currently watching this korean show 'need romance'. wun say that it is a very good show, just that it created alot of questions in my head.



what is love, really?
can you really just hold on to that relationship forever?
without any change, can you?
the way two people behave with each other will not change that easily. and once you get used to it, once you become comfortable, how would there be sparks to continue the r/s.
and eventually, would it be love? or would it be just commitment and responsibility?
i know i shouldnt think that far. but these insecurities get to me sometimes.

guys think a whole different way from girls.
for eg they can separate love and sex??
what if a boyf is physically attracted to another woman though he still loves you? what would you do? do you mind? he still loves you what. just physically attracted to a more attractive woman. :/
i used to think, if you love someone, you will find him/her the most attractive person in the whole wide world.
but perhaps, i am the only one who feels this way. perhaps you dun, he dun, she dun.
am i alone in this?
alone in this world of insecurity and uneasiness.
being through a few broken relationship made me find it hard to trust in relationships again. even up till now. even when i'm in a relationship. even if this doesnt make any sense to you.
this is why i throw tantrums, i get jealous, i do all kinds of unreasonable things, i try my best to get your attention like some whore.
i dun find myself attractive, not attractive enough to keep you by my side forever.
i dun have the confidence, dun have the confidence that i can make you love me forever.
fuck now im having issues.
i'm glad i have this little white box for me to pour out everything when i have weird thoughts.
i'm glad that this little box accompanied me when i need to vent the most.
being here means that i cant call anyone to talk. it sucks. cause typing on phone just isnt fast enough for me to write down my every single thought.
now i am crying. why am i so weird? it's not like i'm facing any relationship problems right now. at least, for now, tay loves me. i do know that.
but it's the fear that is gripping me. the fear of the future. the fear of the uncertainty. the fear of what a man's inner desires might result in the future. the fear of getting hurt if you trust someone again.
i feel so broken once again.
you think it's easy. getting out of a relationship, crying for a while till it doesnt hurt anymore, move on, get into another realtionship, getting out of a relationship, crying for a while till it doenst hurt anymore, ... and it goes on.
i can never seem to get over anything. i can never trust someone completely ever again. what do i do? what can i do? what should i do? i'm trying. trying as hard as i can. reminding myself every single day, hour, minute, second about what that person did for me and asking myself to trust.
but what do i do when my petty insecurity gets in the way?
when my wild imagination takes the roller coaster ride?
i'm a person full of suspicion. so full that i feel so suffocated by it. every small little thing you do, i think a thousand times about it. wondering if there is any hidden meaning.
how i wish i can lock you up in a cage so that you are mine and mine only and i would not have to worry anymore.
fuck this is so vulnerable.
i feel so vulnerable.
i feel so pathetic in fact.
im just this petty insecure distrustful suspicious pathetic insignificant person living in this world.
everything that you think is nothing. i think it's big.
thank you for giving in to me. by letting me invade your privacy whenever you want to. it's like being with me, you can't have any privacy at all. but yet you dun mind. i am really thankful for that.
i dun even know what i am doing now, thinking about all these stuffs. just that what i saw in the show refreshed all the hurt that i thought became scars.
people reading this must think that i am ridiculous. but i dun fucking care okay. you dunoe what i have been through. i still fucking care, fucking care about what everyone else think of me. i'm such a superficial person.
i want to appear nonchalant, appear cool, appear perfect in front of everyone.
i hate it when people criticizes me though i claim that i can take it. okay it does depend on the way you say it.
i hate it when people talks about how embarrassing i am. it's like you are not proud to know me. then why stick with me?
i hate it when people teases me 99% of the time. i know i have a red nose. stop reminding me that and fuck off and die bitch.
i am a vain person who only wants people to praise me.
ah jiale you so smart. ah jiale you so pretty. lol superficial.
i know that it's useless wanting these stuffs.
i'm being so honest and truthful now huh. lol.
i know i need to change, i need to improve, i need to be fixed.
lee jia le, you can't wait for somebody to do that do you. you have to do that to yourself. you have to stand up and be strong. when you face setbacks, you cant be praying for someone to settle it for you, you have to do it yourself. when people blame you for something they did wrong, you can't just feel accused and let tears come to your eyes, you have to stand up for yourself and scold that person. when people accuses you, you have to stand up for yourself cause noone else will.
despite all your weaknesses, i know you are a kind, caring, soft-hearted, honest girl.
that's enough right?
that's really enough.
you dun have to be pretty dun have to be skinny dun have to be attractive.
i know you want confidence. build it up. you can do it. be proud of who you are. do what i always remind you to. convert your weaknesses into your strengths.
jiale, think of all the people that love you. some might stop loving you once they realised who you truly are. but at least papa and mummy will always be there. they are the people who will love you unconditionally.
now now, you have cried enough. stop those tears. it's already 11. let's go and prepare for work.
even when everyone in the world leaves you and lets you down. you still have yourself. please be continue to be brave and smile. remember to smile. remember remember to smile.

cried at work for the first time.

and customers saw.
understood why some were pissed but yet some were so sweet cause they see me trying my best.
i was sorry i broke down.
i never should have.
never wanted to show my vulnerable side.
cried not cause i felt sad or whatever.
but cause i felt pissed and accused.
and the tears just flowed cause i couldnt say a word to vent it. and for someone like me who ABSOLUTELY LOVES to complain. it's a pain being unable to explain or express whatever i wanna say.
i'm so sorry towards all the customers who waited for so long. i truly felt extremely guilty. :/ wanted to give them so much more but it's beyond my abilities.


on the other hand,
i love my lovely friends and boyf and okay maybe jiamin for like asking about me. esp tay who came online just cause i texted him about me being sad about my work and that i need to talk to him. :')
thank youuuu.
and my colleagues who tried their best to help me though they are as busy. T^T it was the busiest day in weeks or even months omgggg. SIGH :/
hungry now. eat my pocky? okay just one box and i will go wash my face and feet and brush my teeth and sleep.
tml will be a brighter day!!!! :)

i was shocked at my own emotional response, and therefore reacted far too exaggeratedly that i eventually din know how to end it.
i'm sorry.
should have never acted that way. should have never threw my tantrum.
i have no idea what this means.
perhaps i slowly became like you? in the sense that these doesn't matter to me anymore. cause to you these are always trivial and somehow i changed my perspectives as well without me knowing it?
i could never understand why you can always seem so nonchalant. but now, i feel like i am the one being nonchalant.
it's like a 'so what?' and 'whatever....' situation. it's just nothing. just that i used to make everything out of nothing that i am shocked that i sdnly felt like it's nothing?
maybe that's how it's supposed to be and perhaps i have overcame that 'fear' which accompanied me for the past five years. O.O
cause i rmb i used to be like this, like right now, five years ago - nonchalant. HAHA.
i know what i said to you last night and i don't know how much hurt it caused you.
sigh. :/
i'm sorry i love you.

NO LONGER GRUMPY! HEE~

i am no longer grumpy even though i am still counting down to the end of my work today! hahahahaha.

was kind of really happy todayyy!! ^^

just working for the sake of working and stopped thinking about all those negative thoughts.

a change of perspective can really make a big jump in your life.

pardon my chui face i woke up at 5plus this morning okay. >:(

was talking to sebas and i came to realise that perspectives is really very impt.

and it all depends on yourself.

whether if you want to change your perspectives etc etc.

got him to change his perspectives and i have no idea if i was successful but i hope i was.

because if i was, then he would feel alot happier i guess. :)

life is all about making choices.

you choose to stay or leave.

you choose to change or remain.

you choose to fall or climb.

you choose your point of view in the various situations you meet.

and i thought of this when we were talking. and it's an understanding from a combi of many things i saw.

"even if you were to be reborn, if you were to live the exact same way you did, you will still fall for the same person and commit the same stupid mistakes. so, there is no point in people saying that they want a time machine or anything related to go back in time to change history. they might as well say they want to be able to predict the future."

true true???
i find this very true to me myself. though it's like my "own" quote. HAHAHAHA.





suckertay is sending me photos of him eating sushis. downloading in process......
okay. me very sad now.

BEING ATTACHED.

THIS TITLE IS WEIRD.

but then againnnn,
it's only recently when i found out certain people getting attached. O.O

HMMM MMM HMMM MMM.
WHEN IS MY CLARA AND HYRAH AND CHERYL AND XUELI AND HUIWEN AND YINGJIE AND GUOWEI AND JERVIS AND SHAUN GONNA GET ATTACHED AGAIN/FOR THE FIRST TIME/CAUSE I NEVER SEE BEF!?!?!?!?!?
THEN AFTERDAT EVERYONE CAN GET MARRIED AND INVITE ME TO THEIR WEDDING DINNERS CAUSE I LOVE ATTENDING WEDDING DINNERS HEHEHEHE. all the food... *-*

and i found out a certain few broke up. D: dun like to see people breaking up.
but then again, sometimes i can't help but feel that certain couples should have broken up long ago. oopssss.
it's not cause i'm like judging them or what.
it's just that i feel that my friend is losing out in terms of how the other party is treating him/her in my point of view. :/
SIGHHHH. i just want the people around me to be happyyy~~~~~



okay now i'm just trying to change the perspectives of how i view my work.
so that i will be less grumpy and be more cheerful. keke. ^^
like how this chef told me this morning,

"you are here for internship, here to learn, not work.
if they scold you, whatever, who caressss, you are still learning.
if they blame you for being irresponsible, whatever, who caressss, you are soooo young it's as if you are still a child, you have yet to reach the age of being responsible.
dun treat this as if you are working, treat this as if you are playing~~~"

he totally made me and ahyi laugh so much when we were chatting. HAHA.

and it totally struck me on the head that everytime i think of my dream job, it will be a job that is like outdoor-ish and yet having an office, cause to me i will have lots of fun.
so it's like i want a job that i can have fun, a job that is like where i can playyyy~~~
so why not treat it as playing instead of working~~~
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
it's not my hotel anywayyy~~ HAHAHAHA.
okay i will still work like i am supposed to. but then i will try and have fun!
though i dunoe how to but okay i will tryyyy??

i should go back to entertaining myself like singing songs or talking to myself.
AHHH I MISS TALKING TO MYSELF. and acting to myself.
yes i do act to myself.
like i imagine scenes of all kinds of 'plays' and i act it to myself, like randomly, even on the streets.
so sometimes people see me doing faces to myself. HAHAHAHA.
sigh i miss that part of me.
okay shall do that tml~~~
I DUN CARE! HMPH! >:)

i'm so grumpy.

i'm so grumpy.

i'm so grumpy.

i'm a complain queen.

i can't stop complaining.

i'm killing myself with my grumpiness.

i can't lift my mood up.

i can barely smile nowadays.

can you feel how grumpy i am over here?

i am grumps.

i don't feel like me.

i can cry like any moment whilst i am here.

i don't even have the energy to work.

strolling in the park is a nice way of describing how i walk during work.

walking like the zombies in L4D is then the not-so-nice description.

i want me back so badly.

i need to go out. go far far away. i just need to go out to playyy.

but it's so far from everywhere here.

and i feel like dying everytime i step out of my room into the bathroom.

how do i even step out into the freezing cold outside? :/

the happy me on monday disappeared with a poof like she nv existed.

this sucks.

i know how people have been encouraging me.

but it's kind of useless?

cause i can't think of anyone of you who would understand.

i am probably someone who needs to be working/literally doing something all the time.

i feel like i can't just waste my time here.

it's like degrading me? if you get what i mean.

i need to get a move on with life. :/

okay probably certain guys who are undergoing ns now might understand how i feel right now.

it's like you are stuck, and you feel like you are neither here nor there, just stuck and unable to move forward not cause you din try or you refuse too, but cause the circumstances bound you tight.

sigh. okay i should stop complaining.

though it doesnt stop my thoughts from running to wherever it wants to.

bye.

counting down.

sigh tears formed in my eyes as i flipped through the cny photos my family took. :(
how i miss them.
how i wished i was in singapore during cny. :(


18 more shifts to go.
22+ days till i end my internship.
24+ days till i reach singapore.
i cant wait.

food poisoning.

both me and ahyi are down with food poisoning ohmygoddddd.

this sucks.
though i think ahyi's seem more serious than mine.
cause she is having diarrhea and i am not. HAHAHA.
okay but i am still vomiting up till now. D:

we should never have ate that stupid cheesecake last night.
and we should never have treated our cold living room as a fridge. T^T
and conc: please do not eat cheesecakes which are not stored in fridges okay. :(

stomach still squirming now. D:
this sucks. life sucks.
din bathe or wash my face or anything today. D:
woke up at 5pm and now i feel like sleeping alr. D:
practically din sleep the whole night last night. T^T
half conscious all the way sigh.
tml still need to report to work at 7am.
please give me more energy to carry on. tyvm.

i am so fucking unhappy here.

the greatest ability of my hotel:
to be able to screw people up over and over again no matter what happens.

it's a happy day~

i am feeling much much much happier today as compared to ytd when ALLL the negative thoughts infiltrated my mind. heh.

felt abit more like myself too. the retarded and cheerful me. ^^

hope such situation will improve HEHEHE.

on the side note,

i'm also really glad that i called tay and wished him happy birthday like kind of personallyyy (since it's over the phone and not like face to faceee)

and that retarded arvin and junwen kept shouting at the phone at me HAHAHA while i shouted back at them okay it's super retarded when tay is holding onto the phone BUTTTT we can still hear each other WAHAHAHAHAHA.

i heard them praising me chio HIAHIAHIAHIAHIA.

and tay said his friends thought i was his sister aft seeing our photos tgthr on fb and scolded him for not intro-ing LOLOLOLOLOL. (<- i find it too funny to use 'HAHAHAHAHA' cause y'knowwww i dun usually use 'lol')

WHY DO THEY EVEN THINK WE ARE SIBLINGS!?!?!?!?

OMGGGG NAN DAOOOOOO we look alike A.K.A we have 夫妻脸(direct trans: husband-wife face)!?!?!?

look alike to you anot? HAHAHA.

i specially went to look for one which we have the same expression kayyy!!!

awww so sweet of me. ^^

sigh today brought my camera out but as usuallll i din take any photos AT ALL. D:

need to like use my camera more often alr. T^T /sobsobs my poooor camera~

but i will try and use it more often kayy!

just that my hands are usually like freezing and i can barely take them out of my pocketssss,

not to mention using them to get the camera out of my bag and take photos nonstop. :(

ANYWAYYY,

went to qibao todayyy!

it was quite fun?

but the whole place stinks okayyy.

cause of smelly tofu ew ew ew ew ew.

kept pushing ahyi to move faster whenever i smell any smelly tofu around. D:

and now everytime i take in a deep breath, i still feel wafts of smelly tofu smell lingering inside of my nostrils. D:

WHY MY NOSTRILS SO BIG SO THAT SMELLY TOFU SMELL CAN HIDE INSIDE!?!? D:

OHNONONONONONONONO~

and something quite fruitful was thattttt we went to this really cute cafe which sells postcards and books.

it's like a library cafeeeee~

and you can like send postcards to yourself in the futureeee. or anyone else in that matter.

HEHH. cool right!? ^^

so i sent one to myself on my bday next yearrr.

wonder if i will rmb this little present i bought myself next year. heh.

ohh and you can also buy the postcards if you'd like. and of course it will be cheaper than getting them to send it for you~

(started thinking if i should like open a cafe with similar concept in the future. always wanted a little shop of my own ever since young. and then the seats will all be like wooden swings or tyres. and i will grow those little flowers around the window sill in the vatican/european style which my mum loves. heh.)

went to nanjing east road afterwards to shop for my dad's iphone case and this is what i bought him:

NICE NOT!? see properly it's transformer car lehhh!

think it will be kinda cute if my dad uses such a case HEHEHE.

and then cause my toothpaste is finishing and i certainly not want to buy too huge a tube so that i dun have to bring it home.....

damn cute right it's like DAMNNNN small (cause it's smaller than my face HAHA) and i can like just use one tube and bring home the other twoooo.

so cute loh i dun see such small ones in sg CHEH!

okay not trying to imply that cheenaland is better NOOOO.

cheenaland will never be better than my beloved lahlohlehland. :')

and cause i know there will be people missing him due to him not appearing in my blog for like about a month,

my beloved captain which i still hug to sleep after all these monthssss.

sigh my beloved toilet bowl is like stuck once again aft me and ahyi shitted consecutively PLUS throwing all those toilet paper inside. :(
cheenaland's toilet paper is unlike that of lahlohlehland. :( it is not soluble. SIGH x 1mil.
so now it's tooooo embarrassing to ask the people to unchoke our toilet bowl for like the THIRD TIME and i would probably like go and buy the sucking-thing-whose-name-i-forgot tml. :(
OR SHLD I JUST BORROW IT FROM THE PPL DOWNSTAIRS!?
okay shall try my luck in borrowing or else i will just go buy it. :x
AND TML IS PAYDAYYYY!! (okay technically today) AND I SHALL GO COLLECT MY PAY TML WAHAHAHAHAHAHA RICH GIRL IS MOI~

okay it's time to go back to my PRINCE OF TENNIS WAHAHAHAHA.

awesome anime kay it teaches me the importance of passion, motivation and determination.

I LUB IT. HEHE.

YOU CAN WATCH IT TOOOO!

DOWNLOAD IT ON FUNSHION RIGHT NOW!

p.s ECHIZEN RYOMA IS SO DAMN SHUAI HEHEHE he is obv like the main characterrrrr!! have been loving him since like when i was sec 1 kekeke /shys

p.p.s I WOULD ENTER SEIGAKU IF IT WAS A REAL SCHOOL OMGGG COOOLLSHITZZZZ

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELOVED.

AND YOU ARE NOW 22 YEARS OLDDDD!!
/throwsfireworksandallkindsofnoisyhappystuffs

YOU ARE SO OLD ALREADY OMGGGG.
and i am rather very sad that i am not there with you to go crazy with you and everything. :( SIGH.

i know i have been negative these few days and you dunoe how to deal with me being like that but i will be okay.
one more month till i appear by your side okay!!
and you wun have to deal with qns from your relatives asking you where is your lovable and pretty gf anymore WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

though i am not physically with you, you know i'm there mentally kayyy!
so must stay happy forever!! ^^
HIAHIAHIAHIAHIAHIA YOU KNOW I LUB YOU!! (L)

you know,
it's really difficult to stay in a place which you already condemned as somewhere which will hinder you.
every moment that i stay here is a pain, a suffering, and time wasted which i will never get back.

like i told ahyi,
whatever i gained here, the me which grew here,
it's not worth it at all. so not worth.
yes undeniably, i grew so much here.
but this growth, wouldnt be of any difference if i were to stay in singapore.
i didn't have any exceptional discovery of myself which i thought i would gain.
instead, i grew to hate this place and how it made me changed.
i became someone i dunoe anymore.
someone whom im ashamed of.
someone who is pessimistic, unhappy, miserable, etc etc.

this has been such a lousy overseas experience for me.
in the very first month here, i was happy.
and as time passes, i realised that it just sucks.
my life paused ever since i came here.
i need my life back.
i need the real me back.
i need to go back to singapore before all these drive me crazy.
i'm gonna go insane.
i am wasting my time, wasting a part of my life which i will never get back.
i have already wasted four months of my life.
this is so not worth it.
i cant take this any longer.
lee jia le, i need you back so damn much i need you back.

If you truly love someone,

NEVER ask for a breakup.

it's not okay to think that you will be hurting him/her if remain tgthr, because it will hurt so much more far more than you can ever imagine.

and this is not being great, giving up your r/s just like that and thinking that you are doing what you can to protect him/her.

this is called selfish and self-centred. and that you love yourself more.

dun have the mindset that it will be okay in the long-term.

it will never be okay.

the impact left will never be erased.

it will warped the person's personality and mindset and behavior in ways unimaginable.

i believe that when you jump into a r/s,

you already made preparation to give time, give effort, give love in order to make everything work out.

nothing can stop you from working it out.

everything can be solved if you will.

if you need more freedom, tell him/her.

if you need more private time, tell him/her.

whatever you need, just talk about it and compromise.

i rmb i saw this line somewhere in some books/shows i read/watched before:

compromising is when you give me two options you can live with and i choose the one that i can live with.

 and i came to find this line so damn true.

sigh, i hope i did not cause you any more hurt and that i truly helped.

whatever i did, i did it to protect you. and i know you know that.

i hope you will be okay.

you are the only one who can help yourself in this kinda situation.

the best i can do is to be with you.

remember that i love you. :)

btw look at tay yin ji that sucker commenting on my prev post below:

SUCKERTAY JIU SHI SUCKERTAY D:

i'm like dying to get back to singapore.

you have no idea how much i miss singapore right now okay.

i feel like i'm wasting my life here.

YES MY LIFE.

it's like my life is paused and i am in this endless dream which just goes on and on meaninglessly.

this just sucks.

my life will only continue when i get back to singaporeeeeeeee.

SINGAPORE WO AI NI!!!

mum asked me if i would stay overseas for an extended period of time if given another chance, and i told her, never would i if the place in mention is any part of China. :(

this comes right from the bottom of my heart.

i swear i will never get used to the culture, the habits and behavior of the people here.

it is just outrageously indescribable okay.

not gonna talk much cause i'm afraid that if i criticise too much here you will see me next on stomp. HAHAHAHA.

HEADLINE: SINGAPORE STUDENT WHO CRITICISED CHINA AFTER HAVING INTERNSHIP THERE FOR 23WEEKS

so yeaaaaa. HAHAHAHA.

and i miss drinking cold drinks so much. T^T

had like icecream two days back cause i reallllllllllllly craved for it. :(

I MISS MY MILO PENG. :(

and i miss drinking cold starbucks drinks. :(

I'M SO GONNA BUY MY WHITE MOCHA FRAPPE THE NEXT TIME I GO STARBUCKS EVEN IF IT MEANS I'M GONNA FREEZE TO DEATH OKAY.

having like tons of pimples on my face now. :(

shld have drank more waterrrrr. D:

shall drink more water from now on i swearrrr.

miss tumblr-ing so much. omg i need to return to singapore immediatelyyyyy. hehh.

now the below damn chio photo is for those who are missing my lovely face. HAHAHAHA.

then for those who wanna see like the current real me,

sorry for my chui eyes cause i have been like sleeping at like 2plus and waking up at 5plus for the past few days. and i hate my disobedient hair aft tying it up for the whole day cause of work okay. :(

act yi ge dunoe i taking photos HAHAHAHA.

okay look abit more normal aft trying to tidy my hair but to no avail. :(

.......

AND NOW FOR THE PHOTO WHICH I KNOW YOU PEOPLE LOVE THE MOST.

TROLLING TROLOLOLOLOLOL

HAPPY LOOOOOONG YEAR~ ^^

it's the year of the dragon (ROARRRRR!!) now so HAPPY LOOOOOONGGG YEAR~
HEHEHEHE.

well, i don't have much peektures for this cny so i'm just not gonna upload kay. :P


anywayyy, had my 'reunion dinner' with the rest of the interns on cny eve~~~
but cause of my throat i couldn't eat like almost everything. T^T
sad maxxxx.
and then they headed to our apartment to catch 春晚.
yes it's that cheena show which they watch and count down to chu yi.
and the theme was 'going home for cny' and ALL of us teared at that vid. T^T
sad kids who just wanna go home for cnyyyyyy!!!!
anyway okay the show was quite good this year cause of the stage effects which made everything seemed 3d. HEH HEH.
but i would rather watch sg's cny show like the past year and watching them play boring games and running around chinatown etc etc. hahahaha.
good ole' traditions are always the best!

ON CHU YI!
went to pizzahut for some beef lasagne and then walked around and headed back to waigaoqiao where our dear SIMONNNN treated us dinner. HEHEHE.
was super full and headed home and fancy came to find us afterwards.
head out to the SUPER COLD night (it's like SUPER DUPER COLD these few days with the wind blowing nonstop T^T) to kfc where tina, lisa, vanessa, huahua and stella is~~
nua-ed there for some time before me ahyi, tina and fancy headed to discooooo~
yes it's like disco and not club. D:
met some weird guy wtfff and he treated us all to supper and we ended up going home at 3.30am SERIOUSLYYYY.
i hate that guy who kept trying to hit on me wtf i'm alr engaged okay. HAHAHAHAHA.
okay enough of him he give me the chills and creeps~

and today's chu er alr and basically nua-ed at home the whole day and i have to work like early morning tml this sucksss. :( gotta wake up at 5.30am siannn. HOPE I GET TO GO HOME SUPER EARLY PLEASEEEEE!!

sigh honestly i feel like it has been ages since i last updated my life!?!?!?

but you can't possibly have me updating with things like "OHHHH so-and-so company came to have dinner in Crowne Meeting Room 1 with 10 tables with the hosting table of 16pax and the remaining tables with 10pax" EVERYDAY right!?

sigh i need abit more of life.
not even going out on my off days anymore.
hardly have any common off days with ahyi alr. T^T
next week baa! CNY!! YAY HEY!
but we still have to go work. THIS SUCKSSSS.

OHH i know what i can update about my life alr.
for the past few days i was sick.
and i took mc for monday and today. have off ytd and tml. so basically i will be resting for four days. WOAH.
but i only took two days mc leh. HEHE.
and STOPPPPPPPPPPPP if you are going to envy me. cause don't.
if you hear me right now, you wouldn't be able to recognise me just like my many colleagues who called to ask about me. HAHAHA.
and i had a high fever of 39.9degrees on monday kay. dun play play.
and though my fever subsided ytd, my colleague who called me insisted on me staying home today cause my throat last night was still horrible. T^T

OHH OHH OHH! and last night was the 'cny reunion dinner' for all the interns and the gm!!
and the food was like *-*
though i couldnt eat like all the chicken and the glutinous rice BOOHOOHOOOOO!!
but i ate the icecream since noone seemed to object to it and i din ask anyone if i shld eat it BAHAHAHAHAHA.
the dessert was awesome yooo!!

okay that's all about my THOROUGHLY EXCITINGGGGG life recently. -_-
DYING TO GET BACK TO SINGAPOREEEE MY HOMELAND~ IT'S HERE THAT I BELONG~ ALL OF US, UNITED, ONE PEOPLE MARCHING ON~~~~~
feeling so patriotic all of a sudden WAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
dying to sleep on my bed instead of this hard wooden-like bed. :(
alr dreaming of my soft bed despite that one spoiled spring, and my smelling-oh-so-good bolster which i was snuggle my face into, and my cute pillow which is already half of its original size (same age as me of course will shrink lah!) :')
i miss them SOOOOOO much.
and also my huge ass tv HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
nowhere will be better than home. :'(
after this trip, i will treasure my home MORE THAN ANYWHERE ELSE. hohohohohohoho.

despite the unfortunate event i met, i am thankful because:
when i cry, someone will feel heartbroken.
when i missed a call, someone will feel worried.
when i'm unhappy, someone will try and cheer me up.
when i'm feeling troubled, someone will support me.

they may not be the same person, and definitely not just one person, and that makes me the most blissful girl in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD~~~~~~~
(L) all these lovely people. :')

there are things which i know that i have to face bravely, all by myself.
no one can help me, and the only way is to be strong and resilient.
life is not smooth all the time, and this is just one big obstacle which i have to scale by myself.
i'm grateful for all the support for i know i'm not alone.
whenever i feel weak and vulnerable, i think of all these lovely people and tell myself, "be strong, don't cry, be brave, they are here for you."

thank you, my dearests, for being my pillars of strength.

praying that it's a false alarm.

it's difficult to live.
and that's the reason why we have to make it worthwhile.

negative

the calculative side is showing.
not only that, the well-hidden selfishness and meanness are in sight.
my fear is growing.
i have no idea what is happening.
should i try and embrace it?
should i stop plastering it up with soggy paper soaked with glue?
is all the negatives showing cause my tolerance is reaching its limits?



i really dislike people who take me for granted.
and i really dislike people who touch my stuffs without my permission.
and even more so when the 'stuffs' in question are perishable and they finish it without considering if i need it or not. (to emphasize my point, the things belong to me/i obtained them from somewhere)

fyi, i just din want to use the word 'hate' for its strong meaning.

somehow, i am someone who is independent in that sense that i do things or keep/tidy my own belongings without needing any help unless i ask for it.
i'm somewhat stubborn like that.
i have my own principles, my own mindset, my own thinking.
and it's extremely difficult to sway them once i am set.
if you think it's easy to change my mind, then it's probably cause i was originally sitting on the fence.
sigh.

ohh fuck yes the academic requirement of 3.0gpa that i was worrying about to get into UNLV for the tourism bachelor course is only for international students and not applicable for us!!!

so now thats one problem which disappeared, which leads us to the next - the tuition fees of nearly S$10,000 per year AFTER SUBSIDIES. :/
okay that tuition fees is for AY2011/2012 so i dunoe what about AY2012/2013 but i can only hope that it doesn't increase or if it does, the increase is minute.

is there any other good universities that i can try out for? D:
cause i know that the application is like around this period. sigh.
the starting application date for UNLV is 1Feb till the end of March. thank god it's till the end of march :')
and they need our results slip die liao i threw away almost all(?) the result slips that our school mail to us. D:
you think they would print us another copy of the result slips if i went to SSC to ask for it? :/
or can i print screen from npal? T^T

anyone else interested in universities as well?
let's go together!

it's that time of the month again~~
and omg time really flies!!!!
one more month to our first anniversaryyyy!!
though i couldn't be there with you, i hope you think of me all day long okay you sucker.
i lub lub you hiahiahiahiahia deeper than seeeeeeeeeeee~~
unlike you this heartless de gougouuuu.
hiahiahia wait for me to be backkkk! :D:D:D
we shall celebrate our one year and one month anniversary tgthr okay HAHAHAHA!! <3

In this world of deceit and intrigue, I fight vigorously by pouring more heart, love and care into this seemingly never-ending black hole.

my first blister D:

as in the kind with this big bubble-like blister. D:

it came about cause one night i was stupidly hugging my BOILING HOT water bottle to sleep with it touching my bare skin. T^T

i din wrap any towel around it or wear long sleeves myself. D:

and most retardedly, i did not discover the wound by waking up cause of the pain, but only when i woke up in the morning for work. which means that i alr got burnt hours ago. D:

sigh and everyone was surprised at my retardedness T^T /crying

AND SO HERE IS A PICTURE OF MY VERY FIRST BLISTER TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE!! :D

this is taken on the first day i got it. HAHAHAHA.

now, it is a little softer with more wrinkles on it. which means that it is becoming smaller! YAY!! ^^

btw i really look forward so much to going home. looking forward so much to sleeping on my own soft bed again.

the bed here really sucks. it is so freaking hard. even tay who is usually 'anything~' about everything asked me why is the bed so hard. D:

sigh and ahyi told me that i am always snoring.

and tay told me that he heard me snoring for the very first time when he came here to stay and ask me if i'm really very tired cause that's usually the case when one snores. :/

i have to be honest that i never had a good night's sleep ever since i got here.

every night my back will feel strained cause of the hard bed and i wouldn't be able to lie facing up with my butt holding up the bottom of my back which makes it unable to truly lie flat on the bed.

and then i would twist my body such that my chest is facing the side but my tummy will be facing down. :/ cause if i lay by my side, i will be leaning on my hipbone and it hurts alot cause of the stupid bed.

and EVERY FREAKING NIGHT i am dreaming.

and when you dream, you dun truly get to sleep. :/ cause your brain is working hard on your dreams D:

and FINE I DREAM, but what do i dream of? not pretty butterflies and flowers and me dancing in the sunny meadow or whatsoever. I DREAM OF MYSELF WORKING AND SERVING IRRITATING CUSTOMERS AND WTF ARE THESE DREAMS!?!?!? D:

i miss singapore my home my bed.

/edit at 11.38pm which is like only 10++mins aft i posted this post FUCKKKK i burst my blister accidentally while reaching for the bakgua i hate bakgua now it was super pain and ahyi was literally pulling me to wash my wound T^T I AM DYING OF THE PAIN RIGHT NOW AND I TEARED SO MUCH OMGGG T^T okay end of ranting.

to be honest, i always thought you are that one person i wun be able to forget.
but before i realised it, i alr forgot you. and i hope this is not just some wish-thinking of mine.
and i found that better someone for me. :)
you were right, it is indeed better for me in the long term despite the pain i went through.
i have to thank you. :)

HELLO i am back again cause i just realised that i'm like supposed to blog about what happened during the past 2011 on the very last day just like everyone else and i haven done so even though it's four days into the new year alr.

i just wanna say, there have been alot of ups and downs in the year 2011.

i've gotten together with ahtay, i had an awesome bday celebration/surprise with my girls, i screwed up my last studying sem, i struggled through the suffocating projects, i flew to china for my internship, etc etc.

i'm proud to say that i have grown stronger, more independent, more understanding, more caring.

though some weaknesses i have, such as being bad tempered and irritable, still exist in me somehow.

okay and that is perhaps cause it's that time of the month again. and i just feel that i have to apologise to my dear tay for venting some of that on him on his last day in shanghai.

the past one year was good and bad but mostly good.

and i wun ask/expect too much in this new year.

i will just hope that there will be more good things than bad things!

it doesn't have to be better than last year. as long as it's not worse since i had some really bad times then.

missing singapore like mad. so i know this year, there will at least be one good thing happening - me returning to singapore!! HEHEHE.

awaiting for the times when i get back and graduate and go for all the graduation trips though i am not sure if i have the money HAHAHA.

me and tay planning to go on a trip together as well!! hiahiahia.

OHH and in this coming year, i hope that there will be a wedding dinner for me to attend when i get back to singapore cause i have alr missed like three or four!! (two from my family and one/two from tay's)

i also hope that everyone that i know and love will have a super healthy body and will be safe throughout the year!!

i hope to remain as blissful as i feel right now with all these lovely people with me heh.

okay i should go downstairs to meet my friends for supperrrr! hiahiahia. /prayidungrowfatinthiscomingyeartoo

a bobo (kiss in korean) for youuuu! (L)

okay so,

in the end im not gonna post any photos here cause i had a like busy day today!?

waking up at 11plus and then uploading my photos on my fb here by request by ahtay.

please do not judge my ugly hair cause i haven trimmed it since like forever and i just trimmed it today OHYAYY!

then i watched my City Hunter OMGGG LEE MINHO WHY YOU SO SHUAI!!?!?!? while waiting for ahyi to wake up and i went to bathe and went to change our laundry together.

then back home again to leave our laundry and went out to tabao our breakfast/lunch/dinner (YES WE ONLY HAD ONE MEAL TODAY) to Nicole and Emma's to eat.

after eating and looking through photos and playing and fooling around, we went to wash and cut our hair omg so shiok okay.

first they helped us to wash our hair, then dug our ears (i almost typed nose instead of ears HAHAHAHAHA) and massage and finally trimmed our hair.

the guy who helped me cut my hair quite shuai HEHEHEHEHE.

WHATTTTT GOT BF ALSO CAN SEE SHUAI GE RIGHT!?!? HAHAHAHAHAHA.

okayyy anywayyyy i took a super long time to decide whether to cut my fringe and im glad i did cause it seriously irritates me to no end.

if my hair grows too long again when im still here i will definitely return to trim it again HIAHIAHIA.

okayyy so a picture of me with a properly trimmed hair since i know most of you miss me. ^^

kekekekekeke kind of like my new hair though my fringe is still kind of long but i wun be able to pin it up if it was any shorter boohoohoooooo.

anywayyyy, a friend intro-ed me to a movie titled '初恋，这件小事' saying that the female lead looks like me but i think it looks more like this friend whom ppl said looks like me so i suppose the female lead does look like me?

you can go watch it to see for yourself but i REALLY think the show is very niceeeeee!! and THE BIGGEST PLUS POINT IS THAT WALAO EH THE MALE LEAD REALLY SHUAI LIKE CRAZY HAHAHAHAHAHA.

okay now, the pictures of the shuai-est guy in the universe. HAHAHAHAHA.

the one who says that he is EVEN MORE shuai than WANG LEE HOM HIMSELF OMGGGGXZXZXZX.

and recently i have gotten hold of some photos which prove him being cruel to animalssss. D:

i hope the SPCA or some other organization which fights against animal cruelty catches him soon. T^T

it's the end of the visits

and i'm having some kind of post withdrawal D:
this kind of sucks. sigh.

anywayy. family came to visit me HOHO and brought them wherever i can.
whatever dad said about this trip is solely for me made me REALLLL touched. :')
they arrived in the morning on the 23rd and left at night on the 28th. :(
tay came on the 26th in the morning and i went to fetch him and he just left this aftnn. T^T

i have to admit that i cried the instant i hugged my dad.
i din cry at all when i saw tay. there was just this gush of relief i have no idea why which washed over me.
when i bid goodbye to my family for the last time i almost teared. and i cried when i held onto tay unwilling for him to enter the departure gates.
i guess all's fair HAHAHA.

i REALLY wanna put some photos here since it's all words.
sigh blog also kind of no mood alr cause of the slow internet speed. D:
i shld be free-er tml~~~
shall spam pictures kay!
but no promisessss~

i dunoe where to go to express my joy that i will be seeing that suckertay's face in like in one week and two days' timeeeeeee.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
you dunoe how happy i am though one week and two days doesnt seem that short actually. HAHAHAHA.

and of course WEEPEE to seeing my family in less one week's time HIAHIAHIA.
i am such a fortunate girl to have so much love from so many peopleeeeeeee~~

though i am often greedy as i want moreeeeee. HEHEHEHE.

looking forward to me and clara's marche date on the day marche opens a new branch in northpoint/sunplaza/ssc HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

he reminds me so much of you.
the way he smiles, the way he talks, certain expressions he gives, certain angles from where i'm looking at him and even his laughter, it all just seems so much like yours.

it doesnt actually hurts like how it did in the past, where i felt like there is this gaping black hole within me sucking my soul and chewing my heart and making it hard for me to breathe.
it just feels like there is this dent which can never be repaired.
you are that dent.

he made me started thinking the past. how it was like and everything.
i don't actually regret. but maybe i do, a little, to a certain degree.
you were everything, but now you are just kind of a stranger.
it just feels weird.
because you were the one who understood me so much, wayyyy before everything started and ended.
i just missed that kind of relationship we shared where you can understand what i was trying to express and couldnt.
i cannot deny that i do miss you. so badly.
miss your innocent laughters and clear eyes cause i know you are always the truest to the people around you.
i need more real people like you around me.
people who dun try and hide how they truly feel because they are afraid that you would dislike them etc etc.
i wonder if you miss me sometime.
afterall, i was once impt to you, right?

it's funny how once people can be so impt to you and yet like strangers as time passed.
you are one, but yet there is her as well.
as to you, i'm still not comfortable to initiating convers, as i always do, since in the past, you are forever the one initiating convers with me hahahaha.
as to her, i tried. i tried calling, i tried texting, but to no avail.

my little girl, my little star, do you still rmb me?
rmb this little girl you piggybacked all the time?
rmb the time when we celebrated our birthdays tgthr?
rmb the girl whom tried to block you from shooting but fail miserably all the time?
rmb how i used to pat you on your back nonstop just to comfort you while you were crying?
rmb how you would scold me and call yourself my didi?
rmb how you would always laugh at me and yet treat me so well?
do you rmb how we talked about leaving our homes and stay tgthr in the future?
i still kept that drawing you drew for me and placed it on my study table where i could see it often.
i miss you my little star.
the brightest star in the whole universe.
i wish you could see this. so much so.

my internship...

for now, i'm only hoping not to fail. :(
was complaining to my colleague and i held back my tears.
called tay and tears swell in my eyes while i still tried to control it cause i was still outside.
and once i stepped into my doorstep, tears flowed like running tap. :(
why oh why do you have to do this to me?
am i really that bad in your eyes?
or do you just wanna escape the explanation parts?
it's so unfair cause you are judging while wearing those coloured specs.
i dun wanna fail. i want my diploma. :(

a little side story from the warrior girl fairytale,

As brave as warrior girl always seem, she still has her fears - storks.

You may think it's weird, but it's definitely without reasons. One huge contributor is that throughout her tough journey, there is this particular stork which follows warrior girl wherever she goes. It's creepy even. It would loom behind her in the darkness but she could feel it, and hairs would stand on her spine. It often peeks at what she is doing over her head using its long neck, and not say a word - for storks are mute. Though it does make a noise once or twice, but that's enough to freak warrior girl out and cause her to run as fast as she could to the nearest hiding place where her beloved friends in nature - trees and flowers - would shield her from it. Everytime she happens to look in the direction of the stork, she would see it shunning behind a leaf, as if it helps. Warrior girl can only pray that the stork would never try and get too close to her throughout her journey.

有没有人可以来救我？

Let me tell you a fairytale,

and like all fairytales, it goes like this:

Once upon a time, long long ago, there lived a little girl who stayed in a small little town with her happy family. But, there is just this one dream that this little girl has - to become the greatest warrior in the whole world. In order to do so, she would have to leave her beloved village and family to sought the wisdom and skills hidden in the Ancient Warrior Mysteries, said to be a myth.

She then climbed tall mountains, swam icy rivers, walked rocky paths. Throughout her journey, she met kind villagers who allowed her to stay in their homes for a night, sometimes with some bread as her meals. But she met even more bandits who took all her belongings while she slept by the fire she made herself.

It was tough as her once beautiful and smooth limbs were scarred, the blisters on her feet and hands grew blisters, and her once soft face toughen. She braved through all the storm and gales that the heavens gave her and finally, she reached her destination, the Beasts Mountain.

The Beasts Mountain received its name as it is decorated with big and small caves all around it, making it seem like a mountain with many eyes at night as the moonlight casts upon it, creating shadows. Additionally, the biggest cave of the lot hid a two-headed monster, one male one female, whose eyes can shoot deadly poisoned arrows.

HOHO yes the story have yet to end, but to find out whether warrior girl won in the end, please wait till i have received my grades for my internship next year and then i will be able to tell you. :) okay bye.

loves (L)

There are simply so many things that I like.
It's so difficult to find something that I love.


some of the favourite things i truly love; Milo, Penguin, Baby's Breath, Clover, Starry Nightsky

and thennn. i have no idea what else I truly love and are on the top of the favourites list.
as i said, there are simply too many things that i like.

it's so hard for me to decide what i truly love and state what is my favourite (insert word) and it can actually take me years to find out.
until now, i have no favourite food no favourite colour and so on and so forth.
sometimes i feel like there are so many things which i like but nothing which i truly love.
so when I do find something i love so much, i will hold onto it for as long as i can.

you have no idea how much i envy people who can name their favourite colour or their favourite food or their favourite cartoon character, etc.
i feel like i can't even decide on the simplest things like that.
:/ sigh fickle-minded me who changes her mind faster than anything else.

all in all, i guess i just wanted to express how easy it is for me to like something/someone, but it is so difficult for me to feel that i truly love something/someone and it actually depends on the memories that is associated with it.



typing this whole chunk which might not make any sense to you, i just wanna say:
hi my love,
happy 300th day <3
i guess you would understand what i am trying to say/express here.
i hope you do. :)

im happy to be in a simpler place, if only there arent creepy ppl. T^T

so...

HELLOOO!!
okay im not exactly feeling as cheerful as my greeting but doesnt matter.

anywayyyy!! im only happy nowadays cause i have been shopping like a crazy kid on tmall aka taobao and HOHOHO so happy to see my shopping delivered to me likka shiookkkk.
took photos of every single shopping i did and i will upload it (okay fine i need to put them in my comp first) when i feel like it kay. ^^

ANYWAY HINT HINT:
i think this will be a great xmas present!?!?!?

LOOK THAT ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE PUMPKIN CARRIAGE OMGGGG!!
and it's like on offer now!?!?!?
i give you link!! CLICK HERE!! YES THISSSS!!
and you can have my taobao acct id and pwd if you'd like.
then you can buy and obviously key in your own credit card number etc HOHO and rmb you can only buy on taobao using internet explorer!! ^^
and they will deliver the necklace straight to my apartment!! :D:D:D:D:D
and isn't this the most obvious hint everrr!?!? :D:D:D:D:D
i am just a great friend right!!! ^^^^^^^^ (<- my many eyes. yes im a many-eyed monster. okay lame.)





i am a simple person.
i love how i myself can be cheered up by the simplest thing, for eg FOOD or simply just people smiling at me.
but on the other hand, this means that i can be despaired by the most minute matter. this kinda sucks.
is having low EQ bad or good? :/


just now, when i was bathing, i wasn't thinking much.
but then i sdnly saw smthing flying around me and i almost freaked out when i realised it was a really small moth.
you know what people say, moths are the reincarnation of your loved ones aft they have passed away.
thoughts of spraying it with water using my shower head disappeared instantly.
one person came to my mind and i retarded-ly asked the moth, 'are you ahgong? did you come to see if i'm living well in china? or are you reincarnated as a china moth?'
sdnly, memories of ahgong flooded my mind.
i rmb how ahgong used to be half naked and walking around wearing his blue checkered boxers with the white strings hanging outside.
i rmb long ago when he still had his legs, when he dun even need his walking stick.
i rmb buying him sour plums, sugarfree sweets during his birthday/fathers' day.
i rmb him waving us into his room and he will take out his little box with all the changes inside and give us some of them.
and he would always give us the shiny ones and make sure that everyone has the same amount.
i rmb how he used to dote on ortao the most and how we felt jealous over it, but now i come to think of it, ahgong doted on the rest of us alot too.
i rmb how he would cook occasionally for all of us, and how we secretly thought that he cooked much better than ahma.
i rmb how he would joke that i would grow up to marry ortao and i would feel a little shy and yet look at ortao and think that i would absolutely not marry him. HAHA. i was too young to realise that we do have blood relations.
i rmb how we always had endless supply of soft drinks esp sarsi at ahma hse cause of him.
then, ahgong became older.
i rmb him laying more in bed.
i rmb him needing a walking stick.
i rmb running to him with his walking stick and then holding his soft and wrinkled arm to help him walk to the living room.
i rmb how he always scold ahma with his loud voice and yet we all know that he loves her.
i rmb when they said he had diabetes. i told myself i would never drink so much soft drinks ever again.
i rmb when he got a wound on his toe and it turned black. i rmb how he was alr in the wheelchair then.
i rmb how he refused to see the doctor, how two of his toes turned black. i rmb how eventually one of his legs got amputated, and then both.
i rmb how they bought the wheelchair originally for ahpong and no longer needed it anymore.
i rmb how i nv saw him cried till that day.
i rmb how he asked mummy to tabao my fave kou rou bao for me cause i missed going ahma hse that sunday and ahma made some.
i rmb how he smiled.
i rmb how he joked with us while we laughed at jiamin who had difficulties pronouncing f and s properly.
i rmb everything about him.
everything.
then i realised, i miss him so much.
so much so it hurts.
i cried so hard in the bathroom.
so much harder than im crying right now.
it hurts so much.
i never want to have anyone close to me leave me ever again.
however, i know it's impossible.
i will have to face it eventually, no matter how unwilling i am.
i talked to the moth.
i know im weird.
but i feel like it's my ahgong, i feel like im talking to him.
ahgong, i miss you so much.
dun feel afraid, i have never forgotten about you.
this is not the first time i cried for you, and it will definitely not be the last either.
i never told you this, but i love you, i truly do.

growing up =/= losing yourself

突然有个领悟：

每个人都有自己的优缺点。
如果有人不喜欢你，那可能是因为对方无法包容你某些缺点。
这世上，谁没有问题呢？没有谁是完美的。
就算大多数的人不喜欢你的缺点，那又如何？
但若那些人对你来说很重要，改变一点又如何？或许你能够因此而找到真正的自己，更好的自己。
有些事不必想的那么极端，退一步真的能够海阔天空也说不定。
包容一点也很好啊，对不对？
人，难道就是那么自作孽吗？
凡事看开一点，想少一点，自然而然就会开朗多，快乐多。




people change, and i'm not spared as well.
i may have changed for the better or worse, depending on your point of view.
but i feel that i became better, and i'm glad about that.

sometimes, when people tell you that you've changed, it might not necessarily means that they don't know or don't understand you.
because most of the times, people outside of the situation sees everything in a clearer light, so they may actually know more than you thought so.
seeing from different people's perspectives gave me more understanding towards human nature and mankind.
to be honest, i felt really happy as to them trusting me enough to tell me about it.
yes i'm a silly kid, but i truly truly want everyone to be happy.
i tried to explain for them, but all is naught but i know at least i tried.
human beings are definitely complicated.
people who change, i am trying to adapt to the new you.
give me some time.
i cannot ensure that i will like you as much as before your change, but i will definitely still accept you as a friend.
tbh, i got really hurt, but i'm slowly putting it behind me.
let's just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the better from now on.

miss you hong bi zi xiao jieeeeee

hiahia i miss you tooooo my dearrrr!! <3 cant wait to go back i will scream ADELINE TOH YING YING when i see you next HAHAHAHA

hello! what do you want to say?

just wanna say,

i love my sucker tay and retarded toh. <3


sorry for no pics and if you are complaining go and die cause i have no time and my internet sucks too much for me to upload any pics okay. WANT PICS? wait until i get back to singapore kay HAHAHA.

hi babes and hunks HAHAHA

once again, i am back.

i miss everyone in singapore but i am doing well here now.
i have great colleagues and we are rather close. (with the exception of some of course)
there are definitely bitches no matter which profession you are in and the bitch that i met here is not only a hypocrite, but also an arrogant and vain and slutty bitch.
contact me if you want to listen to interesting stories, cause i am sure i will be able to fill you in and entertain you with my apt and drama description HAHAHAHAHA.

tay ah tay. i hope you can come overrr! but if you do i kind of dun want you to come during the same time as my family. if not very sian one leh. :( though if you guys come separately i will most probably have to play the same things twice HAHA so aiya i dunoe what to do D: sian maxxxxx.
and tay ah tay!! buy more vitamin c to eat!! dun always catch a cold! :( take good care of yourself!!!!an

anywayy, went to this place called Holland Village on 111111 which is a little way off from here and it's a really pretty place. picturesque and poetic scenary. and in just a few hours there, we met three couples taking wedding photos there. O.O
but it's REALLY pretty and of course i took photos hiahiahia. shall post them up soon okay!! ^^ but you should know the internet connection here in shanghai.......
so you can slooooowwwwlyyyyyyyy wait for it kay. ^^



to be independent and strong, that's so scary.
scary in the sense that there is noone to help you, noone to support you, noone to depend on, and the loneliness which comes thereafter. :(
i am a coward who is so damn afraid of being alone. i am trying to get used to it.
to have noone to depend on is terrifying.
imagine you are fighting by yourself, with noone as your backup. T^T
i want to be an independent and strong woman, really.
but i definitely hope that it doesn't mean that there is no one there with you.
growing up is such a tough path.
but i will brave through it.
i do know who will support me.
but i just need you to remind me occasionally that you will be there for me.
i am a teeny insecure.
please forgive me for that.
being here made me realised a lot of things.
i will be a better person and i AM becoming a better person.
i will be brave and grow up and not keep thinking of becoming a child once again.
i will.

长长九九

hi my dearest boy,

happy 9th! ^^
you know that recently i have been feeling rather down, and thank you for just being there to listen to me talk and cry and rant. you have always been the greatest support.
sdnly recalling how you would always try your best to help me in your own little ways.
like last sem when i rant to you about proj teammates, i never thought that you would text ade to ask her to tell the teachers cause you know i would never dare to do so. hahahaha.
you are always the best!! dun ever forget you are supposed to bring me go eat good food when i get back okay! :D:D:D:D
i miss you so much but i will stand up straight on my own here.
i will do my best and not let you down. :)
jiayou for your course okay! ^^

love,
me.

hypocrisy

currently working in the chinese restaurant in our hotel.
and in our chinese restaurant, there are private rooms which can be booked by our customers.
one night, i was one of the waitresses in the private room.
and in that one night, my horizon widen so much.

in just one night, i see how hypocritical can mankind be.
the level of hypocrisy gave me shivers down my spine.
i see how much bootlicking people can do. and how fast their faces change.
it's so scary that i grew so afraid. so afraid that i will be the same as them.
i see how they call each other brothers, just so to pull strings and climb up the social ladder.
i see how they pour each other drinks, just to toast and act like they have been the best of friends since they were born.
the feelings that overwhelmed me as i watch how they snatch the wine bottles from me to "serve" those of higher authorities.
the amount of disgust that washed over me is as much as the vacuum which fills this universe - immense.
tay, nv forget that you are supposed to pull me back if i ever fall into the pits of such hypocrisy.

i hope i will never forget this:
i swear that i will never be a hypocrite and will stay true to myself for as long as i live.


i believe, life's greatest success is not how much money you earn or how much fame you gain, but how much you stay true to yourself till the end.

One's life is like a piece of white and pure paper.
For every mistake one make, it's like a streak of black marker across the paper.
To cover it up, one has to do many more good deeds, which is in colourful streaks. As it is difficult to cover up a black streak drawn from a black marker.
Philosophical? Yes.
Acting like I am philosophical? Whatever, I no care what YOU think.
It's just some understanding I've got from shows that I've watched.
I really like shows which let me feel that I've learnt something about it. Such that I can re-watch it without feeling bored.



:/ Sometimes I really don't get it.
It's like, people know what is wrong. But nobody actually takes action to change it.
It's like a problem that has existed for very long. But nobody is actually willing to make the effort to change it.

As a management trainee, I am really sad to say, my capabilities and authority is somewhat limited.
You say, I should take charge and take the lead as I am training and learning how to manage a restaurant.
I say, do you really think if I said something, the staff will take me seriously?

To them, I am just a new staff, a young girl kid of only 19 years old.
With the way I talk, oh nonono. They simply think I am a cute little girl.

I try my best.
I try my best to tell them what I think is right.
But the way they joke around with me, I know they don't take me seriously.
And to be honest, I wonder who take me seriously.

I have suggestions to make. I have comments to give. But to them, I am still a new staff and therefore, I am not familiar enough to give suggestions and comments.
What I wish to say is, you are wrong.
In merely one month's time, or even lesser, I have found so many problems which should be dealt with seriously and properly.

I wish for a platform to voice out how I truly feel. I really feel like going straight to the Director and tell him. Tell him what's wrong. Tell him what should be corrected.
I know, our hotel places a lot of emphasis on the welfare of our employees. Regarding whether they are happy working in our hotel or not.
But sad to say, only the management level emphasizes this importance. Those who have positions closer to our employees don't.

Wrote a suggestion on a paper and passed it to Daniel. I wonder what he will think. :/
I hope he will pass it to Louisa HAHAHAHAHA.
I gave a suggestion of making a flipchart, a small one. Something like what Marche has. kekeke.
Cause I truly think that they should have one, with all the comments given to me by my colleagues. HAHAHA. and they think it's a great idea too.
it now boils down to whether the management thinks it's a good idea as well.

sigh wanted to like type proper english but found out that jiale suits her own style moreee. kekeke.
like that more comfortable for me. :')
there are many other problems which is not suitable to be voiced out here. But I will voice out to you, my friend. HAHAHAHA. you know i will. :')

anywayyy, there is this newcomer bitch who just started working in my restaurant. I think i can mention this. HAHAHAHA. unless she sees it and sues me for slander. but oh no she can't read english HAHAHA okay im a bitch but she's really a bitch okay.
with sucky attitude and im not the only one who feels that way.
you should really reflect on yourself okay. >:(
and stop por-ing me you have found the wrong target cause i will not be por-ed by you. >:(
you really think im a gullible little girl? think again, bitch.

i am back!

and i'm still alive and kicking here in shanghai WAHAHAHAHA no worries~~

i know i should have blogged about my hangzhou trip since like noooooong noooooooong ago but aiya you know working people very busy one. even when got free time also feel like nua-ing around and watch some vids or smthing. HAHAHAHA.

anywayyy, i kind of love my job now. if i ever mentioned before what it is. heh.
i'm actually a management trainee and i will be going to all the f&b areas as an intern. and this is the privilege that only overseas interns (aka me and ahyi) have.
in addition, we learn alot more things as we are management trainees and we are currently being trained to manage people and a restaurant.
for the local interns, they can only stay in one f&b area and therefore, what they learn will be somehow limited.
for me, i am now in Windows Cafe, the western restaurant which is the main restaurant in the whole hotel. hiahia.
afterwhich i will be going to the chinese restaurant (New Tang Palace) > jap-kor restaurant (Red Hot) > banquet > room service > their bar (Plaza Bar)

sigh and my last day of work at Windows is on sunday and i will be starting work at a brand new environment on monday.
it kind of sucks in the way that once you got used to a place and how it operates, you have to leave. but i guess this is good as you can meet all kinds of people and learn alot more new things just that you will miss those times when you work with all the lovely people you once did.
i can say that the day i leave here, i will definitely be filled with all kinds of emotions. :')
but i will return one day to visit!!! if only.... the people in the hotel dun change. HAHA.


hi blog. i missed you.
there is so much i want to say.
and i dunoe where to start. :/
nvm.
i will be good. :)

anywayy, just wanna to take this chance to thank sebastian loo merlion mr liu yu wei for being the messenger between me and tay HAHAHAHA.
dun be a petty guy alr okay.
bffaeaeaeaeaeaeaeaaeae (best friend forever and ever and ever and ever... ...) HAHAHAHAHA.
creative horh me! :D:D:D:D

okay enough of this bullshit. i have finished doing paperwork for my manager before leaving windows :') and i shall now go watch my tvb show that i half watched at tay's before i came here and hoho goodbye!! dun miss me!! :D:D and ahyi!! :D:D

a picture of us :')

PROSPEROUS 8TH!!

FA FA FA!! cause it's our 8th month HAHAHAHA.

hope your course which is starting tml really fa and become very prosperous and all your grades will be floating around the rainbows (flying colours) yes i know i very lame but hiahiahia you must be more confident of yourself and believe that you can do it!!!

dun give too much stress to yourself and if you feel like taking a break go buy starbucks and think of me hehehehehehe!!

rmb what i always told you. you cant think straight if you are too stressed so give yourself some time to relax okay. or you can try MYYYY stressfree method if you rmb HAHAHAHA.

good luck okay tay!!

18 and a half weeks till i get back! see you soon!! ^^

<3<3

call me laoshi!

did anyone miss meeeeee?? :D:D i miss rice more HAHAHAHAHA.
okay i shall stop being lame HAHA.



btw i went to hangzhou and suzhou with ahyi last weekend HIAHIA and hangzhou was super fun but not suzhou. :(
cause we were left with only one day to tour there (which is supposedly enough >:( ) and we spent like 2hours plus on the public bus cause of the dreadful jam. :( got down to walk all the way to some garden cause it's very famous but aft standing for so long and walking for so long with the gravity pulling our heavy bags, we stared at the map of the big garden and decided not to enter HAHAHA.
so in the end we went to this restaurant called "grandma's" and it's damn nice okayyy! i think it's one of the most famous restaurant in china HAHAHA you must come here to eat okay!!
yea will blog more about our trip there soon cause i am still too lazy to put the photos into my comp. HEHHH!! soon kay soon!!!!



anywayy, let me explain my blog title. CALL ME LAOSHI cause i am gonna become a laoshi soon!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

due to some incidents in our hotel, my manager asked me if it's possible to do up some english training lesson and i agreed HAHAHA. she asked me to sought the help of ahyi so we can both teach them tgthr but ahyi has been working so i haven asked her but i alr agreed to help myself HAHAHA.
so i would be like teaching them the basic words and english's phrasing HAHA and si ahtay doubted my capability!!! >:( HAHAHAHA okay kidding but im quite excitedddd! HAHAHA.

and our manager quite nice leh she says she will make all the local interns attend since their hostel is very near the hotel too HAHA. smmore interns ma. should learn more things!!
BUT i have to do up a schedule and like the lesson plan. SAVE MEEEEEEEE!! T^T okay i will try my best. need to plan out what exactly i need to teach them. :(

and im working at the western restaurant now and aft that i will be moving to the chinese restaurant to teach and since the shift is split into two there with a break in between (11.30am - 2.30pm, 5.30pm - 10.30pm) she said i can still go down to teach them english during my break. OMGGGGXZXZXZXZ.
laoshi will be very busy okay!! ^^ but the lesson will probably be only 30-40mins hehe so i will still have a life somehow!! HAHAHAHA i thinkkkkkk!!

okay i shall start doing up my lesson schedule and plan aft i finish bathing and i still have my periodic report to do!! T^T
JIAYOU JIALE!!




sigh really miss my girls aft talking about our picnics with ahyi this morning. T^T
how i wish i can fly back immediately to have a picnic with them and do all the retarded things we do while dipping biscuits in the tuna cans and spreading all the tuna on our bread and fighting over that one spoon HAHAHA.
<3 my girls so much. :( recalling those times and us taking 'wedding photos' HAHA we are lovable cause of our retarded ways. <3 <3 I LOVE YOUUUU!

miss my ahtay too aft talking about all the simplest things that we will do when we see each other next.
it's not even like going out on a date or what. it's only the simplest things like hugging and smelling him HAHA. i DO like to smell people you all know one right! HAHAHA.

sigh. 19 more weeks now guys. :)
i know i will miss it here as well though. sighh. all my lovable colleagues who treat me ever so well. :) i will miss them dearly though we will have QQ (it's china's msn and i dun really sign in to that.. sadly.. but i should soon hahahahaha!) and they kept saying that if they go to singapore i must bring them around and that i must come back to china to visit them. :')
i guess within this six months i will be damn familiar with china alr. HAHAHA.
sigh. i love singapore and my peepos there and my colleagues <3

CROWNE PLAZA SHANGHAI PUDONG FOR THE WINNNN!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
(maybe if i miss here enough i will work in crowne plaza singapore HAHA!)

No particular reason... stalker <-> victim. Lol I NOE YOU MISS ME MOST! hehe take care kay <3

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA okayyyyyy. YESSS MISS YOUUU!! you miss me too right!?!? hehehe. yes i will!! love youuu! <3 you can whatsapp meeee! HAHAHAHA

hello! what do you want to say?

HEY VICTIM! i see ur having fun!:D love, stalker no. 1

O.O why victim? hahahahaha i forgot alr. yesssss but i kind of miss singaporeeeee!! 20more weeks till i return okay my loveeee!!

hello! what do you want to say?