totally moodless.
don't ask me why. :/ i have no idea too.

totally no motivation to do any work.
trying my best to concentrate but i keep staring at the screen while daydreaming. :/
if ahtay knows, he will scold me in his military style again. D:

my stomach hurts so badly i dun even know why.
is it cause that i haven't had any appetite lately so i ate super little as compared to my usual glutton self?

i feel like sitting down and cry. AGAIN.
yes again.
tears need to be dropped to cleanse my eyes, my heart, my soul.
i need to see clearer what is going on, what is happening.

there is just this very bad feeling of mine which i'm not sure cause of what. :/
bad omen that something is going to happen. please don't let this be true. :(

jiale ah jiale.
i feel so stressed and yet i dunoe what to do.
i wanna take charge but yet i feel so unsure.
i wanna feel confident. really.
i wanna be decisive but i'm so afraid that my decision will be wrong and people won't like it.
i have made so many mistakes in the past.
it's like there are a lot of conflicts inside of me.
they are fighting and fighting.
tell me what to do, can you?
i need people to tell me what to do..
why am i so useless?
why can't i make choices by myself? why do i get swayed by people?
why am i so afraid? why am i so insecure?
i feel like i'm going to lose everyone overnight.
it's so scary so scary.
i don't wanna go back.
i don't wanna go back to then.
i don't wanna feel lonely and alone and everything.
i don't wanna be left alone again.
the past is haunting me again.
get it away, ask it to go away.
jiale, i made the right decision right?
tell me that i am on the right track.
tell me that i am on the path of happiness.
tell me that my future will be great.
let me be sure.
jiale, no one can help me but you.
you need to be strong.
you need to be sure.
you need to pull me up when i'm down.
you need to kiss me and tell me that i will be fine.
you need to hug me tight and say you will never let go.
tell me that we can hold on.
jiale, i am you.
if you are sure, i will be too.
you are not lonely, you have yourself.
you have ahtay, you have friends, you have your family.
can you get your heart set to what you want to do?
i know it's tiring, but it's not gonna end just yet.
the end is still some distance away.
you need to strive abit more to get there.
make your life the most fulfilling one.
no one understand you better than i do. we are one, remember? :)
give yourself a pat on the head. there, you got it. :)
wipe away those tears and smile. :) told you you can do this. :)
your smile is beautiful. it's the most beautiful thing on you.
i love you.

love, yourself.



p.s: don't judge me for encouraging myself. it feels so much better for me that way. you should probably try it too.