BAOC prep

Is sucking my life out. :( i'm like in the room and i dunoe what to do. Sigh sigh.

I hope tml will be a good day. It has to be!! :(

And can i be a pretty girl tml? I just wanna be pretty on my bdays. :( am i asking too much? :/

Mrtay is bringing me to this place on sat?



But maybe we wun buy anything. Hahahahaha. Go see see ah. Hope i wun be tempted to buy anything. Thanks. ^^

I'm supposed to be heading to bed,

But i just started thinking.

It's like my birthday in less than a day's time, and a year has passed yet again.
Time really do fly i guess. 19 years of my life whoosh past just like that.

And i'm afraid. Like what i told ahyi. Kind of silly but it's like i'm growing up. I have to grow up. And i'm so afraid of changing into another person, this person whom i dun like at all, whom i feel like it's not me at all. I hope i stay the same me.

My birthday. It feels so familiar and yet strange. I have no idea how to feel.

I guess i will just wake up feeling like it is any other day, just that i will be bombarded with msges from ppl i dun usually contact and smile that they still rmb me? Or will my phone be eerily quiet unlike the prev years?
I do hope that my loved ones would rmb me though. ^^

Jiale is growing up. It seems like going to kindergarten was just ytd. I guess it's time to face the fact that it's not my 18th birthday one day later but my 19th. So so afraid of growing old.

Btw the picture on top is what weifeng drew. Hehe. So cute right! ^^

new blogger app

Okay i have just downloaded this new blogger app (previously i have been blogging from the actual blogger site using safari) and im currently testing it out. Hahahaha

But the sad part is that i cant bold and underline the words that im typing now straight away. Let me try if this works. bold and underline

If it doesnt. Then i just have to go find a better blogger app. :/ can anyone intro me a free and good blogger iphone app? Tyvm! ^^

busy ttm

ytd was back to school day again and i tot there would be a birthday dinner with my family at night which was cancelled cause i stayed back in school far too late and mummy has to go for her singing lesson. :(

-

shouted at my SCs for a few times. sorry guys. i'm kind of at my limit when we have deadlines to rush and you are still fooling around and not listening to instructions. i get it that you are just here to have fun but i hope we can be serious at times.

apologised to a few of them personally and they seem to understand my situation. totally grateful for that. :) esp zujian who still kid with me and said that we were communicating well when i admitted that i felt like there is a huge generation gap between us and them.

sometimes their mentality is really like a kid. a sec sch kid. which is like a huge diff from poly's mindset. really bth. me and weifeng were at our wits' end trying to get them to listen and we could only complain to each other. :/

to be honest, i really feel like giving up. i'd rather work and meet up with friends than go back to school for prep. there is just no motivation? it's not like last year somehow. last year i would be happy to go back everyday. this year, im just kind of sick of it. a little regretful about joining back. argh.

mrtay told me to quit since like a month ago when i started complaining. but i couldn't quit now. i dun wanna be an irresponsible person. since i have alr made this choice, no matter i regret it or not, i will stick to my responsibilities till the end. :)

sorry to leon and weifeng that i'm kind of busy juggling work and baoc. and couldn't help out most of the times. :/

-

sigh sigh sigh. cried and teared like crazy watching yongseo's last ep last night. i dun want them to end. :( and seohyun crying omg dun cryyyy. T.T just cried most of the parts. and they looked so so so comfortable with each other as compared to when they first met. :(

and the surprise that yonghwa gave her. :') :') omg touched forever. and our hyuuun~ is forever so sweet to yooongg~ with her cute yonghyun storybook. :')

sigh sigh sigh. i no like khuntoria alr lahh. :( i dun want new couples leh. somehow i want adam and yongseo to come back. :(

What are you most excited about today?

HMM MM MM MM TODAY? which is technically tue right? erm i think my birthday dinner with my family? hahahahahahaha.

hello! what do you want to say?

blissed girl :')

many things had happened in the past few days. let's rewind, shall we? ^^



well well well, BSFL sentosa outing on the saturday. wasn't in a good mood while i was travelling there. maybe cause of my irritating honghong. :/

to be honest, i was worried that i would feel awkward and out of place. but the moment i met them, a smile just spreaded across my face as i waved and they just smiled back as brightly and we talked as though the many months we haven't met don't exist. ^^

siloso beach next after anson's gf emma reached! ohhoho. we have never been to siloso tgthr before yo! volleyball-ed and captain ball-ed and ahbe reached in between.

soon we just nua-ed around by the beach and sat there those chit chats. :') how i miss times with you guys. :)

played around, fooled around, went to 7-11 to buy some food/drinks and bathed (i din bathe though. used the sink to wash myself for a little bit. TOTALLY REGRETTING NOT BRINGING CLOTHES TO CHANGE T.T) and almost all of us got sunburnt. :( why din i put sunblock!? T.T


walked to palawan kou fu cause there isn't any vegetarian stalls for anson and his gf to dine at and we went back to vivo after that. anson and emma left while we went to carl's junior. bought the beef chili cheese fries and sat at the sky park to chat and everything.

watched morning glory with guowei yingjie and ahbe while the rest went home. a funny show! i like i like. ^^

the three of them took train to me to change to bus so that it will be a shorter journey for them and mrtay came to fetch me so they met him and hahaha kinda awkward but it was still okay. they left and he sent me home hehe. and stayed over too though hahaha.



he left in the morning on sunday to meet his friend while i nua-ed on the sofa watching tv for less than half an hour when i realised that i needed to be in sch in two hours' time for leon jordan's comp. met weifeng at the bus stop and the two girls went to the CC to support him for the comp!

met cheryl and her bf there. and wahhhh many pretty and skinny girls there *-* and all wearing the ballroom dancing costumes *-* sexy yo!

went off to mrtay's house for the second time cause first time was on friday which i din mentioned and slept on the couch while he played dota -_- im a good gf okay. ^^

he woke me up afterwards and off we went to lot1. ordered couple rings hehe im kind of excited. it's my first couple ring yo HAHA. okay noob shit -_- dinner at kfc and back to his house where he bathed and i met his dad for the first time. O.O nice uncle is nice heh.

he sent mrtay to his camp and then sent me home. meaning that i spent a considerable amount of alone time with him. O.O! but it was still okay since he was rather easy going and mrtay sms-ed me to treat the older mrtay like a friend so i relaxed myself and we chatted and chatted. kekeke.

though he wasn't familiar with the roads and turned big rounds to send me home but thanks uncle! ^^ and had a nice chat with him as well hehe.



monday which is also today was SC meeting day. school-ed and it was a whole day of dancing. weifeng and me were dead beat by the end of the day T.T before i left we practiced a little on the SCO dances. omggg. difficult daooooo~~~ T.T

mrtay got an incidental nights out cause they found a WWII bomb at the air base which they were visiting. O.O cool but he din see the bomb. :( i would want to get a chance to see the bomb if i can.

met him opp beauty world where he enjoyed super nice durian ice cream. reached there and i got to eat some too. it really tasted like real durians. *-* though i think it is kind of steep and he thinks it is worth it. T.T

dinner at al azhar left us both with stomachs almost exploding and he sent me home before going back to camp.




i think this is the first time where we saw each other for four consecutive days straight? don't get sick of me and i won't get sick of you HAHA.

someone sent a sweet 'ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ' to me about what each letter stand for hehe. nowadays so sweet ah.


anywayyy, quote of the day:

"Lie to me, baby." 

- Pinocchio's girlfriend, sitting on his face..

which ex do you love most?

hmmmmmm i should say every r/s is kind of different and it's kind of hard to compare which one i love most? if you say happiest then it should be the prev one? hahahaha. but i am not looking back anymore. :) i am blissed with my current one. :)

hello! what do you want to say?

anyway spent the night last night with mrtay over at vivo. really love the sea breeze there with mr snowman looking over us.


din had a good day. was in a not so good mood almost most of the day. i'm still in that bad mood now. hahaha. not exactly bad mood bad mood. more of emo-ing my day away. feel like moping around and doing practically nothing. no mood for anything. argh. life sucks.

sometimes i have this intuition i'm going to die in the near future

then i will start thinking, will anyone forget me? or will they miss me?

though it never happened, somehow i always felt the need to jot down my will and some last words to my loved ones somewhere.
never forget that all the money i have will be given to my parents. and never forget to say i love you to all my loved ones. you know who you are. :) and individual words would be too private to be written here. hahahaha.

and sometimes i feel like if i am out of their lives, would they live happier? and better? like i was originally a burden and they dunoe how to tell me to get out of their lives and since i'm dead i would be naturally not in their lives anymore and thus they would feel much much much happier after my death?

no matter what, i wouldn't know. since i would be dead. but by any chance you would feel sad, don't. cause rmb jiale stands for happiness. and stay happy cause you once knew me. :) and you know i would want you to be happy.

i used to think that if i die, i would want to become the guardian angel of all my loved ones and protect them like a little angel floating around. and i still do think that way now. :)

How many exs do you have? DId you regret getting together with anyone of them?

O.O i had four exs haha. ehh i did regret for perhaps all four? in some way or another. but then again, on the other hand, if i din meet them, i wouldnt have grew and understood different things, and i might not have met who i met now or got close to any of them and as i am grateful for everyone in my life right now, i dun wanna regret. :)

hello! what do you want to say?

Friends are another source of my happiness. Always there for me like umbrellas trying to shield me from the rain. :) love them. (L) all my girls. Hehe.


And btw it's not your fault. I din mean to make you feel bad in the first place. If you trust me.

so i'm a fucking xiao qi gui now. sorry that i have trust issues okay.

you will never understand why i got them cause of my fucking ex who cheated on me over and over and over again. you will never understand the fear i get when i hear that some girl is trying to get near you. you will never understand how i feel.

differences between guys and girls. okay no i should say differences between you and me.

i do trust you on most things, but not when that party doesnt even know my existence? do you know that a decent girl treats a guy without a girlfriend and a guy with a girlfriend differently? do you know how many times a girl fell for my bf and started flirting with him cause she didn't know my existence has happened to me? countless.

sorry that my past made me have trust issues. many who promised me forever or the rest of his life had backed out and left. but this is who i am now. if you want the me without any trust issues, come back in the future after 30 years, if i am not yet taken. or you can also take a time machine back into the past 4years ago and kidnap the then me. or if you dun mind, accept the now me and be willing to change with me.

sorry for being intolerant and xiao qi and not understanding. for your info, i tried to be as understanding as possible. if not there wouldnt even be any posts like the one below. i know you are not angry. i am not angry either. i just feel sad. perhaps no one can understand how i feel. sorry my bad.

my wrong choices in the past made me the me i am now. i cant change my past. and i cant change how i am now. i tried to let you know that i am having trust issues but you took it as i dun trust you and i dun even know how to explain to you at that point in time. why am i always doing and saying the wrong things!? leave me alone for now.

fuck no lee jia le you wanna be a gracious person right? so shut the fuck up right now.

don't do stupid things. keep your mouth shut. keep your brain shut. dun think dun ask.

i know it's tough for you. i know you will be unhappier this way but there is no other method alright? so swallow that down. you have to just deal with it and take it in your stride.

close your eyes. breathe slowly. yes. 

do you feel better now? still a little stuffy in your chest? close your eyes and breathe slowly again. it will be all over. give yourself some time.

you are a good girl. it will all be worth it kay. :)

trust more trust more. i know you are so fucking scared right now but trust more trust more. perhaps to you it's not a issue of trust but fear cause you have just been through all those hurt far too many times but just trust and don't think about anything else.

don't let those tears fall baby girl. even though in your heart you feel like at the end of the day you will be all alone but don't give in to despair. hold on those cheerful hopes you usually have. don't cry don't cry.

smile. that's more like it. though it's a bitter smile but smile more and you will get used to it. and at least it will gradually seem happier and people will buy it eventually.

put yourself in those shoes. you can understand right? i know you can. :) our jiale is such an understanding girl. :) this is how you are supposed to grow you know. this is where you learn and mature and finally become an adult.

chest is still a little stuffy but don't you feel much much much better now? :) read your happy book and think back of all those happy and sweet memories you have. i promise you will be happier.

jiale means happy. so stay happy. :)

pretty hair

yayyy pretty hair i did up myself hehe. 

How much sleep do you get every night?

erm i try my best to get at least 7hours keke

hello! what do you want to say?

hello i am bored to death

take a look at the huge pimple on my right cheek. :(

it just popped in the aftnn and i hope it will heal soon. drinking as much plain water as i can right now. tyvm.

IS selection in the aftnn was crazy and npal is being a bitch, AS USUAL.



last night i configured my fb privacy settings so that only a few can view my full profile. so if you can, you are one of the lucky chosen ones. hehe. just feel like life is becoming less and less private. :(

and though blogs are online, i feel kind of private in this small space of mine. :)


work will start soon after my birthday. first work i have after i turn 19. one week and one day to my birthday now. let's hope it will be a good one, though i don't really like the number 19. :(

it's going to rain soon, just after i decided to go to the fitness corner to exercise later? NOOOOOOO!! :(


on a happy note, i shall see mrtay tml. oh hey mrtay! :)

What things do you do to stay healthy?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HMMM. smtimes i drink more plain water and do exercises? HAHAHAHAHAHA but i'm not exactly the healthy type.

hello! what do you want to say?

i think life is about taking chances

i think i need to be: -

• a little more daring, 
• a little more brave, 
• a little more forgetful, 
• a little more muddleheaded, 
• a little more gullible, 
• a little more naive,
• a little more imaginative.
• a little more clumsy,
• a little more independent,
• a little more crazy,
• a little more cheerful,
• a little more carefree,
• a little more hopeful,
• a little more caring,
• a little more kind,
• a little more helpful.

to become a person who i myself will be proud of. :)

i am trying to keep a little old me while trying to grow up at the same time and i fervently hope that this is possible. :)


Life is about taking chances. So, I try my best not to regret things that i have done. yes i still do feel like i regret them sometimes, but when i really think back, i will just treat them as a wrong choice or a mistake i made whilst i was young and hope that the aftermath results would not be too severe. i forever believe that everything happens for a reason, and of course they do have their consequences but life would even them out. whenever you gain, you are bound to lose something. and whenever you lose, you are sure to gain something back in the end. :)

you may not agree but at the very least, this is my belief and it makes me feel happier and hopeful to live on, so why not? ^^

eating all day long

though i wanna become skinnier, i think it takes time. HAHAHAHAHA.

had sakae's lunch buffet with clara and HEHE so full!! all the happy food in my tummy!! kekeke.

back to clara's place and did all kinds of random stuffs. like dl-ing talkbox and leaving retarded voice msges for each other when we can hear wad each other is recording. HAHAHAHA. we are forever doing retarded things together. ^^

cheryl and ahyi reached afterwards and mahjong session officially starts? ohh i think it started after we watched dream team hahahaha. it was quite a fair game since everyone won a few times keke.

pizzahut delivery for dinner which left us all with super full and round tummies hehe. played upwords in the end which cracked our brains and our brain cells almost all died hahahahaha.

sometimes you are just too adorable. ^^

I feel so helpless

I really wish that everytime you feel insecure and say all those things you do, i can fly to right where you are and hug you and assure you that it will be alright.

I can't promise that i would definitely love you forever and anyway if i really do say that i think you will doubt it but for now i will just try my best. :)

My dear boy we will be alright. You are a really wonderful person. And i'm really lucky and fortunate. <3