Today is 7 Dec, 5 months before the day this post surface the world, and this is the starting day of the making of this post, as i suppose i will be coming back to edit it many times within these 5 months.
this is not a post to reminisce about my past or life, but a post about thanking everyone who is or has taken a part of my life.
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well, today is kind of a special day, yet just any other day haha.
the following might sound like i'm scolding and praising the people at the same time but this is just the truth about everything i have learnt from various people.
therefore, below, is my thank list:
First up, the first person i should really thank is my mother.
thank you for withstanding all the pain and suffering 21 years ago.
thank you for having felt all the fear, anxiety, happiness, moodswing and all kinds of things pregnant women felt during their first pregnancy, and trying your best to make sure that i will be good and well when i was born.
thank you for taking care of us, doing all the housework in the house and never really made me do any when i was young.
thank you for cooking or buying me food, thank you for doing so many things for me and making me quite quite spoiled.
thank you for trying to understand me even though it might not work out in the end.
thank you for just standing behind me (literally) when i was crying through rough patches in my first relationship and watching and it reminded me that there is someone who loves me no matter what despite i hated letting you see me cry and worrying you.
thank you for trying to advise us and even your paranoia in almost everything, showing us that you care
thank you for trying to give me your very best and wanting to give me more beyond your capabilities.
thank you for helping me learn what to do and what not to do as a mother, so that i am confident in being a mother in the future.
Thank you, dad, the person who is always there, silently and quietly watching out for me.
thank you for picking me up whenever you are free when i call you up impromptu-ly.
thank you for trying to talk me out of things and let me know that for some things which i thought to be very serious and grave are actually okay and not as bad as i thought it to be.
thank you for this line which is also the best line i ever got, "these matters may seem very grave and huge in the present, but when you look back at it in the future, it will seem like just a trivial thing." and it reminded me about how retarded if you worry too much about it and i really utilise it in almost every setback i face.
thank you for understanding me even when i don't say much.
thank you for telling me things that i need to hear instead of want to hear.
thank you for when i am crying silently beside you, you continue talking and not mentioning it despite the loud sniffs in the car.
thank you for loving me so much just because i am the eldest.
thank you for letting me be independent and grow on my own.
thank you for being willing to let me fly and get hurt on my own, it's so crucial for me to learn my own mistakes.
thank you to my two sisters, who have been my nemeses and playmates for almost as longggg as i can remember.
thank you for all the times, even though it's not many times, when you look for me for advices, even when i reacted so strongly to the people you mentioned negatively and wanted to punch them in the face because you know, i am the only one who can bully my sisters, and the rest can simply go to hell.
thank you for counting on me as your role model, even though i am not a great one to be following, and taking my advices carefully and nodding your head and agreeing with me when i am saying things out of my own experiences and mistakes.
thank you for reminding me that i still have two little sisters who are depending on me, that i am not just somebody worthless, but i still have people who actually look up to me and call me jiejie and confide in me even if it's once in a blue moon, it's enough as an occasional reminder.
thank you, for being my occasional support, even though we might not hang our love and concern at the corners of our mouths.
thank you to leejiamin, the first ever person whom i wanted to protect and someone i am given to take care of. you taught me how to be a big sister and also a big bully haha though you bullied me lots as well.
thank you for looking up to me and thinking that i am so smart (i know you do, i remembered you mention it before and this doesn't escape my memories hahaha) and great at almost everything i do, for eg, speaking which you suck at, even though i am really not that great.
thank you for being there for letting me to make fun of, and probably being the first person i have to learn how to communicate properly with.
thank you for teaching me that low self-confidence is probably the most important thing that states your very own value and that you should never fall victim to it, and learn how to take and handle criticism, and i am still learning, you should too.
thank you to leejiaqi, the person who probably rely on me the most, asking me 'how' and 'why' and 'what to do' and the one who had the most fun with me and even look at me sometimes and wonder out loud about how childish i act lolol. it's times like these when i feel so simple and like a kid again.
thank you for your infectious laughter which makes me laugh even though i have freaking no idea what you are laughing at but i just do.
thank you for having the most kissable cheeks since young and allowing me as the only sister who kisses you lolol.
thank you for reminding me to stay strong because i still have such a small sister who is still counting on me, looking up at me, and even kind of wanna become someone like me. (i know you do you bitch trololol)
Tay Yin Ji, probably the person i am going to be with for the rest of my life, thank you for so many things that i have always said and yet am still saying.
thank you for all that you have done and always thinking ahead for me.
thank you for being the rational one in this r/s and holding me back before i do things that i regret.
thank you for all the sweet words and feelings you feel for me, i hope we will forever be this way.
thank you for all the things you do just to show that you care.
thank you for giving in to almost all my demands and requests.
thank you for trying to be understanding especially when you don't understand my thoughts/feelings.
thank you for making out time for me despite being so busy and think that it's normal despite me feeling guilty sometimes.
thank you for putting me before you, and let me be selfish and mean though you sometimes still get mad hahah.
thank you for you. (L)
Tan Wei Xiang aka Tan Ortao, my so-called childhood sweetheart, my big brother.
Thank you for taking care of me, disturbing me since young.
There are so many photos of you hugging me, putting your arms around my shoulder, attempting to piggyback/carry me.
thank you for playing with me and keeping me accompany, despite everyone thanking me instead.
thank you for all the toys you shared with me which i don't have.
thank you for all the things you bought for me, all the outings you paid for me.
thank you for all the treats you gave me.
thank you for giving in to me and letting me play your games even when you are in the middle of them.
thank you for giving in to all our fights and i was retarded enough to never realise it.
thank you for all your sheepish laughter which will always always make me laugh.
thank you for being my big brother who bullied me, and loved me all the same.
i miss you so so so fucking much but you would never know..
thank you to Tan Wei Long, for we treasure each other so much more after the accident.
thank you for all your treats since young till now.
thank you for saying 'i love you' though i know you are not THATTT mushy hahaha.
thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder and hugs.
thank you for all those times since young.
thank you for tolerating me every time i 'force' you to do things by talking to you in my extremely cute and whiny voice lolol.
thank you for being there with me to bitch about my sisters with me lol you are the best person i can bitch with about them hehe.
thank you for all the years we have been together and there would be many more to come until we become old granny and gramps. (L)
thank you to these lovely ppl: clara, adeline, ahyi, huiwen, cheryl, gwy, xueli, hyrah, carol, mel, gt, ahwen, ahxiang; the closest people to me throughout the three years of poly.
thank you for tolerating my annoying high-pitched and whiny voice and making jokes and laughing at it, it was only then i realise that my voice is THAT high and annoying lolol.
thank you for all the great lunches and laughters and jokes over the meals.
thank you for all the misunderstandings, little arguments, and tolerating my childish mindset and pettiness and stubbornness which is probably the cause of everything in the first place.
thank you for tolerating my self-centeredness and selfishness you face throughout.
thank you for laughing with me, at me or at other people, and becoming the pillars of my strength whenever i am in my low period.
thank you for all the pats, hugs, shoulder lending, arms hookings, hand holdings, and kisses which comforted me so so so much.
thank you for all the crying together, and the understanding from the silence that i give.
thank you for all the madness, craziness, and wildness that we go about doing, laughing ourselves silly.
thank you for all the concern given whenever i make a face everytime i am feeling uncomfortable.
thank you for being there for me and loving me.
thank you clara for being my closest friend throughout and how we can talk about nonsense and even having convers out of purely emojis lolol that's crazy.
thank you clara for all the bitching sessions and also the mistakes we made in the past which we confessed to each other and you were the one who resonated with me the most even when i was being all weird with my strange thinkings and logic.
thank you clara for understanding me so well, and always being so straightforward with me about when i offended you though it didn't happen that often and how we knew we are so true with each other. thank you for telling me my weaknesses and helping me improve myself.
thank you ahyi for supporting me throughout china (and before we went too) esp when i thought i was facing the end of the world you were there, and your texts and words definitely pulled me through. you were practically my only support and i know i can count on you from deep within my heart.
thank you ahyi for teaching me how to be rational and cool like you, and yet you could go crazy at the same time, showing me how you were the mature side of me esp when we were all alone in china, and how you would not easily break down and fight so strongly. thank you for not judging me despite everything and your understanding. thank you for being my source of strength in so many things. thank you for being just an amazingly strong woman.
thank you adeline, for being so silly and retarded, that i didn't felt like i was alone if i was being the silly and retarded me too. thank you for standing by me, thank you for letting me confide in you so much when i dk who to turn to. thank you for particularly that very long htht session we had on a long bus ride once which i never forgot (and you probably did w your goldfish memory) where we talked through about what we hated about each other when we first got to know each other and it made me feel that, you know what, i guess we really can be friends forever, being so alike and yet so different with one another. sometimes you make me feel like you are my twin, more on character wise though i never mentioned it hahaha, and i am proud to be so.
thank you cheryl, for always trying to take care of all of us, being the da jie you are. thank you for all the pats on my back, the smiles you give, the brushing away of hair, and thank you for your attentiveness and checking if i am okay, if i remember to take my things, and just kept checking on all of us. thank you for you trying your best to be there for us even though you may not know what to do, i do feel you there. :) thank you for the brightest silliest smile you give which brightens up my day. thank you for your retardedness, i love it hahah. thank you for staying you, for you are the one whom i trust would always stay true. :)
thank you xueli, for being my fashion consultant every time we go out shopping hahaha. thank you for your scoldings ('AUNTIE AH!') and rolling of eyes to show your disapproval every time i do something stupid/wrong. thank you for pulling me back during those times. thank you for the yumyum food you cooked almost every time we go your house. thank you for being able to go crazy and laugh about the silliest thing ever. thank you for you, the really straightforward friend whom i believe will not hesitate to give me advices of no when i am planning to throw myself into all those stupid things. thank you.
thank you hyrah, for being the drama queen you are which cheers us up to no end. thank you for all your jokes, retarded-ness and ideas. thank you for your being straightforward and frank about your feelings. thank you for all the bakings/cookings at your house teehee and this reminds me of the time i cried at kimtakgu lolol.thank you for all the fangirl times at all the kpop events which was even more enjoyable having each other and clara and your sis. thank you for the times you looked out for me and sometimes you even seemed like a big sis to me even though technically you are a meimei hahaha. thank you.
thank you gwy, for being such a caring friend, even if it may be a little over sometimes haha. thank you for putting us, your friends, way before you but remember to think of yourself first sometimes too, it can become a burden when the importance becomes too high, so treasure yourself first! thank you for being so soft-hearted and trying so hard to look after us. thank you.
My very very best friend, sebastian loo merlion yu wei shi, hahaha thank you.
thank you for always always trying your best to be there for me.
thank you for always saying 'eh don't die horh.' for i know it's your way of saying 'take care'.
thank you for the past 6 or 7 years now (SO LONG ALR!?) where you have gone through with me my first boyf right until my fifth and current one lolol so many alr.
thank you for listening to me sob and cry and talk about all the stupid things that i want to do and you trying your very best to stop me.
thank you for laughing at me despite me doing the craziest and sickest thing everrrr which makes me laugh along and take it as a joke.
thank you for all your treats to your 'poor little friend' lolol but i am not that poor lah okay.
thank you so much for just listening to me rant and let me scold so much vulgarities to vent it all out HAHA and thank you for being you.
thank you for being such a wonderful person and yet an annoying one which makes me wanna scold you to no end.
thank you for all our outings which ended up as talking and walking.
thank you for being my best friend, despite you not being a girl hahaha but nevermind you are almost like one anywayyyyy.
thank you for being there for me always, and that's all i really need from you. :)
last but not least, this is the most important person in my life and without this someone, i will not be here, i will not exist, i will not be me, i will be merely alive and not living and it's the choices of this person who helps me get along with life no matter if it's ups or downs and i thank you very much.
who is this last person?
okay well, it's me, lee jia le.
even though i know there are parts of your life when you hate yourself so much but i am glad that you have grown to love yourself more, love your strengths as well as your weaknesses. i am proud to see that you have learnt to acknowledge yourself and is willing to work harder to improve.
i am so happy to see that you have accepted your insecurities, love your fats and outer appearance and also everything that was bad that happened to you.
i thank you, for being courageous or rather cowardly enough to not commit suicide on that day you looked down at the ground at the staircase of a random block in the neighbourhood.
i thank you, for believing in me, even when you really really don't want to, but you know there is no choice but to believe, for a better future and a better me.
i thank you, for being you, for trying your best to relax and take a step back when you are going through the most anxious times.
i thank you, for your courage of being alone, when you entered nursery for only a month as you had to move, and having to go to a kindergarten where everyone were already friends since nursery, going to a different primary school when all your kindergarten friends, who are the only friends the young 7 years-old lee jia le have, are going to the same primary school, having to transfer to another primary school when you were already halfway through the primary school system at primary 3/4 and leaving all your friends behind and had to make new friends at a new school in the last class which they randomly slot you in, starting in a brand new class in pri 5 when you were the only one who got into the top class in the last four classes and had to be alone all over again, when you bravely chose a secondary school that you were alone in again, and even poly where you entered alone with no sec sch friends in that poly, not to say course.
i thank you, for withstanding all that pain in that young you, and having grown stronger and happier after climbing back up, instead of staying in that lowest pits of your life and digging deeper.
i thank you, for becoming stronger, for yourself and also the people around you, despite the unexpected incidents which happened in your life, and gaining strength to become happier as well.
i thank you, for having the courage to make your very own choices which others might not actually agree with, that not only make me a better person, but make me more able to go through life with not much regrets as to speak of, just like how tay asked me if i ever regretted going to poly instead of jc since it's easier to enter local uni through jc which reminded me that if i actually went to jc and enjoyed it, it would be lucky but if i did not, i probably would blame the whole world which will make myself suffer even more, so i am happy that i got to go poly by my own decision and i enjoyed it thoroughly even with some bad times.
i thank you, for being who you are, being innocent, not-so-innocent, crazy, calm, composed, retarded, silly, forgetful in the things you ought to remember and yet so mindful in the things that you should probably forget or not so important, soft-hearted and kind though not always, lazy but trying hard to get rid of that, wanting and trying hard to be a saint but realised that sometimes you are just a little devil kekeke, having good thoughts/mean thoughts, and all kinds of opposites that people are or might face. you are the best person who composes of all of the opposite characteristics that i have ever known. i even love how you are contradicting yourself a lot of the times.
i thank you for trying your very best to be as true as possible to yourself and understanding your very own needs and wants.
i thank you for accompanying me for the past 21 years, and let us clink our glasses together (okay i probably have to do it with my left and right hand) for the many more years ahead of us :)
p.s: please do not feel disappointed at not seeing your name here, for there is actually many more people in my life which i would like to thank but too much has happened since i started this post till now so i wasn't able to take out much time or even have the mood (sorry for my selfishness) to do this up. i know you sweet people would understand. (L) love you all.
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