what a bad day today. i really hate it. despite the ranting phone call i had with love, there is nothing else that is happy today. honestly nothing.
he fell sick today. and is the really sick type. get well soon my dear. please get well by tml and dun get a fever kay. (L) feel like flying over to your side and pat you to slp. or bring some meds over tml night but i think i will be busy tml. :/ perhaps they will give me some free time? but i would need like three hours to and fro. :(
why does everything seem so vulnerable now?
as in relationships and bonds between people. it is so easily broken and replaced.
and what it seems to be on the surface might not be the fact. it is just the illusion that you see right now.
i know how everyone feels about everyone. or at least i THINK i understand. but no one really dares to say how they feel.
it's like sometimes how i hope i am the one in charge for once. the one who is decides. i want to. i'm just giving in so that there won't be any conflicts in the relationship.
i dun mind that much about things that dun go my way. though there is a limit to everything and i hope i dun reach mine soon.
sometimes i just wanna ask them to go awayyy. stop pretending that you care. somehow. cause slowly, i seem to be unable to differentiate whether you care or you are just being kaypoh and wanna be those that 'knows stuffs' and i'm becoming paranoia and am starting to shrivel up and curl up in my own little corner of comfort.
because human is so unfathomable, there are only a few people that i truly trust that they wun judge me and love me for who i am and not secretly think that i am a bitch.
dun think that im an innocent little girl who is gullible and naive and trust everything you say. cause even when i suspect what you are saying isn't true, i CHOOSE to give you the benefit of doubt and dun take it for granted or worse still, take advantage of it.
i can see now how everyone wants things to go their own way. but i hope you understand that not all things in life go your way, and stop being so critical and give so much conditions for us to adhere too.
it's so hard to work in a way that pleases everyone. it's practically impossible. i'd prefer giving you two ways out which i can live with and you choose one of which you can live with. but people dun like to do it this way. most people dun like to give in, they wouldnt let go.
dun take it for granted that i am okay and fine with most things now. it's probably cause i'm too tired to mind or care. try testing my limits and you will see a jiale you never saw before.
all those 'pissed' and 'angry' jiale you saw is not even half of the real 'angry' me. i do scream and shout and yell and slam doors and throw things and slap people and scratch ppl and pull hairs and kick as hard as i can. so test the waters if you may and a tsunami might be on its way. :)
people have been coming to me and telling me that i look really pale and everything. i guess all the whirlwinds and tornadoes that went past my mind and all the mental stress i had today showed on my face. :( thanks for all the real concern you gave me. :)
though me and love actually knew each other for 2 years plus, we only got REALLY close for the past 4months and been tgthr for two months plus, BUT he is the one person whom i trust the most cause we are really close and i tell him almost everything.
almost cause smtimes i forget about some matters and thus din tell you okay. not cause i'm trying to hide from you horhhh!
i am really glad that i have you to ask how i am nowadays and to check on me and make sure i'm alright and wants me to take care of myself so he wun get worried. thanks my dear boy. (L)
Wanted to post a photo that will always make me smile but i forgot to and im using my phone right now so i shall edit this post tml night. Bye my dears.
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