`393rd post

nua-ed at home the whole day again. kind of like this weekend cause i'm nua-ing at home and doing things that i like. :)) though i know there are alot of things left undone. :(( watched SHINee's yunhanam the whole day. :)) happy me! envious of all those dates in the show. like a sweet!

read my organiser while updating it and realised that i only have a month left of holidays. O.O and i didn't even worked a single bit. :(( argh. and that BAOC is coming in like 2weeks plus. ohmytian. there are so many things left undone. argh. i really should get them done. :// kinda stressful. nxt year i should really just join as a SC. more fun i suppose. HAHAHAX!

i keep trying not to do BAOC stuffs when i'm at home. okies i think i would have to do it already. :(( and i need to bring my laptop to the fujitsu care centre and collect my passport asap. am i able do so much things at one go? T.T I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TRM CAMP. give me a break please! worse comes to worse, i will complain to my mummy! WAHAHAHAX! i'm sure she will support me. HOHOHO! ^^

okies i'm going to bathe i feel kind of dirty. suddenly i feel so NOT accomplished. WHY!? :// argh. i have to go find some events job to work before school reopen so that i can work then.. :(( hope i can find one job. :(( if not how am i supposed to clock in that 40hours? :((

`392nd post

basically i nua-ed at home for the whole day. :)) it's been so long since i nua-ed at home. AND YEO HUI WEN BOXY DARLING DEAR I REALLY WANT TO GO FOR THE SPA AND MASSAGE SOON! I THINK MY BACK AND WAIST IS BREAKING!! T.T i asked qiqi to massage me. and she stopped after less than 30seconds. -_- idiot girl.

was freaking worried. and thanks MY LOVE CLARA for talking to me. :)) i understand. i need to give some space and that i cannot help with EVERY SINGLE THING. there is always something that i can do anything about it right? i can't possibly help with everything right? thanks clara for making me feel better. MY LOVE. :DD so love to chitchat with you!! ^^

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i hope everything would blow over soon.

did you realise that you have been very 烦恼 these few weeks? i hardly see you laugh loudly like how you did in the past. you haven't been that happy. miss your exaggerated ohmytian and your gei gei with the sneaky smiles. i miss your laughter miss how you laughed loudly. i need you to be happy once more. stop being so xin ku.. stop being so hard on yourself. it's not right.

`391st post

i'm really worried. there's nothing i can say or do to make everything okies again. how? i want to do something but yet i feel so helpless. i want to be there for you be there for your mum. but wad can i do? argh. this helplessness sucks. please be okies please be okies please be okies please be okies please be okies. results aren't everything right? why do others have to be like this? why do you have to look down on people? so what if my results are not good? i still have other strengths that you can't see right? being smart is so impt? having good results is so impt? argh. it's not like i don't want to have good results. you you and you all pine your hopes on me. so what if i'm the child who has the best results in the whole family? there are times that i fall hard. these are the times when i need you to support me. do you understand? i understand how you feel, so i don't blame you for what you are doing. but understand how i feel too? i feel freaking bad and guilty when i sense how you feel. i look at your expressions, hear your thoughts, sense your emotions. it's making me hate myself. you you and you. don't you dare look down on my family just cause my results aren't good. i feel pitiful towards your family members who have to put up with you and snob attitude. i feel pitiful towards your family for having a family member or family members like you. you bring disgrace to your family. NOT ME. i know i tried my best. i wanted to do well too. even if i don't and didn't bring glory to my family, looking at your attitude, i know my family is so much better than yours, and i feel grateful for that. so what if your daughter/son got better than me? so what? if they have your attitude, they will fall harder than me one day. i wouldn't laugh, but it's just your retribution isn't it? it's cause of you this kind of people that brought misery to people. don't look down on others. don't you have a conscience? you think you are so great? if so, you would already be the president. watch me. i will strive harder and beat you. i will. rmb to have your eyes on me the whole time. my BRIGHT future will blind your eyes. >:) so can you stop being like this? they will get their deserved end of the stick. :((

`390th post

:)) i guess what i have been looking for is always by my side. just that i didn't open my eyes wide enough to look, didn't open my heart enough to feel. :)) i just want to see you smile everyday and be happy. okies maybe not literally SEE you smile. as long as i know you are smiling and happy then that's enough for me. :)) actually i'm not as understanding as you think i am. :// but at least you felt better with what i'm doing. :)) then i know i'm doing the right thing. :))

---

today went to SC meeting as per normal. VERY VERY VERY TIRED AH. T.T did all our work. was pms-ing the whole day and not having a good mood ah. then everyone say don't annoy me. HAHAHAX! :PP just feeling a little unusually cranky.

left and went to fajar. emo-ed emo-ed. talked on the phone with bi and then guowei. thanks guowei ahhh! :)) thank you SO SO SO the much. :)) told me alot of things and advised alot. :)) and gave me courage to do what i should to do. :)) XIE XIE NI AH! :))

and btw i think i can't escape the TRM camp now. :(( but i would only go for two days. do i still have the pay the full sum? hahahax! i can't use BAOC as an excuse!! WHY!?!? WHY!?!?!? :(( haiz. poor me and janet. HAHAX!

left fajar and went to plaza. coincidentally i met james on the way. hahahax. but paiseh ah nv really chat with you. cause was on the phone with janet about trm camp. reached plaza and went to find bi and wilson at xin wang taiwan. ate there. :)) thanks bi. thanks for accompanying me to wait for the bus. thanks for the things you said. :))

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i am so dead beat. :(( i sdnly hope that i can have a short break and get away from BAOC. ://

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i like walking in the rain when i'm feeling sad, not cause the rain camouflages my tears, not cause the rain would wash my sadness away, not cause i would fall sick due to the rain and you would care, but cause the rain seems to understand fully how i feel.

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i love the boy who keeps touching my lips because he finds it soft. <33

`389th post

it hurts when i found out that you actually don't need me to be there for you when you are feeling down.

i would want you to be there for me, want you to accompany me, want you to stay by my side, especially when i'm feeling down. but apparently you don't feel the same way as i do. are we too different? the way we think is too different eh? we are after all two different person. people would say try and accommodate. i'm really trying, even if you don't see me doing so. i want to be good to you. i am not a good girlfriend, not understanding enough, gets jealous easily(?), has a bad temper, throws my tantrum, not gentle, hits you all the time. it's been two months plus. soon three months. have you noticed? it's going to be three months soon. or maybe it's longer than that. now i want to be alone. i don't want to do anything baoc anymore. i feel so very tired. my results suck. i didn't get what i thought i would get. don't tell me my result is fine. cause i know it's not. i put in more effort than last sem, to get back worse results. i told myself not to worry, cause i thought i would at least get a three. even though it's just 0.1 lesser than last sem, this feeling sucks. this disappointment sucks. both the disappointments i received from my results and from you suck big time. you don't know how i feel. and i don't know how you feel. everything is going just so wrong. i don't know what to do. am i expecting too much from you? am i asking too much? am i too greedy? i just want to know. i love you, so i should only want you to be happy right? no matter what you do, as long as you are happy, i should be happy too because i love you, right? would i be considered selfish if i'm sad even though you are happy cause i don't like the thing that makes you happy? am i selfish cause it hurts me even though you are happy? you may say that i think too much, but these are all the feelings you gave me. i see with my heart, not my eyes. you may say i'm too emotional, i let my emotions rule my head. but what is it that you truly feel? you didn't tell me. and i wouldn't know. is it time to say goodbye? it's so soon. i don't want this to end, but do i have a choice? i can't control your feelings, i can't manipulate how you feel. i can't control your actions, i can't manipulate what you want to do. the only thing i know now is that i am NOT feeling happy. are you?

`388th post

went to school as per normal for SC meeting. :// damn stressed. so kept having an annoyed and irritated expression on my face. sorry guys. T.T had to do SCO performance too. have to find a dance and song for it. this is SO irritating. cause alot of songs have been taken by the different orientation groups and the MCs. :(( haiz jiayou ba!

what a short post today. :// don't feel like sms-ing, msn-ing, talking nowadays. :(( i want to ask. 人与人之间的情感是否如此脆弱? 为什么? to me, it's not. it just needs a little effort and time. if you are willing to spend some effort and time and perhaps sacrifice a little, much would be gained. isn't that so? relationships ARE complicated, but only if the people involved are complicated themselves. as long as we keep it as simple as possible, i'm sure the relationship would remain as sweet and as long lasting as possible. as long as we trust that everything will work out. i want to love you for the rest of my life and longer if i would be able to. :)) everyone, please try and put in more effort kaes. don't let the people whom you love and who truly love you down. :(( the earth does not need heartbreaks to go round.

i keep thinking of the times that i would be away from bi. :(( which is going to happen often this year. :(( but he says that as long as i trust him it would be all fine. somehow he trusts me alot ah. later i go find shuai ges i tell you. HAHAHAX! but yar lah i wun. :)) i will keep in mind that you love me alot kaes! :DD I LOVE YOU TOO!

`387th post

:)) just a little wish of mine. :))

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Monday 15 March 2010

went to school for my SC meeting as per usual. me, lynn and jojo wore the BAMP shirt then jojo keep saying we should form a band. HAHAX! have telepathy leh! :DD and only four SCs came today. T.T and it was stressed to be the only SCO ah. T.T but we had dancing. and it was fun!! :D:D!! WEEHEE!

left and went to ahyi's house for the bbq!! just keep eat and talk and take photos. HAHAX! like a nice! it feels like ages since i saw everyone. :DD love them to bits! went home with huiwen after that while some stayed over. both of us couldn't stay. T.T

while on the bus there is this indian guy sitting in front of me who started scolding 'fucking chinese singaporean talking' in his msg to his 'honey'. -_- confirm talking about me and huiwen loh! cause we are the only ones talking cause the rest are all alone and furthermore i saw him type 'they are just students'. :((( though i know it's not good peeking but stilllll! :(( it's not like we are committing a crime talking. okies nvm enough for the unhappiness.

it's great talking to huiwen HOHOHO. caught up though it's just been two days since we last talked. HAHAHAX! it always seem ages since we last saw each other everytime. :DD love my gossipbox to bits. :DD

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Tuesday 16 March 2010

went out for primary school outing! YAY! :DD was late. HAHAHAX!! but actually shaun was the only one punctual lohhh! and i think the outing a little fail ah. paiseh i no time to plan ma. busy with orientation. T.T waited for jervis who was so much later cause he woke up due to shaun's call. -_- idiot.

left for marina sq after he reached and went to just acia to eat. first time there but not bad ah the food. at least the food i ordered. better dun order fried food as far as i observed. you will just get sick of the food at the end. hahahax! weilin and qiaoyin joined us after that and they ate.

chitchats like a yay! caught up with each other. qiaoyin left earlier and we continued our chitchat sessions! went to arcade and played and jervis left for his piano lessons. went to hmv with weilin and shaun and looked for my SHINee album. sadly there was none. :(( if not i would buy lohhhh!! despite their constant reminder that i am severely negative in my bank account. :((after that shaun went back to school for his meeting and me and weilin went back to khatib tgthr. :DD

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sometimes i think, if success and victory that important to people? what about happiness? i thought that is supposed to be the most important thing in our lives? :(( if growing up means that i HAVE to achieve success and victory and be less happier, then i would rather not grow up, i'd rather remain the same. :((

perhaps i'm saying all this cause my birthday is coming soon. they reminded me today. i'm growing older. bi asked me not to think of growing older but just think that my birthday is coming and alot of people will be celebrating with me. yupx TONS of people are celebrating with me. at BAOC. HAHAHAX! let's see how it goes. :)) bi said he already booked me for the night. maybe i will forget my birthday for the first time. i am losing track of the dates. but i didn't forget that it's minduan's birthday tml! sooooooooooooo..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINDUAN!! :DDDDDD

just to wish first! :DD hope i don't forget to send a message at midnight. :DD

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i love the dumb boy who would buy two fillet-o-fish just to have a double fillet. <33

`386th post

okies i AM blogging again. because at late nights, one tend to have emo thoughts and think more about life and the direction you want it to go and more about love and who do you exactly want and if you DO have someone already is he the right person for you and what will happen to the both of you in the future as well as thinking about everyone in your life and your friends and if they are happy or not and what are they exactly thinking and feeling and thinking what you should do to make people understand you more and not misunderstand you and things like that. :)) true or not?

it's during time like this when we reflect on our life, reflect on what we have done, reflect on what we can do to make everything easier and better and happier. there's a lot things that i could have done or i should not have done. but i keep telling myself NOT to regret. because it's only mistakes that would make us grow and learn, make us stronger, let us know who are the people that should be in your life and who are those that should not and who are those who really loves and treasures you. :))

mistakes ROCKS! but NOT if you commit the same mistakes over and over again. and NOT if you didn't learn anything from these mistakes. no matter who you have hurt or who hurt you, you can't redo it, so live and move on, even though it's hard. if you can't forget, then don't forget, because it's always a part of you. let it become a part of you and live with it. :)) they serve as a reminder. and it helped you become who you are today. :))

okies i should really go and slp now. :)) nights my darlings. nights my dears. goodnight everyone.

`385th post

i should really be sleeping now but i couldn't get into the sleeping mode. :(( bi asked me to sleep early.. T.T i still want to go to school earlier tml to prepare so that i know what we can do tml. and i would be all alone tml cause kehkeh is going to bintan. :(( bon voyage ah kehkeh! T.T

was tumblr-ing earlier on. it feels like ages since i last did that. i like tumblr-ing. :DD stupid imagination worked like siao. HAHAHAX! as in imagining about the future and stuffs like that. not thinking too much of emo stuffs lah! HAHAHAX! there's sdnly alot of things i want to do with bi. :((

and btw my right ear is bleeding now. T.T i'm really scared that it's an ear infection again due to the ear piercing. argh. why do i always have ear infection when i pierce my ear. it's my third piercing already and i REALLY hope this time will succeed. the piercings closed the prev two times cause of ear infection. :(( i am so not taking off my earring this time. it will live with the infection until it heals completely. i just hope i don't have to cut off my right ear ah. :// i didn't tell anyone about the swelling and pain i have on my right ear which has lasted for quite some time. HAHAHAX! okies i can almost hear bi scolding me asking me to remove the earring. T.T argh freak it. :(( i keep squeezing my ear lobe, hoping that the swelling would go out with all the blood and pus coming out. okies i think it's an infection. save me! HAHAX! okies i don't care already! >:)


OHH OHH ANYONE INTERESTED IN SOME DUTY FREE SHOPPING!? cause my dear ahmao is working as an intern at the airport and he can get duty free goods. please place your order with me so i can place the order with him thank you very much! :DD there's cosmetics, perfumes and ipod touch. and the ipod touch costs 287bucks! it's 20plus cheaper according to him! see ahmao i so nice i spread around on my blog okies. :DD

`384th post

i have been feeling kind of emo nowadays. i have no idea why. insecurities? maybe. all maybe i just need more time. :(( it has been hard on baby. sorry. i need to cheer myself up more. :)) though i may seem very happy everyday, i am not exactly fully happy. just a side effect of missing baby i suppose. HAHAHAX!

very tired too. :(( physically ba. it's been so long since i stayed at home for the whole day. i want some time to myself. i want some time to stay at home. i want some time to spend with you. but.. argh. i will just wait until everything is over kaes. :DD i will be a good girl!

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jiamin is making me dislike onew. -_- i really like all members of SHINee and find them really cute. but jiamin liking onew and her constant irritation is making me dislike onew. argh. -_- it's so irritating. i don't know why she must keep nagging about him like i don't know who he is WHEN I AM THE ONE WHO INTRO-ED SHINEE TO HER. -_- just irritating. in fact the whole family is irritated. ://

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today was spent happily with my two SCOs!! SCO OUTING LEH! just a nice just a happy! :DD i love them!! hahahax! met them at bugis starbucks and we kept talking about our performance and chitchats here and there. went to shop for the stuffs. had fun. me and ahmao were just like a couple of children. HAHAX! but all three of us is the eldest in our family leh! hahahax!!

went to chinatown after that and continued shopping. shop here and there. tried out new food too! in the end kehkeh and ahmao started shopping for themselves. HAHAHAX! and i didn't join them! CAUSE OF MY WELL DISCIPLINE HORH! okies actually it's cause i was left with three bucks so i couldn't really join ah. HAHAHAX!! i only brought 10bucks and i bought java chips and food and this weapon thingy for our SCO ID which is SUPER COOL! want to know how our weapons look like!? wait until BAOC! HOHOHO!! ohh and thanks ahmao for treating me drinks! :D:D:D!!

ohh and CK is such a nice place to shop at. hahahax!! esp the chinatown one. cause it's quite big. HAHAX! i want to buy those things that ahmao and kehkeh bought until i realised i had only three bucks.. T.T nvm it's okies i will get mummy to go shop there with me! ^^ then i don't have to spend my own money. what a smart girl i am! :DD and anyway there is a CK departmental store downstairs. HAHAHAX!

shopped until 7plus 8plus and we parted. ahmao took the ride with me until bugis and he got off while i continued until home. chitchatted. :)) now i am back home. HOHOHO! so tired nowadays. :((

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i love the boy who tries hard to make me remember that he loves me. <33

`383rd post

Friday 12 March 2010

went to school quite early and started on the board alone. T.T huiwen dear came to find me after that. kehkeh came. and the rest. :DD watched my ring ding dong mv over and over again while doing the board. HOHOHO!! ^^ happy lehh! and i heard mingxuan singing ring ding dong. ohmytian he is influenced by me! ^^

left at arnd 2pm and went to the busstop to meet my beloved bi. :DDDD!! HAPPY LIKE HELL! WEEHEE!! bused and mrt-ed to funan it mall. was very hungry cause haven't had anything yet so bi brought me to polar cause he don't let me have anything else cause of my cough and he bought me the cheesy beef puff like ohmytian like a nice only!! :DD esp when it is MY BI who bought it!! ^^

went up to fujitsu care centre to have my laptop serviced. then left my laptop there *sobs*sobs* and went back to panjang. went to bi's hse. 'officially' saw his mummy and sister for the first time. was damn paiseh. HAHAHAX! but his mum very cute ah. i sit down for awhile only then she started pouring me milk even though i said it was okies. then i only drank one sip and she started asking me to go and eat dinner and got me the rice. damn paiseh. hahahax. watching bi and her squabble is funny. HAHAHAX! bi used his bolster to threaten his mum to stop asking me qns. like a cute only. HOHO!!

after that we went our separate ways. T.T cause he's going to work and i'm going over to segar court. T.T but bi said he kept turning around to look at me. HOHO!! ^^ i did too! :DD though the time spent tgthr was short but nvm! :)) LOVE YOU!!

i was the first to reach segar court! :DD tianshun came next. then he accompanied me until guowei came then he went to buy his dinner. yay thanks! :DD and he was injured again. -_- i think he always in injured mode ah. injured when iceskating, injured when eating, injured when cycling. nonstop leh. -_- kept trying to shoot the ball then guowei keep trying to teach me. :DD xin ku ni le ah. played full court. and i really chiong and pia leh!! then guowei said that i 有用心做事!! ^^ stopped playing quite early. cause tired already. everyone too!

went back to pending with yingjie and bused home. could only watch tv cause i dun have my laptop with me.. :(( bi wanted to webcam but cant. :(( so sadded.

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Saturday 13 March 2010

woke up early in the morning and went to collect my laptop!! :DD cause the person said that i can collect my laptop back while waiting for the subport to arrive. cause they don't have the stock. so quickly went to collect so i can use it. :DD

went home and mapled awhile and then went out to vivo to meet guowei stella ahbe and yingjie. wanted to watch movies but we couldn't decide on one. so went off to ben and jerry's! saw a ship there. wahh cool lehhh!! i like!! ^^ si guowei keep say me say dunoe why my results good with brains like that. :((

eating at ben&jerry's!! YAYY!! i dunoe wad to order cause i nv really ordered there before. i think i nv eat there before. HEH HEH! yingjie say me suaku. -_- in the end all of us shared a tub of chocolate chips with cookie dough cause more worth it according to yingjie. ahbe's fave. nice nice. ^^ played and chitchatted. :DD

went to arcade after ben&jerry's. YAYY HEYY!! feels so long since we went out i dunoe why. hahahax! think cause everyday going back to school ah. went off when they went to have dinner cause having family dinner. :DD

reached home and went to tpy ahma hse and ate at the 煮炒 downstairs. have my fave kangkong. like a FREAKING nice. HOHOHO!! eat alot. T.T become fat already lah. :(( ahbe said so too. :((

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it just struck me on the head that whatever i say doesn't mean anything to you. :(( i stopped controlling, stopped saying, cause i said and did everything i could, not that i don't mind anymore. i still mind alot. can't you sense it? can't you feel it? :((

is it true that everything i say doesn't matter anymore? you said so yourself. you said like you will listen to me. you did you did say that. :(( did you know how i felt then? i don't let you do certain things cause i care. you think i did it for fun? but i know you don't care anymore, right? no matter what i say, it doesn't matter, right? i don't even think i would get any answers to these questions from you. :((

please rmb that i do care. and i really hope you won't _ even though i said i wouldn't mind. :(( if only you know what i truly think and feel. :((

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i love the boy with sparkling eyes. <33

`382nd post

Tuesday 09 March 2010 - Thursday 11 March 2010

went to school for SC meeting as usual everyday. :)) except that on wed cheryl huiwen and carol came over too. and that after the meeting on wed i went for bball with my dears. :DD they made me laughed alot. love them much! had fun with my SCs too! SO HAPPY THAT THEY ARE MY SCS!! :DDDDDDDDD!!

btw, i STILL dun understand why there are people who beat up others for nothing. -_- though it sounds abit evil and wicked but i hope they get their WELL-DESERVED RETRIBUTION. :((

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i miss you ALOT. i think you feel the same way too. :)) yupx the feeling is too bad for me to feel happier smtimes. i'm so sorry. :(( but i'm glad that i have you. :)) i love youuuuuuu!! HOHOHO!!

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i love the boy who nags me to sleep early every night. <33

`381st post

we are just going to have lesser and lesser time for each other.. :(( maybe it will get better when school starts again. :(( i'm so looking forward to chalet. :((

`380th post

things feel a little different today. i don't know what it is. :(( feel a little nonchalant these days. i should be. life is a short span of a few decades. so we have to make something meaningful about it? but so what if we made something meaningful out of it? just feels so.. :// *shrugs* i don't know.

one day, when i close my eyes, i am never ever going to open them again. what would i feel? what would i do? what would happen to me? i wonder. what would you feel? what would you do? what would happen to you? questions which all the more i wouldn't have answers to.

i feel so distant. sometimes. somehow or rather. pull me close again, would you? coughing and sneezing now. :(( i don't want to die of illness. i'd rather die of old age. who wouldn't want that? argh. but within these few decades i'm supposed to do something meaningful. have i already done something meaningful?

to you, am i a great daughter? a great sister? a great cousin? a great granddaughter? a great niece? a great goddaughter? a great friend? a great girlfriend? i seriously don't know. cause it's all in YOUR heart. not mine. these different roles that i play. have i played it well enough? would you tell me if i did or not?

i really want to know what is on everyone's mind. not those facades. not those masks you are wearing. but what you truly feel. what you truly fear most. no one can be happy 24/7, i believe, you too, my friend. though you always seem happy on the outside on the surface. but i know it still hurts. somehow. inside you. tell me, would you? if you know that i am referring to you.

i won't deny that my past STILL haunts me, making me afraid, making me insecure. but i know that i have to learn to be stronger and independent. yes, everyone will be with me and help me to recover completely from it. but in the meanwhile, i need to first help myself and stand strong.

i have a soft character. sometimes too soft to stand up to people. too soft to be a leader. too soft to be firm in my stand. i need to grow stronger, and not be weak. this is a huge change in my character, for almost my whole life, people around me took much care of me. cause in their eyes, i am still a little girl. the little girl who always asks 'why' questions, the little girl whose emotions are always shown on her face, the little girl who screams in joy and cries in sorrow. i sometimes wonder if i am really that immature? really that childish? i really want to be that sophisticated young woman whom i always joke that i am.

my EQ is really low uh? i can't control my emotions well. can't hide if i am happy, sad or angry. naked emotions hanging right in front of you. i don't like it. though i'm not saying that i want to be a hypocrite. but sometimes, there IS a need for you to hide your true emotions. maybe. but i hope that no one would hide their true emotions from me. do they feel the same? if so, then there would be no need for me to hide my true emotions, right?

i don't like to make new friends. or should i say, i don't know HOW to make new friends. my friendliness is actually quite based on my mood and the people around me. for example, if i have my friends with me, and i just got to know you, i would be VERY friendly to you. but if i am alone, and i got to know you, i would be VERY cold to you. i need to have people to be around me to support me before i am able to do anything. weak character AGAIN.

i don't think i have changed. don't doubt me when i say i haven't change. i know i didn't. if you insist or feel that i did, then it might be that you don't know me well enough. maybe some parts of me changed, but no matter what, i believe that the core me hasn't. i am still that very cheerful girl who loves to laugh and cares for everyone. my mindset might change, my actions might change, but all these are just part of growing up.

however, after all those above, i know something meaningful has already happened in my life, and that is you. :)) if you have ever had a long phone chat with me, if you have ever had a long msn chat with me, if you have ever had a long face-to-face chat with me, if you have ever had a long sms chat with me. in short, if you have ever had a long chat with me, then you can proudly(?) say that you are one of the very meaningful people in my life, whom i treasure a lot. i may not say it or show it, but you are really important to me. family members are of course included.

lastly, to the person who is currently the most important person in my life, i love you. i love you for who you are, what you do, what you think and what you feel. no matter the number of unreasonable things i do, the number of unreasonable things i say, the number of nonsensical actions i have, or just simply just who i am, you love me unconditionally. thank you. :)) for now, i just want to hold your hands until we grow old with white hair and no teeth. <33 loving you.

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Saturday 06 March 2010

went out with stella, guowei, yingjie and tianshun to heeren for stella to buy her bag. wahh i like her new bag! :DD!! nice nice. think guowei is going to buy the same one as her. HAHAHAX! had lunch at macs and i ate fillet. they had a hard time choosing where to eat cause of my sore throat paisehhhhhhh! T.T

went to cine AGAIN to play arcade. like a fun. :DD pictures taken by our photographer STELLA on facebook NOW! :DD!! played and went to ts hse to play guitar hero. hahahax! i was the vocalist for almost the whole day cause no one wants to be. -_- i practically dunoe how to sing any of the songs okies.. -_-

went for bball and i played a match only. cause of my throat. :(( and bi don't let me play. guowei also say better don't play. played a very easy match cause it's against little boys. like bullies sia. HAHAHAX! me guowei and stella. :DD but okies lah guowei and stella also don't let me run much. :PP! home after that.

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Sunday 07 March 2010

went to bugis with kehlim dear to buy our orientation materials. went to art friend and we spent quite some time there choosing. it's damn big. and we asked the person there for almost every item we are looking for. HAHAHAX!!

after that we walked and she went home while i went to ts hse where stella, her sis jaslin and yj was already there. guitar hero again. and i was the vocalist for almost the whole day. but got play drums for abit! :DD YAY! reached and just right the song they were playing was 'rudolph the red nosed reindeer'. coincidence or what. HAHAX! gw came after that.

went for dinner with yj and ts. talked about all kinds of things. and also about afterlife. keep on talking about what we might become when we die. and also about different kinds of dreams. hahahax. damn funny.

to me, if death is all about slping with no senses, then it's dark and black. but if it's about dreaming a very very long dream, then it's filled with butterflies and rainbows and my loved ones. if it's about reincarnating, then i would probably become a ghost until i go to hell and become a baby again. afterlife is so weird. hahahax!

but most imptly, i want to die before everyone else. cause i don't want to suffer those pain of having your loved ones dying. yes i'm selfish. hahahax! then yj ask me to go die right now. -_- idiot. but everyone also wants to be selfish loh. :(( it's just too painful to watch your loved ones die before you.

after dinner, yj and ts accompanied me until my bus came. yay! :DD!! thank youuuuu!! :DD

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Monday 08 March 2010

went to school with huiwen. went to zesty tomato to tabao pasta up class to eat while huiwen clara ahyi and cheryl went to makan place to eat and came after that. had our SC meeting. :DD prepared alot of things.

had filming for BAOC after every groups' meetings. want to know what we filmed!? YOU SHALL SEE IT DURING BAOC! :DD was tired and hungry. T.T

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i love the boy who would call immediately if he senses something is wrong. <33

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i think i am getting more and more unreasonable. ARGH. hate this. i want to STOP thinking too much and be happier. hahahax. kena scolded like one million times by different people. :PP! shall grow and learn, learn and grow, and become more independent. :DD!

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i want to find an events job. ahyi clara and huiwen dears please tell me when you guys found one. though i'm busy with orientation but still i will try and make time for the job. T.T 40hours ah. T.T though i think i most probably will work like after school starts.. :// any volunteer work? T.T

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i hope that there will be SCs coming to help out during our orientation preparation.. T.T please please ah. though it's the holidays. group 2 SCs. please come ah. T.T need to call them tml to remind them. :((

`377th post

went to make my passport with bi today. applied it through some deposit box thingy. much much faster than i expected. certainly faster than those ppl who were queuing up with their queue numbers. lucky i have nets ah. need to get the 70bucks from mummy. if not i really broke liao. T.T

went back to panjang and pei-ed bi to his hse downstairs and waited at his void deck while he ate at home. don't want to go up ah. hahahax!! and he came down after that. :)) stupid boy ate alot of clams and was damn full.

went to greenridge to meet stella and her sister jaslin. ate kfc. okies i didn't eat. i only ate mashed potato. still having sore throat ah. T.T bi didn't let me eat anything fried. hahax. know you care lah. ^^

bused to segar court. bi didn't let me play cause of my throat. so just watched. minduan came today. ^^ went to buy char siew bao with minduan and jaslin cause was really damn hungry. hahahax. left early with bi and his dad sent me home. :))

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i will try my best my dear. :)) really.

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i love the boy who tolerated so much and stayed by my side all the while. <33

`376th post

the drawing i did for bi. WAHAHAHAHAX!

Wednesday 03 March 2010

woke up early and went to meet huiwen to go to the OCBC cycle volunteer work. we got lost cause we didn't know how to walk to the f1 building and spend 45mins looking for the place. hahahax! eventually we reached.

did work and i chitchatted with stella and bi on the phone and msged them throughout. hahahax! it's cool that you can chat on the phone. smhow. to me. hahax! bi was sick. :(( but heng now okies liao. :DD i want stella to be HAPPY! ^^

stayed until late with huiwen dear and went home tgthr. was dead beat. but the work was fun cause of the ppl. :DD chatted with bi on the phone when i reached home and i was falling aslp halfway. T.T

Thursday 04 March 2010

went to the volunteer thingy with huiwen again. :DD did lots of work. though it's much more slack today. and slept alot. hahahax! cause was really very tired. kept slping on the tables. was surprised that some ppl actually know my name. HAHAX! easy to rmb ma!

went back and the flyer was damn nice. okies it was nice the prev night too. make me miss bi. HOHO! bi see this confirm damn happy. though i keep telling him that. heh heh!

huiwen treated me gelato! YAYY! bought the VERY expensive gelato from gelatissimo. if i didn't rmb the name of the shop wrongly. hahax! okies lah not THAT expensive. thanks huiwen dear! LOVE YOU! ^^

but the price quite worth it. it was quite alot despite the small cup and it was super nice. HOHO! the best gelato in singapore or so it said. hahahax! went back home.

OHHH and bi finally got the letter which i mailed to him on monday. so long. T.T scared me to death. i was afraid that the letter got lost or the stamps weren't enough. hahahax! but yayy bi got it!! WOOHOO!!

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insecurities are just one of the things that i hate the most in this WHOLE WIDE WORLD. they have been appearing quite frequently nowadays. hope it extincts soon enough. :))

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i am very the happy that i would get to see bi tml. almost a week since i last saw him. okies only 4 days past. but cause on sunday i only saw him for less than half an hour i don't count that. so it's a week! :((

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i love the repairman/engineer of my heart. <33

`375th post

woke up and prepared to go to school for our BAOC group 2's first SC meeting! :DD INGENIOUS INCANS' FIRST SC MEETING!! ^^

i was the first to reach okies! then kehlim then ahmao. waited and waited. our SCs came late. scared us to death. we really thought no one would come. T.T had our meeting and briefing then we played games. :DD i think our group is fun so far! :DD

went to eat lunch with them and had the stupid forfeit. T.T i kena. stupid ahmao hit me so hard during plaster i of course scream ouch lahhh. T.T HAHAHAX! but fun though.

dismissed them after the lunch and we went back to class to get our stuffs. me and ahmao left. carol and ahyi came to find me cause they had their batam trip briefing and it ended. :DD

took the same bus as them. carol got off at esso and i got off at ahyi's hse and ahyi pei-ed me to wait for my bus to come and i went home. HOHO! thanks ahyi! LOVE YOU LOTS! she asked me to plan a class outing nxt week. O.O whole day de. okies i shall try and think okies! :DD

having our next SC meeting on thur but i cant go cause of OCBC cycle. tml also have. and bi says he will come fetch me! :DD hope he really does. HAHAHAX! *hope*hope*

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i always thought i wasn't that type who would 口是心非. i always thought i wasn't that kind of girl who would talk in a different tone when talking to her boyfriend. i always thought i'm not that kind of typical girls. but girls are still girls AFTERALL. :(( let me break through all these. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAX!!

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i love the first and only boy whom i mailed a letter to. <33

`374th post

this is the first time i feel like crying after reading someone's blog post. thanks dear. love you so much. <33

`373rd post

okies came here to blog since i have nothing to do and can't sleep cause my eye hurts cause an eyelash dropped inside. :))

firstly, before i start blogging a proper update i want to thank some ppl. :DD clara, cheryl, ahyi, gengtao, adeline er, aileen for holding me and accompanying me or simply just asking when i'm having my very bad cramps on last friday. :DD forgot to thank ah. so faster say before i forget again. :DD! esp gengtao cause she accompanied me all the way to the bus interchange and waited with me for my bus. :DD xie xie!!

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Sunday 28 February 2010

woke up and prepared and went over to woodlands to meet ahbee, leon and janet. continued the mrt ride to lakeside mrt stn and we went over to jiahuey's house for cny gathering. :DD

chitchatted, slacked around and wrapped my first popiah. as in not the first one i ate lah. but the first one that i wrapped myself. hahahax. in the end it was freaking huge. more like bandito. hahahax!

went off with ahbee at 5plus. she went to the mrt stn and i took bus down to bp. met bi for a short while before his work. :DD DAMN HAPPY. bought food for stella, guowei and me and i went off to stella's house. walked there and they said i should take the bus. hahahax! but i scared i lost. :PP

chitchatted and ate and yingjie arrived. mahjong-ed. tyansoon arrived. mahjong-ed some more. watched yingjie play his maple. but i still think maple cash is a waste of money. unless someone sponsor me of course. :DD like ortao. HOHOHO!

went off with guowei, yingjie and tyansoon. guowei walked home while the three of us lrt-ed. got off at pending and yingjie walked with me to the bangkit bus stop while tyansoon went to the toilet. he accompanied me till my bus came. YAY! xie xie ni! :DD!

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Monday 01 March 2010

went for society meeting today with ahbee and janet. met them at woodlands. janet late ah! so early wake up still late! in the end was late for meeting. had meeting and our own SCO group small meeting where we chitchatted. :DD

went home with jojo and tada here i am. :DD jo say SHINee sang a song for her. yes the song 'jojo' -_- don't care. HAHAHAX! and jojo is right. time passes damn quickly. it's march already. OHMYTIAN. so fast. and jojo becoming 20. our ahmao becoming 19. I am becoming 18. like a ohmytian. angchongxian still so small. :((

there's nothing for me to eat but i am hungry. think i will stay at home the whole day already. trying to download maple? and maybe i can start playing. hahahahax! if not get married for nothing very wasted ah. ANG CHONG XIAN we can get some love chairs or something leh. yingjie say de. HAHAHAX!

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i'm very bored. okies FOR NOW. there is going to be so many things to be done for BAOC preparation and i'm supposed to show my leadership skills during the time when ahmao is going for attachment and IF kehlim is going to idare. ohmytian. i just have to jiayou.

and i still need to clock in my 40hours event work. maybe i will work with huiwen after school starts at creative. HAHAHAX! or maybe just work in between the BAOC preparation. since we don't have to go back every single day. jiayou ba. :DD we can do it!

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i love the boy who can brighten up my day within 1 minute. <33