time is ticking,

and days are passing by one by one.
something is missing.
is my soul there?
am i living the life or just going through this routine?
i want to learn something, but yet i can't get my butt down to do it.
i should be studying for a bit, but i can't stop my fingers from typing into my phone and mac.
and i'm not even exactly looking for anything.
all i am doing is to refresh twitter, refresh instag, type nonsense into the address bar.
i don't even know what i am doing.
i am just passing through the motions, putting absolutely no thoughts into my actions.
i kept thinking of the future, of what it might bring me.
is that wrong?
should i start thinking about the present instead?
for every present moment is the future moment of the moment that only just passed.
i should start sitting down and do up a plan eh?
so that i would have no excuse for myself to procrastinate and getting distracted by erm.. nothing at all.
getting so very sick by social media.
the one that i use the most is instagram.
probably because i like the idea of looking at beautiful pictures and each picture do speak a thousand words, albeit the crazily long captions and the hashtags that makes my eyes go #_#
STTTTTOOOOP.
i just want to look at beautiful things and i probably should unfollow 'friends' which make me ponder whether i should like their photo for the sake of liking or proof that 'yea we are friends'....
i need to stop wrapping myself and just sitting around waiting for something to happen.
i should be the one MAKING something happen.
i have to START doing something, but as they always say, the start is always the toughest.
the first baby step is always full of fear.
okay jiale, what fear is there?
when you start to fear, you lose.
and you like being the daredevil so don't be fearful.
i am gonna do it.
i am gonna try out whatever i want to try.
i am gonna show you, show the world what i can be, what you can be, what we can be.
i need to give more, to the people around me.
i need to show how much they mean to me.
i need to try harder.
i need to not just type and actually do it.
i probably need a reminder, i need your help.
to remind me, by showing me how much you care, and in return i will show you mine too.
okay all these are getting nonsensical but i hope you understand.
thank you so much, for you.