fuck okayy. i just worsened everything oh what the fuck.

i cannot understand everyone and everyone cannot understand me okay.

i feel like i am this weird alien who came from outer space and i don't understand human from earth at all.

fuck i just wanna stay in bed and cry all day.

why do i think so weirdly from other people?

why do i have points of views so different from everyone?

why can't i be a super smart person who gets what others are talking abt the first time?

fuck i hate me.

fuck me.

i suck so fucking much.

leave me alone don't talk to me right now i don't wanna talk to anyone sorry.

you don't know how much it hurts. to hear that from you.

fuck i act cute ah?
everyone thinks so ah?
then dun fucking be my friend okay.
dun ever say i act cute.
leave me alone.
i'd rather be alone pathetically without anyone with me than be with so many people who thinks that i am fake and that i act cute act blur or act slow or whatever.

of all people, you. HAHAHAHAHAHA irony much ah.

fuck this shit okay. fuck it hurts so much.
i'm a fake person?
i act so that people will think that i am cute and like me?
i don't need this shit.
i wonder who understands me and really knows me for me.

you really don't know me well.
so fucking disappointed right now.
sorry but i fucking hate everyone.

when even YOU think that i am fake, then where is the real me you wanna see?
or is there no real me at all?

oh so fucking pissed and hurt right now and you don't even know.
i'm just a bitch who acts okay.
are you glad now?

fucking hate it when people says that i act.

when i am bored,

i tend to bloghop. NONSTOP. :/

and i visit my friends' blogs over and over again like a few times in a day. HAHAHA.
i think i am everyone's ultimate ninja stalker. hehehe.

and smtimes i visit my friends' friends' blogs when i dun even know them. HAHAHAHAHA.
then when i see the people i see in my friends' friends' blogs in real life i get a shock. like i 'know' this person but actually no i don't.
so retarded... -_-

and i dun feel like studying now. OMGG kill me. :(
but i see friends from other courses having their papers like NOW and mine are all NEXT WEEK so i think i should be grateful alr. thank you whoever that made this happened. :')

having a pimple outbreak at this time. :(
YES MR TAY I KNOW I ALWAYS HAVE LOTS OF PIMPLES but these few days the condition seemed to have worsened.. :(
i already drank lots of water and clipped up my fringe everyday as i study and wear contacts so i dun have to wear specs which makes my nose oilier like

THIS!!

honghong must be coming for a visit soon. :( cause i'm also starting to have cramps.

honghong please come quickly and leave before my papers okay. i don't like it when you stay over during my exam period. :(

and take a look at my pathetic small left eye. WHY ARE YOU SO SMALL!?!? please grow bigger. :( you are like half of the size of right eye!! i have been sleeping early and enough these few days for your sake! >:(

but i suspect it's cause i had cyst and had a mini operation on left eye before which made it this small. :( there seems to be a little scar underneath the eyelid. T.T

and i need to go run every other day after exams!! JIAYOU ME!

and i WANT my honey wheatgrass. T.T mum forgot to buy for me ytd. hope she will rmb it today. hehe.

buying drinks from the liang teh shop just reminds me of the times when i stayed over at jiejie's.
she would always buy her barley or some other drinks and i will buy water chestnut (at the fruit stall though) and that's all we drink the whole day.
and she always finishes one bottle in an hour so we often have to go down to replenish our 'stocks' HAHAHA. retarded us in those sweet old days. :') jiejie i'm still waiting for you okay! :D

okay back to studying alr. :( jiayou everyone!! ^^

Who is the most important person in the world to you?

hmm most important? i'd say my mum? and my dad? i can't choose only one since without either i won't be answering this question here. HAHAHAHA.

hello! what do you want to say?

I'm a studious kid. ^^

sooo i spent most of my time studying today. :D

though in between i kept going to the kitchen to take water to drink, playing minesweeper or cooking dash, going to the toilet, reading mag, watching tv, and eating. HAHA. but i did study most of the time okay.

i finished lecture 1 to 5 of TDM today kekeke. okay i left the last two slides of lecture 5 which i have yet to study. :/ i will do it later okay.

so anywayyy these are a few of the things that helped me through todayyy!

minute maid orange juiceeee!! IT'S REALLY NICE HAHAHA!

and the chicken essence which still tastes not-so-nice as usual that mum gave me heh heh.

btw, i really need my study room and study table back. :( argh. i can't study in the living room with sooooo many distractions around. :/:/

okay 大家!! continue to study hard okayy! :D:D (L)

the unexpected message which made my day keke. yes i am really happy well done okay! :):) the things you do unexpectedly. ^^

quotes

back so soon cause i have some quotes to share. :):) i saw this on tumblr and it is kind of related to the movie i watched earlier so thought that i would just post it here. :)

in the movie, Ashton Kutcher said this to Natalie Portman,
'If you miss me, you can't text, you can't email, you can't post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you'd come and see me.'
how true is this huh. if you really really miss me, you would come and find me, come and look for me, come and see my face, see me in real life, see my physical form, my physical body and not just any other way.

this is why sometimes i prefer to writing letters more than other things though typing is definitely faster but writing is always more personal. :)
technological advancements have turned us all into slightly colder and unfriendly people as it made us all forgot the importance of physical touch and affection. everyone would now just hide behind their computer/handphone screens and type away~

is that being real? i have no idea. cause words with no tone or emotion expressed are just normal text. they are not even things that you said/do.
like me, who can't really express myself with what i want to say and thus i often got misunderstood cause of my wrong expressions, it is even harder to try and explain while typing when the person is unable to see/feel my emotions firsthand.
perhaps if you are right in front of me, you would be able to feel how happy, how sad, how apologetic, how angry, how frustrated or other emotions i am REALLY feeling at that moment.

Ashton Kutcher had actually talked quite a lot about this technological advancements VS relationships stuff and this is what he said,
'This is me, and I'm interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.'

for me this is really sweet. and i DO hope that you will accept my flaws even though i know there are many and i'm really glad when you said that you understand that it is not possible to expect the person you like to become who you want her to be cause she would have flaws. hehe imma lucky girl! ^^

btw here is the tumblr post which i was talking about and you can go there to view his full comments about everything! :):)
it does make you ponder heh heh.



okay anywayyy it's 12.45am now! means i can go and sleep now! hehe cause i promised my sis i would do something for her at this time. heh heh. nights my darlings have a SWEEEEET dream~

My First Hike.

this morning woke up real early and went to bukit timah hill for some hiking!! it's my first time there and also my first time hiking! an event organized by the CC which my mum registered for us. hahahaha.

mrtay was originally going with us but he overslept and after calling him 21893712763 times i gave up. HAHAHA. you are a pigggg!!

was so tiring climbing up the steep slope. but i managed to keep a fast pace WAHAHAHAHA and stop occasionally to wait for my sis and mum who were SOOOOO slow. mummy too long nv exercise HAHA.
eventually we reached the peak but due to the short duration given we have to start heading down even before i managed to finish my bread. :(

the three sisters~ our chui looks after climbing the hill. T.T

so after we reached the bottom of the 'mountain' we sat to rest awhile before gathering to get up the bus which brought us to IMM.
UP TILL NOW, i have no idea how does bukit timah hill link to IMM!?!? -_- like why are they placed together in the same list of activities??

but being in IMM just brings back all the fangirling memories with clara and hyrah. HAHAHAHAHA. and i felt so at ease at IMM cause though it's rather big i sort of know my way around. HAHAHA. and mummy is suprised at my familiarity at the place.

brought them to Bagus to eat the laksa which i like keke. and mummy asked me the reason for my being familiar with the place when i fessed up my fangirling moments. HAHAHA.

went to daiso to walk about and bought an interesting thing which i shall take a photo of when i plan to use it and went back to the entrance to gather to get on the bus and HOME WE GO~

throughout all the journeys to bukit timah hill, to IMM, and back home, i was all the while sleeping. :(
waking up at 6.30am when you slept at like 1.30am is a big NONO during 'holidays'. heh heh.

okay reached home, bathed and headed out again to meet mrtay, the sleepy pig who finally woke up, at northpoint.
and i reached first and started playing cooking dash on my phone at some corner and he actually came up to me but din even tap my shoulder but he just stood there beside me watching me play my game UNTIL i sdnly realised he was there and looked up at him. -_-
you are a retarded guy okayyy!

went to buy movie tickets and as the show that we were going to watch is M18, the lady at the ticket counter was like 'this movie is M18 you know? and there is no refund okay?' as she stares at me. HAHAHAHAHA.
I WAS SO HAPPY AFTER THAT CAUSE IT MEANS THAT SHE THINKS IM UNDER 18 WOOHOOOOOO!!

started to walk around northpoint before going to popular to buy monopoly deal and settled down at macs to play. despite there having lots of people who is finding a seat. :(
sorry we couldnt find a better place to while our time away until the movie starts. :(
but of course we bought a meal to share while playing! ^^

OKAY A HAPPY POINT TO NOTE:
I AM A HAPPY OWNER OF A MONOPOLY DEAL DECK NOW. HEHEHEHE. ^^
cause i have been wanting a monopoly deal deck okayy!
can't believe that i'm actually so into this game now and when junhao intro-ed me the last time i still had no clue that it was THIS addictive HAHAHA.

heh heh happy me and my new monopoly deal deck. ^^

after playing many rounds which mostly i lost -_-, we went to the cinema. O.O yishun GV really became much prettier after the renovation!! okayyy and the movie we watched is...

it was okay and not bad. i kind of like the love-hate r/s going on between the two leads and the storyline and how it goes.
but perhaps you dun have to watch it in the theatres. you can download from funshion to watch it if you'd like to save some money. hahahahahaha. i think not much difference if you were to watch it at home anyway. mrtay thinks the movie is so-so though.

after the movie mrtay sent me home and we walked all the way from yishun central to my home. yayy! ^^
it isn't that far okay!! :( but hehe thanks for the wonderful timeeee! ^^ (L)

btw i just helped mrtay to buy the light power in his fb monopoly when just hours ago, he told me he was quitting it. that idiot. -_-
thank me okay. i am your benefactor now. NOW WHO IS THE BEST HUH!? WAHAHAHAHA. forever better than you~ and no this is not a joke. -_-

What's your favorite quality about yourself?

HMMM i think my favourite quality about myself is that i am able to think about erm retarded things which link to the weirdest things cause it entertains people and also makes me feel happier and more carefree~ ^^

hello! what do you want to say?

JUST DONT SHAVE 'COS IM SURE THAT YOU WILL REGRET! & I BELIEVE THAT SHAVING YOUR HAIR WON'T HELP HER IN ANY WAY. THERE ARE SOOOO MUCH MORE YOU CAN DO TO HELP HER. SAVING THE MONEY OF SHAVING UR HAIR CAN ALREADY HELP TO SAVE SOME MONEY TO BUY STH FOR HER e

O.O hmmmmmmm okayyy. i will seriously seriously consider okay! ^^

hello! what do you want to say?

AT LEAST I TRY TO DO IT DISCRETELY, when I rmb/ realises I'm in public ._. usually I forget abt it and smile very widely as if I will really see ppl i know T_T

HAHAHAHAHA. but then when i realised i am doing it, i already finished 'acting' HAHAHAHA diu lian much then i will just stare at the ground and faster walk HAHA

hello! what do you want to say?

when i am alone, i might be thinking of a scenario whereby when i meet my friends and i would plan in my head what i want to tell them. i would actually mouth the words and give the expression as if i am really talking to them HAHHAHAAA YOU ARE NOT ALONE

HAHAHAHA YOU DO THAT TOO!? WOOHOO I AM SO GLAD THAT I AM NOT ALONE HAHAHAHAHAHA

hello! what do you want to say?

那你就看她醒了过后怎么样吧， 可是如果你要在考试+工作完了后才剃， 到时她会不会已经不介意自己的头发那样了呢？而且， 你可以帮他的不只那样， 还有其他方法可以在心灵上陪她 (L)

好的，我明白。谢谢小脚趾！我爱你！我会看情况而定的！:)

hello! what do you want to say?

courage.

I NEED COURAGE.
a lot of courage in life.
i need courage to not be afraid to be myself.
i need courage to be not afraid of others' comments and judgements.
i need courage to be able to do things without anyone's support.
i need courage to be able to do things completely alone.
i need courage to be able to say no for being such a sucker in life.
i need courage to be able to smile and say hi to others first.
i need courage to trust that the things that i do is right.
i am such a loser. -_-
Lee Jia Le, please be a braver person.



btw, i think i am a weird person cause i tend to think of different situations and scenarios in my head and then i act out in real life. :/
for example, when i am alone, walking to the coffeeshop to buy food, i might be thinking of a scenario whereby when i meet my friends and i would plan in my head what i want to tell them. then, i would actually mouth the words and give the expression as if i am really talking to them.
i think people who chanced upon me being like this would probably think that i am a weird kid who is talking animatedly to herself. :(
haiz i am weird like that.





anywayyy, in case you are wondering why is the frequency of me blogging so high nowadays, it is cause i am having holidays a study break now. HAHAHA.
and of course i am supposed to study but argh it's just so irritating heh heh. i prefer blogging to studying anyday~ i just love blogging!

Hospital Visit :)

today is another day when i went to see jiejie again! :):)
this time round, it is happier cause jiejie looks like her already! :D:D
what a happy day woohoo!!

reached and i went into the small glass room this time. with papa. and the both of us stood there and stare at her. i kept thinking to myself before that that i want to touch her and comfort her with my touch, but when i went in, i don't dare to do anything but watch her.
and her hair grew out a bit so she looks kind of like a baby. hehe. plus her cheeks are still a little swollen cause of the crushed bones in her jaws. :/

sdnly her breathing seems to become a little deeper cause originally her breathing was not smooth and i was surprised and immediately looked at the machine thingy which indicates that her heartbeat increased a little.
i turned to look at her and saw her mouth opening and closing, like she wanted to say something. papa then quickly motioned me to go out of the room.
i think jiejie sensed us, but i don't know what to say.

we were talking outside afterwards and i found out that the bitch (sorry for the vulgarities but i cant help it) who knocked jiejie down CLAIMED that she DOESN'T KNOW that she knocked my jiejie down.
HELLO WHAT BULLSHIT!? you think you drive lorry ah? the driver seat SOOO high that you can't see anybody you knocked? you drive a van for god's sake. AND the impact was so huge (LOOK AT WHAT MY JIEJIE BECAME) so how can you CLAIM that you know nothing of it!? -_-
okay if justice doesn't get you, karma will. >:)

i sound like a total bitch in the prev paragraph but you will understand if you have SEEN how my jiejie looked like after the accident. even the driver's brother who was asking how much compensation we are asking for became speechless after he saw the state my jiejie was in.
YOU CAN'T BUY OFF SOMEONE'S PAIN AND SUFFERINGS WITH MONEY.
and the tears and heartaches you caused us, that can never be compensated. >:(

teared a little as usual and THE WHOLE TIME papa was anticipating my tears. he kept looking at me with the 'sad' face. idiot basket! hahahahaha.
but i was controlling well until they started talking about how jiejie was always careful on roads and they happened to ask me about it and all i could recall was how jiejie would hold my hands while crossing roads. T.T and i started to tear.



okay there were a few things that i wanted to address at the start before i started this post when i was bathing. :/ but in the end i forgot. argh. okay nvm i shall talk about it when i rmb. ^^
okay i smell my maggie mee HEHEHE i lub maggie mee. getting fat but i did exercise last night okay! and i'm having muscle aches now HAHA and tomorrow morning is also a healthy morning cause we are going hiking! woohoo!

If you're pondering about it, don't shave cuz if you really want to shave, you wouldn't be pondering about it. If you're thinking abt growing them back as fast as possible, then shave them asap :D good luck

HAHAHAHA. hmmm good advice. but actually i'm waiting out abit for my that certain reason which i don't feel like saying. cause if i do it now, there is no point. actually what i need now is more of people telling me to go for it and that they will support me no matter what. HAHA. okay thanks for your good luck! ^^

hello! what do you want to say?

I think it'll be too late to shave, and there's other ways of helping her also!

hahahahaha i would have to see her 心理状态 too after she wakes up. hahaha. too late to shave as in? she would have alr grown hair? hahahaha.

hello! what do you want to say?

I AM CHIA SHUANG YU. COS I THINK THAT YOU WILL REGRET LOLLLL. cos if is me i won't shave la

HAHAHAHAHA you know why i want to do this??? but then i can wear cap or wadever maaa HAHAHA

hello! what do you want to say?

DONT SHAVE

HAHAHAHAHAHA WHO ARE YOU? must give me a reason not to? cause currently i feel like i have every reason to shave. HAHAHA

hello! what do you want to say?

BALDNESS.

to shave or not to shave? that is a question.
if so, when do i do it? that is another question.

okay if you are wondering what i am talking about, i'm talking about shaving my hair. and when i say so, i do mean all of it. i'm not kidding. :/ and of course, i have my own reasons for doing so.

i guess my reason for posting it here is so that i will get some support somehow. haha. somehow this takes courage, though i kept telling myself people only live once, and we should be daring and try out many different things.


i think i would do it. PLUS mrtay says he will donate $100 if i do so. HAHAHA. cause he feels that i have a higher ego than him (HAHAHA quite true) so he thinks i won't do it. but now here comes the question, when?

hmmm if i do it like now, i wouldn't be able to wear any hats/beanies during exam period (yes i am still a little vain :/)

and if i do it after exams, i still have work from 9th to 12th march. and would they want to hire a bald girl? :/ i have no idea.

so after i work? would that be a little late? as in for my reason. as i think that there is enough time for my hair to grow so that i can do presentations properly next sem and of course before my internship. :/

hmmm so much to ponder. please write in my formspring or talk to me personally for some suggestions? hehe thanks! ^^

What's the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

i would first think of someone HAHA and my jiejie and think to myself what time it is already by looking at the brightness of my surrounding and that i wanna sleep some more. HAHAHA. okayyy it's not only one thing but these are what comes up first on my mind on random orders. sooo i can't decide on only one heh heh.

hello! what do you want to say?

Exercising exercise!

/Edited with picture
I LOVE MY CURRENT BLOG LAYOUT LIKE CRAZY SERIOUSLY. HAHAHAHA.
i keep coing to my blog to just stare at my blog and feel proud of it. HAHAHAHA im crazy seriously.
but it's soooo prettayeee. hehe.

okay back to the topic, like what i have mentioned last evening, i had a healthy night out with mrtay~ ^^
and that is after a whole day of printing notes and talking to my printer. HAHAHA. cause it wasn't working at first and after i talked to it, it actually didn't give me any paper jams or took two papers to print instead of the normal one. ^^

so anyway, met mrtay at bpcc and shot a few hoops. wahahaha okay i wasn't that good and his bball skills are also a little rusty ah. HAHAHA. tried three pointers and as usual, every single one of my shoots were air ball. -_-

after the silat people came to take over the bball court for their lesson, we went off to other bball court. he wanted to jog to fajar OMG im a lousy runner okay. :(
running after him really almost killed me. his legs are like 2837298743982173 times longer than me. :( and he ran so fast that soon he became smaller than my pinky finger. T.T

okay so went over to fajar court and then to segar court. was standing at the carpark there and looked over to the court and i saw them. saw everyone. all of whom i played bball with before. but i only dared to hide and look. :/
i wanted so much to join them. but i dare not. i really suck huh. watching them play and hearing them laugh as they do so, they were my gang, my people. we laughed so much together. we played so much together.
but i don't feel like i belong there anymore. perhaps i ought to have face this fact since long ago.
it kinda hurts when i wanted to join so much, but it's not my place to join anymore. :/ i still love them so much.

in the end we left. and we walked to jelapang court. i was too tired so he just played around while i sat at the side to watch heh heh.
afterwards he sent me home and stayed over for the night cause it's kinda late. :):)

wanted to take some 'homely' photos HAHAHA please ignore my open curtains i was too lazy to go and comb my hair. :/

woke up early in the morning and we went for mac breakfast WAHAHAHAHA. had my filet-o-fish breakfast imma happy girl~
wanted to buy 水晶虾饺 but i was too full. :( so in the end he sent me home and went home himself. keke.



sorry for minding too much and being too cowardly but thanks for being understanding and not being angry. :) maybe it's not much to you but it means a lot to me. ^^

i ♡ my mum and dad.

:') watch this. it made me teared. like of course. HAHA.

mummy and papa,

even though sometimes i scream and shout at you, and get pissed at you.

i love you very much. :')

and i will try my best to be more caring and not be such a bad-tempered and spoilt kid.

okayyy going over to bp to run and perhaps play a little basketball (?) with mrtay. YIPEEE!! BASKETBALL HOHO!

for now, i need to rush finish my dinner!! ^^

a studious day. :)

okay i am back within a few minutes to update about my day today! :D:D

basically, i have been studying copying notes the whole day.

and in the end, i only managed to copy one HBM lectures notes. -_- good job well done.

this means that i would officially start studying tomorrow! ^^

and i would also have to print my notes. :/

and look for my TDM notes cause i have no idea where i left them and if i can't manage to find them i would have to reprint everything. -_- waste of ink and paper ah.

so today, soon after i finished studying, mrtay came over to our house. ^^

okay technically not finished studying, just finished copying that one lecture note. -_-

anywayyy had dinner and he peeled prawns for me keke.

okay i should give credits to my mum too since she also peeled a few prawns for me hehe. ^^ sumptious dinner tonight.

and after dinner, we just simply nua-ed on my sofa while we watched teeveeeee.

we REALLY nua-ed. like totally nua-ing on the longish part of my L-shaped sofa. and enjoying the tv show hahaha.

mrtay had to leave and i sent him ALL the way to the mrt stn. ^^ AREN'T I SWEET!? HOHOHO!

okay fine the mrt stn isn't that far away. :/ it's only a 5-minutes walk.

AND I RMB ONCE I WAS LATE FOR SOMETHING AND I WALKED REALLY FAST TO THE TRAIN STN AND REACHED WITHIN 2 MINUTES OMG I'M THE BEST HAHAHA.

okayyy to conclude today was a happy day yipee!! and sorry clara whom i neglected on msn cause i really was watching the television. :( but i hope my bullshit cheered you up hehe. ^^

love everyone, signing off now! byeeeee!
/waves with handkerchief.

cny visiting at xueli's!!

hello my darlings i am back!!
after a few hours. HAHA.

okayyyy soooo i am here to update our girls' day at xueli's. which is also cny visiting! :):):)
no pictures cause all pictures were taken by photographer of the day: CHERYL!! :D:D
and i have some unglam photos. :( SUPER UGLY. cause i was trying to turn to see what cheryl is doing but the sofa blocked me. :( hence the ugly photo
/SIGH A MILLION.

okayyyy to go on, i left my house at like 1pm when we were supposed to meet at xueli's at 1pm.
and i was afraid that everyone (EXCEPT for clara cause i know she was still slping since im her daily 'alarm clock') has already reached so i was like hurrying there despite it was raining.

while walking there, i realised that i don't even have to take my phone out to check her address. or even the floor she stays on.
i totally could remember where is her house and how to walk there. :')
and i started to miss the three little girls (xueli, ahyi and me). those good old days. :') i love them so much up till now. HEHE.
and of course the rest of my girls tooo! ^^

reached her house at like 1.45pm and i realised that i was the first to arrive. O.O!!!
all of our punctuality should like improve as a whole. TOO SERIOUS. HAHAHAHA.

okay hungry and greedy me started eating her fried rice and seaweed chicken and chicken wing WOOHOO felt so 幸福. :') and she also gave me kimchi and cooked ddoubuki for meee!! which is also rice cakes in case you dunoe! hehe ^^
greedy me was still eating when cheryl, ahyi and mel arrived. ^^ and they just joined me WOOHOO!!

soon binni, adeline, clara and gwynnie arrived one by one according to the order as mentioned and we had lotsa fun watching 'Burlesque' which was a really great movie, playing monopoly deal and OF COURSE BANLUCK AKA BLACKJACK!!
WOOTS!! HUAT AHHH!!
but in the end gwynnie was the biggest winner. okay she is also the only winner. :( all of us lost. i lost like 2bucks before quitting. HAHA dun wanna lose too much. heh heh.

went over to yew tee macs for dinner and played monopoly deal after our meal.
laughed so much that we were trying to catch our breaths. and mostly at the craftiest couple - CLARA AND AHYI. HAHAHAHAHA.
they kept whispering their 'plots' to each other which made us feel like they are plotting something against us. HAHAHA.
okay still love the both of you okay. ♡

and before we left, xueli had to go buy kopi for her dad so she went into the foodcourt while we waited outside and she came out TWICE to get 10cents each time she came out from clara cause she didn't have enough money. HAHAHA. the retarded girl. ^^

finally, took train home with gwynnie and claraaaa~ ^^

What song best describes your life right now?

hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm i would say the song 'Everyday' by Vanessa Hudgens cause somehow recently whenever i hear this song i would feel like it's what i wanna say.

hello! what do you want to say?

to someone dear.

dun compare yourself with him.
it's just incomparable.
how do you count love?
it's just impossible?
you wun know exactly how much you love someone until something drastic happens.
and i would never want that that kind of incident to happen.
you understand me?
what happened on monday gave me a surprise cause i truly realised how much i felt and how much you meant to me.
and many small incidents made me feel that too.
let us stay happy for now alright? :)
dun think too much.
for now, i'm just happy that you are here with me.

If your 8 year old self met you, would he/she be proud?

im just inspired by adeline's blog post and i'm also a little lazy to start studying cause sdnly im in the blogging mood. :)

okay so going back to the topic title, i think generally she will not be proud of me.
i mean yeah with the academic results and all, the young jiale would not have expected to get a great score for PSLE and Olvls since she always thought that she was a kid with average results so for that she might be really proud.

but for relationship wise, perhaps not as much. as she had always hoped that the first would be the last.
and she would probably hope that she wun have a red nose and be a prettier girl.

the young jiale has always unknowingly become teachers' pet. be it when she was in kindergarten or primary school. somehow she always got chosen for performances and was always placed in the important roles. perhaps it's all these happiness and glory she had which created a must for her to suffer a little as she grows up. life is always fair.

xiao jiale, will you be proud of me? the me who is going to be 19 in no time?
perhaps i should ask myself this; am i proud of me?
since xiao jiale and da jiale and even the future lao jiale are all me.
i never felt like i changed.
maybe in some ways.
but i still feel like im me everytime.
im always me.
xiao jiale should still feel the same way as i feel now.
perhaps some things you experienced taught you not to be so naive, so gullible, so carefree anymore.
and those things might have also taught you to be more caring, more understanding, more thoughtful.
it's just give and take, xiao jiale.
when you lose something, you gain something.
are you proud of me?
please be proud.
if you are not proud of yourself, who will?
you have to trust yourself first.
yes, i have made mistakes in the past.
i will try and correct them and remember not to commit the same errors again in the future.
and i will make sure our tomorrow will be bright okay. :)
for now, i am just happy that xiao jiale was who she was. same goes for da jiale. no regrets.

a quote from i-dunoe-who-or-where, 'Life is too short for regrets.' ^^

those beautiful days :')

I STRONGLY STRONGLY ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO CLICK THIS LINK !!
ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE BORN IN THE 90s! OMGGGGG!!

when i was reading the page, i swear i kept shouting 'YAR YAR!!', 'OH MY GODDDD!' and laughing at those things that are oh-so-true. awwww i miss my past. feel like giving some comments for each. you can look at the numbers from there and compare with the one here~ hehe.


TV SHOW:
1. I LOVED THE PINK RANGER AND MADE MY SIS 'BE' THE YELLOW ONE CAUSE THERE WERE ONLY TWO GIRL RANGERS HAHAHAHAHA.

3. I LOVED PATAMON and thats the only digimon i can rmb up till now. hehe.

7. 城人杂志 rocks and i always feel older when i watched this show cause somehow they made it feel like it is 'adults magazine' when translated in english HAHAHA

TRANSPORT:
1. ohhh yes i rmb pulling the window wide open to feel the wind and i wasnt strong enough to pull open every window so everytime i do so i would feel oh-so-proud. HAHAHA

2. i rmb some of my friends actually had their NAMES printed on the farecards and i would feel so jealous of them. and my dad always get those with the cool pictures for himself while i got the common ones. :( and it's always so scary if you forgot to take your card on the top of the mrt stn gate before crossing HAHAHA. and sometimes we would just run through the gates without putting the farecards to save money hehe

FOOD:
2. i only ate push pops once but i felt like it was heaven at that point in time. it was just too cool to miss HAHA.

3. i rmb buying this with ortao and weilong and jiamin and we would just dip our fingers into the crystals-like sweets in the packet and put in our mouths to hear it pop and sometimes we would just stick our tongues into the packets HAHAHAHA dirty kids we were~

5. ohhh yes i loved those ice pops omggg would always walk around to the mama shop buy them after school~~

SHOPS:
2. I ONLY WENT THERE ONCE BUT I LOVED IT THERE AND I WAS SO SAD CAUSE WHEN I WANNA GO THERE A SECOND TIME AND IT CLOSED DOWN ALR. T.T

TECHNOLOGY:
1. i rmb my cousin teaching me how to use a normal telephone to type a message to someone's pager which i think is soooo cool.

4. i din have a comp when i was young. and had to bus over to ortao's house and save my work in the floppy disks so that i can use it in school hahahahaha.

5. neopets was the only game i play online when i was young woohooooo i loved it and the pets never died though their hunger was always 'dying' HAHAHAHA

LEISURE:
1. block catching :') always the game to play amongst my cousins during the festive seasons especially christmas. :') and we had 20 over people to play with HAHAHA.

2. oh yes i loved this game. used to call it water and ice? couldnt rmb. then we would try every way to try and 'save' the iced people and the catcher would often use the iced people to bait those that were still running around HAHAHA.

3. TAMAGOTCHI MY FAVE and if you got an ugly 'monster' you can always reset to get a pretty one HAHAHA and i loved cleaning their shits :( i was a kid who was a little crazy. :(

4. LOVED digivice and loved the way which you can like stick it tgthr and make the digimons fight each other. used to think that it was super cool HAHAHA. OHH AND NOT TO FORGET GAMEBOY AS WELL HAHAHAHA.

5. i love sandy playgrounds omggg and i loved those smooooooooth slides. :( why dun they build those nowwww. :( i would still play them despite being this age. :(

6. I RMB WANTING TO JOIN THE CLUB CAUSE IT FEELS SOOOOOO COOL. and i DO have quite a number of their books hehehe. and i used to think that Smarty is linked to the Smarties chocolates HAHAHA.

SCHOOL:
2. i used to want this SOOOO much but my mum just refused to buy one for me. :( and in the end she just bought this small kiddish barbie luggage-like bag for me. heh heh. and i always used it when i went overseas when i was small. ^^

3. i loved the tuckshop where each cup of drink was sold for 30cents and bowls of noodles for like 60cents and fried rice was like 70cents. :(

4. it's cause of this that i would wish that im the class monitor. and everytime they write our names on the board somehow we would manage to persuade them to clean it off before the teacher comes back to the class. T.T

5. I LOVED FINDING THE ANIMALS ESPECIALLY WITH MY SISTERS HAHAHA IT WAS A MUST-DO THING EVERYTIME HAHAHAHA.

7. and every year we were forced to donate 2bucks (which were like 10bucks to us at that time) to the sharity elephant envelope everytime. :(

8. stupid dentists. hate the drillings which give me LOTS of goosebumps. :( but there were always nice books tto read while waiting for your turn. hehe.

9. i rmb once i opened up my music recorder and i could flick thousands of droplets of water, or to be exact, saliva out. HAHAHAHA.

12. once there was this activity where we have to measure the weight of our schoolbags in our science lesson and we found out that the weight of our bags were actually 10kg each. -_-

13. those water bottles were SOOO COOOL and i had to use a normal plastic ones which had to be changed every few days. :(

15. i used to feel proud for being able to recognise angsana cause there were some planted outside our primary school HAHAHA

16. STUPID YOUNG SCIENTIST CARDS!! >:( i rmb i retardedly chose one which only required 16 stars thinking that it will be easier but in the end it was too hard for me to complete. :( and i never did manage to finish ANY young scientist cards cause i was too lazy to do it. :(

20. i think this was the coolest cause i wouldnt have to wear school shoes with my uniform and i would feel like im some rebellious kid HAHAHAHA.

21. lining up in two rows according to height and gender was alright. but holding hands were like OH MY GOD feeling like you have just been sentenced to death HAHAHA. and yeah what the guy said there was so true. they can't wait to kiss. -_-

23. everyone would crowd around the bookshop EVERYDAY after finishing their meals during recess. ohhhh and those country erasers. ohmylife. and i would often buy mothers' day and fathers' day gifts from there and bring home to my parents HAHAHA.

24. having magnetic pencilboxes were like SOOOO cool cause there soooo many compartments and those holey thingys where you can stick your pens in it. HAHAHA. and i rmb those kind of pencil boxes which you can actually 'break' into half and make it stand OMGGGG.

25. TOTALLY LOVE SHAKER PENCIL.

28. we would dutifully give presents to our teachers without fail EVERY year. and cause my mum was an art teacher in some kindergarten. she would just give me the gifts HER students gave her and wrapped them for me to give to MY teachers HAHAHA.

29. i loved talking on the phones and my mum were such a poor thing cause very often she had to travel 15mins to the front gate to pass me whatever books/homeworks/worksheets i have forgotten to bring to school cause the back gate where our house is wun be open. hahahaha.

31. i totally hated the loud sound which velcro wallets give and i would try my best to tear as slowly as i can but it still made as loud a noise. :/

32. oh yes that group colour thing HAHAHAHAHA.

34. autograph books!! :') i still have some up till now. the friendship parts are always the most hurting parts HAHAHA.




okayyy what a way to reminisce our pasts. :') i shall update on today tml. heh heh. it was a happy day out/in with my girls. ^^

OHH and i really really REALLY need to start studying tml. T.T

okay im going to sleep soon.
just a short update.

had lunch at cathay astons with my usual girls as well as yaoxin shelyce daphne and tingting. :):) had a great time still.
walked around after lunch and was feeling really tired so sat at gongcha for awhile before heading home. bused home with ade till bp and took 171 back~


okay that was really short. HAHA.


okay kinda bored but i wanna slp soon. and my boy was being kinda cute. though a little childish but yup i understand why you did the things you did. :) so im not blaming you since im the stubborn and selfish one who is at fault in the first place.


but sometimes i still feel really selfish. :/
as in i want you to myself. and myself only.
okay too selfish. i shall cancel that thought out of my mind and not think so much and remain happy. :)
be as happy as everrrr! ^^

hello i am here again. :):):)

am just done with our ECD presentation which is also our last presentation of the sem WOOHOO!
no more school already until ermmm two weeks later? for our final sem exams. :(:(
AND THEN WE WILL BE YEAR 3 OMGGGGG!!!!
time flies seriously. O.O

i dun wanna be 19 leh. i like the number 18. :(
OMG I JUST REALISED AHYI IS TURNING 19 IN LESS THAN 10DAYS OMG SORRY AHYI. :( after you, it's me alr......
stop hitting me you bad woman >:(
and until now i still cant believe that cheryl is ALREADY 19. T.T why oh why oh why oh whyyyyy~

okay im so hungry now. WHERE SHOULD WE EAT LATER?? :D:D:D
looking foward to food. as usual. hehehe. i wanna eat eat eat eat eat!!
craving for pastas. :( feel like making some myself though. heh heh. wait till mrtay comes over to my house and i shall make some for him.
ANYONE WHO WANTS MY PASTA YOU HAVE TO COME MY HOUSE OKAYYY!

OHHH and thanks to ade, mel, cheryl and huiwen for staying just to see our presentation just nowww! hehehe! (L)(L)!!

we did retarded things behind the teacher's back so that shelyce, yaoxin, daphne and tingting wun get so stressed for their presentation. hehe.
though we are more of classmates than friends but they seem like really nice people. ^^

OHHH and for ytd's valentines, thanks to huiwen and yaoxin for the valentines cookies/chocolate! heh heh.

and yo yo yo! check out my new blog design yo!!
feel like going for a simpler design. simple things are always the ones that makes you the happiest. :)




you are so cute this morning kekeke. ^^
i feel happy hehe.
i do wanna grow with you. ^^
just stay the cute way you are. :)

HAPPY VALENTINES!

hello everybodyyy!
happy valentines to all of youuuu! :):) heh heh.



ytd morning ahyi came over to our house and we baked cookies for our girls, jy4 and mrtay. hahaha.

but we underestimated the time needed for baking and before i know it, jervis quak reached, and then shaun leong and lastly myrna lam~~ so they become the first guinea pigs for our cookies!! especially our 'double chocs' ones HEHEHE.

ahyi left afterwards while we stayed at my home until mrtay came to join our bai nian session and we went to everyone's hse.
to myrna's hse first to mahjong where i won the most money keke, then shaun's hse where he bathed, then jervis's hse where he bathed too, and lastly to my hse cause i wanted to change cause it was super hot. HAHAHA.

in the end we left for marina sq for dinner~ ate at MOF for the first time for me, mrtay and shaun leong~
full full dinner woohoo! ^^

walked around and eventually went over to plazasing and settled down at cafe cartel for some dessert. but before we settle down mrtay left for home first.
went home after the dessert~ started raiding everyone's bags/wallets while on the train. thanks to my three dearies for sending me home! :)



well todayyyy, we had our tlaw presentation. IT'S THE SECOND LAST PRESENTATION WOOHOO! :D:D after the presentation, went over to bp to find mrtay. :):)

waited for him at the bus stop and we went off to causewayyy~
bought movie tix and went to swensens for late lunch!! hahaha retardedness during lunch ^^ i like! finished our super full lunch completed with desserts, we brisk walked to the cinema cause it was alr time for the movie - 'what woman want'. :( and the movie started before we got in but it's okayy i dun think we missed much.

after the movie we went to a void deck to sit and he looked at the card and ate the cookies me and ahyi made. please eat well~
went to ntuc where he bought tibits and sent him to bp before going back home.






i dunoe how long this is going to last. and im afraid of the end. i want to know what you are thinking/feeling. but if you prefer not to let me know, then i suppose i just have to trust you for this. was today a bad day? i'm not sure. but i know i really did feel super happy. did you? we need more time, and for the time being, just hang on alright? let's hang on together. :) i dunoe how to make you feel better and happy but like i said i wanna make you feel the happiest. like you said, 走一步，算一步. perhaps not thinking too much for the time being is the best.
thanks for just staying with me. i love you. :)

Happy v'day! <3

HAPPY VDAY TO DEAR VON TOO! ^^ (L)

hello! what do you want to say?

i grew mature?

mum wondered why i never quarrelled with you when i used to scream and shout. HAHAHA.

she asked if it's cause you are more matured or did i grow wiser.

i wonder too.

and incidents which happened on friday night which surprised the both of us.
incidents which both you and i tot that i would be angry, but in the end i wasnt.
i even surprised myself.
i wonder what happened to me ah. HAHAHA
im now a more matured and sophisticated young woman! WOOHOO! ^^

11022011 (L)

last night was a really happy night. :):)

mr tay and i were supposedly having dinner at astons and i was already queuing there while waiting for him when he changed his mind and asked to meet at plazasing instead.
met and went up to manhatten fish market for our dinner. the manager led us to a reserved table which i din think much of and happily ordered and finished our food.
it's only after the dinner when the biggest surprise of my life came up. thanks so much. :):)
it wasn't a big thing but i nearly teared.
i never thought you would remember. :')
and i really did not expect anything.
you are the best alr. better than me okay!

after that we walked all the way to the esplanade and went to the river angbao or angbao river i cant rmb. HAHAHA.
it's so prettyyyy. and i feel like im back to the dynasty era with the lanterns hung up. they should have like included riddles for us to guess!!!

went down to the floating platform place and looked around. idiot doesnt wanna take photos. :(
but wahh saw this wire rabbit with many bells hanging on it there which everyone threw coins to see if they can hit the bell. and of course i took out a 50-cent coin and made a wish for jiejie and threw it. 50-cents coin surface area bigger ma so higher probability of hitting the bells. HAHAHA totally auntie style. but in the end i missed. -_- wts.
and SOMEONE threw i-forgot-10-cents-or-5-cents and he hit the bell. -_- so li hai ah. basketballer jiu shi basketballer. :(

continued walking until the YOG park and sat there cause mrtay wasnt feeling very well.
ohh and it was really pretty and colourful on the opposite side of the road. i think it's chingay?
sat for awhile and took photos and chatted and after awhile sdnly there were fireworks above the chingay area!! omg prettayyeeee. i like the ones which looks like meteorites cause they leave streaks of gold behind them as they FLYYYY~
and he likes those that looks like ferrero rocher. you know in the ad when the gold powder will sprinkle down and a type of fireworks look just like that after it is shot. and he likes those cause it reminded him of ferrero rocher. PIGGGGG!

walked back to the river angbao again and this time round we went to look at all the games stall. wahh super tempting to play and get all the soft toys but i dun like soft toys leh. :/ take up so much place but abit useless. :/
if they give diamond rings then maybe i will play. HAHAHA.
PLUS EACH TOKEN IS 2BUCKS so expensive. -_- sorry im a poor girl ah.

went to find a place cause mrtay feeling cold cause of his flu and saw that they were playing movies outside of esplanade and went to sit amongst the people where it is warmer for him.
it was an old hongkong cny movie 家田喜事 and watched it for the 83472934 time but still as funny and nice as ever woohoo!

after the movie went to sit around and chit chat and sing song and do retarded things and he sent me home after that. poor him no more transport home so he slept over till early morning when there is transport home and went home. tyvm! ^^

pictures! :):)

hello 你也是我的卑鄙无耻下流. :)

forgot to write this earlier.

but i need help.

hello everyone. :)
if anyone who saw an accident happening between tiong bahru road and henderson road at 9.50am on tuesday morning please contact me at jiale92@hotmail.com. we need witnesses to tell us what happened.
thanks so much i cant thank you enough. :)



i would probably get scolded for doing these because they dun want to spread this matter and want to wait till jiejie gets better. but seriously by that time people would have forgotten about it. or otherwise they wun be able to remember the details which might be crucial. yes im taking this matter into my own hands. but seriously i need help.

you post just made me teared T_T *hugs* (L)

thanks adeer. (L) *hugs* love you. sorry never meant to make you cry. you guys make me feel blessed. :')

hello! what do you want to say?

filled with emotions.

so much venting of emotions these few days.

should do a little proper update.

okay not much happenings though.

ytd went to clara's to do projs.

being with my girls is always happy. :)

though jiejie nv left my mind.

did up our tlaw vid which was tiring yet fun.

all in all thanks girls i love you guys. :)

reached home only to find out that my jiejie got onto the newspaper.

read the news and started crying. how useless.

went to the hospital to see her when i just started my dinner.

went back home and finished my dinner and went to bathe.

while bathing, all i did was to cry.

i kept crying kept praying kept talking to you.

can you hear me from where you are?

it's so faraway but i hope that you can feel that im thinking of you and you would want to get better quickly.

okay i dun wanna cry now.

on a happier note tonight gonna meet mrtay! :)

jiejie i will go visit you tml okay. :)

love you so much!

my precious girl.

there is so much on my mind right now. there is so much i wanna say. so much so that i dunoe where to start.
as stated clearly. this post is about my precious girl. my cousin. my jiejie.

couldnt really see you today. could only see you from outside the room. was afraid to agitate you in any way.
i want you to get better asap. i want your critical period to be over asap. i want you out of the ICU asap.
i could only see your side view. but it's enough. you are still there. still my dearest jiejie.
looking at you, i feel like hugging you so much.
then i would cry so hard and you would hug me back and pat me and tell me it's alright.
you will right?
promise me you will.
we have so many dreams together which are unfulfilled.
please dun leave me alone to fulfill them.
you know how i hate to be alone.
while me and xiaogu (your ahyi) were sitting outside the ICU, we talked about you. how stubborn you are, how bad tempered you are.
and if you were just lying there you confirm would demand to know what happened and would want to get up immediately. we smiled at the knowledge but eventually tears just came to our eyes.
so many people are crying for you.
so many people are worried about you.
alot of my friends are praying for you.
and im sure your own friends are praying for you too.
so dun let us down and recover soon!
did you know when xiaogu told me that your condition worsened my heart literally dropped. and a moment passed before i quickly asked her the details.
every now and then i would think of your face, and this ache would come creeping all over me. which cause me to be unable to think straight and all i can do is cry.
you know how useless i feel? like there is nothing i can do or say to make you feel better again.
i can only keep praying. praying nonstop. to the sky to the stars to the gods. pray to every single gods which i know of.
memories of you and me just keep flowing back. and they are nonstop.
i rmb the grey bear which you love the most.
i rmb that you love hello kitty and i bought you a watch once.
i rmb how you would tell me that the prata shop was famous just cause you think that it's nice.
i rmb how you would go down and tabao food up for me to eat.
i rmb how we went downstairs and agreed to go separate ways to be alone for awhile and clear our minds before meeting each other again and i was worried cause you werent back after awhile.
i rmb you making the milo for me which you added chocs into and i would say that it's the best milo ever.
i rmb us staring into blank space together when we were supposed to study.
i rmb us hugging and crying on each other when we were feeling down.
i rmb us going to rollerblade together and how i would feel amazed at you being able to rollerblade downslope when i had to hold your hands throughout.
i rmb us cycling super fast in ecp with our 'kaceng' CYA aka chia yan an.
i rmb when you and CYA found out that i was trying to matchmake the both of you and the things that you both said to me HAHAHA.
i rmb when you and CYA acted like my big bro and sis while i put my head on the table and acted like a p6 kid though i was alr sec 2 just so that the three of us can see how an ajisen kiddy meal looks like in real life.
i rmb how you and i would act like we are the biggest princesses by using ahma's prettiest and biggest blanket to put on ourselves like we are from the old china dynasties.
i rmb how every morning we would prepare to go to school tgthr and i would go find you after my school to go back to your home tgthr.
i rmb how i would go to your sec sch to find you and you will buy me the specialties from your school's canteen to eat.
i rmb how you would tell ALL your friends that im your real sister and they would believe us and say that we look alike.
i rmb that time when the both of us exchanged our school uniforms and started taking photos like nobody's business.
i rmb the time when we drew up the 'blueprint' of our dream house which included every single floor.
i rmb how you are able to guess what i am thinking.
i rmb how you would try and teach me on your piano.
i rmb how you would lend me to use your laptop.
i rmb how you taught me to write pretty letterings.
i rmb how i would hook your arm everywhere we go.
so many things.
so many memories.
so much more which i did not list out.
so much more that we have yet to create.
you HAVE to be alright.
you just have to.
you haven see me getting a boyfriend and eventually a husband and then many kids.
i haven gone to your wedding and be your maid of honour.
jiejie i love you so much.
you have to stay strong for me.
please.
and dagu and uncle.
and ahma and xiaogu.
and ben lee.
and ahhong and isaac.
and so many more.
please jiejie.
i need news of you getting better. not deteriorating.
i love you. :)

i am so loved.

looking at everyone around me.
asking me to stay strong and jiayou.
and some dun even know whats going on, i feel so loved and blessed.
sorry to cause you guys to worry.
im really grateful for all of you.
and those that gave me so much encouragements.
i believe jiejie will be able to go through this.
and thanks to everything that you guys did.
be it just a short 'i am here for you' or 'stay strong' or 'she'll be alright' or simply just asking 'how is your cousin?' even though she is not exactly related to you guys.
with so many blessings she will be fine. :)
feel so loved that i have so many sweet friends around me.
and even those who dun usually initiate convers came to encourage me. hehe.
my friends are the best yo!


these two days i cried many times.
and all are for you.
but everytime i laugh, i feel a tinge of guiltiness.
guilty of feeling happy when you are in this state.
even though i know you wouldnt want me to feel sad.
and i know you dun want me to feel sad cause of you.
i promise when you open your eyes and see me next,
i will be smiling brightly at you.
i love you!
so freaking much!
hehe. :)
our love will never end okay!
shall kiss you next time! ^^

my best friend

went to NS this morning. :)
sorry my dear.
it was your best night last night with your girl and i couldnt be happy with you and you had to comfort me who was crying and feeling sad for my cousin.
and i din do anything for you at all before you go in. :/
was really happy for you. :)
i mean it.
you said you would come out with at least two pecs okay.
dun forget!!
take good care of yourself and be careful of any bad people inside.
you never know okay.
if you ever face any hardships remember there is still me who will support you no matter.
thats wad best friends are for.
thanks for running with me on monday night though it was super random.
im having muscle aches now though i din run much.
sorry to make you not run as much too lah. :(
stop saying me.
but yay thanks for the h-two-o treat afterwards. hehe.
i love my best friend okay. :)
please be more of a man than a boy when you come out two weeks later. HAHAHA

my role model.

jiejie,
you know that i love you right?
i know that you love me.
miss you calling me 'jaelurp queen'
you were the one who gave me this 'jaelurp' name. :)
have always been closer than sisters since young.
i would tell you everything,
and you would tell me everything.
you took my first french kiss away.
HAHAHA how retarded were we,
playing the prince and princess games.
we would always be the 'main leads' cause we are the oldest,
not counting bernard korkor of course.
our dream house where everyone would stay together,
i din forget.
i still wanna be your maid of honour on your wedding.
i still wanna go crazy with you and dance about in your room while blasting music.
i still wanna hear all your secrets.
i still wanna laugh at all the weird people you told me about with you.
i still wanna go shopping with you, go around eating good food with you.
i still want you to make your special milo just for me.
i still want you to buy breakfast for me while im still sleeping.
you have always acted like my real big sister,
and i have always treated you like one.
you are my jiejie.
forever my jiejie.
you have to survive these three days first.
promise me you will.
the doc says it's too early to say if there are going to be any side effects.
im afraid.
i want you to be just like before.
i wanted to hold your hand so much.
i wanted to hold your face so much.
i wanted to pat your head and tell you it's alright.
i wanted to let you know that im here for you.
but i can only get shocked at how you look like now.
you look so weak, so fragile.
like if i touch you anywhere, it's gonna hurt so bad.
i can only look at you.
and hope that you will be alright.
i feel so useless.
there is nothing i can do.
when i try and imagine the pain you felt when you got hit,
it hurts so so so much.
when i look at you and i realised that i couldnt recognize you,
my heart broke.
and i couldnt cry in front of you.
i dun wanna affect you.
they wanted you to stay unconscious so you wun be agitated.
so i couldnt say a word to you, for fear of waking you up.
i wanted to say i love you, but when i saw you, i went dumbfounded.
what can i do or say to make you feel better.
i have no idea.
someone so close to me, so impt to me.
and yet there is nothing i can do to help.
when i realised that even though your breathing is hard through all those tubes,
i can still recognize it.
it gave me a little hope.
that you are still alive.
that you are still you.
i closed my eyes,
thinking back about how it still sounds the same when i was sleeping over at your house,
when i couldnt fall aslp and stayed awake while listening to you breathing beside me until i did.
looking at your half shaven head,
knowing that for the time being you wun be able to say a word,
and that you wun be able to walk,
i dunoe how you will feel or wad you will do.
you are such an optimistic and cheerful person.
you will be alright right?
好人不是有好报吗？
this is just a test for you.
you must be strong enough to go through this okay.
i woke up real early this morning, and i thought of you.
tried to go back to sleep.
and everytime i wake up i think of you.
you stayed on my mind all the time.
sleeping doesnt help.
it doesnt.
drifted these two years.
i wish i hung out with you more now.
miss you so much now.
we just said that we would catch up with each other on cny eve din we?
dun break your word okay.
i love you so much.
more than i thought.
i truly feel that now.
you are so impt to me.
please god.
please let her be okay.
jiejie i feel so helpless now.
wad should i do?
wad can i do?
i would take the pain for you.
i just want you to be alright again.
you have always taken care of me.
now it's my turn.
though i dun really know exactly how to.
but i will try my best.
i love you.

;forever your jaelurp queen.

PLEASE PRAY THAT SHE'S ALRIGHT.

got news on my way home that jiejie (my closest cousin) got into a car accident and is unconscious. din think that it was that serious at that time.
after i got home, asked mum about her condition and she said it was quite serious. and she had a head operation and is currently in ICU. tear glands started to feel wide and i just went back to my room and started sobbing on my bed.

dad came in to our room where jiamin and i were and started talking about being careful on the roads so that we wun let him or mum worry and not to look at our phones while crossing the road.
and he saw my tears and asked if i knew about the incident and i nodded and started crying and when he hugged me i just cried harder.

i just feel so worried. it's serious. really serious. :/ not just any mini car accident. and i swear i never thought that this would happen to anyone close to me. i've always thought that it happened to others others others.

please everyone, please be careful while on the roads okay. dun let anyone who care get worried. if you cant think of anyone who cares, rmb that i do. i truly do.

jiejie believes in god jesus. so he will make sure she is alright right?
it's always at this kind of time that i hate that im a free thinker. i dunoe who to pray to. need a spiritual being to calm me down and make me feel better now. or does it mean i can pray to every god right now? :(

curbing my sobs now. it's useless for me to cry here now. :( sorry jie it must have hurt so much when you got hit. sorry for not hanging out with you more. i love you. be alright for all of us here who love you so much.

going to visit her later.
hope she would be out of the ICU by then. dad says if not we cant really see her. :/


老天爷，
我从小的时候总是有事时才拜托您，
但是这次您一定要保佑她。
我会给您很多亲亲的。
求求您。

PMG THATS MY FAV BISCUIT TOOOOO. I JUST FINISHED TWO BOTTLES OF IT XDXD SO YUMMYYYYYYY

:( my house only got one container of it so sad. i shall emo until i learn how to bake it. when i learn how i bake for you okay HAHAHA

hello! what do you want to say?

eventful day.

today is a SUPER eventful day~

okay first up, waking up bright and early for SPM presentation.
was super nervous before and during the presentation. and during the Q&A session after our presentation or in fact, every group's presentation, both tutors were being bitches. :/ argh kept shooting nonstop. we were literally breaking down wts. -_- sucks to be us.

after the presentation, we wanted to go beauty world for lunch and timah shopping centre to print our TDM report. and at the bus stop, we saw this girl who fainted. the four of us (me ahyi clara and hyrah) went over to see if we could help. and esp ahyi who is a first aider.
stayed and helped wadever we can, carrying chairs for her to lie down, calling her bf, talking to the security guards and stayed there till her bf arrived and then the paramedics and telling the medics wad happened and what we saw blahh blahh until she was finally sent to the hospital under accompany of a friend.
her bf seems nice though. he came over and asked our course and year and said we would be hearing from him soon cause he wanna give us something in return for our help. O.O
but we wonder how he is going to find us since he doesnt know our class/names and only know our course, school, year, and faces. hahahaha.

after which, we bused to beauty world and ate at macs and went to print our report and golf reflections.
while waiting for a cab to go back to school, clara found out that she put the wrong file into her thumbdrive and our SPM report was printed instead of our TDM report, therefore wasting 20bucks to print the former. -_-
went back to print all over again and thanks to the nice uncle we printed the second doc for a cheaper price. :):)

went to hail a cab and then there was HUMONGOUS jam cause of this tow truck vehicle which was blocking the whole traffic. :/
i know you belong to the construction area but it doesnt mean you can hold up the whole traffic. :( esp when the roads there are like SUPER DUPER squeezy. :(

finally the road cleared up abit and we finally got into the cab and went back to school.
AND this car sdnly turned out of SIM and our cab almost knocked onto it. -_- HELLO!?!? when you turn into a main road you dun turn into the middle lane straight okayyy. you wanna kill us all!? T.T

poor us arrived at school safely where me and clara got out to hand up the stuffs while ahyi and hyrah head home for the day. me and clara kept going out of the wrong floors in the lift while trying to get to the 9th floor and then back down to the 1st floor. T.T

judging by the looks of today, it's a big fortune to scrape through it and to be safe right now at home to type out all these happenings to you guys here who are reading this. :)
btw, why all the bad things happened today!? though in the second fainting event we were being kind and helpful people but it isnt exactly nice when someone faints! :/ hope it means that all the good things are going to happen next!!!! /prayshard

okay btw, there are one iphone 3GS and three iphone 4 in my house right now. O.O ohhhh i feel so rich kekeke.

okay my retarded cute mum just finished heating the bakkwas my sis received as bonus from her bakkwa seller job and she waved the plate of hot bakkwas at me and was like 'hmmm bakkwas~' at me. HAHAHA.

another btw, this is CURRENTLY MY FAVOURITE BISCUITS HEHEHE but there wun be anymore of these after i finish this container and i would have to wait for next year to eat it again. :( okay i should learn how to bake it WOOHOO! (ignore my irritating big small eyes. -_-)

looking forward to friday night. hehe. ^^

brimming with happiness.

[EDITED]
/smiles widely and beams at everyone even though they are staring back while rolling their eyes at my ugly face

AS OBVIOUS AS IT SEEMS, i'm feeling happy. :)

met up with someone impt to me. okay it's sebastian loo liu yu wei merlion~ :D:D

asked him to go around with me to shop for a bag! ^^

after my sis spoiled mine which i bought in thailand. :( okay not spoiled, but she tore it. not much diff. :(

ate at this watami jap restaurant in ion and had the set lunch for two and we chose the $49 one. i think we are crazy. super lots of food. all cause of sebastian loo. he said he was super hungry. and in the end the both of us were full even BEFORE the last two dishes arrived on the table. and in the end we just paid the bill and ran off. hahahaha. okay here are some pics we i took while we were waiting for seats~

reluctant sucker. :(

idiot pointing middle finger which is not obv. -_- sebastian loo you suck.

OHH BTW one day my sis saw me texting sebas whose name on my contact list is 'sebastian loo' and she really tot sebas's surname is 'loo' when it is actually 'liu' HAHAHAHAHA /laughs like crazy

went from ion to plaza sing to 313 to centrepoint to look for my bag and his underwear and hp spare batt for his NS life. HAHAHA. it's always fun to be with my bestf kekeke.

eventually i bought my bag at 313 woohoo happy girl i am. :D and he bought his underwear at centrepoint. hahahaha i feel like a perv walking around with him in the underwear departments. and the saleswoman kept shooting me weird glances. :( i was just being what a bestf should do - being there for my bestf. :(

and i was feeling oh-so-bored while he was looking around for his underwear and he said this is how he feels when i was looking around for my bag. :( just cause im not sam. WHAT A LOUSY BESTF HUH!? hahahahaha.

went to cityhall citylink mall cause he wanted to buy something to prepare for his valentines gift to someone. hahahaha. valentines is supposed to be international friends day toooo. i want a present too. :(

took train tgthr while he went to meet his sec sch clique for dinner and he asked me if i wanna join him and gang for dinner. but it will be so weird. HAHAHA and i doubt anyone from my sec sch would think that we are still in contact. :/

anyway went home for awhile and went to deposit my angbao money hoho. went out again to meet mrtay and peihan and went over to peihan's hse to playy. the rest came and we played circle of death, dai dee, monopoly deal etc. hahahaha. and i was the only one drinking soft drink when playing circle of death keke thanks everyone~

wad was shocking was peihan's family sdnly coming home when we thought that they would only be back the next day. hahahaha. but his mum was nice and hospitable keke. ^^

thanks for mrtay for sending me and it's alright though you din send me to my doorstep. :)

it was kinda upsetting, what you said on the bus. but at least you realised it and apologised. :)
that text you sent, made me feel really happy too. ^^
take good care of yourself and stop being sick!.








btw here is a cute picture of me, ortao, jiamin and weilong. order is as shown below. HAHAHA.
tao is older than me by one year, i am older than weilong than one year, and long is older than ahminah by one year.
hard to tell eh. it looks like me and tao same age/im older cause im taller in the picture and ahminah is like many years younger than us. she is so small. -_- but WE ARE CUTE (though i am the cutest HEHE)
YAYY I LOVE CHILDHOOD PHOTOS (L)

you have the magic

to make me feel happy again even though i was moody/unhappy/angry in the first place. :)

smile much, laugh lots, be happy. :)

thanks for helping me to accomplish this goal.

let's continue this as long as possible.

HAPPY CNY! :)

HELLO EVERYONE HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!

everyone must be busy going around for cny visiting right!? SO AM I! :D:D

but seriously seriously seriously, there is no cny feel/mood at all this year. :( even at my ahma house. :( everyone is like lazing around doing nothing. and judging my twitter and friends who texted me, they feel the same. :(

usually my ahma house will be like super crowded up till the point when i cant even find a seat to sit and i can only sit on the ground. but there will be like alot of festive feel. but this year. :(:( sadly.

when i reached, everyone was like as per normal, as in usual gathering and not like it is a special occasion. and usually the aunties will give you angbaos almost immediately and laugh and smile widely but this year they took their own sweet time to give it like it is nothing. :(

sadder still, most of the people went off/home at like what 6plus 7plus. :( WHERE GOT NEW YEAR FEEL!?!?

in the past, the uncles will like go up to 8th floor to play mahjong. then the kids (us cousins, nieces, nephews) and the remaining uncles and aunties will go up to 4th floor to play blackjack and had to use the big glass table and we still cant fit at the table and had to sit at the side or even stand. and we will be playing till like 1plus in the morning before leaving unwillingly.

this year, only like some of us played. :( the number of people was so little that a mahjong table is enough. and we barely played till 11plus. :/

:( i miss the cny feel.

haiz cny will be over before i even have a tinge of cny feel. okay at least i got angbaos to cheer me up. okay still not cheered up. :( dun even have mood to count my angbao money. argh. where is the happy cny mood!?

you are an idiot

hello idiot you are the idiot. ^^

hello! what do you want to say?

CNY EVE 除夕

hello technically it's alr 新年初一 but just gonna update about wad happened in the day woohoo yay hey!

anyway wanted to wake up early for a run but i was too tired though i slept for 7 hours alr due to only having 3 hours of slp the prev night. :(

fell back aslp and woke up with a start cause im supposed to meet mrtay at chinatown at 1pm and i still have to pass clara her bday present which i owed since aug. hahahaha.
anyway went to pass her the present but she was still slping so passed it to her parents who were standing at the door when i reached. hahahaha. just realised i forgot to wish them 新年快乐 -_- totally not in cny mood seriously. i even forgot that it's cny. -_-

then went over to chinatown and met mrtay and friends. went to look for the karaoke place and had our lunch near there before going up to sing song~ super cheap 10bucks per person OMGGGGG. hahahahaha.
i sang alot. -_- despite me choosing only a few songs throughout the whole session. cause i know most of the songs they chose and they kept giving me the mic. i think it's pretty obv that i feel super paiseh to sing judging by the volume of my voice and i stopped singing once noone sang. hahahaha.
but anyway it's really a cheap place PLUS there are free flow of drinks and supposedly bird's nest which they dun provide today. i think most probably cause it's cny eve. hahahaha.

after the k session mrtay sent me to braddell and i went to ahma house! was the first to reach there and watched some tv while chatting with 小姑. started to eat all the cny goodies hehehe imma happy girl! :D
then the rest of my family came and jiejie and 大姑 came and we ate our reunion dinner~
okay not exactly reunion dinner. just the usual simple fare with noodles, chicken and some veg which ahma cooks. hahahaha. so used to it alr. if one day ahma doesnt cook that i think i will be real surprised. hahahaha.
OHHH and i received angbaos tooo! hehehe. four angbaos alr! ohh and adding onto mum's it's five angbaos now! ^^ happy girl i am!

HERE IS A PIC OF ME AND MY ANGBAOS!! ^^ wanna wish everyone a happy lunar new year here and hope everyone HUAT ah and those studying wun be so stressed and their results will get flying rainbows okayyy! ^^

yayyy be more energetic after seeing my photo!! ^^ okay may everyone have a great day GOODBYE! (L)

dropped by here to share a LINK with everyone which mrtay shared with me this morning/afternoon. :):)

okay it is an article about maintaining a healthy relationship and it sets me thinking. and one particular line enlightened me:

Relationships fail when individuals hold the belief that: if he/she loves me, he/she should know what to do or what to say. I don’t have to tell him/her what I’m feeling or thinking.

this is so true. i kept thinking that if my bf is the one, he should have telepathy with me and know that what i am thinking/feeling without me saying anything. HAHAHA.
this thinking is retarded because we are not edward cullens, which in the other words means that we are not mind readers. hahahaha.

was telling mrtay that i feel this way and he told me he does too which is like WAHHH O.O cause all along i always thought that i am the only weird one with this mindset. hahahaha! hmmm just to set you thinking and here are some pennies for your thoughts. /sprinkles many pennies everywhere

soooooo somebody wants to be more honest alr. kekeke.

okayy anywayy nowadays have been thinking alot more on life. i have no idea why. reflecting so much on life. and zhengjie also shared with me alot of his life's perspectives which he only wants me to think more with different points of view and not agree with him. :)
i like the way he tells me that he dun want me to agree with him and he only wants to set me thinking. SOMETIMES im really that kind who would just agree and forgo my own set of thinkings. :(
but eventually everyone thinks differently and it is not possible for one to agree entirely with the other. you can only show the other party your perspectives and it will be up to him/her to grasp the meaning within.

okayyy now i should get to slp soon there are too many things for me to do tml hahahaha. nights everyone. :)

im a studious kid.

okay the above line is a lie. HAHAHAHA.

im in tlaw lecture nowwww. and im totally not listening. :(:( i cant help it. i already dun understand what he is talking about since i was late for like about half an hour?
and he din include this in our tlaw book and we had to use our laptop to see the lecture and SOOOOO im greatly distracted. :(
THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!! okay it is. -_- but okay at least i showed my face here hehehe.

anywayyyyy. had school ytd and afterwards met keith and corrine at the bus stop to wait for mervyn to come and fetch us in cab kekeke. crossed the overhead bridge and he came! quickly got into the cab and off we go to NSRCC~

it's the BA SOCIETY CHALET aka MAX'S BIRTHDAY CHALET!!!!! :D:D
with the theme of SECONDARY SCHOOL! thereforeeeeee we must wear sec sch uniform!

sadly my mum refused to dig out mine for me. so i dun have any. but keh brought her sec sch skirt for me hehehehe. so i just anyhow wore a blouse and keh's HIGH WAIST skirt. hahahaha.super high waist.

it was fun. mahjong-ing, complaining that i wanna eat, trying to help merv with the cooking but in the end nothing for me to do, jump about, camwhoring. kekeke. all of us were crazy kids. simply love the night. esp with darren, mervyn and leon jordan's BA SOCIETY SONG. HAHAHAHA ridiculous ttm. but it was super fun.

lots of camwhores and going crazy around. kekeke. and eventually we had a toast. with this white wine that merv bought. it is really sweet and okay there is alcoholic taste but the sweetness covers most of it. heh heh.
saying 'YAMMMM SEEEEENNNNGGGGGG!' can really make you pant afterwards. shouting at the top of our lungs nonstop. HAHAHA. breathless~

okay lazy to get photos from fb so :):) i should start including pictures in my posts but hmmm wait till i get a new cam HAHAHAHA.

okay sooooooo, left with lots of people to catch the last shuttle bus. originally wanted to catch the second last one but we missed it after mixing up the timings. :( home home home. reached home late and had to help mum to pay the hdb bills stuffs.

im feeling hungry nowwwww. :( i want to eat eat eat.

btwwww, my twitter making me laugh like siao now. me and ade and gwy. HAHAHA. adeer is making me laugh like crazy seriously HAHAHA we are so retarded but kitty and reindeer is forever the <3!! ^^ just like prawn and octopus. <3 HAHAHAHA

anywayyy, good luck to mrtay for your test today even though i am not sure whether you had it already anot. guess that you studied till quite late last night. :( take good care of yourself! :):)




the content and timing of the msg was so cute and sweet. :)