeeeeeeeee!
xueli said i am crazy for finishing it in 4 days hehehe but at least i din watch it nonstop okay. or else i would have finished it in two days HAHA.

okay i will save the proclaimation of my love for him in another post lolol i am having severe withdrawals now and i am persuading my sis to watch it so i can rewatch with her! smart or what EHEHEHE.

okay let's rewind the time back to feb...........

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03 Feb 2014

went to ade's hse for some cny visiting!!

but.... we din really take a grp photo.. hahahaha

so tada~ where cheryl and me are not in the pic LOL.

but it was great times gambling and playing taboo and charades hehehe.

oh and we had fun playing w easy too hehehe tho i dun think she had much fun w us hahahaha.

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08 Feb 2014

another cny visiting but this time with my cool kids hahahaha.

went around to all four houses, from shaun's to jervis' to mine to myrna's.

cannot believe we actually gambled for like 7 hours hahahahaha.

all those card games like banluck and what in between and what potluck or smth like that and mahjong.

crazy much HAHA.

our chui look aft everyth HAHA.

regret not taking right at the start where we look so fresh hahah.

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11 Feb 2014

OUR THIRD YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

it's been three years, and too much happened in between.

i will be grateful no matter what. ^^

too much to say too hard to say.

you know i know, muaks!

so we had school earlier and so we agreed to meet at plazasing~

and i had a free ticket and it was a tuesday so BASICALLY WE ONLY SPENT $6.50 FOR A MOVIE HEHEHEHE. 

because for members, it's $6.50/tix at gv HEHEHE.

i love free and cheap things :D

then we got the tix and went back to plazasing manhattan fish market where it all started lolll.

 and i found this really cute box on the table!

so, you are supposed to put allll your phones inside the box hehe.

finished the food which i din take a picture of and then the waiter appeared with this cake, which was all too similar to what happened exactly 3 years ago. hehe.

the cake was from the same shop and i have to say, their cakes are really awesome!

he was trying to do some award presenting thing lol.

hehehe thank you for the lovely surprise, and i certainly hope we will manage to finish trying alllll their cakes in the future tgthr HEHE.

tho it was really crazy trying to finish the cake between us aft feeling super full from dinner hahaha.

and then we went to watch LEGOS!!

it was SOOOOO cute and funny.

and my fave song was of course 'EVERYTHING IS AWESOME~'

hahahahahah okay the batman song wasn't too bad too. LOL.

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14 Feb 2014

hehe and it's valentines day!

so near to our anniversary lah.

so basically i wasn't expecting much.

reached mbs much earlier than him cause he had to go to the airshow w his school.

waited at the lobby at artscience museum and chitchatted w joohong and maureen hehe.

hmmm, so i was waiting at the lobby which was basically made of glass walls and then i see someone holding onto a bouquet of flowers and the wind was so strong and he was trying to tidy up the bouquet and then he walks to the museum and quickly hid the bouquet behind his back and caught me looking at him and smiled to me.

LOL i saw the flowers!!

so surprised because i never really expected any flowers from him cause to me buying flowers are like throwing water into the sea cause they dun last but okay i guess i now know why girls love it hahaha.

and he din actually buy it but he got it from his uncle since he comes from a family selling flowers hahaha.

so very good! no money spent! :D

and he got it cause i briefly mentioned about a lot of my friends getting flowers from their bfs on christmas hahahaha.

more hearts for you!! 

i love my braided fringe that day hahaha.

and here's the bouquet w the little bear hehehe.

oh we went to visit the dinosaur exhibition going on at the artscience museum now!

heh it's really quite cool leh.

and it's not just dinosaurs, it is about how life evolved on Earth!!!

and the greatest thing i learnt that experts believe that there are still dinosaurs in this world and we see/hear them almost everyday!!!

CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IS IT!? 

NOPE NOT HUMAN BEINGS!

NOT DOGS EITHER!

NOT CATS!

THEY AREEEEEE.... drum rolls pleaseee..... b-i-r-d-s.

yes you got that right hehehe.

okay anyw we really took a lot of photos at the dino exhibition hahahahaha.

he fell in love w the dino hahahaha.

it's a baby dino!! okay baby dino skeleton hahaha.

the only couple pic taken w another dino couple behind us by kehkeh hehe thankyou!!

i took his hand in marriage hahaha.

sibei cool this dino got blood and saliva on his teeth super real so i put on my evil-est face ever hahaha.

erm smile until so happy.. at least act pain or what right!? -_- hahahahah

see!! this girl head kena bitten act until so real. /shaking my head

tay yin ji you need to learn from her lah.

LOL i asked him to act like the small dino beside him if you can see it.

this place is super dark and we were't allowed to use flash so... D:

but we were actually on a platform and behind us was a SUPER BIG dino skeleton!!!

erm dun ask me which dino i really cannot rmb hahahaha.

it was the biggest dino if i nv rmb wrongly.

OHH I RMB ALR it's the herbivore dinosaur you always see on tv. YOU KNOW!?

the very standard herbivore dinosaur. YA THAT ONE. hahahaha.

we walked down the platform and took these photos next to it.

the length of his head is more than half of my height can you tell!?

super scary red tunnel hahaha.

can you see my teeth and tell what is my diet? HAHAHA.

yes i am a carnivore.

my fave head is at the back if you can spot it hehe.

clearer shot?

super cool projected dino on the cool air from the aircon.

almost froze to death when i walked thru it.

the photo i took by almost lying flat on the ground......

ermmmm. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

left a little memo hehe.

and HERE IS TREX!

some random head hahaha.

okay we were done with our dino journey and headed over to the standing sushi bar for some sushiiii!

tay's salmon sashimi.

aiya shld go on mon or thur for some $3 sashimi!!

SUPER SOFT PORK!

fml i am hungry again.....

MY MENTAIKO PASTA!

back home for some photo taking hehe.

post one only i think most photos are with my mum.. 

she insisted on taking with her phone.

dk why she wants our photos hahahah.

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15 Feb 2014

so, we went to celebrate ahyi's bday!

had dinner at jalan kayu's le steak!

okay lah not too bad hehh.

they all came to my home, which was the nearest, for some icecream, chips and movie session hehe.

on the bus on the way to khatib:

lolol take a look at the sign beside the seats!

RANDOM PHOTOS:

hehehe love these girls muaks!

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28 Feb 2014
went to E2 with DA COOL KIDS hahahaha.
wanted to go st games and playnation but because of jervis' late bookout they were all closed/closing :(
sad us went to E2 at cine to plaaayyyy.

some snippets of engrossed us by myrna lam:

and then, i noticed.. LOL

then when we went off, we wanted to take pictures with mr peabody and sherman!! :D :D :D :D

eeee er jervis who blocked penny's face hahahaha.

AND I JUST REALISED THAT MR PEABODY IS CUT OFF FROM THIS PIC D:

myrna and me on a ride with them on their time machine hehehe.

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okay that pretty much sums up my feb...
lesser things cause i had prelims hahaha.
anddddd now, i am supposed to study for my finals...
argh unproductive day AGAIN.
i need to be more disciplined....
PLEASE ASK ME OUT TO STUDY WITH YOU THANK YOU VERY MUCH.