so i really shouldn't be here..
did my assignment halfway when i realised that i am on the wrong page and had to restart..
okay can...
it's just one qns and in exams, i'm required to finish one qns in like 45mins but now i've spent hours just trying to finish it...
oh well..
argh.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Thursday, November 28, 2013
V.O.S's You're Just In A Higher Place
this vid seems long but i made it start at the performance so no worries as you hit that play button.
i wanted this subbed version because the lyrics simply described how I felt this past whole year, even tho I am still crying.. and I just couldn't find any other subbed vid of this :/
their voices which touched me together with the lyrics is just.. indescribable..
My dearests, you're just in a higher place than me, and I do look up at the sky alot now, believing that you are here with me, just as the lyrics said.
I know that I can't see you again, I know that it was your last breath, but I'm still wandering around looking for you, you're not here anymore..
I know I am just repeating the lyrics.. but it just touched so close to home..
The only difference is that I am still crying, and I'll wait for the day that I stop crying and stop feeling sad..
I want to feel happy for I can smile beautifully for you in our next lives when we find each other..
Friday, November 22, 2013
Technology.
I was coming up here, planning to talk about how Social Media has detached us, but I held that thought, because no, it's not just Social Media, it's Technology.
I am not excluding myself, because in this tech-savvy world, where information has to be obtained in a click, I am, too, caught up in this whirlwind of what we call, technology.
There is this so-called transparency which lured us in.
We think that we know the true selves of people as we look at their profiles on Social Medias.
We think that we know everything, reading and believing every single online article post by human beings who are just like ourselves.
I mean, I understand that there are times when we just resonate with what others feel and say, but not everything, is right.
What I am really trying to say is, hold your own stand, instead of being so quick in believing in others' philosophies.
Is this world making us more individualistic, or more homogenous?
We are basically living almost the exact same lives.
I mean we share our lives, across Social Medias, and we look at things that we can't reach through others' eyes.
and THAT is their perspective, not yours.
I never doubted in the human touch, which I, to be honest, have been lacking recently.
I have been really out of touch.
I was just basically absorbed in myself, and I just look at how my friends are doing through Social Medias.
But is that right?
is that really right?
I tried changing these few days. I tried helping out with the grocery shopping today.
I discussed with my mum about the dinner that she is gonna make today.
I then realised that it has been long since I last talked?
I mean properly talked?
I don't know, maybe I have been so absorbed in myself that there is nothing happening in my life right now, that I don't know what to say anymore, since there is no event which I can talk about.
Nothing happening except more technologies, which includes social media, online games, blogs, vlogs, and many more.
Why the hell am I being so concerned about strangers' lives when there are so many more people AROUND me that I should be caring for.
I talked to my mum a little about her mum, who passed on recently.
It felt kind of good.
I talked to my dad ytd too, showing him a new way of eating bananas which I saw on the Internet (yes, again) and then he talked about his old kampong life which I asked a little about it.
I love my parents, despite how annoyed they make me sometimes, but I guess I should be the one who should be a little more patient.
I will change.
The quarrels in my house, definitely not the best thing to happen.
I hate the arguments so much so that I often join in as an attempt to stop it.
Yes I know, worst decision ever made.
Tonight, I stood out of it.
I was getting pissed at the attitude and tones of voice, but I held my tongue.
I told myself to just stay calm, face the fact that I am angry, and just let go.
Yup a trick I kind of mastered in 'Tuesdays with Morrie' but never exactly used it much.
I look at my sisters.
The youngest one, forever on her phone.
I guess I was wrong in encouraging my parents to get her a phone w data plan.
It just made her hooked on.
I mean, she sacrifices her sleep just to talk to her friends, and then procrastinate on bathing until the wee hours, like until 4-5am until she decides she will not bathe and just go to sleep straight.
Yea I am NOT kidding.
The other sister, perhaps she is a little bit better in this way?
But she, too, places much importance in her friends.
I mean, I used to be like this too, back when I was 17?
The time when I just entered poly and was really deprived of friends because of what happened to me in my secondary school life.
But I soon got all better.
But somehow, it's different now.
I thought with two funerals held in the past one year, having two losses in our family, they'd wake up, just a little, about how family can be the most important sometimes.
Even my dad is addicted to technologies.
I guess only my mum is the only one who is not hooked, since she don't understand much about technologies anyway.
I don't deny that I am kind of hooked too.
After I started playing this new game which I am almost on regularly throughout the day for the past few days, I realised what I was doing and I stopped.
No way am I going to play this game because there is some time thingy and I am logging just to receive more benefits on the game, since those benefits are virtual..
Unless I get real cash if I logged on, or else NO WAY am I gonna let a game dictate how I spend my time.
So, I am gonna stop with it now.
I realised how much time I am spending on social media too.
I think my phone has got to leave me for a while.
I gotta learn to be a little bit more independent.
I shall spend more time on other things, like baking, cooking, studying.
I would love to go out soon too, to go shopping, and eating, but it costs a whole lot more money in comparison hahaha.
and I am not earning anything now so I guess it would be wise for me to try and control for a bit.
My mum talked about how it would be great when I start working and help out in the finances.
I would love that too, and that's why I have always wanted to go out there to work.
Somehow, I have defined working = living.
and that's probably why I have been finding my life mundane and boring.
But I guess that's my problem too.
I am the one letting my own life settle to this really slow pace.
I need to pick myself up a little bit more instead of just sitting around, like how I am doing now.
Heh. I shall go to bed now, and wake up tml trying to change myself a little bit more :)
Goodnight world.
I am not excluding myself, because in this tech-savvy world, where information has to be obtained in a click, I am, too, caught up in this whirlwind of what we call, technology.
There is this so-called transparency which lured us in.
We think that we know the true selves of people as we look at their profiles on Social Medias.
We think that we know everything, reading and believing every single online article post by human beings who are just like ourselves.
I mean, I understand that there are times when we just resonate with what others feel and say, but not everything, is right.
What I am really trying to say is, hold your own stand, instead of being so quick in believing in others' philosophies.
Is this world making us more individualistic, or more homogenous?
We are basically living almost the exact same lives.
I mean we share our lives, across Social Medias, and we look at things that we can't reach through others' eyes.
and THAT is their perspective, not yours.
I never doubted in the human touch, which I, to be honest, have been lacking recently.
I have been really out of touch.
I was just basically absorbed in myself, and I just look at how my friends are doing through Social Medias.
But is that right?
is that really right?
I tried changing these few days. I tried helping out with the grocery shopping today.
I discussed with my mum about the dinner that she is gonna make today.
I then realised that it has been long since I last talked?
I mean properly talked?
I don't know, maybe I have been so absorbed in myself that there is nothing happening in my life right now, that I don't know what to say anymore, since there is no event which I can talk about.
Nothing happening except more technologies, which includes social media, online games, blogs, vlogs, and many more.
Why the hell am I being so concerned about strangers' lives when there are so many more people AROUND me that I should be caring for.
I talked to my mum a little about her mum, who passed on recently.
It felt kind of good.
I talked to my dad ytd too, showing him a new way of eating bananas which I saw on the Internet (yes, again) and then he talked about his old kampong life which I asked a little about it.
I love my parents, despite how annoyed they make me sometimes, but I guess I should be the one who should be a little more patient.
I will change.
The quarrels in my house, definitely not the best thing to happen.
I hate the arguments so much so that I often join in as an attempt to stop it.
Yes I know, worst decision ever made.
Tonight, I stood out of it.
I was getting pissed at the attitude and tones of voice, but I held my tongue.
I told myself to just stay calm, face the fact that I am angry, and just let go.
Yup a trick I kind of mastered in 'Tuesdays with Morrie' but never exactly used it much.
I look at my sisters.
The youngest one, forever on her phone.
I guess I was wrong in encouraging my parents to get her a phone w data plan.
It just made her hooked on.
I mean, she sacrifices her sleep just to talk to her friends, and then procrastinate on bathing until the wee hours, like until 4-5am until she decides she will not bathe and just go to sleep straight.
Yea I am NOT kidding.
The other sister, perhaps she is a little bit better in this way?
But she, too, places much importance in her friends.
I mean, I used to be like this too, back when I was 17?
The time when I just entered poly and was really deprived of friends because of what happened to me in my secondary school life.
But I soon got all better.
But somehow, it's different now.
I thought with two funerals held in the past one year, having two losses in our family, they'd wake up, just a little, about how family can be the most important sometimes.
Even my dad is addicted to technologies.
I guess only my mum is the only one who is not hooked, since she don't understand much about technologies anyway.
I don't deny that I am kind of hooked too.
After I started playing this new game which I am almost on regularly throughout the day for the past few days, I realised what I was doing and I stopped.
No way am I going to play this game because there is some time thingy and I am logging just to receive more benefits on the game, since those benefits are virtual..
Unless I get real cash if I logged on, or else NO WAY am I gonna let a game dictate how I spend my time.
So, I am gonna stop with it now.
I realised how much time I am spending on social media too.
I think my phone has got to leave me for a while.
I gotta learn to be a little bit more independent.
I shall spend more time on other things, like baking, cooking, studying.
I would love to go out soon too, to go shopping, and eating, but it costs a whole lot more money in comparison hahaha.
and I am not earning anything now so I guess it would be wise for me to try and control for a bit.
My mum talked about how it would be great when I start working and help out in the finances.
I would love that too, and that's why I have always wanted to go out there to work.
Somehow, I have defined working = living.
and that's probably why I have been finding my life mundane and boring.
But I guess that's my problem too.
I am the one letting my own life settle to this really slow pace.
I need to pick myself up a little bit more instead of just sitting around, like how I am doing now.
Heh. I shall go to bed now, and wake up tml trying to change myself a little bit more :)
Goodnight world.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
emphathise over sympathise.
I realised why I dislike certain people the way I do, when I found out that I grouped them under the same category other than the people-I-dislike-but-dont-exactly-hate category.
These people somehow give out this negative vibe, at least to me they are this way.
It's not the 'prickly' kind of people where it's hard to get near though I doubt I like this kind of people very much anyway.
But it is the kind of people who are 'holey' instead of 'prickly'.
You get what I mean?
I mean instead of being 'prickly', they are like just there getting pricked and poked and then they have lots of holes there but they instead of filling those holez up they kind of just either pity themselves for being so 'sad' or apologise to the people who pricked them.
Say whaaaaat?
Yes it's retarded this way isn't it?
Erm should I call them having too much self-pity or being too sensitive? Over sensitive yes.
Towards how others see and look at them.
I mean if you are over sensitive about how I have hurt you or pissed you off then I'm honestly fine w that.
But if you are over sensitive about how I feel when you pissing me off then that's a whole new thing.
Oh and self-pity is one of the worst attribute anyone could have.
Idk if self pity equates to low self esteem or confidence but I do have times when I have the latter but I dun rmb if I have actually pitied myself before.
I do scold myself, but mostly to make myself stand up again.
Self-pity, in my opinion, gives off the worst negative vibe everrr.
Nobody likes negative people because of their negative vibe.
And that's what pity does. Even towards others.
Empathise over sympathise.
Mm hmm.
These people somehow give out this negative vibe, at least to me they are this way.
It's not the 'prickly' kind of people where it's hard to get near though I doubt I like this kind of people very much anyway.
But it is the kind of people who are 'holey' instead of 'prickly'.
You get what I mean?
I mean instead of being 'prickly', they are like just there getting pricked and poked and then they have lots of holes there but they instead of filling those holez up they kind of just either pity themselves for being so 'sad' or apologise to the people who pricked them.
Say whaaaaat?
Yes it's retarded this way isn't it?
Erm should I call them having too much self-pity or being too sensitive? Over sensitive yes.
Towards how others see and look at them.
I mean if you are over sensitive about how I have hurt you or pissed you off then I'm honestly fine w that.
But if you are over sensitive about how I feel when you pissing me off then that's a whole new thing.
Oh and self-pity is one of the worst attribute anyone could have.
Idk if self pity equates to low self esteem or confidence but I do have times when I have the latter but I dun rmb if I have actually pitied myself before.
I do scold myself, but mostly to make myself stand up again.
Self-pity, in my opinion, gives off the worst negative vibe everrr.
Nobody likes negative people because of their negative vibe.
And that's what pity does. Even towards others.
Empathise over sympathise.
Mm hmm.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
A NEW LIFE?
okay, so I am gonna try to start living a generally healthier life, changing some of my habits bit by bit.
this means a more balanced diet and exercises incorporated into my daily life.
i know very well that my health isn't exactly at its peak and i'm still doing well because i am still young yeah!
but i guess i should stop abusing my body anymore.
:(
those who know why i am trying to change will know LOL.
yes i am obsessed over that test now.
and hopefully that this resolution of mine will finally last.
discipline discipline come to meeeee!
this means a more balanced diet and exercises incorporated into my daily life.
i know very well that my health isn't exactly at its peak and i'm still doing well because i am still young yeah!
but i guess i should stop abusing my body anymore.
:(
those who know why i am trying to change will know LOL.
yes i am obsessed over that test now.
and hopefully that this resolution of mine will finally last.
discipline discipline come to meeeee!
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