relationships.

relationships are susceptible to nothingness in the face of change.
all kinds of relationships.
BGR, friendships, kinships, ...
what do you fear more?
people you love hating you? or absolutely don't feel anything to you?
in the latter, you can't even spite you anymore.
they could look at you in the eye and see you as nothing.
the cold, hard expression like you are a stranger.
and then, you began to doubt yourself, your own memories, doubt if whatever happens between you was just a dream, only a dream.
yes, that's when the relationship becomes voided.

back to the topic of change.
you may ask, what kind of changes?
well, all sorts.
for instance, change in the environment;
i could have entered university, he could have entered army, she could have entered the working society.
our environments changed.
we no longer have the same environment, no longer see the same things, no longer meet the same situations, no longer understood what each other are going through.
and that's the crux - we don't understand.
when we don't understand something, that matter could be judged, twisted, deformed into something that is very, very different from what it originally was.
other changes include, but not limited to, changes in circumstances due to unexpected and expected situations, changes in status quo, changes in perspectives, or even changes in appearance.

people use their own perspectives to view things, and that's where the problems lie.
i'm no different, and that's hard to change.
even when we say we can stand in your shoes, we are viewing from our own perspectives and predicting how we will/might feel if we face the same situations.
it's just difficult, unless the other person's personality is similar to yours.
yet again, being too similar has its cons too.
what's the most important is how we deal with them changes.
how do we respond to them, or how do we adapt?
there are times when i pick the option of giving up, as well.
as the old saying goes, it takes two hands to clap.
a relationship takes two parties to work too.
if one side gave up, it will be futile for the other to put in any effort.

i remember the last relationship i gave up on.
i suppose i could sense it, sense the other party wasn't capable enough to continue on.
you could say this is just my own perspective, so just scroll up a little to see what i wrote there about own perspectives.
when i talk about capability, i don't mean the other party is useless, but just unable to handle the new situation that arose.
a relationship is something that takes forever to cultivate.
you have to constantly, not occasionally, put in effort.
a relationship, of any kind, can fade, can change, can disappear if nothing is done.
i have already lost count of the many relationships that had long since faded into naught in my 21 years of life.

sometimes, though, i may sound selfish but i'm just tired.
i'm actually tired at the thought of having to manage relationships.
that's why i don't exactly prefer having lots of friends.
i'm just too lazy to handle all of them.
just a few close ones would do.

okay, it's late.
i'm tired, as in physically.
goodnight.