i am this screwed up person

who listens to everything that everyone says. and i would only believe once.
this means that if i am told the same story twice with different versions, i would usually believe the first version of it.


why did i say i am a screwed up person?
because i hate it that i would restrict myself to others' opinions.

for example, if people tells me that they realised that i don't have a favourite colour, i would go around telling people that i love all colours when they ask me what colour do i like the most. or i would just say rainbows, which basically covers all the colours.
HAHA retarded but i DO have favourite colours. certain colours that i REALLY do like.
specific colours would be based on my mood then. but the colours that usually appeal to me are coral and pastel colours. those that gives you the meadow-y feel. heh.

i have no idea why i let others define me. i should be THE ONE defining myself.


i am easily affected by the 'facts' i see around me.
for example i read this quote which says 'infatuation lasts for only 4 months, so if you love someone beyond that period, you are truly in love.' and this is something i have always believed, despite not checking or researching on it. dumb eh?
there is another quote that says something along the line as 'hormones released in your body would only allow you to 'love' someone as long as 3 years, so if you love someone beyond that period, you really love him/her.'
however, why do we let these quotes decide whether we love someone or not? let yourself decide that. you yourself should know, right?

i don't deny that sometimes i have doubts, even about my own relationship.
i cannot be sure that you are the one. how do i be sure?
i read all those 'love stories' about people online and they always can feel that who is 'the one' and who is their 'destiny' but honestly if so, i think i already had a million 'the one' -_-
so basically i dun dare to think/feel anymore. just gonna leave it alone.
all i know is that i really like it now and i wanna remain status quo for as long as possible.


i hope that i am not deceiving myself. there is just so many things which i can't say for certain anymore.
i don't wanna waver. i just wanna remain.
when it boils down to the end, i still wanna go back to you.
please let me know that all will be well and i would still have everyone to laugh with.