cny.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!
HOPE EVERYONE HAD FUN COLLECTING LOTS OF ANGPOWS!! :)

cny was a lot different for me this year.
it was still the same for my paternal side, with them joking around, despite one of my cousin wasn't there (one person missing is very obvious cause it's a small family there heh), but not the other side.
not only did my maternal side not celebrate cny, the whole mood was just not there despite all the standard cny goodies and decorations around the house.
yes, it's a lot different without you.
and it was sadder for me cause i really looked forward to this year's cny, having not spend the last year's with everyone at home.
no you to laugh at/with, no you to talk to, no you to start our mini banluck game before everyone joined in and voila! everyone is playing together.
family gatherings would.. just be alot different for me without you around, without you to hang out with.
i practically only hang out with you, weilong, jiamin and qiqi the most hahaha.

but on the other hand, this year's cny is the first one which i visited tay's relatives and grandmother :)
i had seen his maternal side before, like a few times, due to some birthday/first month celebrations and a wedding dinner, but not his paternal side.
and he told me his aunts on that side are looking forward to seeing me hehe. /shys

here is my cny schedule heh.
*photo spam alert*
i am too lazy to sort them out properly~

CHU XI (EVE OF CNY)
'reunion lunch' with tay at bpp's ichiban sushi having spend the night over at his place.
hehe the food was great!! :D think i'll go back there again when i am feeling rich hahaha.
he drove me back home and i napped at home a little before preparing for a bit to go for my reunion dinner!! hehe.
went over to ortao ahma house to sit sit before going over to tpy ahma house to eat for realzzz.
had ahma's as always awesome (4As!!) noodles nomnomz and i love her soup as much as everrrr and abaloneee hehehe love her prawns tooooo.
jiamin's soonbeng came over to join us for dinner tooooo. since his family have reunion lunches instead which jiamin joined.
here are some selcas of me and qiqi on the way to ahma house hahah.

 

DAY ONE
went over to my paternal grandmother side first.
was late because we were supposed to meet there w the rest at like 11!?!? but we reached at 12.30?? HAHA jiamin was toooooo slow in preparing.
tay was feeling sorry cause he was running late but in the end we reached at almost the same time HAHA.

some photos before we left the house:

i was very much annoyed by my fringe :(

qiqi is very much annoyed by me lolll.

HAHAHA AT QIQI.

jiamin busy saving and deleting photos cause her memory card was fulllll.

at my grandma houseeeee:

 why i look so blur in this photo? O.O

three happy sisters with an unhappy tay HAHA i like this candid shot though.

tay must be engrossed in the tv show hahah.

the kids in the house yo!!

some older kids wanted to join hahaha.

our da peng youssss.

tay sitting on a very small stool lolol.

at my maternal side:

see this woman who can change face very fast lolol.

my sexaye back ~

leaving to go over to visit tay's relatives~ say hi to my fat faceeeee....

i think i have food in my mouth to smile properly :( prefer my own toothy smileeee.

there are many more photos taken after i left though :(
like those more proper ones... when i was there not everyone was there yet D:
din actually take much photos because.. i lost the mood.. :(

fast forward to tay's aunt's house~~
tay's paternal aunts were very nice and kind to me :') feeling so fortunate.
had steamboat at their place too! it was kind of crazy for me and tay because we never stopped, never stopped eatingggggg.
tay had lunch and yusheng before leaving his house to go over to my paternal ahma hse.
we had lunch there (AGAIN FOR HIM) and then sat down and ate all the goodies nonstop until we left.
went over to my maternal side and we had more goodies and had a small dinner before leaving.
went over to his aunt's house and STEAMBOAT omg it's really crazy.
after the steamboat we had more goodies lolol time to exercise i am feeling really unhealthyyyy.


SECOND DAY
went to visit ortao in the morning because it's his 49th day.
staring at the photo on the stone plate makes my heart ache so much.
went back to ahma house and had lunch before going home to prepare~
no more cny visitations on my side and so went over to tay's maternal side of his family to bai more nian!
angpows angpows fly into my pockettt!! lolol okay just kidding.
dun expect much because i am not their family members afterall.
have alr seen too much at my own family. because my aunties always finish 'wrapping' their angpows in one of the room at ahma house and we always watched how much they put in it before handing it over to the non-family members hahahahaha.
and since it's also me and tay's second anniversary (TIME FLIES), i texted him the night before to wish him and complained about him not wishing me, he wished me face-to-face.
no presents or whatsoever we are too busy for these HAHA.
should probably make it up to each other some time laterrrrr.
anw, when we reached, they were already playing banluck.
as someone who really enjoys the banluck sessions during cny (one of the main reasons why i look forward to cny) my eyes lit up.
but i sat at the side quietly first and watched them and the tv before tay's mum asked me to join them hehe and so i did.
tay knows i love gambling and he sponsored me for a bit though i returned him the money afterwards okay.
lost in the end but it's okayyy.
(had tears in my eyes before we started the game because banluck reminds me of ortao so very much.
we were the kids who love to gamble lolol.
the kids who were always impatient to start, and if we see that no adult is starting to play, we would start playing amongst ourselves first, with bets of 10cents to 20cents lolol.
and slowly people will join in, and as we grow older, the older ones scolded us because they always had to find change to pay us and our stakes therefore increased hahaha.)
i dun have any photos on the second day :( i think i have a few w tay? but it's really awkward to take out my camera and snap away lolol.

DAY THREE
gwy and ade came visiting and we basically erm nua-ed around and watched tv while playing monopoly deal hahaha.
ohh and ade ate alot of goodies that pigggg hahahaha.

sorry i am in my home clothes hahahaha. it's at home maaaa :(

changed and prepared a bit and went over to another of tay's aunt's house at sbw.

stayed there and watched tv and had some dinner.

tay's dad sent me home :') and the following was what happened which really warmed up my heart so so so much.

thank you my love, for reminding me that you are there for me always.

and everytime you hold my hand and smile at me, it really just eases whatever negative thoughts i have at that moment. thank you very much.

this is my cny. kbye.

me and my bad memory.

(tells dad i forgot if i brushed my teeth this morning)
Dad: nvm lah. You brushed your teeth yesterday ma... right?
Me: erm.. Last night? Erm.. I forgot if i did..
Dad: ...
Me: (inserts sheepish laughter and skips to the bathroom)

Not the first time i forgot.. And most likely i didn't brush..? How can i forget when i even went to bathe bathe? D:
My memory is only good for long term stuffs.

love (?)

Suddenly i felt like i learnt a lot about love recently.
Just a few weeks back, i was lamenting tay about how boring it was and everything.
And it's kind of like what the first love quotes i got from Reply 1997 said, even the most beautiful first love can lose all its purity and passion as time passes, but what never fades is that familiar heartbeat and person.
Looking at how long r/s can still fail, it's probably because people fall into the delusion that you stop loving someone just because the nerves disappear.
As long as you continue seeing that person as the one you love, he/she will continue being the one you love.
If somebody comes along and gives you that heart fluttering moment that you thought you forgot, dun forget about the one staying by your side, for she/he might have their fluttering moments w someone else too, but they chose to stay by you.
And dun EVER EVER forget that you once had all the flutters w the special someone w you right now, and what makes you so sure that this new someone will continue and always give you these flutters for the rest of your lives? Do you want to change partners everytime the flutters happen!?
If ever past loves seemed more beautiful that the one you have now, it's because those loves ended before it could turn uglier, so dun be fooled.
Yea, so cherishing who you have now is really truly very impt.
But at the same time, that other party should feel the same way too.
As soon as i stop lamenting about the boredom, i feel happier again.
I realised that i mistook familiarity as boredom, and that i like this familiarity which brings peace and comfort to me.
Thank you :)

my gratitude book

Yes this is my gratitude book.
It's actually a book bought for me by my pri sch clique for my bday two yrs back and thanks guys hehe and i made it into a book where i record my gratitudes.
I am supposed to write in it everyday but i dun always remember.
And aft tao's accident, i simply disregarded it altgthr.
I stare at it sometimes, thinking that there is nothing in this world for me to be grateful about, and i kind of became resentful.
But i just figured that this kind of thinking is wrong, for grieving and being grateful is a different thing altgthr.
So i am going to resume writing in this again. And i am sure it will make me happier even while i'm grieving for tao.
Jiayou jiale!

everytime i see you rushing for me so that my waiting time cuts short,
everytime i see you agreeing to buy me all the ridiculously expensive things i want even tho i din to not spend your money,
everytime i see you worrying over the amount of cash in my wallet,
everytime i see you nodding your head with your eyes closed, listening to all my rants and cries even tho you are so damn sleepy, and you actually can repeat whatever i said when i tot you are just nodding for the sake of nodding,
everytime i see you laugh at all my silly questions and presumptions,
it's like they are reminders of why i love you so much.

i really can't answer your qns if i will be as sad or sadder if you were in tao's position, because it's too devastating to even imagine it.
so i can't answer you, since i don't really know the answer myself.
please take good care of yourself, and dun let me go through another similar pain alright.




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sigh i haven't finish studying econs but whatever, it's time for me to get on my bed and nua a little while and sleeeeeeeep.

as i grow older, i slowly realised that love is actually a decision.
falling in love may not be, but loving someone is.
i had been willful, blaming tay for a lot of things which he could have done better, but yet again i could have chosen to see all the things which he had done really well but yet gone unnoticed by me.
sorry my dearest.
i will learn how to love you properly again.
and my my you are doing a great job yourself hahaha.
there is still so much room for me to grow and improve.
life is all about give and take.
when i stop minding all the itty-bitty things, it's like someone cleaned my fogged up glasses for me.
i could see much clearer.
heh. you are such a dear and i am sorry for not seeing it.
you can definitely do better, HAHAHA, but for now i am just grateful and contented.
on the last day of january 2013, let me just proclaim my love for you once again!!!
and thank you for staying by my side despite me shooting all kinds of daggers and arrows at you when i'm pissed.
i am impressed by your tolerance level once again! hehe.
may we live happily ever after my dearest!

HAPPY BIRTHDAYY!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST BOY AND HERE IS ME AND CAPTAIN LOVING YOU:

kekeke.
thank you for withstanding all my tantrums you know how much i love to throw them hehe.
and thank you for wanting to buy me all the things i want though eventually i didn't really buy them cause really too expensive hahaha.
sorry for all the 'you really really love me not?' recently cause i guess i just got super insecure after being tgthr so long andddd kind of aft tao's incident i became really emotional and my moodswings became more intense and often.
thank you for still standing by me even after me treating you like my maid (sometimes only horh) and being an asshole to you through captain.
sorry for all the pains that i give you through my hurtful words cause yea i still haven't quite master the art of thinking before speaking. D:
sorry that i aren't able to do much for your bday with my tests and assignments and eye infection happening in this period.
i guess beyond everything that you have been through, after all the things, you do realise who you really love.
thank you my dearest, i wouldn't trade anything in the world for you to leave me, unless it's your life, because your life is too precious.
unlike you who would let me die for us to stay tgthr lolol.
so long as you are still living, anything can happen okay, so i am just reminding you to choose your life over me!!
anything else must be below me though.
like your pride and games HAHAHA okay just kidding maybe just your games.
sigh see you again soon my love. know you are someone who is quite sui bian so i know so long there is me, you will have a great bday right! hehehe.

from the one who takes your breath away and makes your heart races everytime you see her,
your loveliest and prettiest and cutest girlf,
the love of your life and also the future lives,
me.

can't stop.

I can't stop thinking of you.
I can't stand myself idling.
I must always be doing something, or even 2 things at once.
Recently multi-tasking became my middle name.
People expect you to get over it, even though you never really do or perhaps you never will.
So you try your best to suppress whatever kind of emotions you have.
And for me, the best way is to keep myself busy.
I multi-task so much that i ask myself why.
I need to be doing at least two things and above at any one time.
It's not that only then would i not think of you. I still do, it's just that i would be busy enough to pretend not to notice you in my thoughts.
I still wish everything didn't happen.
I still wish that it's a dream.
I still wish that one day when i wake up i would find out that everything was just a terrible nightmare.

i miss just heading out with absolutely no aim at all and just roam around looking at beautiful things and just talk all day long.