`208th post

i can feel myself changing, into someone who is not like me.
i hate these changes.
i want me.
i feel too eager to make friends, feel too eager to make friends closer, thus these changes.
i hate myself.
am i really that desperate for friends?
maybe i am, for i am deprived of them for one and a half year straight.
how i hate this new desperate me.
i want the very old me back.
i still could make friends and have so many close friends then, so why can't i do so now?
i feel so out of place and uneasy and unhappy.
argh.
nothing you do or you say can make me feel better.
my life was ruined.
and i have no idea how to fix it.
smtimes i just feel like i dunoe how to make friends animore.
i hate myself.
little thngs dat friends share with me will make me feel damn happy.
even if you just say 'take care' when we part will cheer me up.
im really scared of losing friends.
scared of offending them.
scared dat they will be unhappy with me.
im such a scaredy cat.
but i would give anything to not go back to my life before.
i feel so dumb.
jiale just be urself.
freak i hate crying.
i want you.