Training myself to be emotionless.
It will be difficult, but at least i would feel better.
Since i can't feel happiness, and i don't want to be miserable, why not be emotionless?
Probably gonna be so for some time, hopefully not for the rest of my life.
I have changed so much that i scare myself with my recent behaviours.
Young jiale would be scared of the me now.
Thinking if i am needing some form of psychiatric help but i dun want to use it as an excuse somehow.
Jiale, this is your journey, you need to choose a path.
Then how?
Asking tao questions isn't really going to help, who else to turn to?
But yet the desire of being alone is so strong.
Why let the people around you down?
Suddenly death doesn't seem so scary afterall, and i kind of understand why the people who committed suicide did what they did.
Becoming the most negative people, whom i used to hate.
You are too self consumed, jiale.
I dun want to continue with this kind of life anymore..