PAST MEMORIES.

sometimes, i feel like i have been neglecting too much things in life.

maybe it's time to take a step back and look around with what i have and what i have lost in the journey of life.

perhaps i have placed too much importance on some, and neglected those which did not seem as important, but still participated in my life at some point of time.

some of those whom i deemed as important to me left, and the memories between me and them have intense clarity due to the constant relieving of them.

as a result, those that did not seem as important then, left not much of an impression. but slowly, when i try my best to think back, i see blurry images but gradually, i recall those memories through the bits and pieces which was left behind.

i'm starting to regret. regret that i did not treasure people around me enough. i always thought i did. but apparently it was only my wishful thinking.

feeling kind of sad. sad that i forgot people too easily. sad that i only held onto the past that hurt me, that made me sad, and not those that made me smile and laugh.

i can move on really easily, as long as i want to, as long as i stop holding on. as soon as i see you as unimportant, you will be forgotten by me. and what's left would be bits and pieces of memories which i can barely remember.

all that happened to me in the past few years affected me so much, impacted me so much, changed me so much. i grew and learnt and matured.

and it's only now that i realise, before all the hurt i underwent, i had so many things and memories i treasured. and i need to recover them. recover those happy memories. those memories i had as a child.

i need to let go. let go of some things.

i need to stop relieving. stop relieving of the hurt.

i need to give myself a chance to start anew.

i cannot let what happened in the past affect me for who i am.

i cannot let it scare me. i cannot let them turn me into a coward. i need to be braver.

i need to learn how to trust again.

i want to be a piece of white paper again.

i cannot use what happened before to judge others. they are not the same. they are different people of different characters with different mindsets and thinking. i shldnt group them tgthr.

i need to remember that there are faults in everyone, and i shouldnt judge them. i shouldnt feel awkward just because they made a mistake. or because of the fault in them.

i need to be more forgiving. and after ranting about what unhappiness they have caused me, i should forgive and forget. i am someone who has faults as well. everyone is the same. no one is perfect. i need to remember these.

i need to treat people kinder. i need to be more helpful towards people. i need to be more courteous. i need to be braver and trust that what i do is right and not just be afraid of offending people.

i need to put faith in whatever i say and do and think, and not waver at the slightest objection or disagreement.

i need to have my own stand. and stand up to what i think is right and say no to what i think is wrong.

i know i can do these.

this is who i want to become.

i will become her.

i will become the her i want to be.

i trust me.