posted this in my google+ but just wanna share this w the ppl here too.

this is really my only sanctuary other than my blog, somewhere where i can post stuffs that i feel like sharing but yet annoying people aren't stalking out my stuffs and asking me about it.

it's like yea good that you realise that it's you i'm talking about but that meant that you should stop talking to me cause any clarification you try to do thereafter while trying hard to not show that you have read whatever i have posted anywhere just makes you even more guilty conscious.

you then seem like you are trying to explain and give an excuse to yourself why you are behaving in such a way instead of explaining to me, right? -_-

i wanna lie in a bathtub with a mug of Starbucks toffee nut latte and a good book.

it's okay even if it's a dry bathtub.

and so,

my sprained ankle has not recovered yet -_-
i tot it would recover by tml and i was alr planning to go work but it still hurts. :/
told xueli i might recover tml and she was like 'today still pain you think tml you will sdnly wake up with it feeling okay??' which is like okay true.
walking more normally and up the stairs is fine for me now though i still limp a little and going down the stairs is still a big nono for me.
thank god i see some improvement in the recovery :')

recently i started thinking a lot.
thinking of how i am juggling my work and studies, and both needs a great amt of my commitment, and this is proving to be rather difficult.
i can't concentrate and focus on either.
sometimes i feel so tired i would just sleep in school, and at work, i can barely smile.
it's not that i am unhappy.
it's just that.. ah it's so hard to put these in words.

i really love this job.
i love the people in it.
i love how we play and work hard tgthr at the same time.
but recently, with the lack of being in the office and everything, it's getting hard to catch up.
i can't really commit as much as others do :/ and gradually i just feel lost...
even though i am the one who wanted to work and study at the same time, study is still my priority.
it's a great job, which allows you to develop and learn as much as you want to and you even receive lots of help while doing so, but, and there is always the buts, this job requires you to put in extra time and effort to make it work, which i am unable to.
i have a bad time mgmt, i admit, and i just can't cope.
and i feel like i have not a big enough ambition and desire to continue on.
yes, i want to provide for my family, but what's the point of earning lots of money when i don't have enough time to spend with them?
what's the point of earning so much money and i don't even have the time to spend it?
yes, they say to run hard now so you can enjoy the fruits of your labour in the future, but i can't do that now.
how do i progress in my career when i have my studies to take care of?
i can't run hard at my career and studies at the same time.
they are like two paths taking me to opposite directions.
how do i run towards two different directions at the same time?
it's just this dilemma that i have inside of my head.
it's this struggle that i am dealing with inside of me.
friends who see me struggle are advising me to quit and focus on my studies for the time being, and i know i should focus on that as my priority too.
but somehow it's like i'm kind of reluctant to let go of the job which i enjoy so much though i can no longer commit to it as much as i want to.

i should do things as i want right?
i should do things which make me happy right?
i am not exactly happy now.
where did the stubborn girl who insisted to quit the great eastern admin job two days earlier than agreed upon even though it's just two days go to?
where did the strong-headed girl who asked clara to quit when she complained about not being happy go to?
where did the girl who always insisted on only doing things which make herself happy go to?
it's time to find her back i suppose.

writing my own future.

Suddenly there is this idea which popped up into my head while I was trying to study and I now have an impromptu decision to write my own future every now and then.

Yes, by that I mean literally write my future here, in my blog.

By the end of this year, I will have consistent sales, so consistent that people are gonna come up to me and ask me how I do it. :) and my answer will always be, 'I am not too sure myself too, I just go down field and not think and just whack it.'

Next year in May, when I enter my exam hall in Expo to take my papers, I will come out with a big grin on my face and the thought, 'This is SOOOO much easier than I thought it would be!?' would be floating in my head.

Next August, I will be going on my first ever Taiwan trip WOOHOO and I will be staying in at different hostels every other day because I will be travelling to many parts of Taiwan and really immerse myself in their culture and delicioso food~~

Okay this is how far I have written and I shall go back to my books and come back again~~

till then! tata!

Result of Boredom

i made captain do a dance cover lololol.
i was just being bored over from studying but omg captain is so freaking cuteeeeee.
maybe it's just that 'beauty is in the eyes of the beholder' but i dun careeee.
hehehehehe enjoy my captain's dance though his dance moves dun really make sense cause of his short arms hahahahaha.

wongfu productions!

YAY!

currently one of my favourite youtubers other than the already very popular ryan higa (nigahiga) and kevin wu (kevjumba) hehehe.

love all the three guys, wes ted and phil, who make up wongfu productions!!!



i mean i have been watching their vids and everything and is sad that i din actually go to their event during their tour when they came over to sg but for the past week, i have been really addicted to their vids esp wongfu weekends aka wfw and i kept catching up with their past vids hahahaha.

sigh talented people like them.

and looking at their streets really make me feel super determined to go LA and just stay there~
i even asked my mum what if i migrated to LA and she said it would be cool and she would come over to stay with me for a few months every year. like it would be good for a change but she will still come back since all the rest of our relatives and friends are still here hahahaha.
AHH i really wanna migrate there.
lee jia le, let's save some money yo!!!

and it's like there is no high rise buildings there at all, everywhere is just on the ground. 

there are no shopping malls either. all the shops are like a standalone. O.O which definitely sounds cool when you are staying in singapore~~~

okay this is just like a random blogpost where i just wanna express my love for them lolol but yeaaaa i wanna buy all their clothes and plushies they have in their shop areyouaniceguy and sadly i am not rich. D:

shall slowly save up them! hahaha i must save up alot of money by the end of this year!! i will!! :D:D:D

okay i REALLY need to go back to studying and hope my ankle recovers like ASAP walao cant wait to regain my mobility!!!!!

random thoughts.

it's important to treat your special someone better than you treat anyone else, and it's equally important to treat that special someone better than anyone else does to him/her.

sometimes i wonder, what's the point of loving someone your own way (even though it's really your special own way) when he/she doesn't really get it that it's your way of loving and caring for someone?


too many directions that my thoughts can take but they should really stop branching out if it's going on the negative ways.
going back to the simple.
that's how life should be.
everything is just that simple, stop thinking complicated.
it's your life, so don't let others affect you and your mood.
you decide everything that's in your life.
you decide your thoughts that will eventually form your future.
negative thoughts lead to negative incidents.
positive ones will create positive surprises.

smile, and somehow you will naturally be happier.
even though it's just a fake smile you are putting on at the start, it will become genuine with all the chemical substance your brain releases when you smile hahaha.

sprained ankle

as many of you know, i am currently nursing a sprained ankle..
it's my second time spraining my ankle (first time when i was 15) and i cant even rmb which ankle i sprained before so idk if i hurt an originally bad ankle. D:

even though having a sprained ankle hurts really badly, but it really gives me time to rest and think, and obviously to study for my upcoming test on thur.
and in addition, it provided me with lots of care and concern and pampering from all the people around me teehee.
for instance, tay came to fetch me home despite having to study after knowing i sprained my ankle on my way to work. :')
idk if he couldnt take how slow i walk or if it really hurts him to see me limping, he carried me halfway back home from the bus stop. :') thank you my dearest.
he even had to carry me to the doc (which was in the CC next to my block) and back. :')
here is my newfound love for you hehehe. (L)(L)(L)

and my family members who just have to do everything for me since i became an invalid.
mum is like painting the walls in our house now and i couldn't help much like moving the furnitures around although i insisted on helping on the painting she wasn't very quite willing for me to stand with that bad ankle of mine. D:
and qiqi and jiamin literally had to help me get  everything  a lot of things cause i can't move much. (L)(L)(L)
no mention of my dad here cause he is away at vietnam so he din help me much hahahaha.

and of course, last but not least, the caring texts from my beloved friends and colleagues :*:* for you all hehehe.

it's kind of nice just dawdling around at home and catching up with everything for once. :)
of course i tried to do up my notes as well and now i need to get back to my studiesssss!!
jiayou jiale!
jiayou everyone!
i will see you guys soon! :*

ME AND MY BELOVED CAPTAIN! :D

ps: i bought my captain at mini toons and he iss like the middle-sized penguin they are selling there and leejiaqi's bday was ytd and her friends got her the big-sized penguin and now her penguin is whiter than mine (i haven washed captain for months D: swear i'm gonna do it soon), softer than mine (captain is just a little older so a little rougher esp after its first and only wash), and bigger than mine (which in a sense is more huggable though less portable) >:(

i guess i really need some time to sit down and really think hard about what i want, and how i am planning to achieve them, because somehow or rather, i am gradually realising that i am too tired to even feel much emotions anymore...

i probably just need a good long cry to wash away all the tiredness, both physically and mentally..

quote

“Ji Min-ah, you’re 16, right? When I was that age, I stayed alone in Japan without my family. I hated the fact that people kept telling me that I could do it and do it well simply because “you’re BoA”. There would often be times when I’d just start crying in my room, thinking about other groups. This song (‘You Raise Me Up’) helped me. There will be a time that you don’t like yourself, but you have to persevere.”

-Boa

omg. the last line that Boa said really gets to me.
it is like currently this IS the time when i don't like myself. but i guess i just have to persevere and find the me whom i like.

think of the kind of person you wanna become, and start behaving like how you think the person you wanna be will behave.
reminders reminders reminders. i need more reminders.

seriousness

i need to start facing life seriously.
i should probably stop running away from all the problems and keep thinking that it's okay to fail i can still try i am still young.
if i continue thinking like this, i would never progress.
lee jia le, do you really wanna live on being like this?
if you keep thinking everything's gonna happen in the future it will happen in the future then it will forever remain being in the future and will not ever be in the present.
you have to make this clear.
you need to start making actions and not giving yourself excuses anymore.
if you want a better life, you better do something about it.
improve yourself by hook or by crook.
don't say try.
try is no longer in your dictionary.
it's either do it or not.
be firm with yourself.
this is the only way for you to progress and not keep dwelling on the same old spot.
DO IT.

D: stupid stomach

well, i was suffering from this excruciating abdomen pain last night and even headed to ktp hosp for a checkup though we left before i actually saw the doc cause i was alr feeling better and we alr waited for one hour plus and the time was alr nearing midnight.

just through this simple matter, i see how much the people around me cared.
adeline called me twice to talk to me and tell me about her own experience hahaha and she could tell that i was dying from the pain by the way i sounded in our first phone call hahahaha and felt relieved after listening me at least be able to joke in the second phone call. (L)
clara and sebas and friends who tweeted me or even texted me to keep themselves updated about my condition and even continued to ask me about my poor old stomach today. (L)
tay who did not call nor text nor tweeted me and it made me feel unloved and uncared for but when it was nearing midnight he texted me if there are any updates if not he would just head to bed when i realised that the boy who would always sleep before 11pm and usually much earlier actually waited until such a late timing (to him it's very late lah hahaha) for me to contact him. (L)
colleagues who kept texting/whatsapping me to see if i'm alright etc etc. (L)
my parents who were there with me and kept seeing if i can be made better and kept touching my forehead though it's my stomach which is hurting and not my head and i'm not having a fever either hahahaha. (L)
i love everyone deep deep deeper than the seaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. :')

shoo shoo shooooo~

and it's already october. omg i really can't believe this hahahaha.

life is really passing real fast now and so fulfilling and i just don't have the time and energy to record everything down as much as i want to.

work has been great. school too.
though it's getting tough juggling both, it made me feel that i am trying my best to do/learn as much as i can.

from today onwards, i am gonna be a much confident person.
i am gonna believe more in myself and my capabilities.
i know i can do it. and i shall not be afraid anymore.
i shall not whine and complain anymore and just do it.
i am gonna excel in this and stand out more than anyone else.
i will.
i can.