am i?

am i expecting a lot from you?

am i the one you love the most?

am i the selfish one?

am i the not understanding one?

i am not comparing. somehow i want you to answer me the answers which i want. even if they are not the truth. maybe i just want to delude myself. whenever we can't finish a conver, you would say continue the next time, but we would never continue it. did you realise it? smtimes i write these posts on my blog is to hope that you will see it and have some response, but somehow you never did. i know you read all these, but why the nonchalant? do you know how xin ku i feel now? do you know the pain that i feel? do you know the hurt that i feel? can you answer me? can you answer me? can you answer me? can you answer me? did you realise there is so many so many so many questions? i need answers, so badly, that you can never imagine. i need you here with me, but you are not. i believe that you really love me. i am not supposed to think too much. am i really that weak? somehow i think you need to give me more credit than you think i deserve. i may cry often, my tears may drop easily, but that does not necessarily mean that i am weak. i just act weaker than i really am. i have been through so much. i can actually stand strong. but sometimes i just need someone to rely on. do you understand? if i can't rely on you, then when i start relying on others and start to not need you, whose fault would this be? actually i cry cause i want to cry. crying makes me feel better cause i vent out all my unhappiness. it doesn't mean that i am horribly miserable or smthing. at least not so exaggerated. and seriously i am NOT that weak. -_- it's just that in your eyes i am this little girl who never grows. give me more credit thank you very much. and btw if i am weak, it's also ONLY cause of you. :// if not, i don't really love you already, understand ma? i tend to get emotional and complain about all sorts of thing. but seriously, i don't expect you to solve anything for me, cause ultimately, i solve them myself independently. unless i asked you to help with the choices of what food to eat. i just need to increase the level of my EQ. -_- IQ high enough already. HEH HEH! but i know that i am already very xing fu. :)) just let me rant abit nowadays. overstressed from BAOC. cause no matter how sad and emotional and negative i am, i will always find a way to think positively and optimistically in the end. :)) so, don't worry too much about me thank you very much. :))

when you see this, i really hope you will give me an answer of some sort.