memories in pictures.

Im developing an interest in taking pictures. Haha.

And I'm starting to make it a point to bring my camera out, ever since tay returned it to me after he got back from UK.

I wouldn't say I'm into photography as I can't see myself as taking those really beautiful pictures yet, but more of taking pictures of the beautiful people around me.

I wanna capture that kind of moments, that kind of mood that I or we are in.

Memories in pictures, and I guess this is going to be a lifelong kind of thing, regardless how long or short my life is gonna be. :)

I am at this point where I am realising how I should view every happy memory in the past in a positive way, instead of 'how I wish I could go back'.

I'm gonna be happy that all that happened to me, and I'm grateful to every single person no matter how good or bad they have treated me for all of you guys (or girls) led me to who I am now.

I am not a saint or someone with no flaws, but I have always been proud of myself to be able to stay true.

No matter how awkward or contradicting I am, I am quite very true.

Even though I can be real selfish sometimes lol.

And a mean asshole too hahahaha.

But thats okay.

I make myself face those feelings.

And I'm not gonna wish anymore.

I am gonna treasure the moment now, instead of the moments in the past.

Only now matters, for it creates the future which turns into your past.

Which means it is the moment now that creates everything in your life!!! Isn't that important??

So now imma go record some of the happy things that happened recently to feed my happiness monster~

Goodbye and good day to you!

friends.

Friends are friends, jiale, because they've discovered how much they have in common.

Opponents, adversaries, and foes are friends too, who have not yet discovered this. 

Your friend,
    The Universe

hahaha yes i copied adeline about this universe thing loll.
i just need more positive energy in my life when im failing to give myself some.
and i am kind of starting to have doubts about some of my friends like what the universe spelled.
but as i'm making new ones, i am realising the very basic reasons why we have friends all over again.
it's just a very simple thing.
we just enjoy each other's company.
it doesn't matter what you do for me and what i do to you.
as long as we are sincere in being good to each other, thats enough isn't it.
we argue about too many things in life, only to all just die in the end.
so let go let go let go.
smile at everyone.
no matter if you have discovered they are friends or not :) because they all are.

scaredy cat.

i am a scaredy cat.
a coward.
i think i have scolded myself this many many times in this blog.
slowly and sure, i am becoming more confident, or rather i am acting confident.
i want to be confident.
or rather, i just want to be really comfortable in my own skin, and not be afraid of what others might think.
and i guess i am moving towards that line more.
expressing myself more to people i just met even when i am a new person.
be more confident and comfortable.
if not now, then when?
go jiale go!

happy birthday tao.

my kor.
even though i never really called you that. haha.
only once or twice perhaps.
happy birthday tao zi.
xiao tao zi.
haha used to always call you that.
it's not exactly a 'happy' birthday but idk how else to wish you for your birthday.
almost 7months have passed, and i can still cry at whim.
this is probably becoming one of my minimal talents haha.
i will try really hard to keep my memories of you fresh, even if they hurt me.
i'm reading conan now, and you will know if you are watching me.
there was this one line which touched me, 'don't forget, if you forgot about him, then there will be no evidence of him ever lived.'
and i want to make your life worth it, so i am going to rmb every single little thing i can, and keep all those bad habits you gave me, as evidences and proof that you lived.
are you watching me as i am typing this?
i will be there tml, so wait for us okay.
though i would very much rather see you in person, hear your stupid retarded laughter and calling my name just to disturb me.


to the big brother who always doted on me, very very happy birthday, and wherever you are, i hope you are happy and doing well.
i love you so so so very much, and i miss you so much too.
i will wait patiently till the day we meet again.
till then, i will be missing you.

future.

planning for the future is really no mean feat.
for example, i have been researching on BTO and resale flats for the past hour or so?
and there's really tons of things that we have to know.
and there are so many choices!!
each choice comes with a different price of course.
and there will probably be a lot of things i need to calculate, since i don't wanna regret my decision in the future.
and it's not as if me and tay is getting married already.. -_-
i just.. wanna move out of my house asap.
if only i can buy a house on my own, right?
hahaha and i can probably rent but buying is so much better.
and looking at the choices, i am not sure if i wanna live in singapore at all.
tay's all in if i wanna emigrate anyway muahahahaha.
unless i stay in a private housing? or landed property?
but i don't want to have houses crowding around my house..
i want lots of spaceeeeeee.
i am in need of space, privacy.
i kept going in and out of my study room and imagine it to be my very own room.
so it will probably come true someday :)
either that or i will just move out before i go crazy.

pms.

a really bad mood today.
probably cause it's the first day of honghong knocking on my door.
DENG DENG DENG.
which means cramps came along.
DENG DENG DENG!!!!!!
wanted some retail therapy but i really bought like some clothes a few days back and i doubt my bank account can take it if i were to buy those shoes that i really like.
>:(
nvm i shall wait patiently for next month to come before i buy again.
or next week? hehe since i think mbs pays weekly keke.
and i am so gonna go for an office job next time.
feels so stressed just to ask for an off.
ask for one alr then idk if i can ask for another one for tay on the day he comes back.
should i just be brave and email? since it's just email hahahahaha.
she din even reply my previous email though.
ahh stressed!

i had an impulse earlier to cut my hair shorter than it originally was...
so now it became from this

to this

and i am already regretting it /cries

now i am wishing i have long luscious hair so i can like perm the ends just like naeun.

hahahahahahaha sorry i am in this period where my mood just changes at the speed of 1mile/ms.....

double meaning did you get that!? HAHAHAHA

okay lame seriously it doesn't deserve that much laughs.

whateverrr.

actually there is alot about my life that i can blog about loh. looking at the random photos in my phone hahaha and some events only had one.

i really dun take that much photos.....

i take more selcas hahaha.

which i doubt anyone wants to see except for tay since he hasn't been able to see my face haha.

okay i shall do up a proper update on my life probably tml or smthing.

i wanna go back to my wgm vids.

taemin naeun here i comeeee!!!

a lost phase.

i'm in a phase of losing myself,
which is making me desperate to grasp myself.
but i guess i am changing a little inside,
so what i should do is to try and understand myself all over again.
let me pretend, that i am a piece of white paper, as if i was still young.
i am going to start drawing myself all over again.
let me pick and mix some new bold colours to create a masterpiece of me.
i am starting anew.
i just need to adjust myself to adapt with my environment.
my dreams and goals just got tweaked.
i guess i kind of want something different.
told sebas and tay that i have been feeling this way,
and the advices they gave me is pretty much simple.
basically they are 'act how you'd like' and i suppose to do so even if i'm gonna act a little different from how i used to.
feeling disappointed about certain things long ago.
i guess greater expectations led me to a really bad fall.
and this bruised me so badly that i couldn't get over myself.
more time is what i need.
i have always been a talkative girl, but less words are going to come out of me.
and i will have to learn to get used to the silence coming from me, instead of trying too hard to think of conversation topics.
it's okay to just act like however i wanna be.
even if it's no longer the same.
i guess this is what they mean by changing.
on the other hand, i am not changing because i will still be acting out the truest me.
i have been getting too caught up in the circumstances i am in, and i need to speak out more.
i need to have my own stand more, and not get swayed by people around me.
i need more courage.
a lot more courage.
less about others, more about me.
be more self-centred, and it's okay, for your life is basically all about you,
who else can it be about anyway.
take it in your stride.
let's walk through this together.
jiale, you are not alone :)
you have people you can turn to, people who understand you so well,
people like tay sebas adeline.
new start new start.
white paper white paper.
you are a brand new piece of white paper, or just transparent if you really want it to be colourless.
haha you can be anybody you wanna be.
it's not trying to act like somebody else, it's just trying to be you, the real you that you want to blossom into.
you go girl!

love is...

Love is when we both remind each other not to forget the other's presence.
Love is when I laugh when I see the messages we send each other.
Love is when you woke up extra early due to our time difference in order to get a phone call with me despite rushing your projs and schwork.
Love is when you are so far and yet so near to me.

We have been meeting up fairly frequently ever since I came back from china and now this got me trying to adapt to long period of time without you.
Probably to remind myself how much I love you hiahia.
And it's probably harder this time because I'm not the one out there getting distracted by the environment and everything else that I have to get used to.
Like what adeline said, if im the one at europe I would be alot happier and less jealous lolol selfish girl I am.
As the saying goes, 小别胜新婚 or distance makes the heart fonder.
Cant wait for you to come back and do all sorts of silly things with me.
Cant wait to see your face and pinch it so hard muahahaha.
And I cant wait for our future where we will be touring europe all by ourselves hehe.
Less than three weeks to goooo before I see youuuuu!!! ^^ yayers!!

no time wasted.

i have been wasting a lot of time? i guess.
hahaha.
been spending most of my time reading the manga detective conan recently and i really love that comic.
i dun even know how can they come up with so many tricks in the first place for conan to solve.
ohmy so smart and i am quite happy that the manga is ongoing hehehe i think i would cry when the ending comes out. hahaha.
i have been to places. and took pics with my wonderful new note 2 lol.
and i wanna post them here.
but yes, not now ohmy lazy lazy.
i have no idea if i am wasting my time, or wasting my life, reading those mangas.
but then i enjoy them, they make me experience something that i wouldnt experience in my life.
thats special.
by reading these mangas or comics i seemingly am doing something that i couldnt.
isnt that really really cool!?!?
hahaha okay i am kind of in my own world now.
perhaps i can better make use of my time by doing something creative? or learning something?
or i probably should just sign up for a course to learn something.
hahaha i should also bake one day.
and cook too, since i am quite satisfied about the meal i cooked for papa on fathers' day keke.
really really cannot stand rude people and those who cannot clean up for themselves.
yes your parents definitely spoiled you.
and no i am not gonna be nice to you.
what for?
when you can't even complete simple tasks to help around in the house.
i give up on you.
i wouldn't be the one staying with you in the future anyway.
so really, no point to me.
oh whatever.
you can do whatever you like.
so dun blame me for doing whatever i like :)
all these are just gonna add up and come back to you next time.
i will just wait for that time to come.
ohh and i should probably exclude your clothes in the laundry too.
since you arent doing anything helpful anyway :)
what a good idea.

learn to let go.

You, of all people, should already know this, don't you?
There are a lot of things in life which don't actually matter that much.
When you think back in a few years' time you are just gonna laugh at the you now, like how you are laughing at the past you.
When you face death, when you face losing someone, you will suddenly realise that everything else doesn't matter anymore as long as that person is happy and alive.
Remember?
That's what you resolved to yourself.
You wanted to be someone who can let go of less important things easily, so be her, be that someone.
Since it passed, it's gone.
Forget negative things, remember happy ones.
Jiayou.

long time no seeeeeee

my face.
hahahahaha.

started working at cedele.
and i really hope that i can start serving people and actually start talking to people. :(
been working the morning shift which starts at 7.30am and i am really bored because most of the time i am just doing preparation work (since i'm still a noobie) and thus minimal chance of talking to people, be it colleagues or customers.
i can literally feel that my mouth stinks, all cause it is shut most of the time. :(
and this is like the cause of my unhappiness at work hahahaha.
but at least aft the peak hour, i can still chat a little w my colleagues. at the very very least.
and i am learning to make sandwiches muahahaha.
just that they are really hot and my fingers hurt T^T but i have to bear with the pain to make the sandwiches as fast as possible oh sighhhh.
but a good thing is that the shift ends at 3.30pm, which leaves me plenty of time thereafter to do my own things, though i just head home and take a nap hahaha.
proud of myself today since i din waste my time napping away and i even did some aerobics muahahaha though i din finish the routine 'cause it's just too hard on my alr tired body D:
hope tonight i can have a good night's sleep and not have insomniaaaaaaa.
tml is another morning shift, and next week is another week of morning shifts as well.
lalala at least i get to eat fruit tarts and cupcakes and cakes hehehehe.

yayy tay reached amsterdam safely. jealous esp cause minho was there in shinee's one wonderful day if i din rmb wrongly hahaha.
and his hotel is really pretttyyyy.
wish i was there but too bad i am not.
gonna have my dinner at this late timinggg.
bye.

I am grateful.

Last night I had this sharp migraine when I went to sleep.

When I woke up at 5plus in the morning due to the pain, I really thought I was dying.

It hurt so much that tears just came naturally to my eyes.

All I thought as I fall asleep is please let me wake up tml.

It's a little drama but you know there have been lives lost through sleeping right hahaha.

And for now, I am truly grateful that I woke up and am alive.

I am grateful that I was able to spend the night w my friends.

Happy birthday adeline toh haha.

I am grateful to have everyone.

Thank you for keeping me alive.

Thank you for life. 

i miss this boy so much.

yes ignore my face lol.

he actually requested for this pic of him kissing me to be taken.

i guess it's probably because he just wants me to have a picture of his affection before we part.

i have no idea if i miss him because i was too used to having him by my side for almost everyday for two weeks before he flew off or i miss him just because of the fact that he is not here in singapore.

i mean, it's not been a week since he left and so i should be coping well, right?

it's probably after he's gone then i realised how much he's been doting and loving me. loll.

thank you for loving me and treating me like your dream girl even though i know i am not. sobs.

i can never be those gentle and soft girl w fair skin.

what he wants is something like the elegant princess kind.

ya actually i behave like a princess too. the demanding kind. HAHA.

i am trying to type more here so i dun have to see my face above.

yue kan yue qian da.

hahaha.

come back sooon.

safely.

bring my camera and laptop back safely too.

so annoyed at the fact that you are touring those beautiful and romantic places not with me but with your friends and their girlfriends. (please imagine i spat the word 'girlfriends' like how i would spit tomatoes out with a gag. out of the point but yes i vomit at the taste of tomatoes.)

yes, sibei annoyed at the fact that there are other girls.

so it's like i am not the first girl you go those places with.

roll eyes to europe and back.

yes i am a possessive woman who is probably possessed right now.

or my emotions is just uncontrollable due to the fact that i am pms-ing right now.

esp when the girlf is one whom tay praises as someone who treats his friend very well.

sorry horh it's just the start of the relationship.

give it a few more months then we see how again lohhh. lolol wicked me.

just dun think that the girl and the friend very good leh.

yes i judge from the face hahahaha.

somehow i can tell someone's character and personality from the face.

actually it does show.

not that i am judging.

i just don't like their personality.

it's hard to find someone whom i like their personality leh.

even if you are best friends with me i also may not necessarily like your personality.

probably the reasons why i always fight w sebas. HAHAHAHAHA.

he is wishywashy and annoying to the max.

guess he knows that himself.

but seeeee we are still best friends HAHA.

out of so many people i know, there are only a few who have personalities that i really really really like. hahahahahaha.

okay but people bound to have weaknesses so yea.

back to the point of missing tay after digressing for so long, i really hope you be a bit more sweeter in your text to me leh sucker. >:(

i know not your pattern but tskkkkk show me more love since you are so far away kay.

even though you are tired max sobs.

argh i am probably just ranting because i cant go to either europe nor korea.

RAGE.

why my parents tio 4d so long after the korea exchange program application ends!? :(

ytd my mum asked me if it's still possible to apply so i think she would actually allow if it's like now. cheh. it's too late. :'( SOBS.

AHHHHH AM I JUST RANTING CAUSE I AM JUST HERE!?

LEE JIA LE WHY OH WHY LEE JIA LE.

NEVERMIND YOU GONNA EARN SOME MOOLAH TML OKAY.

anyway tml is the day that i start work O.O

so sudden since i only got to know about it today.

whatever.

i just hope it will be funnnn!

hope there are super cute colleagues tml waiting for me hehehe.

and working time is 3pm to 10.30pm and tay usually contacts me at about 8plus 9pm because it's lunchtime in europe and they would find a cafe/restaurant with wifi noooo means i cant reply him tml alr..

i would probably be deadmeat by the time i reach home tml.

sunday is bbq day..

i haven do adeline's card...

i should probably start now......

goodbye.....

I only wanna be me.

I need to constantly remind myself that I need to impress nobody.
Why do I need to take a selca shot which I'm satisfied w to post on insta.
I would really much rather no friends follow on my insta or I probably should just unfollow friends there.
I post my selca when I feel really happy about something and I just wanna capture my own happy face.
But nowadays I feel judged somehow.
I should go on a unfollow spree seriously.
At the very least I'm using twitter as little as possible like what I wanted.
Yea I'm probably just afraid of being judged, but so what.
I dun wanna try and act or become a pretty girl.
Why do people want to be pretty?
Sometimes when myself try doing that, I just feel disgusted and start making ugly and funny faces again.
Yes I like to be funny.
It just feels more me, and the feeling of being me just feels so great.
I am grateful and thankful that I can be so elated w just being myself.
Thank you for letting me be me.
I would be stronger and braver as each day pass by.
I want to bring more happiness to everyone, even strangers.
And I guessed I alr did that twice today by helping two different people. Heh.
That feels good.

Dictionary: word of the day

Dog (the-oh-ger)
Noun.

Also known as doggy, puppy.

No explanation needed for a picture is worth a thousand words. (See below)

Example:
Tay Yin Ji is a bad dog, a 假惺惺的 doggy.

girls and breakups.

You know, there is a difference in a girl's attitude when facing breakups depending on whether it's a relationship they can or cannot bear to let go.  

Basically, when a girl merely took a step towards the end, it actually shows that she is still bearing hope.  

What do I mean by a step? 

It could be a question asking you for your opinion. 

It could be anything as long as she made some kind of move first, and yes it might include initiating the breakup. 

It's just somehow more manageable if the girl initiates the breakup first, from the girl's pov of course. 

Whenever she does that, all she really is doing is putting up barriers in case of getting hurt again. 

However, if she really wanna break off from you, she would not relent no matter what you say. 

When a girl's heartless, man, she's real cruel. 

She would just leave, without taking so much as a second look back at you. 

It wouldn't be taking a step away from you.  

She would be flying so fast and so far away from you you wouldn't have the time to respond. 

Okay a random thought. 

I shall go join Tay in lalaland now! byeee! 

Dictionary: word of the day

假惺惺 [jia xing xing]

Adj. 

To describe someone as fake, pretentious. 

E.g.

Tay Yin Ji is a 假惺惺的男人。

relationships.

relationships are susceptible to nothingness in the face of change.
all kinds of relationships.
BGR, friendships, kinships, ...
what do you fear more?
people you love hating you? or absolutely don't feel anything to you?
in the latter, you can't even spite you anymore.
they could look at you in the eye and see you as nothing.
the cold, hard expression like you are a stranger.
and then, you began to doubt yourself, your own memories, doubt if whatever happens between you was just a dream, only a dream.
yes, that's when the relationship becomes voided.

back to the topic of change.
you may ask, what kind of changes?
well, all sorts.
for instance, change in the environment;
i could have entered university, he could have entered army, she could have entered the working society.
our environments changed.
we no longer have the same environment, no longer see the same things, no longer meet the same situations, no longer understood what each other are going through.
and that's the crux - we don't understand.
when we don't understand something, that matter could be judged, twisted, deformed into something that is very, very different from what it originally was.
other changes include, but not limited to, changes in circumstances due to unexpected and expected situations, changes in status quo, changes in perspectives, or even changes in appearance.

people use their own perspectives to view things, and that's where the problems lie.
i'm no different, and that's hard to change.
even when we say we can stand in your shoes, we are viewing from our own perspectives and predicting how we will/might feel if we face the same situations.
it's just difficult, unless the other person's personality is similar to yours.
yet again, being too similar has its cons too.
what's the most important is how we deal with them changes.
how do we respond to them, or how do we adapt?
there are times when i pick the option of giving up, as well.
as the old saying goes, it takes two hands to clap.
a relationship takes two parties to work too.
if one side gave up, it will be futile for the other to put in any effort.

i remember the last relationship i gave up on.
i suppose i could sense it, sense the other party wasn't capable enough to continue on.
you could say this is just my own perspective, so just scroll up a little to see what i wrote there about own perspectives.
when i talk about capability, i don't mean the other party is useless, but just unable to handle the new situation that arose.
a relationship is something that takes forever to cultivate.
you have to constantly, not occasionally, put in effort.
a relationship, of any kind, can fade, can change, can disappear if nothing is done.
i have already lost count of the many relationships that had long since faded into naught in my 21 years of life.

sometimes, though, i may sound selfish but i'm just tired.
i'm actually tired at the thought of having to manage relationships.
that's why i don't exactly prefer having lots of friends.
i'm just too lazy to handle all of them.
just a few close ones would do.

okay, it's late.
i'm tired, as in physically.
goodnight.

i might have just found my style of studying.

which is reading my notes out loud while moving incessantly on my seat, such as bouncing or shaking my hips/waist and moving my arms up and down, to the beat of the song i am listening to, which is most likely one of shinee's songs. keke.

HELLOOOOO!!!!

yes i am here again!!
adeline gonna scold me again!!
hahahaha.

okay i just wanna write down my plans below after exams which is two days away wahahahahaha though i haven even finish studying but whatever okay.

• DYE MY OWN HAIR (DIY) reddish/purplish? always wanted something like that
• work and save money to do LASIK ^^
• go macritchie tree top walk
• go JB (alr have plans to go there w three different grps HAHA)
• jog/run EVERY SINGLE DAY
• do my crafts

okay that's all for now.

is there anyw for me to keep this post at the top? D:

since blogger now schedules your post if you change the date to a later one :(