gratitude.

i'm filled with extreme gratitude recently.
i'm grateful that i am who i am.
i am grateful for all that i have been through, and all the people i have met, regardless happy or sad.
all the miserable things happen so that we understand and fully appreciate happiness.
so i do appreciate all the negative things that happened to me as well.
it's only through contrast that we understand the beauty of so many things.
i am grateful for all the people around me.
all of whom understands and love me for who i am.
my tay.
my family.
my bitches.
my sambats.
my bestf sebas.
my closer friends, sarah yy jervis myrna shaun.
and even those acquaintances/friends i have known throughout the years.
i have learnt at least something from each and every one of you, be it recognizing who i really am to realising what i dislike.
i am grateful that i have this fresh air to breath, two fans blowing at me, the ability to feel all the ache in my muscle, to keep this smile on my face.
i am so grateful for everything which is keeping me alive and reminding me how wonderful it is to be right here with everyone i love.
keeping in mind of those that are gone forever, i will live stronger.
be a happy jiale, as i always wanted to be.
make mistakes, make friends.
know more people, gain more experiences.
it's a brand new day tml, and i'm gonna try to fill it with smiles no matter what.
one colleague told me that it was annoying to see me smiling all the time, and i smiled even wider.
i guess i just wanted to prove to him that it is possible to remain cheerful.
finding my cheerful self again.
i am really glad.
this is the way it should be, this is the way to continue appreciating the people that are still here with me.
i love all you guys.
thank you, for loving me.
less than three. (L)

Life, as such.

When you finally see what this whole time-space-thing is all about, jiale, you're going to laugh; you're going to cry; and you're going to be so, so, so, so, so happy you LOVED as much as you did. 

Dotingly,
    The Universe

shock overwhelmed me when i saw this.
yes, recently i have been constantly wondering about this whole time-space-thing.
i want to get out of this box with limited space.
i am feeling out of love.
not that kind of out of love.
but more of i'm out of love to give, to give to everyone and all the new friends i have made.
i'm kind of living in my own bubble world, looking at everyone in the third person's pov, incl at myself.
what's the point or meaning of life? this has become the main focal question i have been asking myself, as if the answer i have been searching for exists right inside my mind.
it's not that i am thinking negatively, rather, there is this void in my mind which i am trying desperately to fill.
though it's not exactly a negative thought, this brings tears to my eyes.
i have no idea why i am living.
i mean, i really really am envious of those who have a dream.
at the very least they feel like they have a purpose.
i always said that my dream is to be happy.
and then?
i have no inkling.
idk what i truly want in life.
i dun even have things which i really like.
everyone has their favourite colours, their favourite things.
but i have to try so hard just to figure out what i really really like.
because there are so many things i like, there are so little things which i really like, if you get what i mean.
having a favourite something makes life really easy you know.. cause it saves you time on making decision.
for example, having a favourite colour saves you time on deciding which colour to get for anything at all.
and this probably is one of the reasons why i am so indecisive.
is it that i have not enough experience to find out?
and is this why i am feeling so empty?
one of the things i wanna do is probably to travel?
there are so many places i want to travel to.
i dun ever want to stay in one place.
but i want someone to do that with me?
and i guess i can't exactly find one who is willing to just roam around the world with me.
esp with all the restrictions in this world about travelling/staying overseas/working.
visas and all. fuck i hate troublesome stuffs.
well, even if idk what i like, at least i know what i dislike.

the concept of time is also what i have been pondering about.
losing people is really something i need to accept.
is this being too sentimental?
what if i am gone too?
then what is to be left of me?
lol people are going to think that i am silly.
but what wrong is there to think of such things?
turning back time, fast forwarding time.
is that really going to change things if i am to able control time?
what is it going to change?
and what is it going to bring forth?
i am really scared of the future, instead of being excited about it.
for i am going to lose everyone that i have known anyway, and i dun want to lose anybody, esp my parents, my grandparents, and even all the uncles and aunties who watched me grew up..
ahh this is negative haha.

i have been thinking about things that are really weird eh?
so be it.
i will probably get nowhere.
the answer will unravel itself, just like what the universe said.
even though my patience is running out, i will still wait for it, what other choice do i have anyway..

my future job.

I wonder what kind of job would be suitable for a fickle-minded person like me.
It would have to keep my interest and keep me psyched everyday.
A super everchanging job please come to me haha.
Okay random thoughts while being bored at workkk. Kay bye.