sometimes i dun get myself,

but i guess everyone is the same.

when i am hurt/angry/frustrated/stressed and feel like crying, somehow i would find someone to talk to and pour out all my thoughts and feelings into that person.

but when i am lost and i feel doubtful with no tinge of confidence, i just want to be left alone.
cause this is when i feel the most vulnerable.

weird eh?
i feel vulnerable even though i'm not hurt or anything, i just feel lost.
and i feel so much more breakable when i am doubtful than when i am hurt.

is it cause when i am doubtful, somehow, it's easier for me to let people into my world?
as much as i want to be simple, i am complicated like all human beings on earth.
in my jiale world, i have a smaller inner world which usually only have me, though i DO let some closer people take a small peek occasionally.

sorry for pushing you away.
though it may not seem like it, but i was feeling really doubtful.
whatever i heard and listened, actually stays with me and though you might know it, i am actually upset.

i am someone with a good memory. but in a negative way.
i tend to remember all the unhappy memories better than the happy memories.
somehow, i guess.
perhaps it's cause i'm happy most of the times so those memories are harder to remember since there are so many of them. like flowers in a garden. too many to count.
and those sad and unhappy memories just left a scar there and caused this bald patch where no flowers can ever grow again. this bald patch just seem so much more obv as compared to the great big patches of flowers which grow around it.

am i making myself clearer?
am i getting to know myself better?
reasons 101 why i love my blog: it helps me clear out my thoughts and i untangle, if not all, most of the knots in my mind. ^^